Her lips twitched. ‘On a scale of zero to ten? Zero being—’
Rick laughed. ‘You’re such a nurse. I’m fine. Let’s stop talking about it. Tell me something about you instead.’
‘Like what?’
Like what, indeed?
He could ask about her childhood but that would inevitably mean talking about her sister and Rick would end up feeling guilty. He didn’t want to have to think about how his irresponsibility might have derailed a young woman’s life.
He was making up for it now, wasn’t he? Trying to, anyway.
He could ask about her career but that would mean talking about medicine. Work. The experience of being on the patient’s side of the equation was a little too fresh to make that appealing. It would be nice to forget about hospitals for a while.
What did that leave?
Sarah herself. In the present time. Yes…that was definitely what he’d like to talk about. If he could think up a question. It seemed oddly difficult to catch what was inside his head and make it come out in words.
‘How bold are you?’
‘Sorry?’ Sarah came very close to slopping her drink all over her clothing.
‘I meant how old are you?’
‘Twenty-seven.’
‘And how long have you been.? How long.’ Rick narrowed his eyes to help him concentrate ‘.with Josh?’
Sarah understood. ‘Coming up to three years now. He was six when the accident happened and Lucy was killed.’
Oops. The sister. How could he divert the topic?
‘Mmm. The motorbike.’ No. That wasn’t a good direction. ‘Boyfriend,’ Rick muttered experimentally. That seemed to be an improvement. Relief made him smile at Sarah. ‘Have you got a boyfriend?’
‘No.’ The word was clipped.
Rick looked away. He didn’t want to be caught looking pleased about that or anything. He eyed the mug of tea. He’d rather have another shot of whisky but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. He was feeling pleasantly numb around the edges already. The pain was rapidly becoming very distant.
‘I did,’ Sarah said into the growing silence. ‘He took off after Josh arrived. He wasn’t about to include someone else’s kid in his life.’
‘Creep,’ Rick said helpfully.
‘Not really. It’s a big ask.’
It wouldn’t be for him, though, would it? He liked Josh. A lot. Which was good because he was his kid after all. Weird how proud that was making him feel right now. Rick could feel himself smiling broadly.
‘What’s funny?’ Sarah had an odd note in her voice. It also sounded as if it was coming from rather a long way away. ‘Rick…are you feeling all right?’
‘I’m fun.’
‘Hmm. Maybe you should go to bed.’
‘Mmm.’ This was the best idea yet. He kept smiling at Sarah. ‘Come with me?’
‘Oh…God,’ Sarah muttered. She stood up, helped Rick to his feet and put a firm arm around his waist. ‘Come on. You need to sleep.’
Rick’s feet felt like dead weights but he could walk just fine. Until he got to the stairs leading to the mezzanine level where his bed was. Sarah turned him round after his attempt at the first step nearly had them both on the floor.
‘Couch,’ she said. ‘I’ll get a pillow and some blankets. You’re not safe with stairs.’
She was right. Rick was still with it enough to be able to keep himself safe. He even managed to pull his shoes off and lie down on the couch by the time she returned.
Sarah put a glass of water and his mobile phone on the table nearby. She covered him with the duvet from his bed and then bent down to ease a pillow under his head.
‘You’re a wonderful woman, Sarah,’ he said, pleased at how clearly the words came out. Lying down was good.
‘Are you going to be all right on your own, do you think?’
‘Just need to catch a few zeds. I’m fine. You go.’
She hesitated.
‘The phone’s there.’ Rick flapped a hand. ‘I’ll call you if I need rescue, OK? I’m not totally away with the fairies. Just…just.’ He let himself float for a moment. ‘Just happy.’
‘Hmm.’ It sounded like Sarah was smiling. ‘I can see that. I guess the pills are at maximum effect by now. They’ll wear off while you sleep.’
‘Ni’-night.’
‘Sleep well, Rick. You’re a hero.’
He opened one eye. ‘Do I get a goodnight kiss, then?’
Sarah shook her head as she gave a huff of laughter. ‘You’re a rogue,’ she told him.
