Jake’s eyes are the color of melted chocolate as he runs his tongue over his full, soft lips, and my body pangs with desire. I want more than anything to rip his clothes off and feel his body on top of mine. Jake and I have never had to work at this. We could simply look at each other and fall into a fiery pit of ecstasy.
I drop my purse, forgetting what the hell I am doing and fall head first into that pit. My heart hurts, and my body yearns. Against my better judgment, I reply, “It’s never been a bad thing.”
Jake’s eyes open wide for a moment. He leans down, getting his lips very close to mine. His hot breath is tickling my skin, causing me to hold my own. The anticipation of the moment causes my stomach to flutter with butterflies.
I want so much for him to push his lips to mine. I want to feel him. I want to forget everything: the troubles between us, my father’s death, my mother’s expectations, my kids, my broken heart—everything. I want to forget everything and simply be lost in him.
“I’m not going to kiss you, cupcake. I’m not making a single move until you make it first.”
I hold my ground, not moving, trying to hold my body perfectly still. I want to be with him, but I am afraid to make the first move. If we cross this line with things as rocky as they are, we may never be able to come back from it. Or it could be the breakthrough we need to keep fighting for one another.
In my clouded, lust-filled mind, I decide the latter is the best option. I swallow down my fear then stand on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his. Jake freezes. I freeze. We look at each other with our mouths connected. It feels like what we are doing is something new, something dangerous. And, when I think about it, what we are doing is dangerous. With one wrong move, one wrong word spoken, it will be our demise.
With our lips pressed together, I can’t make another move, not until he does. And like he’s hearing my unspoken thoughts, Jake slowly starts to kiss me. He cups my cheeks as he dips his tongue in my mouth, and I fall helpless over the cliff, unaware if I will be broken when it’s all said and done. Yet, for moments like this, Jake makes the risk worth it. He always makes the risk worth a lifetime of hurt because nothing else compares to when he is kissing me. However, there are alarm bells going off in my mind. Do I respond to them or ignore them?
She wants this. I know Delilah. I can tell she really wants something when she gets this look in the corner of her eye. It’s a small gleam, and as her mind races, her eyes get bigger while she thinks about how badly she really wants something. She has that look now. Regardless, I will not be the one starting us down this path. I will finish it; you bet your ass I will, but I will not start it.
Just as I think she is going to back out, Delilah leans up and presses her soft, plush lips to mine. I am stunned for a moment. It’s been a long time since we have really kissed. In fact, I really don’t know the last time we’ve had this kind of unspoken passion between us. We want each other so badly it’s distracting, but neither one of us wants to take the risk.
The last time we had this much building energy between us before we kissed was when I showed her my tattoo. However, before I could enjoy the moment, her fucking mother walked in, ruining everything. Now, nothing is going to interrupt us, and I cannot hold back any longer.
I run my palms up her arms, over her shoulders, and cup her cheeks. Then I kiss her, taking my time nipping, caressing, and tasting everything I love about her. Delilah melts against me, her throat releases a moan, and I take that as my cue to kiss her deeper.
My hands leave her face. One wraps around her waist, pulling her body even closer to mine, and the other holds her full breast in my hand. My dick is throbbing as I feel this sexy woman against my body.
When I pull my face away and briefly look into her eyes, she freezes and starts to back away from me, but I follow her, walking slowly forward. My gut is sensing she’s about to change her mind; as a result, I grab ahold of her shoulders and press her back against the wall. With my body starving for her, I feel savage and reach for the bottom of her shirt and rip it off over her head. Grabbing the back of my shirt, I yank it off before tossing it to the floor. Then I slam my lips back into hers. She tries to interrupt, yet is too overcome by the unadulterated heat exploding between us.
The next thing I know, Delilah spins us around and presses my back flush with the wall. She jumps up in my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist, and I move away from the wall and walk to the bed. She keeps her body attached to mine as I lay her down and cover her like a blanket. I kiss her hard. She kisses me hard. Our hands are grazing, exploring, and satisfying as we rediscover what it’s like to be with each other.
