Chapter Fourteen
Jensen
I woke up, and I was smiling before I even opened my eyes. After our amazing date, we made out on the porch swing for half an hour before saying good night. Every day after that, I drove Lauren home when she finished her shift. Leaving her was the worst, but seeing her happy, smiling face when she saw me waiting for her was the best. Every night ended on that porch swing, and no matter how cold it might be or how tired we were, I’d never feel so much peace as I did swaying back and forth on that old hunk of rotting wood.
What I felt for Lauren was so much more than attraction. She was fast becoming my best friend. The person I wanted to talk to first about everything. The person I wanted to come home to every night. I was on cloud nine all the time, until the moment it hit me that today was the day of Ronnie’s funeral. I remembered why I was here, and my euphoric glow evaporated. If Lauren and I had met a few months ago, if she had seen how I had treated the people I loved as disposable, she wouldn’t have looked twice at me. I hadn’t been the kind of man she deserved in the past, but I could be. Perhaps I couldn’t forget my past or atone for my behavior, but I sure as hell could learn from it. I owed it to Lauren and Nancy. I owed it to Ronnie, and more importantly, I owed it to myself.
Nancy Adler’s house was packed to the rafters with well-wishers. It seemed that every person I spoke to had a different story to tell about Ronnie, and I was beginning to understand that mine wasn’t the only life he’d changed for the better. He’d been a truly inspirational person, and rather than sticking my head in the sand and forgetting about what had happened between us, I wanted to honor his memory. And so I spent the day chatting to his friends and family, to the people in the community who had admired him. I heard their stories of Ronnie and shared some of mine, and despite my worst fear that it would be a horribly morbid experience, it was oddly cathartic.
Through it all, Nancy had been stoic, a pillar of strength and compassion who seemed to put everyone else’s grief before her own. It wasn’t difficult to see why Ronnie had fallen head over heels in love with her. She’d shown me kindness and forgiveness at a time when she would have been completely justified in spouting rage and anger, and this was a testament to how wonderful she was.
The ceremony itself had been beautiful, a real celebration of life, and among the stream of photographs that were projected throughout his eulogy, I was touched to find myself in so many of them. When Ronnie and Nancy’s wedding picture appeared, Nancy sobbed, and my heart broke along with hers. But after a good cry, she wiped away her tears and carried on, and I knew I could live my whole life and never again meet someone with that kind of strength.
I was never far if she needed me, but it was long after the last guest had left and the dishes cleaned and put away that I finally had some alone time with Nancy. She was sitting on a bench in the garden when I took her a cup of tea.
“Megan showed me how you take it,” I assured her. “And there isn’t much in this world that can’t be improved with a good cup of tea.”
“Bless you, Jensen,” she said as I handed over the hot drink.
“So when do you leave?” I asked. I figured she’d stay for Christmas, but her daughters were moving suitcases around when I left to find Nancy.
“As soon as I’ve finished my tea I imagine,” she said, wistfully taking in the view.
“So soon?” I asked, surprised.
“I just can’t face spending Christmas here. Truth be told, I’m not sure I’ll ever be back. No matter where he was in the world, Ronnie always came home to spend the holidays with me. Everything here is just going to remind me of him and how much I missed him, so I’m going to try and make it to the ranch in time to watch my grandchildren put out their stockings for Santa. I’ll steal a little of their Christmas spirit and keep it for my own. So, how about you? What are your plans?”
“I’m staying for the dance at the community center tomorrow, and then my flight home leaves Christmas Eve morning,” I replied.
She said nothing but narrowed her eyes at me.
“What?” I asked, squirming under the weight of her stare.
“You’re richer than Croesus, so we both know you could charter a flight to make it home tomorrow. Hell, your team would probably send a private jet if you asked them to. Taking a commercial flight on Christmas Eve means you’ll probably miss Christmas Day with your mom. You’re delaying leaving so that you can go to the dance with Lauren, aren’t you?” she asked.
“I care about her, Nancy. Being with her is like coming home. I don’t know how else to explain it. Everything just feels more real and more special when I get to share it with her,” I said.
“Dammit, Jensen. Her father is poisonous. He’ll drag her down, and you with them. Think of everything Ronnie wanted for you and make the sensible choice,” she argued.
Her jab about Ronnie hit home, but I knew in my heart what he would do. “The last thing I ever want to do is disappoint you. But who would I be now if people judged me by the things my useless father has done? Lauren’s been dealt about as bad a hand as you can get in life, and she’s made the best of it. And what’s more, I had Ronnie to help me get my head above water. Lauren has no one. Sometimes you just know when something is right. Ronnie knew it too. Otherwise he wouldn’t have gone after you, even though your family disapproved,” I reasoned.
The silence between us was awkward. It was probably the most difficult day of Nancy’s life, and I regretted causing her even a moment of upset, but what I’d said needed saying. If there was now a rift between us, I had no idea how to bridge it. In the end, Nancy did it for me.