But then she bent and gave him a swift, soft kiss on his lips. She was standing again before he could even think of making his arms move to catch her.
‘I’ll see you in the morning,’ she said. ‘Sleep tight.’
It didn’t matter that he hadn’t been able to catch and hold Sarah. He could imagine exactly what it would have been like. And what might have happened if her lips had stayed in contact with his a little longer.
The pleasant fuzziness of the painkillers morphed into something so delicious that Rick could only heave a sigh of pure contentment and go with it. To paradise.
He had no idea how long Sarah sat watching him and he didn’t hear a thing when she finally slipped away, closing the door softly behind her.
CHAPTER SIX
RICK’S text message to Sarah the next day sounded faintly embarrassed.
Max back in town, it said. No need to collect me.
Sarah wouldn’t have been surprised if Rick had found an excuse not to visit Josh. After the twenty-four-hour stand-down period he would have some catching up to do on his patients and by the time he’d been on his feet that long, he might well be sore enough to want to head straight home again. It was to his credit that he turned up late that afternoon.
He did, however, avoid direct eye contact with Sarah. And he muttered an apology about ‘last night’ before he got close enough to Josh’s bed to be overheard.
‘No worries,’ Sarah said calmly. ‘You were…um. happy.’
‘High as a kite, more like.’ His tone was rueful. ‘I should have stuck to the local.’
Sarah turned back to the window. She could understand him feeling embarrassed about how friendly he’d been but he didn’t have to rub it in. Unless, of course, he wanted her to be absolutely sure he saw her as Josh’s aunt-cum-mother and nothing else.
Well…fine. She saw him as nothing more than Josh’s father. Inappropriate words or touches on his part that might have occurred as the result of close proximity and inhibitions being stifled by medication could be forgiven and forgotten. Along with that oddly protective urge she’d experienced that had led her to sit and watch over him last night. And the way she’d unconsciously found herself touching her own lips softly, more than once, as though reliving that brief kiss.
At least Josh wasn’t picking up on any weird vibe.
‘Does your bum hurt?’ he asked Rick.
‘Kind of…you know.’
Josh did know. He was eyeing Rick with new respect. He nodded importantly and, with a visible effort, straightened up against his pillows. A deliberate imitation of Rick’s solid stance?
They were watching each other. Man and boy. Both had to be thinking about the physical discomfort of a procedure they had both endured recently. Sarah could almost feel the way their mutual respect grew. She saw the smile of quiet pride on Josh’s exhausted face and the way the creases around Rick’s eyes deepened as he returned it. She could feel the connection then. Still new and nebulous but definitely there, and her own lips curved into a slightly wobbly smile beneath her mask.
Oh, yes. She could forgive Rick anything. Even the stirring of things far better left to lie still that his request for a goodnight kiss had achieved. This was more than simply fronting up and trying to act like a father. There was a growing bond that went far deeper than going through the motions. Right now, Rick and Josh might both be proud of themselves but, far more significantly, they were also pr
oud of each other.
Rick made that casual shrugging gesture she was coming to recognise as shying away from being praised. It suggested an appealing modesty. ‘Take any photographs today?’ he asked Josh.
‘Yeah.’ Josh managed a faint grin. ‘Me throwing up. See?’
Rick dutifully took note of the new addition to the cork board. It wasn’t graphic—just Josh with his face attached to the rim of a vomit container, but he’d been happy and maybe he’d been right. The picture deserved a slot in the visual diary. Maybe later they would look back and be able to see how long ago it had been since he’d felt so awful.
Sarah wasn’t feeling so great herself. Josh had still been asleep when she’d finally come back last night after her vigil over Rick but she’d been unable to sleep. Now, when she moved to go and sit down on one of the chairs, she had to catch the rail at the end of the bed to steady herself.
How on earth had Rick managed to catch her elbow so fast?
‘Are you all right?’
Oh…Lord. That expression in those dark eyes threatened to undo her completely. When had somebody last demonstrated real concern for her? When had anybody ever looked at her quite like that? Stupidly, it made her want to cry.
