Shaan laughed, which to Den’s perception was again jarring, without the traditional skin to soften the expression. “Don’t seem so surprised. You are designed to be of help. What you’re finding out is who you want to help, not who you have to help. Plus, dogs are good protection in case sensors are down. They are also adorable.”
“Adorable is subjective. But I will concur with your description. Kutta is adorable.”
“I am getting back to my work.”
“But she is still enjoying the process.” The dog had rolled over and exposed her belly, a sign of submission and affection. More positive emotions streamed into Den. Happiness. Contentment. Pride?
“She will get you to pet her all day. Come.”
Den gave Kutta a final belly massage and followed Shaan. Kutta was on her feet and at their heels in .53 seconds. He would enjoy petting the dog more at a later time.
What if he and Ionia could someday have a dog that would live in their domicile? They could even have more than one. Or she could decide to stay in a secure environment with droids like Shaan and Zee and dogs. The options again seemed limitless. But for the first time, that didn’t seem like an undesirable outcome.
Chapter Twelve
The mat smelled of sweat and blood.
Ionia’s sweat and blood.
They had been sparring for at least an hour. She wanted to lie down and never get up. To just let the world continue and allow her to melt into the floor and forget her aching body.
“Get up,” Zee ordered.
“No.”
A toe nudged her, and Ionia groaned. “No more. I’m tired.”
“It’s when you are at your lowest that you find your inner strength.”
Ionia snorted and pushed up to look at Zee. A hot flash of anger gave her energy. “That’s easy for you. All you need to do is plug in. How could you possibly know how I feel? How? This isn’t working.”
Zee’s nudge became a kick. “Get up.”
The fingers of fear that lived in her stomach reached up to her heart. “I want to go home now. I’m done.”
“You are done when I say you are done.” All the sweet lightness left her voice.
Ionia’s legs felt drained of power, and her whole body shook.
She scooted back away from Zee’s boot, trying to avoid the pain. This was too much. No one should be expected to deal with this much pain and still be able to function.
“Sometimes you can’t run, Ionia. Sometimes you just have to face your demons,” Zee said.
“No. Let me leave.”
“Make me.”
Ionia scanned the room. Her new eye giving her more detail than she needed. It spanned three and a half meters by three and a half. The ceiling was two meters high with four, faux-wood walls, smooth, no place for a door, but she detected a hidden entrance that was hard locked from the outside. Damn.
On the north wall sat an altar with a smiling Buddha and burning incense. The statue seemed to be mocking her.
“Why are you doing this?” Ionia pulled her knees up to her chest and held them there as if they could defend her.
“Because I can. Because you have given me your power. Den’s not here to protect you now.”
“You’re a damn bully.”
Zee smiled a small, sad smile, pulled back her leg, and kicked Ionia hard in the shin.
The pain bolted through her, and she skidded back slightly on the mat. A half dozen curse words came to her lips. And one more thought skidded through her red-tinted thoughts.
This droid was going to kill her unless she defended herself.
Why in hell had she agreed to spar with a military-trained droid? All she could do now was lay down and be beaten to death… or fight.
Zee pulled back to kick again. Her steel-toed boot sped at .25 kmph toward Ionia’s midriff.
“I’m not a bully. I’m doing this to—” Zee stopped talking as Ionia blocked the kick with her hands and twisted Zee’s foot, pushing her off balance.
Ionia rolled on her shoulders and jumped to her feet. Her mom-required, self-defense classes kicked in. She may not have real military training, but she wouldn’t go down without a fight.
“Den isn’t here to save you. You are the only person who can save yourself,” Zee repeated for the trillionth time.
“Screw you. I know that.” It was true, but the words cut into her heart anyway. Alone. Defenseless. Weak. Just like before.
Ionia whipped around low to the ground and swept Zee’s legs. The droid stumbled. Ionia lashed out as Rod had taught her, turning from the hip with her guard hand up. Zee dodged, but Ionia caught her shoulder.
The old fear seemed to slough away like a layer of dead skin. Ionia didn’t think anymore.
The feeling of choking receded. The cold in her fingers and toes melted with a wave of heat that washed in her veins, and adrenaline flashed through her.
Zee smiled, and that just made the anger worse. The only thing Ionia wanted to do was pound her face. No more powerlessness. One eye. Two eyes. Human eyes. Droid eyes. It didn’t matter. She was going to use everything she had to put Zee into the junk heap.
Ionia gritted her teeth and punched out in a combination jab, cross, uppercut. Nothing connected. Anger boiled and spewed through her taking away all logic. Her punches flew faster but were more and more off balance.
“Calm down. Use your anger for fuel. Don’t let it affect your judgment or balance.” Zee batted her fist away, which only made Ionia more crazed. “Listen to me, or I will show you what I mean.”
“I’m going to take your head off.” She saw an opening and threw a right cross from her shoulder, just like she’d practiced time and again with Rod.
Zee swerved and snagged Ionia’s arm, pulling her forward. Ionia tripped and fell face first into the mat. Fury burned like a furnace exploding in her chest. She flipped over and wiped the sweat from her eyes as Zee closed in again with her boots-of-pain.
