Slowly, Charlotte climbed off of his lap and looked down at him. “You may not believe this, but you have all the power here, Julian. No one else. You have the power to grow or to stay in this place.” She took the drinks they had put on the coffee table earlier and handed Julian his.
He thought about how great it had felt to jam with the guys on Friday—how amazing to sit behind a drum set and just let the music take over. Then he thought about how incredible it had felt to walk out on the beach last night and take Charlotte in his arms and kiss her and make love to her all night long.
And even right now—on the edge of a damn anxiety attack—he felt hopeful at her words.
Three days of not letting the negative memories win.
Three days of not letting himself stay locked up in the house.
Three days of not letting someone else dictate how he was supposed to live.
Swallowing hard, he reached for her hand. “It’s not enough,” he said gruffly, desperately.
Confusion covered her face. “What’s not enough?”
“Three days,” he said, coming to his feet. “For the last three days…I’ve been happy. Happier than I’ve been in years. I want that, Charlotte. I swear I do. I just don’t know how to make it happen.”
She smiled.
She was serene.
She was beautiful.
Stepping in close, she pulled her hand from his and cupped his jaw. “One day at a time,” she said softly. “It happens one day at a time, and you have to decide to do something every day that brings you joy rather than anger or sadness.”
“That’s what you do for me,” he said and hoped he wasn’t scaring her or coming off sounding too needy.
She closed the distance between them and melted against him. “Then together we’re going to find ways to make that happen for you.”
He believed her. Why? Because everything he’d learned about Charlotte in the last few weeks told him that she was someone he could trust. She was sweet and pure and represented everything that was good in this world. Somehow, he had been lucky enough to meet her.
Julian rested his forehead against hers and felt all the tension leave his body. “Don’t go. I know you have work tomorrow, but I really want you to stay tonight.” He swallowed hard. “And not because I want to talk or even stay on this topic, but because I want you. I’m not ready for this day to end. I’ll take you home in the morning so you can get to work on time—I’ll even pick up your coffee while you get ready. Just—don’t go.”
She didn’t answer right away, and then he really did think he was coming off as too needy and almost began to backpedal.
“My car is probably either sitting with a ticket on it or was towed. I parked at a meter last night and didn’t think to go back,” she said and then laughed softly. “So how about we go and find out where it is, and then we’ll compromise.”
He immediately lifted his head. “Compromise?”
Nodding, she explained. “We check on my car, and if it’s still there, I drive it home and you follow, and we spend the night at my place.”
Not a bad option, but he had a better one.
“Or…we check on your car, I follow you home so you can get a change of clothes and whatever you need for the morning to get ready for work, and then we come back here and have dinner out on the deck and watch the sunset.” Her smile was a little hesitant and he could tell she was considering it.
“And maybe tonight,” he said, hoping to sweeten the deal, “after dinner, we can open these doors and listen to the waves crash on the shore as I make love to you.” Lowering his head, he claimed her lips and kissed her with everything he had, everything he felt, and knew from her response that they weren’t going to check on her car just yet.
They weren’t waiting until after dinner to make love as they listened to the sound of the waves.
Chapter 6
It wasn’t as if she needed to pinch herself to believe that this was her life, but as Charlotte sat beside Julian while they drove to Riley Shaughnessy’s home, she really did.
Dinner with a group of rock stars. I’m having dinner with a group of rock stars.
That’s what she had been saying to herself all day. Julian had casually mentioned the dinner invitation to her that morning, and at the time, she had been pretty darn proud of herself for not acting like a complete dork and squealing with excitement.
She’d waited until she was driving to work to do that.
It was weird, because she was dating a rock star. Sleeping with a rock star. But invite her to a dinner with the three guys he happened to be in a band with, and suddenly she was a bundle of nerves and insecurity.
The psychologist in her told herself it was only natural to be excited and a little nervous about meeting Julian’s friends. That—in and of itself—was a big step in a relationship. The fact that Julian’s friends happened to be famous only added to it. So really, she knew her nerves were normal. What she didn’t know was how to calm them down before they got to Riley’s house.
“You okay?” Julian asked. “You’ve been very quiet since I picked you up.”
Even though she had insisted she would just drive over to his place and leave her car there, Julian was adamant about picking her up. He was such a gentleman that—at times—it reminded her of how few men were these days.
She could just be vague about why she was quiet or blame it on work, but…why lie?
“I guess I’m a little nervous about meeting your friends.”
He smirked a little and glanced over at her. “Because they’re my friends or because of who they are?”
“Both. I mean, if you were just a group of normal guys, I’d be a little nervous. Having dinner with one of the biggest rock bands in the world takes that up a couple of notches.” She paused. “I may need you to pull over so I can throw up.”