‘Are you going to throw up?’ Josh asked with interest.
‘No…’ But Sarah was still caught by Rick’s gaze. ‘I mean, yes. I’m all right. I’m fine. Just…a bit tired, I guess.’
‘How much have you had to eat today?’
‘Only lunch so far.’
‘You didn’t eat your lunch,’ Josh reminded her. He yawned. ‘It came while I was throwing up, remember? You said it didn’t look so good after all.’
Rick was frowning. ‘And you didn’t have breakfast?’
‘I had coffee.’
‘And last night? After you got back from tucking me in?’ At least he could sound casual about it now. ‘Did you have a proper dinner?’
What would he say if she told him it had been far too late to visit the cafeteria because she’d sat watching him sleep for so long? That would bring the embarrassment back with a vengeance, wouldn’t it? She didn’t want to do that.
Rick shook his head. ‘Ellie’s coming in to say hi soon. You should both go out and get some food. There’s a nice bistro only a block or so away from here. They do great pasta.’
Josh spoke with his eyes shut. ‘Is Ellie coming to visit me?’
‘She won’t be allowed in here,’ Sarah said apologetically. ‘Sorry, Josh, but there’s a strict limit on who gets in to visit you. At the moment it’s just me and Rick and your doctors and nurses.’
‘Cos you’re my mum now,’ Josh mumbled.
‘That’s right, short stuff.’
‘And Rick’s my dad.’
Sarah’s hesitation was imperceptible. She didn’t dare look at Rick. She bent down and kissed Josh’s head instead. ‘Yeah.’
Josh made a very sleepy sound of approval. When Sarah straightened, she saw the door opening to admit a nurse who was coming in to do the vital-sign monitoring that was due. She also saw Rick slipping out. And beyond him, as he stripped off the mask and gown, she could see Ellie, looking anxious.
The cringe factor was still there.
Every time he caught direct eye contact with Sarah, Rick had the very uncomfortable feeling that she might be able to see remnants of those incredible, drug-fuelled dreams he’d had about her last night.
He had been fairly confident this morning that he could remember where reality had left off and fantasy had taken over, but what if that was merely wishful thinking on his part? What if it hadn’t been as chaste a kiss as he thought? Had he actually tasted the sweet scent of her mouth? Felt the slide of her tongue driving him into a passion that had been as overwhelming as it had been unrecognisable?
If so, either Sarah had been totally unmoved by the experience or she was an extremely good actress. Even now, watching her greet Ellie, catch up on news of the honeymoon and relay an update on Josh, he couldn’t detect any tension. Or any of those secret female, telepathic-type messages about something personal that needed private analysis and resolution.
Ellie was apologising again for having been out of the country when her friend had needed support.
‘We’ve been fine,’ Sarah assured her. ‘Rick’s been absolutely wonderful.’
Ellie’s eyes widened.
So did Rick’s. His chest might have puffed out just a little as well. He shrugged it off.
‘Haven’t done much,’ he muttered. ‘It’s my kid in there, after all.’
But Ellie was biting her lip and smiling at the same time. She hugged Sarah. Then she stood on tiptoe and threw her arms around Rick’s neck, hugging him tightly.
‘I knew you’d end up being a hero,’ she whispered. ‘Thank you.’
He’d ‘ended up’ being a hero? She was thanking him? Sarah’s expression was softened by heartfelt gratitude as well. As though he’d done something they’d wanted badly but hadn’t really expected him to do.
Fair enough. He hadn’t exactly behaved very well when first confronted by the possibility of Josh being his son, had he? But he hadn’t known anything about these people back then. Was it really such a short time ago? They were part of his life now. Important. Special.
Oh…hell. These two women looked like they were about to start crying. He didn’t want any more gratitude or talk about heroics. He was no hero. If he hadn’t been so irresponsible and uncaring in the first place, none of this would be happening to any of them. Including the innocent kid in the room right beside them who was suffering most.
This was his fault. All of it.
