My head shook. “Come here, kitten.” I held out my hand and she walked over, taking it. As I placed her on my lap, she automatically leaned against my chest. Fuck. Scum. Yes, that was me. Why wouldn’t the words come? Why couldn’t I tell her? Had this been the way she felt around me when she hid Ava’s secret?
“I’m never going to change my mind about us. Ever.” My arms wrapped around her tighter while I was content to just hold her close. “Victoria, there’s something—” Her phone ringing sent my heart into an explosive cadence of guilt. She went to stand, but I held her arm, sidestepping to beat her to it.
“Devlin,” she called out as I lunged for the counter, grabbing her cell. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Mom.
I took a deep breath. There was no way Justine knew her number, or even who she was. But it wouldn’t take long for the word to get out, if it hadn’t already. I didn’t trust her not to expose my secret.
“Sorry, with the media going crazy, I just wanted to make sure.” I handed it over as she looked at me confused.
“Hey, Mom.” She turned, heading deeper into the kitchen as she spoke. Ava was still pushing the ball around and I headed back to the room, changing into a pair of gym shorts and a T-shirt. The plates were already on the table by the time I entered the room.
Dinner, as a family.
Bastard.
“My mom said she saw you on the news. Lot of girls, apparently.”
“Yeah, there were. That’s what I was trying to tell you. I had to fight my way to the car.” My head shook. “That ad was such a horrible idea. I don’t know what I was thinking. How could I have thought anything good would come from meeting women after I already knew I loved you?” I searched for more to say. Something to lead into a great starting point for a confession. Was I there yet, or should I say more?
I placed Ava in her highchair before I slid into the chair.
Victoria sat there, quietly, watching my every move. Could she sense my guilt? Shit. Maybe? Just say it! You’ve never been a coward. Never hidden anything you’ve done. Why this? Just start the sentence and the rest will follow.
“Victoria.” I grabbed the water she’d placed on the table and took a big drink. The sweating was starting again. Dammit, I was going to need one hell of a shower.
“Wait.” She took her turn taking a drink of her water. “I have a confession to make before you start.”
I stiffened. “A confession? What kind of confession?” There it was. The fear was turning to anger. Okay, this could be good.
She looked down at the plate, pushing it away. “Daniel and I—”
My head tilted, my eyes blazing with heat as everything I could think of rushed through my mind all at once. “Fucked? Made out? Kissed? You sucked his—”
“Devlin,” she burst out, reaching out to wave her hand. “Watch it with Ava. Jesus. You’re really going to have to work on your language. She’s starting to repeat things.”
I glanced over at our daughter and shifted in the chair. “Sorry. What were you going to say?”
“Daniel and I are going to go over the last of the paperwork tomorrow when I get off of work. I told him I really didn’t care to see it, but he said these were important.” She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll probably just call him tomorrow and tell him to forget about it. That I’m really not interest. He’s just so…insistent.”
“Yeah,” I groaned. “Because he wants my money.”
“Wants your money? What do you mean?”
I lowered my attention to the spaghetti and started twisting the pasta around the fork. “Does Daniel still act as though he wants to be in a relationship with you? Honestly?” What a thing to ask. Honestly. It was almost laughable that I’d tagged that to the end, being I was the one here with the damn secret.
“Well.” The way her eyes searched the table had my mouth twisting. If she had to evaluate it, he probably did. “We did kiss,” she breathed out. “I was going to tell you. I…”
Before I realized it, I was standing and the chair was tipped back against the wall. There were no words for rage I felt. Homicidal? Well, yeah. Easily.
“Devlin, I swear it didn’t mean anything. I wouldn’t even necessarily say I kissed him back because it kind of caught me off guard, but you deserve to know. And—”
“He kissed you.” It wasn’t a question, I just wanted to hear her say it again.
“Yes,” she whispered. Her fear was making her shake. Somehow, I felt the smallest bit justified. She’d had a secret too, but mine blew hers out of the water, and I was the one who initiated it.
