Everlasting Love

by M. S. Brannon

  I roll my eyes and pull the woman off my body, saying nothing as I exit her apartment and walk back to The Slab to get my truck. God, I was out of it last night. She probably was exaggerating; the red head is known for that. If I was making out with her, I would have had to have been out of my mind. Delilah is the only woman I ever kissed. She’s the only one I wanted to kiss, and I sure as hell never kissed the red-headed slut. She’s been kissed by everyone.

  I make it to the bar and find my truck parked haphazardly in the front. Gavin is behind the bar when I walk through the glass door, and he only laughs when I come stumbling through with a major hangover. When I shake my head as if I was saying, “Not now, fucker,” Gavin picks up on it and pours me a glass of water. It feels amazing as I guzzle it down, cooling my throat and quenching my raging thirst.

  I finally get the nerve to ask Gavin about last night, and he freezes like a deer in headlights.

  “You were pretty wasted last night,” he says, trying to busy himself with work. He’s holding back on something. Shit, maybe I did make out with the slut.

  “What are you not telling me, Gavin? I’m in not mood to dick around, so just tell me.”

  Gavin sets the bar rag down and starts clanking around under the counter. I know he’s trying to avoid telling me what happened. Suddenly, my gut aches, and not from the whiskey. I have to have done something really bad last night. Maybe I got into a fight. God knows, I have done that many times when I was wasted.

  He starts wiping down the bar top, and my patience is at the end of its rope. Once I snag the cloth from him, Gavin finally meets my eyes, and I glare at him. I’m telling him with my eyes, “You better fucking speak before I fuck you up.”

  He gets the hint. “Like I said, you were really drunk last night. I debated on calling you a cab to take you home, but when Delilah walked in, I figured she was going to do it. Then she saw it, though.”

  “Saw what?”

  “You and Coral.”

  “Who the fuck is Coral? What the fuck happened?” I shout, needing to know immediately.

  “Coral is that girl you used to mess around with, the one with the red hair. And you both were getting pretty hot and heavy in the booth over there.” Gavin points to the corner booth, and my gut drops to the floor. That can’t be possible. She would have only gotten home from the airport; why would she come down here knowing how pissed I am at her? “Big Mike tried to distract her, but y’all were practically fucking in the booth; it was impossible for her not to see.”

  I run from the bar and get into my truck. The windshield is covered with frost, so I have to scrap the windows before I can leave. Annoyed, I pull my scraper from the back and vigorously remove the frost from the windshield. I can’t believe I did that. If Gavin hadn’t told me, I probably wouldn’t have believed a single word of it. However, Gavin is an honest man who would never lie to me.

  I finally climb into my truck and haul balls over to the house. When I pull into the driveway, the Suburban is gone, but I will wait. She probably took the boys to preschool or something.

  I pull the key form my pocket and open the house, finding it quiet. There is no sign of her, my children, or anyone. No toys scattered on the floor. No smell of something cooking on the stove. Am I in the right house?

  I move down the hallway and look into Jett’s room. Everything is gone. His bed, toys, and dresser—it’s all gone. What the fuck?

  I cross the hall and look in Quinn’s room. It’s the same. Her crib, toys, everything is gone. I repeat the process of looking in each room—the closets, behind the door, everywhere—to find nothing personal that belongs to my family. There are no pictures on the wall. There’s nothing on the walls. The only things left in the bedroom are my clothes, shredded and piled in the middle of our bed. Where did she go?

  I walk back through the living room, the pain of life intruding on every emotion I have. I can feel it boiling under my eyes. I can’t believe she took my children without telling me and just vanished.

  I pick up a side table left in the living room and toss it against the wall. The plaster gives way as it crumbles on impact. I turn in a circle, noticing all the furniture is here, only their personal items gone.

  I go to inspect the kitchen, finding a piece of paper lying on the counter. I expel a deep breath, knowing what it is going to say and hoping to God my gut instinct is wrong.

