I have been in this very spot since I discovered Delilah had left me for good, taking my kids with her, leaving me without a soul.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
What the fuck!
Now that I’m fully awake, I locate the sound and find my way to my feet. My head starts to spin the higher it gets, and I have to hold on to the counter to keep myself from falling back down. I shuffle my feet forward, the clanging of empty glass bottles sounding out as they hit one another and tip over to the floor.
Slowly, my feet continue to move toward the front door where I can hear voices on the outside.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
I run my hands over my face and attempt to wake myself up a little before I decide to answer the door. I grab the door handle and shout to the wood, “Who is it?”
“Let me in, Jake.” Is that …? No … it can’t be.
I lean out the door and see my brother Jeremy standing on the other side. He escaped this place to protect himself and his family from the reaches of the underworld, so why the hell is he pounding on my door?
I blink my eyes and see Jeremy is looking directly at the peephole. His face is distorted from the bubble shaped glass, but it’s easy to see how angry he is.
“Open the fucking door before I beat it down. And you of all people know I will do it.”
I nod my head in agreement. Jeremy is the calm one nowadays, but there was a time in his life when he would do some pretty messed up shit.
I pull the chain across the door and release the steel lock then unlatch the dead bolt with a snap. The moment the locks are undone, Jeremy shoulders his way in, pushing the door wide open. He wastes no time heading straight for the kitchen, finding evidence of my binge drinking. I roll my eyes, knowing I’m in for a lecture.
Just as I go to close the door, Drake strolls over the threshold and right behind him is Reggie. Great, this is all I fucking need.
I slam the door and follow my brothers into the kitchen. My gut is churning as the whiskey sloshes around my stomach, but I push it aside, aware that the next hour of my life is going to be a giant pain in my ass.
“If you’re here to save my soul, you might as well go back to wherever the hell you live and save yourself the time,” I snap to them as I move to the fridge, pulling a bottle of water from the inside and cracking it open. The water washes away the stale whiskey and beer taste in my mouth as well as wakes me up a little more to deal with their opinioned selves.
“That’s not why we’re here, Jake. Your soul is not ours to save.” Reggie looks sternly into my eyes. “It’s yours.” He folds his arms across his chest, and I am reminded of the times he used to chew my ass out back when I was a kid. However, I’m a thirty-three-year-old man now, and he has no right to say anything to me.
“Spare me the lecture, Reggie. My head is killing me, and I’d like to go back to sleep, if you don’t mind.” I move away from the fridge and walk past Reggie, motioning for the door, but he snatches onto my arm.
“You’re going to get cleaned up, and we’re going to Minneapolis.” His eyes are as cold as ice, and his muscles are as hard as steel, squeezing my arm and making it burn with pain. “Get to the bathroom and take a damn shower. We are leaving in twenty minutes.”
“Minneapolis? That where your bitch ass ran off to?” Reggie’s nostrils flare, but he keeps his mouth shut. I’m sure he’s trying to choke back his words. I can tell he’s ready to slug me. “I’m not going anywhere with you, so get the fuck out,” I snap back, looking just as deadly to my brother.
“The hell you aren’t, Jake. Take a look around you. This place is a dump, and you smell like a dirty foot and stale whiskey.” Jeremy kicks the bottles over and motions around the room. My eyes look to the bottles on the floor and the torn up paper scattered around my feet. I haven’t done anything other than drink and live in my own self pity for the last three days.
After I read the letter from Delilah, I went on a crazed search, looking for liquor in the house. I thought she had found all the booze, but it turns out, she didn’t see the bottles in the cupboard over the fridge or the beer in the garage fridge. She never put anything in the cupboard except vases she never used, because that would require her to use a step ladder to even get up there. I stashed three bottles each of Jack Daniels, tequila, and scotch behind the empty flower vases. It was my hiding place, and soon after she left, I found the bottles and have been living in them ever since.
“Is this how you want to live your life? Look at you. You used to be someone to a lot of people, and for the last few months, you’ve managed to destroy any relationship you have.” Drake has little patience for me, and I find it hard to believe he’s here out of the kindness of his heart.
“Well, you can go fuck yourself, you all can, because I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got a business to run and a lot more of this to do.” I point to the empty bottles on the ground.
“Let’s talk about that business, Jake. Do you even know what’s happened to it?” In confusion, I look to Reggie and cock my head to one side. The last time I was inside the shop was four days ago when I got back from Memphis. “Randy, that kid who works for you, he set fire to it last night and burned the place to the ground.”
“Bullshit,” I contest.
“The police have been trying to contact you. When they finally got ahold of Delilah, they told her witnesses saw him running from the back of the garage as the building blazed. Apparently, Randy was quite fascinated with fire and burned down several buildings last night.”
I knew he didn’t smoke cigarettes. When I was gone in Memphis, he was fucking around with matches or whatever and purposely set my building on fire. He probably put it out when I came in to the building.