“Where?” My eyes searched the house, but I had no idea what I was going to do. Destroy the space? Light the bitch on fire? Burn the whole motherfucking house to the ground? Damn, it was so tempting. But I couldn’t. No matter how much I wanted to.
Victoria’s mouth opened and then closed.
“I asked you a question. Answer it.”
Her finger pointed toward the living room, but in the direction of the bedroom. I felt my eyebrows rise in surprise. “In our room?” Well, it had only been mine for less than twenty-four hours, but it sounded right.
“Devlin, I don’t want to get into the details of it, really. It happened, it’s over.” She shook her head, turning back to her food, but I refused to let it drop. Couldn’t stand the thought of another man touching her in the slightest. The fact that she was hiding something about it only made me angrier.
I continued to stand, waiting for her to look back up at me. Only when Ava began banging her plate into the tray did she meet my gaze.
“After she goes to bed.”
I felt myself sit only after the fact. Was it that bad that she didn’t want me to overreact with the baby in the room? I picked up my fork, going through the motions of eating, but tasting nothing. When Victoria rose and took Ava, I barely noticed. My brain was trying to force rationality in, but my anger was winning. No matter what she said. Even if she admitted that she’d eventually kissed him back and they made out. Whatever. I had to control myself and come clean too. It was the perfect time. We could both forgive each other and move forward. A clean slate. A perfect one to start our new future.
The bath water began to run and I grabbed all the plates, scrapping them clean and rinsing them off. As I wiped down Ava’s tray, I still stayed in a daze. I could so clearly see Daniels eyes peering up at me from over Victoria’s shoulder. Fuck, I didn’t like him. Seeing his face just…dammit, I wanted to hurt him for whatever he’d done. For even being in her life to begin with.
What felt like forever went by and I sat at the table, staring ahead. How would I break the news about Justine? Tell her everything I’d done? How would she take it? Still, I didn’t want to confess. There were so many what-ifs. None of them looked good for me.
“I think she’s finally down.” She took a deep breath and headed for the room. I was so close behind, I had to force myself to slow. The door swung open at her push and she walked in, sitting on the edge of the bed. “It was shortly before he left. I came in here to go to the restroom and when I came out, he was standing at the door,” she said, pointing. “Just, leaning on it. I walked up and asked him what he was doing and he…” she glanced up, “he kissed me.”
“There’s more.” I held my arms across my chest, my fingers pushing into the muscle on my forearms.
“He started walking me backward. Toward the bed. That’s when I pushed him back. He stopped after that. It was really awkward and he left not long after. I was surprised when he called this morning and said he wanted to go over the other papers. I’d thought I made it clear that I really wasn’t interested.”
My head shook. “No, I made it clear to him. He should have stopped then. That bullshit he pulled with you…” The way my fingers were raking into my arm, it was doing nothing to help with the flood of emotions that were barreling into me. That piece of shit had tried to get her to the bed. More than likely because he had every intention of
fucking her. Fucking my pregnant Victoria. No. That shit didn’t fly. At all.
“Devlin, you’re scaring me.”
I looked back over, not realizing how long I’d been thinking. “What he pulled with you,” I continued, “is unacceptable. You’ll never have to worry about him coming near you again. Ever,” I growled. The order was there and her eyes narrowed at hearing them.
“I’ll call him tomorrow and be blunt. There should be no more reason for contact after that.”
The need to keep pushing was there and I tried to figure out why he’d still want her to look at papers. “Didn’t you tell him we were together? Why would he still want to meet after that?”
She stood from the bed and walked to the dresser, taking out her night clothes. “I told him we were trying to work things out. No, I did not tell him that we were…boyfriend and girlfriend.”
“And why not?” I followed her in the bathroom as she began taking off her clothes. “Are you embarrassed? Having second thoughts? Still keeping him waiting in the wings in case this doesn’t work out? What is it?”