My fingers inch their way into the waistband of her yoga pants. I slowly slip them inside her panties and press my finger against her swollen, delicate spot. She almost immediately falls over the edge as I stroke her with the pad of my finger, igniting her desires. While Delilah moans, her body is tight and wet as I push my fingers deep inside of her, moving in and out, watching her frame contort as her orgasm rises and takes over her body. I’m captivated when her back arches from the mattress, and she quivers uncontrollably.
My dick throbs and feels harder than steel. I need to fuck her. It’s been forever since we’ve had sex, and with how hard my dick is, it won’t take long.
I sit up on my knees and pull her pants and thong from her body. She is still overcome with her orgasm, so I don’t think she recognizes what’s happened. I unbutton my jeans and pull them down before settling myself between her legs on my knees. My hand immediately begins to stroke my dick as I simply watch her come out of her trance and look back at me.
I keep moving my hand up the shaft and run it over the tip. My grip is tight and my balls are heavy. Delilah’s eyes cannot break away from my cock as I continue to pleasure myself in front of her. As a small mound of cum buds on the end, I run my thumb over it and massage it into my skin, moistening it. She opens her mouth slightly, trying to capture her breath again, and I take the opportunity to fill her body with mine. I lean forward and ease my dick inside her opening, and it’s me that shudders as her wet warmth pulls me in and welcomes me.
“Jake … oh …” Delilah moans as she tries to form a sentence.
“Jesus, D. You feel incredible. It’s been so long since I felt you like this.” I push myself in deeper and hold my body still, shuddering again as I indulge in the pleasure. We may have been in different places hours ago, but after tonight, we will recapture our unraveling relationship. We have to. There is no other feeling that would justify that than this feeling right here. “I … I … I don’t want this to end, baby.”
I pull myself out and quickly slam my cock back inside. She screams out, and I do it again, no longer in control of this moment. I allow my body to completely take over as I move in and out of her quickly. Her nails dig into the skin of my back as I slam into her over and over. Then the heat peaks in my thighs, gut, and groin. I keep up my assault, and seconds later, my body gives in to her. My fluids drain from my body as my head starts to swim from the dizziness.
I lie with her underneath me, simply enjoying the first few moments of our second chance. I feel overwhelmed, yet in a good way. Suddenly, before I can even muster another thought, Delilah wiggles herself out of my arms and moves for her clothes in a heap on the floor.
The blood rushes from my face as I realize this isn’t a good thing. I am trying to grasp the severity of this moment, and I know I will fall victim to her every will. She only needs to say it. She only needs to say she wants me.
“Jake,” her voice is faint between her rapid breaths. “Maybe …”
“Don’t say maybe, Delilah.”
I need her. I need every part of her. I want her to be fully in my life. I don’t want to be the drunken mistake every girl has to recover from. I don’t want her to recover from anything.
I roll off the bed and pull my boxers and jeans from the floor, quickly slipping them on and looking at this woman. What the hell is happening? I j
ust want to go back to the way things were. Is that even possible anymore?
I turn to face her, wanting her to understand how serious I am. “Please don’t say maybe, D. Our life together cannot be a maybe, and I can’t do this. I cannot sit and wait for you to finally say, yes, you want to be with me again, or no, you want me to leave for good. Either you’re all in or you fold. You cannot question it, baby. You can’t question us. Hanging in limbo is destroying me. It’s destroying us even more.”
I look her in the eye, knowing we are finally at the crossroads of our tumultuous relationship. We will move forward with each other or move on, going down different paths. I cannot live in the unknown space anymore. I need her to make up her mind, and I need her to accept that I will not be perfect. I need her to accept that sometimes I need a drink, and I need her to realize that it will not get in the way of us again.
