by Naomi Niles
“I’m amazed you can afford all this,” I said as I sat down on the edge of the bed. It was remarkably springy, and I bobbed up and down on its surface. “But then, I guess you did just win forty thousand dollars.”
“Honestly, I could probably buy the hotel if I wanted,” said Darren, throwing himself down on his belly. “But this is all I really want, right here.” He leaned forward and kissed me slowly, once, on the mouth; his lips tasted of mint and cinnamon.
If I had been less nervous, I might have gotten up and started dancing. As it was, he seemed to sense I was holding back, and when our lips broke apart he said to me, “Maybe we ought to do jumping jacks or something.”
It was such an absurd suggestion that I couldn’t help laughing. “Why would we do jumping jacks? To get in shape?”
“No, it’s a bit late for that.” He motioned to his slender but shapeless belly. “I think it would just help us to loosen up a bit.”
“Mmm, yeah. You mean like a fun thing that would make us laugh.” I said us, but we both knew I meant me. “I bet there are all kinds of things we could do.”
Darren rolled over on his side and smiled at me. “Like what?”
“Well,” I said, “we could color, but I didn’t bring any of my coloring books. We could pretend to be tropical fish and float around in the Amazon, or wherever fish live, I don’t know. We could just order grapes from the minibar and lay here eating them until we’re both too swollen to move, though I don’t think that would help us.”
Darren grinned wickedly. “What if you just danced and I watched you?”
The thought of just dancing in front of him was so embarrassing that I hid my face in my hands and laughed. “No, I can’t do that!” I said shyly. “You have to dance with me.”
“Please?” There was a seriousness in his tone that hadn’t been there before, and it startled me. “I’ve never actually seen you dance.”
“Well, if that’s what you really want…” I pulled my phone out of my purse and opened up the Spotify app. I turned on One Direction and slowly, nervously, dragged myself out of bed and onto the carpet.
I felt like such an idiot standing there dancing in front of him—wagging my shoulders, waving my arms, pointing at him and singing about how much I wanted him to love me. I wasn’t even really sure what I was doing, just moving my body to the beat of the music. It must have pleased him, though, because his smile got wider and wider as the song went on, and by the end, he was applauding ecstatically.
“Oh my word, that was amazing!” he exclaimed happily. “I’ve never seen anyone move like that.”
“Probably because it wasn’t very good.” My gray t-shirt and blue jeans were soaked through with sweat, and it was tempting just to take them off and toss them on the floor, but I held back. “But if you liked, that you’ll probably enjoy dating me because there’s going to be a lot of it.”
“I can’t wait.” He reached out with both arms and wrapped them around my waist, then lifted up my shirt a few inches and kissed me on the belly. I liked how it felt when he did that. Quietly beaming, I ran my fingers through his wavy, sweat-stained hair.
“This right here, it’s just nice,” I said with a contented air. “I like us, being here together—doing whatever it is that we’re doing.”
“Making love?”
I laughed awkwardly. “I guess you could call it that. Are you sure you’re not going to be totally grossed out when I take off my clothes?”
Darren tilted his head back and laughed. I laughed along with him without really knowing why. Already, I was beginning to feel better.
“Why would I be grossed out?” He bent over and kissed my knuckles. “Because you have a body?”
“Because I have a weird body, and I’m not nearly thin enough—”
“Babe, you weigh like six pounds.”
“… and my hips are too big, and my butt is too big, and I’ve got no boobs at all. Sorry if you were expecting, like, a model.”
Darren continued to smile in a way that made me feel warm and deliriously happy. “I guess you’ll just have to let me be the judge of that.”
“Okay, but just know that if I take off my clothes and you leave the room and never come back, I’m going to cry and cry.”
“That’s not likely to happen, and you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because I already think you’re perfect.”
Tucking his thumbs under my shirt, he began to lift it up, but he must have sensed my resistance because he stopped just as he reached my chest. Realizing that I actually wanted this, and that I’d been wanting it pretty much since he first walked through the door of the store, I pulled it the rest of the way off. Now, I was sitting on the edge of the bed in a white bra that was slightly too big for me and a pair of sweat-soaked blue jeans with holes in the knees. I could feel his eyes on me, taking in every inch of me.
“Hey,” I said quietly, feeling like the horrible disappointment I was.
“Hey,” he said, smiling. He traced one finger along the side of my tummy.
“Do you like my six-pack? It’s only a baby six-pack, but I’ve been working on it for ages at home and whenever I’m alone in the store.”
“You are—” he shook his head in surprise “—way hotter’n I was expecting.” Lowering me gently onto my back, he began hungrily kissing and lapping at my tummy like a dog that hadn’t been fed in ages. So this is it, I thought as I threaded my fingers through his hair and he licked my belly button. This is how it feels to be wanted.
“God, I love you, babe,” he moaned in a hopeless tone. I could tell he was holding himself back; it was taking all his restraint not to whip off his pants at that moment. He knew I was nervous, and he was trying to ease me into it. It was astonishingly thoughtful and selfless.
Finally, when he couldn’t stand anymore, he sat up on his knees on the bed and began taking his belt off. “Penny, are you ready for this?”