“Oh, Jensen, you must think I’m an interfering old woman. I hope you know that everything I’ve said and done has been with your best interests at heart. But you’re right. Ronnie would’ve told you to go get your girl. So I’m going to mind my own business from now on and let you listen to your heart,” she said, and I felt like at least one weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
“I don’t think that at all. I know you’re only looking out for me, and I appreciate it. But it goes both ways you know. Ronnie would want us to look out for each other. So if there’s anything you need, anything I can ever do to help, all you ever have to do is call,” I replied.
“Thank you, Jensen. You’re a good man,” she said. “I have no idea how you two are going to work things out, but if Ronnie taught me anything, it’s that love will always find a way.”
Chapter Fifteen
Lauren
He’d seen it all less than a week ago: my face, lightly made up with cheap cosmetics, my body in my one and only, date-suitable, thrift store dress—he’d seen it all and still Jensen looked at me as though I was a tall glass of water in the middle of a drought. I smoothed down the front of the dress nervously while he looked his fill, biting my tongue to stop myself from making excuses about why I was wearing the same outfit twice. There was no need. He knew my circumstances, and the way he looked at me gave me the confidence to believe that he didn’t care. That nobody would look at me, standing next to this giant god of a man, and find me unworthy.
“You’re absolutely breathtaking,” he murmured, almost to himself.
I gave him a wobbly smile as I tried to keep it together. My whole plan—to handle his leaving with sophistication and dignity before crying myself to sleep the moment he’d gone—was unraveling at the seams. I didn’t care that it was Christmas Eve tomorrow. Jensen was leaving, and tonight was the good-bye I’d never be ready for. “I’m not ready to lose you, Jensen. So let’s make tonight the best night ever and deal with tomorrow when it gets here,” I suggested.
“Lauren Matthews,” he said, taking my coat and holding it out for me to put on. “I’m going to give you a night so great, you’re never going to want to let me go,” he replied, and taking my hand he led me into the crisp, cool night.
As we walked up to the community center, the magic of the evening began to weave its spell on me. From
the Christmas songs that had me itching to dance, to the light snow on the ground and the delicious scents of mulled wine and spiced apple permeating the air, all of it painted the picture of a Christmas I’d never had but had craved so very badly.
Inside, Jensen took my coat and added to the pile by the door. “Dancing first, or a drink?” he asked.
“Most definitely dancing,” I replied with a grin. If I had any excuse to have his arms around me that night, I was taking it.
“I was afraid you’d say that,” he said as he took my hand and pulled me toward the dance floor. It was already full of people from over-excited children bopping enthusiastically to elderly couples waltzing their way around the room.
At the realization that half the town seemed to be there, I had a moment of self-doubt. I feared getting the cold shoulder from a community so close that everyone seemed to know everyone else. But the derision and suspicion I expected never came. As we joined in the party, people were all smiles and happiness, saying hello or nodding their approval as we shared in their joy of the moment.
The last of my self-doubt drifted away when I realized two things. The first was that Jensen simply didn’t care what other people thought of him. He lived his life the way he wanted to and didn’t look for the approval of others to validate his choices. He was a good person, the very best, and being around him had made me a stronger person. The second was that he was a horrible, horrible dancer.
“What?” he asked, having caught the confused look on my face.
“What is it that you’re doing there?” I said.
“Dancing,” he explained, a frown marring his face as though it was completely obvious.
“Oh,” I replied, my face a mask of seriousness, “I was worried for a minute you might be having some kind of seizure.”
“Ha! You can talk! I’ve seen pensioners on this dance floor that have more moves than you. Now come on, baby, let’s show ’em what we’ve got.” He pulled me into his arms and swung me around the dance floor, much to the amusement of everyone around us. When I couldn’t take any more, we escaped to a dark corner where we sipped our drinks and shared our secrets. He told me all about his friends on the team, and I shared stories of some of the places I’d been and the places I still wanted to see.
“If you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?”
“Rome,” I said without having to think about it.
“It’s a beautiful city, but why Rome?”
“My mom loved it there. My grandmother took her when she was little,” I said. Lifting a little gold cross from where it had slipped inside my dress, I held it up to him. “She bought her this while they were there. It’s the only thing I have left of hers really. Dad sold anything of value and left everything else when we were running from one of his cons.”
“What happened to them both?” he asked gently, the sympathy in his gentle tone spoke of his perceptiveness.
“My grandmother died of cancer about a year after their trip. There was some money the court looked after until mom came of age, but she didn’t have any other relatives, so she ended up in a foster home. I never heard the full story of how she and Dad met, but my guess is that she was looking for someone to love, and he told her what she wanted to hear so he could get his hands on her money. By the time it ran out, Dad had a wife and kid he didn’t want. I think he would’ve walked out if Mom hadn’t been hit by a car. After that he was kind of stuck with me.”
I was matter of fact about my past as I spoke. I’d had many years to mourn Mom, to wonder what my life would’ve been like if she hadn’t died. Now, when I thought of her, it was with love and happiness, not sadness.
“Anyway. Mom’s best memories were of that trip she and her mom took to Rome. She told me that one day we’d go together. Eat pizza in front of the Colosseum and stand under the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. So that’s where I’d go.”