  Jake,

  I don’t know where to start, because I don’t know when it all went wrong. I’ve spent so many sleepless nights trying to pinpoint the exact moment you decided I wasn’t worth the trouble of loving anymore. I would lie awake for hours, remembering the good times—the nights we’d spend at the lake or going on adventures. I’d close my eyes and see your beautiful face smiling back at me. I remember feeling like the luckiest person in the world because I had found it—the unconditional, can’t live without each other love that people spend a life time trying to obtain. Even in our darkest moments, I still felt like that love existed deep down inside of us. However, I was wrong.

  So, shame on me for believing in us for so long. Shame on me for loving you with every ounce of my heart and soul only to be left with a husk of the man I see today. A man who’d rather point fingers at everyone else than be accountable for his own actions. Someone who’d rather give up on this family rather than sacrifice everything he could to hang on to what he has.

  I’m not perfect, Jake. I understand that. And I know I’m not easy to live with. I can be demanding when it comes to the kids and you spending quality time with us. But you’re not perfect, either.

  Your drinking was getting worse and worse over time, and once Reggie announced he was leaving, you fell head first over the edge. But, even then, I wasn’t going to give up on you.

  Yes, I had to do what I needed to in order to protect our kids from seeing and hearing the problems between us, but I never gave up on you.

  In Memphis, you never gave me the chance to tell you that I would never leave you, that I would support you in your decisions about your drinking problem. If you went to rehab or decided to give it up cold turkey, it didn’t matter. I would do whatever you needed to help you get better. And I’d do it selflessly because I love you. And shame on me for loving you.

  I shouldn’t love you, Jake Evans, especially after what I witnessed last night. Watching you kissing that woman was finally the wake up call I needed to understand that you’re truly done and no longer have the will to fight for us.

  My heart is broken, and my soul feels like it’s been ripped from my body. I want to crawl in a hole and give up, just as you’ve done, but I can’t. I won’t be like you, Jake. I won’t live in that hole and give up on the one thing that can help me climb back out. I won’t give up on my family, especially not my children.

  Now, I have to do what’s best for us, and it’s not living here. I only ask that you leave us alone. Don’t come find us, not right now. I will contact you once we are settled, but until then, just stay away and let us have a small slice of happiness.

  Delilah

  My knees buckle and I fall to the floor, hard. The breath escapes my body when I realize every word she wrote is right. I have allowed my drinking to get in the way of us, and I gave up on her. And now, she’s gone. I have no one left. Every person that I have ever cared about is gone. My family is gone.

  The tears break free from my eyes when I finally allow myself to feel the hurt. I deserve the pain, too.

  It was a long, long trip, but we managed to make it to the outskirts of Eden Heights. As we pull into town, I take a brief look around and smile for the first time in two days. I smile, knowing this is a place where children are supposed to be raised. I smile, knowing in a few minutes, I will finally reunite with my best friend and start on the path of feeling whole again.

  Walking out on Jake was not a hard decision; it was getting to the realization he gave up on us that took me so long. When I saw him kissing that woman, it finally hit home, and I knew I neede
d to leave.

  Zoe was a godsend when I got back from The Slab. She held me at arm’s length and told me to come with them. She simply said I didn’t have to stay, that I could pack up and leave. So that’s what I did. Drake came over the next morning with the U-Haul, and we packed as much as we could into the back of it. Then I stuffed my Suburban to the roof and left.

  The children are excited we are going to live with Uncle Reggie and Darcie, but Jett asked if his daddy was coming, too. I told him Daddy will be along as soon as he gets some things worked out. I didn’t know what else to say to make a three-year-old understand it may be awhile before he lays eyes on his father again.

  The town is perfect. When you drive on the main road, you can see the buildings are intact, there’s no trash on the street, and you would feel safe walking alone at night. It’s just a well-kept place. Although the ground is covered with snow, you can sense that people really care about their lawns and how their homes look. You can tell the citizens of Eden Heights have a sense of pride and accomplishment. It’s not an uptight community, like where I grew up; it’s just a simple, medium-sized town in the Midwest. Just a nice, quiet place to raise a family and a place to feel safe.