She spun on me so fast, I had to blink past the shock.
“You’re making it very hard for me to control my temper. Why would I keep him waiting in the wings? That’s absurd. I don’t know who you think I am, but I don’t need anyone if things don’t work out between me and you. I’m more than capable of taking care of me and my kids.”
The sound of the water running filled the space and I tried my best not to look at her nude body. My cock was already getting hard knowing she was naked. If I saw it, I would be done for.
“That came out wrong. I know how strong you are. I’m just not sure why you wouldn’t tell him.”
The curtain was pulled back and she stepped in, yanking it closed. I stripped off my clothes, joining her. “No one fucking dismisses me, kitten. Especially not you. Now answer me.”
Water soaked through her dark hair as she leaned back. “I’m a private person, Devlin. I haven’t even told my mother yet.”
I got quiet, accepting, knowing she was telling the truth. I didn’t like it, but there was no point of arguing. It was my guilt. I had to stop. So where did this leave things? Right, with me. I opened my mouth, searching for the words. They got lost at the water running over her breasts. My hand reached out and I cupped one while I pinched her nipple between my thumb and index finger. The way she breathed out, pleasure causing her lids to lower…I pulled her body into mine, gripping her ass and thrusting my tongue in her mouth. My fear of losing everything shot things to a fevered pitch, fast.
My mouth ravaged hers. Exploring her tongue. Sucking on her bottom lip. Before I knew it, Victoria was pinned between me and the shower wall and I was lifting her to straddle my hips.
“If anyone asks or hints to you being available, you’re going to tell them who you belong to,” my voice demanded. “You may be a private person, but no one is going to get the impression that they stand a chance with you. They don’t. No one ever will again.” The underside of my cock slid along her slit as I grinded into her, desperate for entrance. “Do you hear me? You’re mine from this day on. No matter what.” Our eyes held. I wanted her to know I was serious. When, and if, she found out about Justine, I wasn’t going to let her go. I never would. And if any man thought they’d try to move in and take what was mine, they pay in more ways than they could imagine.
“Okay,” she said, breathing heavily from the arousal. All I could do was nod my head as I let the answer sink in.
Her pussy slid down as she brought her mouth hesitantly back to mine. I didn’t meet her lips, or kiss her back. My hand locked on her chin and I pushed her head to lean against the wall. “Oh, kitten. You never learn. Ask or don’t do. I’m the one in control.” I nipped at her lip and turned her face to the side as my teeth grazed against her jawline. With my other arm under her ass, I lifted, easing my cock into her wet pussy. With each inch, I felt her hug to my length. The tightness left me lightheaded against the steam. Or maybe it was just everything in the dark shadows of my mind that caused my me to feel off balance.
“Tell me who you belong to.” I moved in deeper, letting her adjust.
“You, Sir. I belong to you.”
“For how long?” Another torturous tease. More waiting. I withdrew just enough to surge forward, burying myself all the way.
A cry filled the small space as she reached around my neck. “For as long as this works, Sir.”
God dammit. That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. “Forever,” I corrected, my voice deepening from the anger of not only her doubt, but now, my own.
I let go of her face, long enough to pull her arms free from me. Until she learned, she didn’t have the privilege of holding on. I wanted her to see the difference. Experience what it was like to be left uncertain, only to have the security of what I could give.
“Say it, Victoria. Tell me you know what we have is going to last.”
I stepped back, causing her to arch her back as she pushed against the shower wall for support. There was no way I would let her fall. But she didn’t know that.
My cock slammed into her and she outstretched the back of her arms against the surface, her palms flattening as she used them to support her weight. Wet strands of her long, dark hair stuck to the sides of her face and chest while she shook her head back and forth.
“I can’t say forever. It feels like a lie.”