“You’ll make it there,” he said with certainty. “Dream big, Lauren, and don’t ever stop. The places you will go are only as small as your imagination.” Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, he brushed his thumb across my cheek tenderly before leaning down to kiss me, and in that moment, everything was perfect.
Chapter Sixteen
Jensen
As I packed the last of my things, my gaze kept wandering back to Lauren. When the dance ended, I drove us both back to the Snowflake Inn. It was our last night together, and I didn’t have it in me to say good-bye to her at the door to her motel. Even if I convinced her to give us a chance, Mum was still expecting me to fly home for Christmas. So I’d booked Lauren a room at the inn so she’d be close to me. She protested at the cost like I knew she would, so I silenced her with kisses.
In the end, we both knew that our last few hours together were too precious to waste. She never even saw the room. We lay cuddling on my bed and talking through the night until she’d drifted off a couple of hours ago. I memorized everything I could about her as I watched her sleep. This would either be the last day I’d spend with this beautiful woman or the beginning of a new life together. All I needed now was the courage to find out which.
“Lauren, honey, I have to go,” I said, waking her gently. Her eyes blinked open in confusion and then filled with tears when she realized what was happening. Launching herself into my arms, she squeezed me so tightly that I struggled not to fall off the bed.
“I’m not good at good-byes, and I don’t know how to do this, so you need to go quickly, Jensen. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. Just go and don’t look back, okay? You are the best person I’ve ever known, and I will never forget you.”
I pulled back to look into her eyes, brushing away her silent tear as it fell.
“I have to get on that plane, but I don’t want this to be over. I can’t go back to my old life as though I’d never met you. Come with me. I’ll book another ticket, and we’ll figure something out when we get to England. There’s nothing keeping you here,” I protested.
“I don’t have a passport, Jensen. And even if I did, I wouldn’t go. We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks,” she replied, her eyes full of regret.
“Then promise me you’ll stay in touch. I’ll buy you a phone and get it delivered. We can text and speak every day. I’ll fly back as soon as I can,” I pleaded.
She closed her eyes as though she was actually in pain before opening them to answer me. “No, Jensen. A clean break is for the best. You know how impossible the distance would make things between us. I’ll always treasure the memories we made, but this is the right decision for us both,” she replied.
“I know you’re worried about the distance, but the team has a plane that will make the travel easier, and there’s no reason we can’t get you a passport so that you can travel with me,” I argued. The thought of never seeing her again tore me apart, but seeing her give up on us without a fight gutted me.
“Please don’t do this, Jensen. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” she said.
Her tone was so resolute that it broke my heart. I wanted to be with her more than I’d ever wanted anything, but I couldn’t make her fight for us if she didn’t feel the same.
“Then live a good life, Lauren Matthews. A big one, full of dreams and adventures, and know that I will never forget you either. Be happy. For me,” I replied.
Kissing her gently on the forehead, I picked up my bag and did as she asked. I left without looking back. As I closed the door behind me, I heard the strangled sob she hadn’t been able to contain, and I knew that my heart was the one thing I wouldn’t be taking with me. It had belonged to Lauren from the moment we met.
About an hour away from Friendship, just outside the city of Somerhaven, I slammed on the brakes as I passed a familiar hitchhiker on the side of the road. Reversing back, I stopped when I was alongside him and lowered the window.
“Gabriel, what are you doing all the way out here?” I asked.
“Waiting for you, son,” he replie
d, smiling. I assumed he meant that he was waiting for someone to pass by and offer him a lift.
“It’s freezing. Why don’t you hop in and I’ll give you a ride?” I said.
“That’s very kind of you,” he replied, climbing into the passenger seat. “So, where’s our girl then?”
“Lauren is still in Friendship. I’m flying back to England today, so we’re going our separate ways,” I explained, though it pained me to admit it.
“Well that’s a damn shame. If ever there was a couple that belonged together, it’s you two,” he replied.
“It’s what Lauren wanted. I asked her to come with me, or to keep in touch, but she thinks a clean break is for the best,” I said.
“Of course she did. How else could she protect you from her father?” he replied.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Son, that girl is head over heels in love with you. She needs you. She has nothing and no one. If she’s severed all ties with you, believe me, it’s for your benefit not hers,” he replied.
Once again, I slammed on the brakes, this time as I had an epiphany. I realized that I was a complete and utter idiot. Only hours earlier, I’d had the woman of my dreams in my arms and let her convince me to leave without putting up any real fight at all. I’d left her penniless and completely alone and as heartbroken as I was.
How could I ever have believed that this was somehow the best thing for us both? So what if the odds of a successful long-distance relationship were slim? The odds of finding her at all had been practically non-existent, but it happened. I’d been handed a miracle, and I was turning it into a tragedy.
“Gabriel, I’m sorry but I need to go back,” I said.
“You do that. Now don’t worry about me. I’m exactly where I need to be. You do want you need to,” he said, and to my surprise, he undid his seat belt and let himself out of the truck.
Christmas Encounter Page 6