“Jake, I love you ...”
“I love you, too,” I interrupt, but she holds up her hands, preventing me from moving forward.
“I know you do, Jake. But …” She looks down and swallows back her tears.
“How did I know there was going to be a ‘but,’ cupcake? There are always exceptions when it comes to me, aren’t there? Nothing can ever be all or nothing. There’s always a goddamn gray area.” I turn from her gaze and shake my head in disgust.
What the fuck did I expect? We’ve been in two very different places for some time now, and you can‘t come back together magically. Even after we fucked, in the grand scheme of things, that’s all it was—a mindless fuck. I should have fucking known.
Goddammit! Nothing with her is ever easy, and to be quite honest, I am sick of it. I’m sick of all of this. I’m sick of trying to convince her I’m not an alcoholic. I know how to control my actions and my words. I’m just fucking sick of being judged by her and my family. They can all go fuck themselves.
“Jake, please look at me.” I turn back to face her, seeing she has moved closer to my hardened frame. I can feel her hand as it glides down my arm and then clasps onto my hand. “Whenever you’re around me, whenever we are close like this, you have a way of clouding all my rationale. The physical relationship has never been our problem. In fact, that’s probably what kept us together for so long. But sex will not fix this.” She motions with her finger between our bodies. “I can’t think clearly when I’m around you. I need to know that you’re going to give up the drinking. I can’t allow myself to make a mis—”
“Well, let me give you your space, cupcake!” I shout, knowing she is going to give me the same old shit. You’re a drunk. Stop downing the whiskey, and then I will think about you coming back into my life. But I’m not in the mood to hear her fucking lecture. She can shove it up her ass. This whole relationship can get fucked. I don’t give a shit anymore.
“Jake!” I hear her shout as I snatch my bag off the floor and walk from the hotel room, pulling my T-shirt over my head as I go.
I exit the building and drive down the street until I find the darkest, low-key bar near the hotel. I take a seat on the stool as far away from the only two customers in the joint and wave to the bartender.
“What can I get ya?”
“Jack Daniels, tall. On the rocks.” My throat is burning, and my limbs are shaking from the anticipation of my first drink in days.
Once the bartender sets the glass down in front of me, I waste no time putting the glass to my lips and chugging. I gulp and gulp until my reflux can’t hold back anymore.
“Whoa, go easy there partner,” the old man on the other side advises, but I ignore him as I down the drink some more and motion for another.
Three glasses down and a good buzz later, I think back to what the hell just happened. She claims she was trying to keep our physical relationship out of our emotional one, but all I heard was, I don’t have the nerve to tell you to your face that I don’t want to be with you anymore. My reply to that is, I can’t believe I fell for it again.
The clanking of the metal chairs sounds as the cemetery employees fold and stack them on the cart. The day is gloomy, and the clouds have been toying with rain all morning. I’m sitting in a folding chair underneath the blue tent, watching as they lower my father underground. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him, and it is even harder to go through this without Jake.
I haven’t seen or heard from him since he walked out last night. I have called his phone a thousand times, leaving several messages, and still nothing. He didn’t want to hear what I had to say, and I wish he had. I was going to tell him I wanted to make it work, but we would need to take it very, very slow with the physical part of our relationship. I wanted him to know I would do whatever he needed when it came to the drinking. If he needed to seek treatment, fine, I would be there to support him. If he wanted to quit drinking cold turkey, fine, I would hold his hand the entire time. However, I never got to tell him. In true Jake fashion, he left in a fit of rage and has been gone ever since.
“Ma’am?” My shoulders jump as the driver startles me from my thoughts. “Where would you like me to take you?”
I look over to the older man. He looks like a typical limo driver in his black suit, dark glasses, and apologetic face. His black chauffer’s hat barely stays on his head from all the fluffy gray hair underneath it.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say and stand from the chair. I look to the giant hole in the ground and toss my flower down. Then I swallow back the sobs and kiss my fingers, waving goodbye to my daddy.