I nodded solemnly and slowly. “I am ready.”
Chapter Seventeen
Darren
After we’d finished, we put on our clothes and left the hotel. I had only paid for a couple hours; we could have extended our stay if we had wanted, but Penny was eager to get home. I think she had enjoyed it at the moment, but when she stopped to think it over, she began to worry about her performance and whether she had been good enough.
We were both in a gloomy mood by the time I dropped her back off in the parking lot of the auto parts store. She stared pensively out the window at the twilight landscape. I could tell she was replaying every moment of the night in her head with a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. I knew I had to reassure her before she sank into the slough of despond.
“Listen, you were great tonight.” I reached over and grabbed her knee firmly. “It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed myself so much.”
“I don’t feel like I was great,” she said sadly. “I feel like I probably wasted your time. You ought to be dating a hot girl who actually fills out her bra and knows more than one position. I can’t believe you would choose to go out with someone like me who has zero experience in bed and is just a weird, pear-shaped girl who spends most of her time hanging out with her dad.”
Not being able to think of an adequate response to this, I leaned over and kissed her on the lips. “Pen, you were perfect.”
Reaching up and wrapping her arms around my neck, Penny pulled me back into a kiss. After I had overcome my initial surprise, I unbuckled and reached around her, pulling her toward me. It was impossible to say how much time passed, but we remained in that position, passionately kissing, while the sky grew dark and the stars winked on one by one.
When we finally broke away, I sat beaming at her for some time while she smiled shyly. She didn’t seem to be feeling so badly now.
“Good night, Darren,” she said quietly as she got out of the car. “Thank you for everything.”
“Guess I’ll see you again next week when I com
e into the store.”
Something in this statement must have pleased her, for she un-tensed her shoulders and breathed deeply. “What for? I thought your car was working fine now.”
“Just give me a few days,” I said with a mischievous smile. “I’ll find somethin’ wrong.”
She was still laughing as she climbed into her car and drove off.
***
When I came into work on Monday carrying a couple bags filled with sausage egg biscuits and greasy hash browns, Dickie immediately gave me a look of suspicion. I ignored him and went on whistling cheerfully as I set the bags down on the counter.
“You alright, man?” he inquired. “Somethin’ seems different about you this morning.”
“I started using a different conditioner in my hair,” I said coyly. “According to the package, it’s the perfect conditioner for dark, naturally greasy hair. Other than that, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, I bet you don’t. What did you do this weekend?”
I smiled. “Me and Penny went sky-diving Saturday and…hung out afterward.”
“How intense was this ‘hanging out,’ on a scale of one to twelve?”
“One being what? Twelve being what?”
“One being ‘we had tea with her granny’ and twelve being ‘we’re not allowed back in the Marriott ever again.’”
“Closer to twelve, honestly.” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling oddly shy. These weren’t the sort of things I was used to talking about with other guys. “Maybe a nine.”
“Oh, yeah? Did anyone get arrested?”
“Not this time, but she’s a lot wilder’n I expected. We booked a hotel, but we didn’t stay long, if you know what I mean.”
“I believe I do,” said Dickie. “I’m guessing it was her first time?”
“Yeah, how’d you know?”
“I’d be very surprised if I found out Penny had ever taken her top off in front of a guy. She’s the sort of girl who lives with her parents into her mid-thirties and still has posters of boy bands hanging up on her wall. If you dug around on Facebook—and I’m not saying I’ve ever done this, mind you—I’m sure you would find pictures of her cosplaying as various Doctor Who companions at Comic-Con.”
This was such a painfully accurate portrait of Penny that I began to wonder whether he also liked her. Certainly, he had given her a great deal of thought.
I sat down in the swivel chair and flung my hat down on the counter. “She’s just so different from any other girl I’ve been with—any girl I’ve met, really. She makes up her own holidays to celebrate random events in her life, like the time she drank hot chocolate at a bed and breakfast in Florida. Every year on that date she wakes up in the morning and makes herself a big steaming mug of hot chocolate.”
“I suppose there are worse things one could do with one’s time,” said Dickie.
“I suppose. It’s just sometimes I wonder whether she’s entirely right in the head. Do you remember on Arrested Development when Michael was dating this gorgeous woman played by Charlize Theron, and they were about to get married until he found out she was mentally handicapped? That feels like the sort of thing that would happen to me.”
“That would totally happen to you,” Dickie said with a laugh. “You don’t have a very good track record of dating intelligent women. I could point out some pretty painful examples.”
“I’m sure you could.” There were a couple steel balls lying on the desk; I picked them up and turned them over and over in my hands, thinking. “Last night I was at home alone grilling some fish when I heard a knock on the door. At first, I thought maybe it was you, because who else would come over? But when I opened the door, Carlotta was standing there. She was wearing her designer glasses, a neon pink top, and a denim skirt that stopped mid-thigh.
“After I’d overcome my surprise, I asked her what she wanted. She scoffed at me and said she had just come over to hang out. She hadn’t seen me in a few days, and she missed me. And then she tried to invite herself in, but I stood in the doorway blocking her way. Apparently, she was under the mistaken impression that we were still going out.”