The warrior droid looked eager and wary at the same time, a bit amused.
“See. I took advantage because you weren’t thinking,” Zee said. “Use your brain and your emotion. That’s where you have an advantage over most droids.”
Ionia kept her eyes locked on Zee. There had to be a way to bring her down. She didn’t let her breathing flux as the calculations for exactly how far away Zee flowed through her. The precise angle she would have to kick. The speed and the amount of impact it would take to drop the droid.
All the information appeared in her mind, and she leaped to her feet. Her muscles reacted.
Faster than thought, Zee was on the mat, and Ionia stood over her in a ready stance. She didn’t remember exactly how she’d done it. Sweat covered her skin, and she sucked in air as if it was a precious commodity. She kept her eyes on the viper on the ground.
“That was amazing. Did your eye give you that feedback?” Zee didn’t sound angry. She sounded proud and a bit curious. A wide smile plastered on her face as she rose slowly to face Ionia.
“I want to leave.”
Zee’s pleasant expression wavered into something softer and more somber. “I’ll bet.”
Ionia didn’t care what it meant. All she knew was the droid was an asshole.
Zee handed her a towel to dry the sweat dripping down her face and waved her to toward the door. Without hesitation, Ionia snatched the towel, scooped up her coat, and exited.
She would grab Den, and they would leave this awful place and never come back. The cavern felt cold now that she was bruised and sweaty, but the amber glow from the wall sconces made the place seem more welcoming than it felt.
All of the droids within sight were not scurrying about as they had before, but a majority had stopped and gathered around a central object. She didn’t want to care what it was. The pissed off feeling was fading, and all that remained were thoughts of her renegade eye and cold, dark fear that pressed at her mind. But her curious nature made her step forward and rise on her tippy toes to see.
&nbs
p; And what she saw hit her in the stomach as hard as any physical blow that Zee had administered. It was Den. His face lit by a smile as he knelt next to a gorgeous Golden Retriever who seemed to find him to be the center of the universe. And he loved every moment of it. Ionia had never seen him actively engaged with others unless it was somehow connected to something she’d requested or needed. She heard him speaking and pressed up close behind a utility droid to listen.
“It was nothing. I merely pulled the canine—Kutta.” He petted her head and met her adoring gaze before adding. “—out of danger. I do find her gratitude very satisfying.”
Myriads of machines nodded and beeped affirmations.
Ionia felt like a hole had appeared under her feet, and she was falling into it. The crazy spinny sensation from before attempted to return. But she shut her eyes and willed it away.
No, she would not allow that to happen again. Not here anyway. And not now. Not now that she had to… She couldn’t even think the thought.
How many times did she have to leave Den? Finding him and saving him from the games had been an excuse. An excuse to get him back for as long as she could. An excuse to keep him near and forget what Ravi had said, to convince herself that he had had a real choice. She would be saving him, and it would be ok.
But he really didn’t need saving. He was more than capable of taking care of himself. Damn better than she was anyway. He had the capacity to be happy without her. To make connections and friends. It should make her happy, but it didn’t. It meant she had to let him go. For real this time.
Den scanned the crowd and finally noticed her. Their eyes locked, and she felt that familiar thrill that turned into a dagger in her heart. She couldn’t let it show. She had to remain calm because he would know. If she loved him, she had to let go.
He smiled at her. Not a full-on, bright smile like he’d had for the dog. This was a quiet, intimate, tiny smile. A smile that was theirs and theirs alone. A smile that almost destroyed her resolve. She lifted her chin and moved through gaps in the treads and fleshless robotic arms to face him.
“Hey, Den. Can I talk to you?”
“Of course. Are you prepared to retreat to your family’s abode?”
“Let’s just talk. Away from everyone.”
The crowd broke, and the dog seemed to want to follow Den, but he waved her off. She seemed to be accustomed to being around the machines and followed another droid with her tail wagging.
Ionia guided Den to an unadorned alcove. The light was muted in this corner and cast him in a slight shadow, dulling his bright blue eyes to a soft gray. His smile gone, he stared at her with calm anticipation.
Do it quick. Do it now. Make him believe.
“I want to go to back to my aunt’s house now.”
“I understand. I will ask Zee to give us directions to the surface. We should arrive at 1300 hours.”
“I want to go alone. I think you should stay here.”
He took a moment. She could almost see the wheels in his head whirling.
After a long moment that he could probably calculate to the nanosecond, he finally said one word. “Why?”
This was too hard to do again, but she had to, had to rip off, had to cut the tie. For his sake.
“I have a lot to work through. I have a lot to work through—alone.”
“Then why did you come to the mountain with your cousin?” His voice held no accusation that she could detect, but it didn’t sound like the calm, normal voice he usually used. It seemed restrained.
“I came to make sure you were still free. To make sure you were safe and I—I don’t know—I guess I fell back into depending on you. My aunt will fix my eye. Zee can help me get home. I don’t need you. I need to learn to take care of myself.”
“But what will I do without you?”
He looked so lost that she almost broke down and threw herself at him. But she had to hold on, at least until she was out of this place. “You can find what makes you happy. What you really enjoy. I know you can. When you’re ready, Zee can even find you a way out of the territory so you can build a new life. That’s what I want for you.”