Clearly, he didn’t take her seriously, because he just laughed and kept driving. She knew she should be at least a little offended, but she couldn’t be. It was so good to see this side of him. The entire week had been like watching a giant transformation. Every day she’d seen him become a little more comfortable in his own skin, and he’d smiled, relaxed, and talked more about what he wanted to do with his life.
Unfortunately, none of it had to do with having a future in the band.
It was a constant struggle for her not to slip into social-worker mode and try to get him to talk about what his big hang-up was where the band was concerned. Maybe tonight over dinner she’d get a little more of a clue by watching the way he interacted with Dylan, Matt, and Riley.
Or maybe she’d get a little background from their wives.
The idea instantly didn’t feel right to her, like she was sneaking around behind his back to get information. If there was something Julian wanted her to know, she would prefer that it come from him. That was better than asking any of the girls for specific details.
Now, if they were the ones to bring it up…
No! Bad Charlotte! Don’t think about this!
“Personally, I think you’re making more of this than you need to,” Julian said, and for a minute, she thought he was hearing her inner dialogue.
“You do?”
He nodded. “We’re all just regular people, and you don’t strike me as the type to get starstruck.”
“How do you know?” she asked sassily. “I’ll have you know that I met John Stamos at a Starbucks and turned into a complete babbling idiot. How can we be sure that won’t happen over dinner?”
Chuckling, he kept his eyes on the road. “You’re too level-headed for that sort of thing. And running into a celebrity on the street? You’re not expecting it. We’re going to Riley’s home, and you’ve been warned far in advance, so you’ve had time to come to grips with it. And trust me, it’s not that big a deal. His house is great but not overwhe
lming, his wife, Savannah, used to write for Rock the World magazine—it’s how they met—and they have two great kids.”
“Okay, so I can just look at them as a normal married couple with kids. Got it.”
“Matt and Vivienne are normal too. She’s a food blogger and she used to be an editor for an online style magazine. Now she works as a photographer—she’s had exhibits at galleries around the country. Very cool, if you ask me. I introduced her to my mom and she really encouraged her with her work.”
“It’s not the wives I’m worried about meeting, Julian. I meet people all the time for work. While none of them are celebrity wives, it’s still easier to talk to someone who isn’t…you know…famous.”
He rolled his eyes. “Okay, so it’s the guys you’re worried about.”
She nodded.
“Here’s the deal—and remember this when you start to get overwhelmed.”
“Okay.”
“Riley is one of six kids. He’s always been musical. He’s got a twin brother—fraternal—who is scary smart. But basically, Riley is just a normal guy who would rather have a backyard barbecue with family and friends than be out getting his photo taken and appearing in the tabloids. He met Savannah while he was dealing with writer’s block on his solo album and was forced to do an interview with her.”
“There’s nothing to that story that makes me feel better about meeting him.”
“I’m pointing out how normal he is. He just happens to have a great singing voice. It’s not that big a deal.” Then he turned to look at her. “Do you like to sing?”
“Love to.”
“Are you any good?”
She laughed. “Not even a little bit.”
“Duly noted. Do you have any friends or family who sing well?”
“Sure. My mom has a great voice. She sings in the church choir.”
“Does she intimidate you?”
“She sings at the First Presbyterian Church, Julian, not Madison Square Garden.”
He grinned. “Point taken.”
“Good.”
“Matt, who hates to be called Matty—”
“But that’s how the press refers to him all the time,” she argued lightly.
“And he hates it all the time. Trust me.”
“Good to know.”
“Matt had a really bad childhood—his mom left, his dad was an abusive alcoholic who took out his frustration on him.”
“Oh no.”
“I know, right? He pretty much escaped and ran away when he was eighteen.”
“How did he survive? Did he have a safe place to go?” Immediately, her mind went to all the bad things that happened to teens living on the street.
“His best friend, Aaron, took him home and his family took him in. He stayed with them until graduation and then he went out on his own.” He chuckled. “Vivienne is Aaron’s little sister.”
Her eyes went wide. “Were they in love all that time?”
“Nah, they didn’t reconnect until years later.”
“Now that’s quite a story,” she commented. “And I kind of love it. Not the fact that he had such a rough childhood, but how he and Vivienne met up again.” She paused. “What ever happened with his father?”
“They ran into each other a couple of years ago—by accident. Matt had a failed Broadway show and he sort of went into hiding back at Aaron’s place in North Carolina, which is where he met up with Vivienne again. Anyway, he was out in town one day and wanted to buy her flowers, and it turns out his father owns the place—along with his new wife and their little girl.”
“No!” she gasped. “And he just happened to walk in there?”
“Yup. It was a major shock to him.”
“I can’t even imagine!”
“Good news is they’re working on their relationship. He loves having a little sister—something Aaron teases him about—and it’s not easy, but they go to family counseling and they’re trying to make it work.”
