by JL Weil
Every limb in my body was buzzing with the aftereffects of being with Angel. I didn’t know what I’d been expecting when she woke up—who she’d be or what she would remember. She had definitely caught me by surprise.
Slipping on my rumbled shirt, I sat on the edge of the bed as Angel clutched the sheets to her chin. There was this shy quality in her expression and a sense of what-in-God’s-name-do-I-do-now?
Angling my knee on the bed, I peered down at her and my heart skipped a beat. “How about a shower?” I suggested. “Then you should eat.”
“Okay.” She glanced up at me, soft eyes drifting over the planes of my face in a dreamlike trance.
Hesitating a moment longer, I eventually forced myself to stand up. She was only going to be in the next room. At least that was what I kept telling myself. It did nothing to stop the panic fluttering in my chest or the fact I just wanted her close to me.
Who was I kidding?
I was afraid if I blinked she would be gone. We might have some serious separation anxiety for a while. Or a decade.
Placing a fresh towel on the bathroom vanity, she followed me into the confined space. Her eyes took in everything, familiarizing herself with her things as if she was seeing them for the first time. Then her gaze landed on her reflection, and she let out a loud gasp. Leaning forward, her hand flew to her face as she tilted her head from side-to-side. “What am I going to tell my mom?”
Wide eyes the color of polished amethysts stared back. I said the first thing that popped into my mind. “We’ll tell her you got contacts.” Anything, as long as the defeated look was erased from her face. I knew how much it would bother Angel to lie to her mom, but I also knew she wasn’t ready to talk about what had gone down.
Her bottom lip quivered, and I thought she might cry, finally break down, and I knew it would send me over the edge. But just as her eyes started to glisten, her chin lifted and she pulled it together.
Angel never ceased to amaze.
“Okay. I can do that,” she said, meeting my eyes in the mirror.
I nodded.
What a pair we were. No one could ever say our relationship was dull. Unhealthy? Hell yes, but never boring.
The hiss of the shower sounded almost immediately after the door closed behind me. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. How the hell was I going to leave her alone?
{Angel}
I’d taken countless showers. It was a mundane task, but this shower was like none of the others. There was an immense appreciation for something as simple as having hot water spray over my face in a waterfall effect. The water didn’t sputter or turn brown. There weren’t spiders dangling from the ceiling or some ugly as sin creature scampering underfoot.
Everything was exactly where I’d left it. I ran my fingers over the variety of bottles and jars, wanting to touch it all. Opening my shampoo bottle, I dragged in a deep breath of honeysuckle and ripe strawberries. I wanted to drench my body in the scent; it was that good. Oh. My. God. A razor. I could kiss the little beauty tool. Once glance at my pale skin confirmed my legs had definitely seen better days.
A few times I pressed my shaky hands to my face, but the steady stream of water washed away the grime and sweat stuck to my body. The shower worked with the sugar and caffeine Chase had left for me, clearing a few of the cobwebs so I could put my mind to other things.
Like seeing my mom.
Overall, it felt good, like cleansing the soul in a way.
I opened the door, a fog of steam following me into the bedroom and floating along the floor. Clutching the towel to my chest, I went into the room, my eyes immediately drawn to Chase pacing the floor.
He exhaled, leaning against the window. “I was two seconds from breaking the door down. I thought you passed out in there.”
My lips curved up. “Sorry,” I said, padding across the carpet to my dresser. I opened the top drawer. My gamer shirts and comfy clothes lay in disorder in the drawer. If I’d been alone, I would have taken out each piece just to look at them.
I pulled out an outfit. With an armful of clothes and my other hand still clamping the towel, I stood up and turned around, smacking into Chase. I let out a little shriek. “You’re never going to stop doing that, are you? Sneaking up on me?”
One side of his lips tilted up. He twined a piece of my damp hair around his finger, inhaling the fresh and sweet scent of my shampoo. “Feel better?”
My heart fluttered at his nearness. “Much.” I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It was eleven in the morning. “Is my mom home?” I realized I didn’t even know what day it was.
The strand of hair slipped through his fingertips, and he brushed it behind my ear. “She is, but she doesn’t know we’re here. I talked to Devin this morning.”
Part of me wanted to run into Mom’s room and climb into her bed. I bit my lip. “How long have I been sleeping?”
“It doesn’t matter. You needed it.”
He was being evasive. What else was new?
“You hungry?” he quickly asked.
Now that I had a moment to think about food, I was craving grease and cheese. “Actually, I think I could eat an entire pizza.”
He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I’ll call for delivery and wait for you downstairs.”