  I follow the U-Haul, which is towing Drake’s Chevelle, as we drive along a winding road. Trees are everywhere, and I feel like we are going to get lost or stuck in the wilderness until I see a beautiful cabin nestled deep in the trees.

  When Darcie described her house, she made it sound like she is living in a shoebox, but that is not the case. The two-story, log cabin is huge with a wraparound porch and large windows to capture the view of the lake alongside the driveway. The roof is covered with a fresh blanket of pristine snow, and when I get out the car, I feel like I’ve stepped foot in a Terry Redlin painting. The landscape is picturesque, the quiet of the place is overwhelming, and the very thought of nothing around is very welcoming. All my kids unbuckle and join me outside, looking at this unbelievable place.

  “We’re going to live here, Mama?” Kade asks with his jaw wide open.

  “Yes, baby. This is our new home for now.” His grin is huge as he continues to scan the scenery.

  “Look! There’s a swing set, Mama!” Hale goes running for the swings, and soon, the other two boys follow, running through freshly fallen snow, stumbling and tripping along the way.

  I scoop Quinn up in my arms and walk toward the boys when Darcie and Reggie come out onto the porch. I smile and choke back the tears, knowing it’s been so long since I have seen my best friend. I need her so much right now.

  “You stick out like a sore thumb around here, brother,” Drake shouts to Reggie. “It’s not often you see a woodsmen covered with ink, wearing motorcycle boots and a chain attached from his wallet to his belt.”

  After Reggie laughs and trots down the steps, giving his brother a hug, Mia comes running from Zoe’s car that is parked behind mine and jumps into Reggie’s arms. They hold each other tightly, the sight precious.

  Mia has struggled since Hunter left, but it got worse when Reggie was gone, too. She is the one person who depends on each member of her family. In fact, the family is her friends and the people she looks up to. She is an Evans, after all, and they look after their blood.

  I walk up to Darcie and hold her in my arms. Quinn wraps her arms around her Aunt, too, while I do what I can to hold back the tears.

  She leans into my ear and whispers, “It’s okay, just give him some time. He will soon realize what the hell he’s done. He’s just a stubborn ass.”

  I nod my head, knowing as obstinate as Jake is, it may be years before he acknowledges his mistakes. Hopefully, it’s not too late by then.

  ***

  We finally finish unpacking right when Jeremy and Cami come walking through the front door. Cami is nearly due, and her basketball belly has grown quite a bit. She waddles through the door, and I laugh because I’m very certain I looked just as pathetic when I was nine months along.

  The cabin is enormous on the inside. When you walk in the door, you instantly see the vast windows and vaulted ceiling. There is no traditional upstairs, but a small loft overlooks the kitchen and living area. Then, down a hallway, there is the master bedroom and bath, which is Reggie and Darcie’s haven.

  The main level is all open. The kitchen, dining area, and living room are one giant room with lots of space for a house full of people. The laundry, bathroom, and guest room is off the kitchen. However, the finished basement is where my family will be. It has a living area, or toy room for the kids, four bedrooms, and a bathroom. It has plenty of space for us, and I secretly thank God it isn’t the little Cracker Jack house I had been envisioning in my head.

  Drake and Zoe’s apartment is in the same complex as Jeremy’s, but he can’t move in for a couple of days, so they are bunking up with us, too.

  The women collect in the kitchen, as we always do when we are together, and start cooking. It feels like old times again, meeting up with everyone, minus one very important part of our family.

  Jake was the comedian of our group. He always knew how to piss you off then make you laugh in a single sentence. My heart begins to feel guilty for leaving him behind. I feel like I just gave up on him, and maybe I did, but I’m not sure how long I can live with knowing I left him behind. He has a problem, and I’m worried about him. As mad as I am at him, I don’t want anything terrible to happen. I want him here, but I don’t know how it would work when he’s not willing to help himself.