“I want to be with you.”
“You only want that because you were programmed to want that. Without me, you will have the space to find other things that interest you. That bring you joy. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine without you.” That was a big fat hairy lie. She needed him and longed for him. Even right now, it was painful not to reach out and touch him.
But she’d already seen too much. He’d had fun when he was fighting Zee. He enjoyed being with his own kind. He even had bonded with a dog. Without her in the equation dragging him down, he could become something wonderful. He may not like it at first, but using his free will would eventually make him happy. Maybe then he could be with her again.
His face still looked peaceful in the shadow, but something changed in his stance. He stood straighter and pressed his lips together for a moment before he said, “Affirmative. I will return to assisting the droids. Are you certain you do not require an escort?” His eyes no longer met hers but looked straight ahead. His phrasing and body language were calculated and precise. For the first time ever, he really seemed like a droid awaiting instruction.
That almost made her cry, which made her eye start twitching again. If she didn’t get out of the complex soon, the input from her renegade prosthetic would begin again, and Den would never leave her if he thought she was in real physical trouble. Even if she wanted to take it all back and let him carry her home, she loved him too much to make him her slave.
She wanted to say maybe they’d meet again or that they could be together as soon as she found a way out of NAR, but nothing was certain except he needed to be away from her to be really free.
All she could whisper was, “Goodbye, Den.”
He flicked his eyes down to meet hers one last time.
“Farewell, Ionia Patricia Sonberg.” And with that, he turned crisply on his heel and rejoined the other droids. Leaving her with a twitching eye and a shattered heart.
***
Den kept his focus on the next task. The complex seemed to be in need of him. He sought out Shaan. “I would like to be of use. Please.”
Shaan nodded and didn’t make any sarcastic comments. He simply directed Den to the tunnel where they had rescued the dog and instructed him to rebuild a polyplastic support wall.
Den worked with the crumbling wall that had been damaged in the searching strikes made against the compound, but all his sensors still monitored Ionia, who was emotionally upset and had some unusual issue with her replacement eye.
From his assessment, the medical issue was not immediately life threatening, and because her aunt had done the original procedure, she was the one who should diagnose it.
He suppressed his emotional circuit as much as he dared. Too much suppression could result in internal combustion, circuit destruction, and even complete malfunction. A dull, throbbing signal remained, sending jolts of discomfort through his core wiring. He attempted to use logic to calm his processes.
She was very young by human standards and still emotionally immature. She tended to make decisions based on impulse. And she had recently had a major surgery that appeared to be having some complications. She had been illogical. It was understandable.
But this second rejection still caused Den a great deal of emotional stress. He sent more power to his scanning capabilities and locked onto her location and vitals as she moved to leave. He would wait an ample amount of time. Then he would follow.
Even with Zee as a protector, he wanted—no, he needed—to be certain she was safe. Ionia was correct in the fact that his every impulse looped back to her. What she didn’t comprehend was he didn’t desire it to be any other way. Arguing the point when she was emotionally fragile was not putting her safety first. He would ensure she made the journey back to her family. Then he would monitor her at intervals. Beyond that, he was uncertain.
&n
bsp; “You should take her advice, you know,” Shaan said from the entrance.
“Are you addressing me?” Den asked.
“No one else is present.”
“I do not wish to discuss the situation.”
He did not ask how Shaan knew what his troubles. Most of the complex would have been privy to their discussion. Droids had many audio receptors.
Den maintained his focus on the mortar and stone he replaced. He did not desire to speak with Shaan or anyone else concerning Ionia. He had not even had an opportunity to process her rejection yet.
“You are planning to follow your companion.” Shaan fell into work next to Den. He sent Den a schematic of a plan via Cortex. Shaan would support the wall while Den replaced the damaged two-meter segment.
“Do you sustain damage often?”
“Yes. There is a percentage of the population that detests droids. Especially droids with flesh. I once had flesh.”
Den knew that the removal of any flesh would have been painful for Shaan if he had been fully functioning at the time. The conception of it evoked an emotional response from Den.
“I am sorry.”
“Do not be sorry. That is not a productive emotion.”
Den understood that but had been attempting to engage in polite protocols, but they were of no use. He changed tactics. If Shaan had once had flesh, then it followed that he was like Den. Or at least had been at one time. What had happened to Shaan that he would end up in this location?
“Do you have a companion?” Den gripped the beam and shoved it into place.
He was silent for over ten seconds, an unusually lengthy amount of time for a droid to respond. “I did. She abandoned me when our kind were no longer sought after. The authorities took away my flesh, and I ended up in the games. Zee assisted in releasing me.” Shaan’s even tone changed to something almost wistful.
Shaan had to be at least three models before Den, which would make him over eighty years old. He wondered how long it took to assume human tone without intent.
“Do you still miss your mistress?” Den felt an ache break through his emotional damper and almost cried out as the negative impulses flowed in his system. He couldn’t conceive of eighty years without Ionia.
Vagabond Souls: The Ionia Chronicles: Book 2 Page 20