She felt herself relax on Matt’s behalf. “Good for them. I know that sort of thing is really tough, but it’s nice when everyone tries to work together to heal.” She paused. “Do he and Vivienne have any kids?”
He shook his head. “They both felt it was important for Matt to have some time to get in a better place with his father and deal with some things from his childhood before they did.”
“That’s understandable.”
“Then there’s Dylan.”
“Oh, I remember reading about him more times than I care to admit. It seems like he was the poster boy for bad behavior for a while.”
“That he was. And really, he had no reason for it. He had a good childhood, he’s an only child, normal parents… He just wanted attention. I think it was a case of not caring what kind of attention he got. Then he struggled with addiction and it magnified everything. He’s come a long way and now he’s married, clean and sober, and expecting a baby.”
“Addiction can ruin lives, end them. I love hearing about someone overcoming it.”
“And when you meet the woman who keeps him on the straight and narrow, you’ll love it even more.”
“Why?”
“Paige is a tiny little thing and doesn’t look like she could hurt a fly, but she is one serious kick-ass chick. I’ve never seen Dylan with anyone the way he is with Paige.”
“Good for them,” she said, smiling.
“Basically, what all this rambling was meant to do was put your mind at ease. At the end of the day, we’re just a bunch of guys who have normal lives.”
That made her laugh. “Except you’re all rich too, right?”
Reaching over, Julian took one of her hands in his and kissed it. “Don’t be such a snob. I know there are people in this industry who live very extravagant and ostentatious lifestyles. That’s not us. Never has been, never will be. We’re just four people who like playing music for the masses. It’s not a crime.”
“I didn’t think it was,” she said, feeling like she was being judgmental. “It’s still a lifestyle most people will never know.”
“Doesn’t make it any better than anyone else’s.”
And that, she knew, was true.
When she stayed quiet, Julian squeezed her hand and glanced at her. “So? Do you feel a little better about this? Because we can totally turn around and go home.”
“Julian! That would be horrible!”
He shrugged. “It’s not a problem. They were actually surprised when I agreed to come.”
“Wait—do they know I’m coming?” she asked, suddenly even more self-conscious than she was before.
“Yes, they know you’re coming with me and they’re all looking forward to meeting you.”
“I think I’m even more nervous now.”
Letting go of her hand, Julian pulled the car over to the right and then made a complete U-turn.
“Julian! What are you doing?” she cried. “Turn this car back around! This is ridiculous!”
But he wasn’t listening, just kept on driving.
“I’m not kidding, Julian,” she said more firmly. “I’m allowed to be nervous, but I don’t run away from situations like this. I’ll be nervous, but I’ll be fine. Please! Turn the car around and let’s go!”
And just as mildly, he executed another U-turn.
Five minutes later they pulled into Riley’s driveway. When he shut the car off, he turned to her, his expression fierce. “If at any time you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed, you just say the word and we’re gone.”
This time she rolled her eyes. “I’m a grown woman and I think I can handle staying through dessert. I’ll be fine. I just—I needed a minute to let it all settle in. I never should have said anything.” She reached for the door handle, but Julian stopped her.
“I don’t want you to feel
that way,” he stated in that near growl she was so familiar with. “I know how much I hate being forced to stay in places or situations where I’m uncomfortable. I just want you to know you don’t have to.”
Her shoulders sagged and she leaned in to kiss him. “Thank you. I appreciate your concern, I really do. But I don’t want you to spend the night worrying about me. I want you to go in there and enjoy your time with your friends, and if you spend the whole time worrying about me and what I’m thinking, you’re not going to.”
He kissed her softly on the lips. “Charlotte, I think about you all the time—it doesn’t matter where we are or what we’re doing or supposed to be doing. Tonight’s no exception.”
It was crazy, but all of her girly parts seemed to sigh and melt at that admission.
Maybe she should have let him turn the car around and head home.
A loud knock on her window made her jump. Julian chuckled.
“I know you’re contemplating leaving, but it’s too late!” Dylan said from the other side of the door. “We’ve all seen you, so now you have to get out of the car and come in!” He laughed and opened the door for Charlotte.
She looked over at Julian and smiled. “I guess we’ve been found out.”
The smile he gave her in return showed her just how much he was looking forward to what was about to come.
* * *
The food was delicious. The conversation flowed and everyone was having a great time.
Including Julian.
They’d all been doing their own thing for far too long so they hadn’t had a lot of time like this, and he realized now just how much he missed it. Missed them.
“So there I am, pulling into my driveway like I’m sneaking in after curfew, and who pulls in next to me but my dad!” Riley was saying, sharing a story about the first time he brought Savannah home to meet the family.
“No!” Charlotte said, laughing with everyone.
Riley nodded. “We both walked to the front door with our heads hung low and just sort of vowed never to tell anyone about it.”
“And yet here you are blabbing about it,” Savannah said, playfully smacking her husband’s arm.
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