I shake my head and sit on the barstool. I can’t believe my business is gone. It has been a pain in my ass since Jeremy left, but that doesn’t mean I wanted it to go down this way. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
Just as fast as the feeling of pain came on when Delilah left, the feeling of anger comes on even stronger at knowing I have absolutely nothing. I stand up from the stool, sending it to the floor. The wood collides with a loud thud and captures my attention. I pick it up and swing it into the fridge, denting the stainless steel as I slam it over and over. Finally, the wood stool breaks away, splintering at my feet.
“Ahhhhhhhh!” I scream until I feel hoarse in the back of my throat. “What the fuck is going on? Why do I have to lose everything?” I drop the remaining pieces of stool from my hands and use my fists.
One by one, I start slamming them into the cabinets, putting my hand through every single one of them. My knuckles bleed as the skin gets torn away from my bones, yet I feel nothing. The blood is there, but the anger over my shop burning down, Delilah deserting me, and my brothers trying to manage my life makes rage the only thing I feel.
“Get the fuck out of here!” I scream at my brothers. “I don’t want you here! Just get the fuck out!”
“No!” Reggie shouts back and comes around to stand in front of me. “I’m not leaving until you get your fucking ass in that car.”
Furious, I jack my fist back and connect it with Reggie’s face. His head turns, but he barely flinches from the pain. He wasn’t expecting it, but he is now on full alert.
Reggie returns my punch, connecting with my gut. My body lurches out as I attempt to capture my breath. I bend down, coughing and pretending like he’s got me beat, before I ram my fist into his groin, taking the big man down in one swing. It’s a low blow, but no one said I couldn’t play dirty.
Jeremy comes to my side and pins my arms behind my back. I buck my head back, trying to connect my skull with his nose while Drake comes to Reggie’s aid on the floor.
Reggie isn’t down for long. He makes it to his feet, his face blood red and his eyes menacing. With Jeremy holding me back, Reggie slams his fist in my gut again, making me sag to my knees.
“Fu … ck you,” I manage to sputter out before Reggie hits
me again, this time on the jaw. My bottom lip splits open and a copper taste fills my mouth.
Reggie leans down while Drake and Jeremy hold up my limp body. I have zero energy, fueled purely by rage and booze.
“Are you going to get in the car now, Jake?”
“Fuck”—I spit the blood pooled in my mouth at this feet—“you.”
“Really?” He slams his fist in my face again. He’s trying to beat me into submission. I think he knows he will have to knock me out before I go willingly. I will hold out as long as I can, though. I’m not leaving. I’m going nowhere.
“Really, asshole? Hit me all you like; I’m not leaving!” I manage to say between strangled breaths.
Reggie punches my gut again and shouts, “You’re too stubborn for your own good, Jake! But I know what will get you to come with me. I’ve got an ace up my sleeve.” I look up, watching Reggie exit the kitchen, wondering the entire time he’s gone what that ace could be.
Jeremy and Drake drop my arms, and I fall down to the floor, my gut aching and my face burning. However, I’m still lucid. Stupid fucks, they can’t make me do shit.
I look up to Jeremy and glare at him. “Why the fuck did you come? Why couldn’t you just leave me alone? It didn’t stop you before, so why do you guys give a fuck now?”
“Because I’m not going to listen to my brother threaten to get a gun and kill himself without doing anything about it!” Jeremy yells at me.
“I’d never fucking kill myself; you should know that. Only idiots take the pussy way out.” I look at him like he has no idea who I really am.
“How the hell am I supposed to know that? You never answer your goddamn phone, and when I heard Delilah was coming to Eden Heights, I knew things must have gotten really bad. You’ve been out of your mind for a while, and right before we came here, you finally answer the phone only to tell me you were going to get the gun at the shop and end it all.” Jeremy’s face falls, the anger replaced by sadness. “You’re acting just like Dad.” I shake my head, knowing I am nothing like our father. “You don’t believe me? Think about it, Jake. He was addicted to drugs and booze. He chose to leave his family when he couldn’t face what was going on at home. Now look at your life; you’re following down the same path.”
Maybe he’s right. Our father was madly in love with our mother. She herself was a horrible person, but when he realized he couldn’t do anything for her, he fell off the deep end. He drank a lot more, started messing around with some serious shit, and left us high and dry. Then, a year later, he was killed.
Am I following in his footsteps? Although Delilah is nothing like our mother, she has discarded me in a way. What’s more, look at what I have been doing with myself. I have been drunk and self-loathing in our old kitchen, blaming my problems on everyone other than myself.
“Jake.” Her voice is faint, but I recognize it immediately.
When I raise my head, Delilah is standing on the other side of the counter. Her eyes are red and puffy, her hair is falling down around her face, looking disheveled, and her clothes are wrinkled. She’s actually the best sight in the world and one of five weaknesses I have.
While she moves around the counter and comes to stand in front of me, I don’t break my gaze from hers, afraid to blink. If I blink, she might disappear. She looks on the counter and sees the letter lying next to the sink.
“Have you read this?”
“I’ve read it every day since the day you left,” I reply honestly. There is nothing that will explain the deepening pain I feel whenever I hold that piece of paper in my hand. It’s a reminder of what I lost and what I will never get back.