I walk to the car, wiping the stray tears as I go, and climb into the back seat of the Lincoln Town car. I want to go to the hotel and lie down, but I know where I need to go, and it’s the last place on earth I want to be.
I have barely had a chance to speak to my mother today, since she was swarmed by family and friends. Actually, what I would really like to do is find Jake and tell him what I was trying to say last night. Hopefully, he has calmed down enough and is willing to simply shut his mouth and listen.
I instruct the driver to take me to my childhood home, and he nods then pulls out of the cemetery. As we drive, I start thinking about my father. He was a cardiac surgeon who made a career of saving peoples lives by repairing their heart, and it’s his own heart that killed him. I find that kind of ironic, actually. I think about his quiet yet happy demeanor and the way he loved my children. He always wanted to know what was going on with them and showered them in love every chance he could get. I wish I could have spent a little more time with him before he passed away. I’m sure it wasn’t easy living with my mother after I ran out on Emerson, and he probably heard about that nightmare until the day he died.
The car pulls through the gates and winds its way up the driveway until it comes to a stop in front of my old home. The driver opens my back door, giving me an endearing smile, then shuts the door behind me.
I stand on the front step, willing myself to open it and go inside. Just twist the knob, Delilah. Walk through the door and get this over with, I say to myself as I lift my hand to the door and rest it on the metal. Releasing a deep breath, I finally push the door open and step into the foyer. Everything looks relatively the same, except she painted the walls to a dark tan color.
My black heels click on the wood floor as I walk through the house and into the kitchen where I find my mother sitting at the table, holding a half-filled glass of dark liquor. I wonder how many glasses of scotch she has had. I hope I can talk to her in a civilized manner. I am not in the mood to deal with her antics.
She is holding her cell phone to her ear and doesn’t notice me standing there until I reach the table.
“Oh!” She jumps and shoots me a nasty glare. “Laura, my daughter’s here. Yeah … Yeah … I’ll call you back.” She clicks a button and then sets the phone on the table. Taking a drink of scotch, my mother attempts to stand from the table and needs to grasp the chair to prevent herself from toppling over.
“So, to what do I owe the pleasure, Miss Delilah?” Her voice is condescendin
g. To my mother, it’s not pleasing to see me. It hasn’t been for many years now.
“I wanted to see how you were doing. I didn’t get a chance to speak to you at the funeral,” I say in return, trying to keep my tone agreeable instead of snarky.
“Now that your father is dead, you care about me? Nice. I see how I rate with you.” She tips her head back, finishing the rest of her drink.
I take a moment to look my mother over as she stumbles to the cupboard and pours more booze in her glass. She’s still wearing her black funeral dress, and her blonde hair is perfectly styled in its twisted, tight bun, placed on the crown of her head. However, her face looks old. The wrinkles around her eyes are deep as well as the black circles. Her mascara is smudged, and her eyes are glassy and bloodshot. She is completely wasted, and it makes me wonder if she will even remember seeing me at all today.
“So where’s your delinquent boyfriend?”
The anger I have been trying to keep at bay starts to boil to the surface when she talks about Jake. She has no idea the problems we have been going through lately, and I don’t plan on telling her, either. She would never let me live that down.
“Jake is home with our kids,” I lie. “I didn’t think it was a good idea for them to come.”
“Awe, how are my little mutts doing?”
Outraged, I lose all my composure.
“What the hell did you just say?” I step around the counter, getting close to her face.
How dare she! The hate and anger I feel for this woman explodes from my body as I stand toe-to-toe with her and will myself not to punch her. I am channeling my inner-Jake right now, although if he were here, he probably would have slugged her by now.
“Don’t you dare call my children that again!”
“Good lord, Delilah. Don’t get all pissy about it. It’s not like I’m telling you anything you don’t already know.”
Everlasting Love Page 18