‘Sarah’s starving,’ he informed Ellie. ‘She hasn’t eaten all day and she was so wobbly in there she almost fell over. I thought you could take her to that nice bistro down the road and fill her up with pasta or something.’
‘Oh…’ Ellie looked stricken. ‘Max is looking after Mattie but he’s covering for someone in ED for a few hours yet.’ Her glance at Sarah was very apologetic. It became inspired when it returned to Rick.
‘You could take her,’ Ellie said.
‘It’s OK,’ Sarah said hurriedly. ‘I can get something from the cafeteria. That way I can get back to Josh faster.’
The odd combination of relief and disappointment Rick was experiencing got interrupted by the door of Josh’s room opening. His nurse, Katie, poked her head out.
‘Josh wants a rerun of his Harry Potter DVD and I haven’t seen all of it so I’m going to stay with him. Why don’t you have a good break, Sarah? A nice meal and a shower and so on. Do you good.’
‘But—’
‘I’ve got your mobile number. I’ll ring if Josh needs you.’
Katie disappeared back into the room. They could all see the screen of the television set that angled down from the ceiling in the corner of the room. They could also see Josh, his eyes only half-open but already glued to the images of his favourite movie.
There was a moment’s silence in the corridor as Rick struggled to eradicate the last of that cringe factor. But, suddenly, he stopped trying. Maybe it was a good thing. A kind of penance. He could learn from it and maybe even continue the process of finally growing up that seemed to have started under Sarah’s orders.
‘I can recommend the ravioli,’ he said, raising his eyebrows and letting a smile curve one side of his mouth. ‘How ‘bout it? My treat. I owe you a thank-you for your kind taxi service yesterday.’
Sarah looked back through the window. There must be a scary scene happening judging by the wide eyes of both Josh and Katie and the way they were holding hands. She looked at Ellie, who nodded with firm encouragement.
‘Go on,’ she urged. ‘A break from here is exactly what you need. I know I’m a much better mum when I’ve had a bit of a break from Mattie. Speaking of whom.’
‘You go,’ Sarah told her. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow and.’ she flicked a glance at Rick ‘.tell you whether the ravioli lives up to its reputation.�
�
Sarah had known this might be awkward.
She also knew that unless they could get past it, it might grow into something a lot worse than mild embarrassment. If Rick started to avoid her, he would, by default, be avoiding Josh and she couldn’t let that happen.
Not now, with that new bond developing. Having a father he could be proud of—who was proud of him—had to be the best gift Josh could ever receive. Whatever it took, she had to make sure he didn’t lose that gift or have its value undermined in some way. Any private feelings she might have in the matter of including Rick in their lives were irrelevant. Or had to become so in a hurry.
So she did her best to chatter brightly as they walked the short distance to the bistro. About Josh, of course, and the happenings of the day.
‘He’s doing pretty well, all things considered,’ she was saying as they reached their destination. ‘Totally exhausted but Mike says that’s only to be expected. He thinks we’re on track to do the transplant tomorrow. Or the next day.’ She couldn’t help the tiny gulp that punctuated the prediction.
‘Nervous about it?’ Rick’s hand was on her elbow as he steered her through the door into a small, dimly lit establishment, made cheerful by its warmth and the tempting smell of hot food.
‘Yes. He ran through the list of things they’d be watching for while the transfusion happens. Fever and chills and hives and chest pain and so on. It’s a big deal. I’m not sure I can hold my breath for that long.’
She stopped talking as they were shown to a table tucked into the corner of the room, with two old wooden chairs on the available sides. It had a checked cloth and a slim candle stuck in an old, misshapen wine bottle that carried the dribbles of wax from years of service.
Sarah had to smile. ‘This takes me back to my student days. I didn’t think places like this existed any more.’
Tables around them were rapidly filling up.
‘We’d better order soon or we might end up being here for a while.’ Rick signalled the young waitress.
Sarah ordered a wild mushroom ravioli with roasted red pepper sauce. Rick chose the individual ravioli lasagne.
The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero Page 23