  Darcie stops cutting the veggies and looks straight at me. She can read me like a book; it’s impossible to hide anything from her.

  “Spill it, D.”

  I let out a breath and shake my head in disgust. “I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m worried about Jake. I feel bad he’s not here when he should be. We all deserve to be here in this lovely home as a family.”

  “Don’t feel bad. He chose to be where he is. He couldn’t get over his ego and pride enough to realize that maybe he needs to get his shit together. And you certainly shouldn’t feel bad for leaving that behind. You’re here to start a new life, and that’s exactly what you need to think about—starting over.” Darcie puts her arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze.

  She’s right. I can’t dwell on Jake. I need to think about my future from here on out. The past is done. Now, I need to learn from it and move the heck on.

  ***

  Supper is over, and the kids are downstairs enjoying their new home. I’m holding Quinn, trying to rock her to sleep, when Reggie, Jeremy, and Drake come over to where I’m sitting with the rest of the women. They stand in front of the fire place, staring at us as we all look up at them. Reggie looks very, very serious as well as Jeremy and Drake. Are they here to tell us bad news? Did they hear from Jake? I wonder if he’s okay.

  Reggie steps up. “We’ve been talking and made a decision.” We are all looking at them with confused looks, wondering what is going on. “We are going back to Sulfur Heights, and we’re bringing Jake back with us.”

  “What the hell, Reggie? He can’t live here,” Darcie interjects, knowing we haven’t had a chance to get adjusted to each other yet. “They just got here, and now you want to throw an unstable person into the mix. He fucked up. Why do you have to rescue him? Let him do that himself.” She is visibly pissed, and I don’t blame her, but I will sleep better at night knowing Jake is away from the horror of that place.

  “He needs our help, Darcie!” Jeremy shouts back, surprising all of us. “I finally spoke to him about an hour ago, and he is in bad shape.”

  “What do you mean, he’s in bad shape?” I ask, not wanting to hear what he’s going to say yet knowing I need to.

  “He was drunk, so drunk I could barely understand him, and then he was saying things that scared me. He kept talking about getting the gun at the shop and finally ending the pain. He said he is ready for all the pain to be over. I won’t let him go out that way. I will stop him, Darcie, and I don’t care what you say
. We are going to get him, and he’s coming home with us. There’s been a time where each one of us has needed the other to rescue them, and now it’s Jake’s time. So, shut up and deal with it!” Jeremy’s eyes are black, the angry person he keeps tucked inside himself starting to show. He looks like he’s about to lose control.

  Darcie immediately sits back down. “It’s not that I don’t want to help him. I love him—he’s my brother, too—but I don’t know if I can have him around her.” She points to me. She’s protecting me, and I thank her for that, but I can handle Jake.

  “Darcie, I will be fine. If anyone can handle Jake on a long term basis, it’s me.” I turn to Reggie, forgetting all of Jake’s wrongdoings for the time being, and say, “Please, go get him.”

  Reggie steps to me and squeezes my shoulder. “We are leaving tonight, driving in shifts, so we should be there by late morning.” Reggie leans down to Darcie and kisses her lips. “We will be fine, angel. He’s our brother and needs our help. I’d never be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least try to help him. Please understand that.”

  “I do,” she replies and kisses him back.

  Once Drake and Jeremy kiss their loves good-bye and head for the garage, we all sit around the fire, saying nothing yet hoping they get to him before Jake decides he needs to find the gun and end his suffering for good.

  I wake to a pounding sound. In my hazy state of mind, I don’t immediately know what’s going on and choose to ignore the sound long enough to figure it’s probably my brain pounding against my skull. I slump back down on the floor and close my eyes, trying to fall back into my buzzed stupor.

  Bang. Bang. Bang.

  I crack my one eye open, getting annoyed with the unknown sound. Confused, I look around and confirm I’m in the same place I have been in for the last few nights, and then, as my brain fully starts to emerge from its clouded state, I begin to feel it all come flooding back.