“Good, then you know how much I care about you.” I look at her, unable to think of anything to say. “You’ve hurt me, Jake. More than any one person could, but I’m not going to let you die.” She pulls out a picture of our kids and holds it out for me to take.
I look down at the four other weaknesses in my life and realize I don’t want to be like my father. I don’t want to live in an unconscious state, only to suppress the agony I have inside and out. I want to watch my children grow. I want to see my boys play sports, grow to be exceptional men, and I want to walk my daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. I want to be there for all the scraped knees, broken hearts, and moments of pure excitement. The cracks are starting to become visible as I feel my body ache with hurt and my asshole façade break away.
“And I’m not going to give up on you, Jake. None of us are going to give up, because you are very important to this family. We wouldn’t be who we are without you, please see that. I am going to ask you to go on the hardest adventure you’ll ever have to face. So, I need to know, Jake, are you all in?”
Then it happens. The concrete around my pride crumbles as the cracks split wide open, exposing the agony I have been trying to erase with booze. She has managed to find her way inside my black hole and is offering me her hand. She is giving me a way out, and I would be a damned fool if I didn’t take it.
I look up to her then to my brothers. The immense love I have for these people is indescribable. I will never be able to repay them for sticking with me through all the shit I have done and the horrible things I have said.
The tears pool in my eyes, and I don’t even try to disguise them. I allow them to fall when I look into her eyes and reply, “Count me in, cupcake.” I swallow the lump settling in my throat and look directing in her eyes, barely whispering, “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“Never, baby.”
Summer is finally upon us, and we are getting ready for a celebration Evans family style. The weather is perfect, and everything is arranged just right.
I walk into the bedroom to see Zoe standing at the mirror. She looks breathtaking in her dress. Her hair is pulled up in a nice bun, and her mommy glow is in full swing.
“Zoe, how were you not a model? Seriously, you look stunning, and I can’t believe you can fit into that dress when you’re in your final month of pregnancy,” I say, feeling jealous.
I never looked as pretty when I was pregnant with any of my children. I swelled up something fierce. My feet looked like watermelons, and my face became gigantic. It took a while for me to get back to my normal size, especially after I had Quinn.
“You’re too sweet,” Zoe says, turning from the mirror to give me a hug.
Today is going to be a great day, and hopefully, the first of many fantastic days for the Evans family. We’ve had an uphill battle to face when we finally got Jake from Sulfur Heights, but he has made excellent progress in his fight for sobriety.
The image of what he looked like that morning will be something I will never forget. He looked awful. His once gleaming, happy face was saggy and gaunt. He was skinny and simply deflated of any happiness.
It took a lot for me not to break down and cry in his arms, but I had to be strong. I couldn’t allow him to kill himself with booze for one more minute. We had our problems, but saving his life was way more important than dealing with our issues.
Reggie is always thinking, and before they took off that night, he came back in and said he needed an ace up his sleeve just in case Jake wouldn’t go quietly. As it turned out, I was the ace he needed to get Jake to come with us.
We drove straight to Minneapolis and checked Jake into a rehab facility. He was very nervous about going because he is not much for being told what to do. After a couple of frantic phone calls in the beginning, Jake took the treatment seriously and really began to work on dealing with his disease.
Like with Presley, we had a family visit and talked out our problems. I was not shy when I talked about my feelings regarding his drinking, and I wasn’t afraid to share the horrible things he did and said when he was drunk. Jake looked like he had been ripped in half, but all in all, he took it okay.
He’s been living in Eden Heights with all of us for the last three months. He was able to complete three months of inpatient treatment and now has completed his first three months
of his outpatient. He goes to regular meetings, and eventually, he wants to be a sponsor for someone.
I am incredibly proud of him. He has worked very hard to turn his life around. However, I was a little nervous to be around him completely sober. I was worried he would lose his unique personality that I fell in love with, but that is still very much intact.
Darcie comes barreling down the hallway and shouts to Zoe and I. “Come on, you guys; we need to get this show on the road.”
I smile to my friends and follow them down the hallway. I’m going to split in two because I’m so happy.
When we arrive outside, I find the trellis arching over the entryway to the dock. It’s covered in wild flowers and tulle. A few chairs are scattered around Darcie and Reggie’s yard, but the only guests are family. No bridesmaids or groomsmen, just two very happy and in love people dedicating their love to one another. It is just a quiet, private affair.
Jeremy starts the music, and the wedding march begins to play. That’s when I look at the end of the aisle and see my future husband standing next to the minister. Last to officially become an Evans, Jake popped the question to me two weeks ago, and in true Jake and Delilah fashion, we couldn’t wait. Now, here we are.
I am standing at the end of the aisle, walking toward the man I will spend the rest of my life with. No second thoughts are going through my mind. No what ifs or shoulda-woulda-couldas. Only blissful joy and a happy future lie ahead for both of us. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
I am smiling like a fucking stupid teenager. I once gave grief to all my brothers for conforming to the institution of marriage, but as it turns out, there is something about committing your mind, body, and soul to one person and them doing the same to you.
I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for Delilah barging her way into my life. She is one of the strongest people I have ever met because no one should tolerate living with someone as hostile as me.
Everlasting Love Page 21