“What about that whole thing where you broke up with her? Or had she forgotten?”
I leaned forward and said in a whisper, “I think she actually might have. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get it through to her that we were no longer seeing each other. She seems to have thought we were on a break.” I thumped myself hard in the forehead and shook my head. “I mean, how thick do you have to be?”
“Of all the dumb girlfriends you’ve had,” said Dickie, “Carlotta is definitely the dumbest. She makes Penny look like a nuclear physicist. Did you eventually get rid of her?”
“I did, but only after we had stood there arguing in the doorway for about twenty minutes. I have to figure she was lying about not remembering the argument we had the other day. Nobody can be that stupid.”
“I don’t know…” he said slowly. “Remember the time we played Trivial Pursuit?”
“Yeah, and she had never heard of the Titanic! That should’ve been my first clue that this relationship wasn’t going to end well. How do you grow up in America without knowing about the Titanic?”
“It’s pretty weird, I admit.” Dickie came over and sat down on the counter, his face scrunched up in concentration. “See, for me, it wasn’t so much the fact that she didn’t know anything, but that she had no interest in learning. I can deal with a dumb girl; I can’t deal with a girl who’s totally incurious and proud of her own ignorance.”
“Exactly!” I banged my hand lightly on the desk. “She even got mad at me when I made fun of her for thinking JFK was a rock band. I remember her saying, ‘Why should I care who that is? He’s probably dead. It doesn't affect my life in any way.’ But whatever, it’s over now. I’ve closed down our joint account and moved on with my life.”
“I’m so, so glad you broke up with her.” Dickie shook his head in disgust. “God, what a dumb bimbo.”
“Anyway,” I said, and I threw my feet up on the desk, “I can do, and have done, a lot worse than Penny.”
“Point taken. If you end up marrying her, you’re the one getting the better end of that deal.”
“Hey, I like to think I’m okay.”
He reached over and tousled my hair with an affectionate grin. “Yeah, you are, Darren. You’re okay.”
Chapter Eighteen
Penny
After the mountaintop that was my weekend with Darren, it was a miserable feeling having to return home that night. A pile of bills lay on the table unopened; with the amount I was making at work, I would have just enough left over to pay them at the end of the month if I stopped going out. Even having a rich boyfriend was no guarantee against medical emergencies and debt collectors.
And Dad wasn’t doing particularly well, either. On Sunday afternoon, he had another one of his episodes. I think for a few minutes he almost forgot who I was. Margo had explained how the cancer was affecting his brain, resulting in symptoms that resembled dementia. Whenever he slipped out of reality for a moment, I panicked, wondering how long he would be gone.
“I really hate what this cancer is doing to him,” I told Nic on Monday morning over breakfast at Waffle House. “I hate how it’s affecting him, physically, mentally, and emotionally. There’s a long history of cancer in our family, and when I see him struggling to remember his own name I can’t help but wonder, will that be me someday? Will my husband have to take care of me and hold my hand and guide me to the bathroom?”
I set down my fork with the last bite of sausage uneaten. Through the window, I saw cars passing, their headlights turned on against the mist and drizzle. “I guess when I put it like that, it sounds horribly selfish of me. I just don’t like seeing him like this. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but especially not my own dad. I remember when I was little I thought he was the tallest and strongest person in the whole world. Now he just looks so old and frail.
And he’s not even that old. He’s in his mid-fifties.”
Nic shoved her plate aside and reached for my hand across the table. We sat there together in silence for a moment while she stroked my hand with her thumb. “Is there any chance that he’ll get better?” she asked.
I bit down on my cheek to keep from crying. “The doctors said there’s a chance, but I don’t know if I believe them. I think maybe they’re just trying to make us feel better.”
Nic patted my hand reassuringly, pointedly glaring at an old man in overalls who was staring at us from across the room. “If it weren’t for you and Darren,” I said with a loud sniff, “I would have no joy in life at all right now. I think I would want to die; I would be so sad.”
“Yeah, how was your trip?” asked Nic, her tone brightening. She added in a whisper, “Did you do it?”
Sensing that there was no way to avoid answering that question, I nodded with a guilty look. “It was…fine. I mean, he was great. I don’t know how good I was. I remember reading somewhere that nobody really enjoys their first time because they’re so nervous and clumsy.”
“Well, at least he was there to lead you. He had to have been pretty experienced, right? More experienced than you?” she added in a hopeful tone.
“Much more than me. He knew things that I had never heard of. And I think he would have done more if he hadn’t known it was my first time and that I was nervous and scared. At first, I was really scared that he might ask me to do something weird and gross, like with our butts, but he was very good about sensing what I liked and wanted. So that was nice.”
“It’s good to have a partner who knows what you like and what makes you uncomfortable.” Nic let go of my hand and leaned back in her seat with a relaxed air. “I’ve done a lot of weird shit, but there have been boys who wanted to do things that even I felt uncomfortable doing.”
“I can’t even imagine,” I said with a shake of my head.
“Yeah, you really don’t want to know. If I was grossed out by it, I can only imagine how you would react, you innocent sunflower. So did he actually manage to get your clothes all the way off?”