Again, I pounded. And again. Savagely. Just like the beast I knew that lived within. He lurked in the distance. Tempted me to the darkness, giving me glimpses of what I craved. And in moments like this, I was no longer a hostage to my ways. He possessed me, body and mind. But I couldn’t unleash on Victoria completely. Had yet to. The first night I’d come close, but even then I’d held back. More from fear that she wouldn’t return. Now, she was pregnant. Sure, I’d read that there were still things we could do. Like with the brush. But, my real kinks. What got to me the most…those couldn’t come until after the baby. And even then, what if she didn’t want them? Didn’t want me?
No. She would. I would make her fall in love so deeply that she’d never think of a life without both of us in it.
“Say it. Tell me you know.” It was too much. I could hear the pleading in my voice. The aching raw need to have her assure me that my fears were for nothing. That she’d react to my fuck-up like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Sir…I want what you say to be true.”
“Then let it. Forget everything before last night. Before I got into your bed. None of that matters anymore. Just me and you.” I knew I was planting the words into her head. More from my guilt and so she would see I was focused on the here and now. If she could only believe that I was being genuine, maybe she could forgive me for Justine when I finally came clean.
There was hesitation in her blue eyes, but she kept quiet as I push back into her, pulling up her arms to my neck. I gave her all of me with each thrust and every caress of my tongue against hers. And like before, her spasms around my cock nearly did me in on the spot. I pushed my fingertips into her ass, trying to get over the ecstasy of not having to wear protection. It was new. A first. She was the only woman I’d ever come in and I held on to my one innocence like it was priceless.
“Sir,” she moaned.
“Say it, Victoria. Say forever.”
The sting as she gripped the hair at the crown of my head was like nothing I’d felt. Women were never allowed to touch me. But I gave Victoria leave to do so. More than she knew. The unfamiliar closeness was only adding to my instability. Everything was so new. Her. Having a child. Another on the way. Leaving my home. All the while, maintaining my businesses. Now, my added guilt. I was in over my head and I knew it.
“Forever,” she whispered.
I moaned, holding her tighter. “Fuck. Kitten, open your eyes. Look at me when I make you mine.”
Her lids lifted, the blue connecting with mine just as I exploded inside of her.
Yes, she be
longed to me. Forever. Mine.
Chapter 8
Victoria
At almost six weeks along, I was feeling every bit of it. The morning sickness had turned into a nightmare. I could barely eat, barely drink. Even water was hard to hold down. Devlin watched, concerned. Always hovering. His sincere efforts made me happy, but I kept my distance as much as I could, giving how we were almost always together. Work had turned into a challenge with constantly being ill, but I’d somehow managed.
As I walked through the main entrance, I breathed in heavily, trying to force away the plaguing nausea. Nothing helped. Not even the crackers I had stuffed in my oversized purse. I was seriously considering putting in for my vacation. At least until this stage was over with. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Working with infants wasn’t safe in my condition. Not when I was running to the nearest restroom or trashcan within distance.
The elevator opened and I jogged to get in the car. Now that I refrained from coffee, the cafeteria was out. Considering the smells I knew I would be faced with, I was fine with that. Still, a boost of energy would have been nice. I knew that by ten, I’d be ready to take a nap.
The doors shut and I glanced over to a man wearing khakis and a white and blue plaid shirt. His blond hair was trimmed short and he had a goatee. The smile I flashed was returned. It was nothing more than pleasantry. A greeting to a stranger.
A notepad sat in his hand and he tapped it against his thigh as we waited.
“I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t happen to know which floor Victoria Farris is on, would you?”
The nametag I wore was covered by my purse as I looked down. “Maybe. What’s it concerning?”
A big smile, a charming one, burst to his face. “I’m looking to ask her a few questions for a story I’m working on.”
“Oh.” I laughed. “Sorry, I’m really not sure. I’ve heard of her, but I think maybe she works on one of the top floors.” Great. Another reporter. They usually found me outside the hospital. Never inside.
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