As soon as the door closed, I stared at my room. The silver bedding always reminded me of Chase’s eyes. There were video games stacked in one corner. Some girls collected makeup, but I hoarded games. Silence stretched over the room, and it was killing me. With silence came thoughts, voices, and memories. I didn’t want to think, but my mind jumped and danced from thought to thought, bouncing back and forth between who I’d been and who I was. I wanted to shut it all off.
My stomach dipped.
I was growing to hate the sound of nothing.
Shaking my head, I blinked back tears and refocused on the rumpled bed where not long ago Chase and I had been, wrapped up in nothing but each other. God, I didn’t know where I’d be without him. He never gave up on me even when I was horrible and a bitch. Suddenly, standing in the middle of a room surrounded by all my things, I felt so lost. I knew the person I’d once been, but I didn’t know who I was now. The only thing I did know was I could never go back to being that girl. She was gone, taken from me long before the darkness took me.
And I was okay with it. I accepted that my life would always be different, but I’d been naive to think loving Chase would be enough. Maybe it had been…once. I still wasn’t sure how he’d been able to bring me back. I could only recall snippets of that night, falling in and out of consciousness. The memories of when the darkness seized my mind and body were murky, like swimming through a swamp of muddy and slimy waters.
Tugging on my clothes, I sat on the bed, needing a moment to gather myself before I went downstairs, not that it mattered. My emotions weren’t something I could hide from Chase. I sat with my hands folded in my lap, staring at the fibers of carpet on the floor, doing my best not to lose my shit. The tears were right there, waiting for me to let them loose, but I was afraid once I started I wouldn’t be able to stop.
Shaking out my damp hair, I stood and crossed the room, knowing I couldn’t be alone in this room another second. I needed to see him. The sight of him gave me strength. I’m sure there was a more technical name for what our bond did to me. All I knew was when I was with him, he took away a majority of my fear, uncertainty, and sadness.
Pizza. The smell hit me as I rounded the corner of the stairs, and a smile began to spread on my lips. Chase was behind the counter with a half-eaten slice dangling from his mouth and a plate in one hand. There were three boxes on the counter, one of them already missing three slices.
“Did you save me any?” I asked, scooting up on one of the barstools.
He slid me a can of pop and handed me a plate. “You said you could eat a whole pizza, so this one’s yours.”
“And the other two?” I teased.
He took a bite. “All mine.”
I opened the box in front of me, and my belly made a series of noises that sounded like my stomach was munching on my innards. When it came to pizza, I always ordered the same weird combination, and Chase knew exactly how I liked it. Cheese and black olives. His consideration of the small things made him deserve the best boyfriend award.
With the first bite, my taste buds exploded in a foodgasm. “God, I missed this,” I mumbled, my mouth full.
Guilt shadowed behind his eyes, and I could sense it through our bond. How long would it be before he stopped blaming himself? I wasn’t the only one who was going need time to mend the scars left behind.
“Don’t do that,” I whispered, placing my hand over his on the counter. “I can’t have you look at me like that every time one of us makes an offhanded comment. We both need to move past this…somehow.”
He turned his hand over so ours were pressed palm to palm, linking our fingers. “I know. It’s just harder to control my emotions when I’m around you. The time apart has messed with my abilities. Being in the same room with you makes my emotions go haywire.”
“Me too,” I admitted, stroking the side of his thumb. “What are we going to do?”
“We’ll figure it out. Later.”
In the meantime, I was deathly afraid the darkness was not really gone, but still residing inside me, growing little by little until it was able to take me.
There it was—the dark cloud hanging over my head.
Chase and I had very different coping methods. He went looking for trouble, the kind that meant whacking off demon heads. And I wanted to pretend it never happened. Neither was healthy, but in a situation like ours, I didn’t think there was a wrong or right way to deal with the kind of trauma we’d endured.
I would love Dr. Phil to try to analyze us.
The thought made me smile to myself.
“What’s so funny?” he asked, plucking another piece from the box.
“I was just thinking that we would make a great reality show.”
He cocked his head, pondering. “Yeah, I can definitely see myself on TV.”
Of course he could. Plucking a black olive from my pizza, I threw it at his head. My aim was dead on, but Chase had the reflexes of a mongoose. He promptly caught it in midair with his mouth.
“Nice toss,” he said, grinning.
I internally sighed, glad to have things back on a less serious path, and took another T. rex-sized bite out of my pizza. Chase lifted his gaze over my head and smirked. It was the twinkle of mischief in his silvery eyes that gave me pause.
“I thought I smelled pizza,” said someone behind me.
I dropped my food on the plate and spun around, faster than normal. The sound of her voice made my heart kick. “Mom!” I leapt from my seat and threw my arms around her. She smelled and looked like home—the lingering scent of the perfume she wore religiously, the old worn Minnie Mouse pajamas and house slippers.
She engulfed me in a hug. “I’m the one who should be surprised. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would have, I don’t know, gone shopping or something.” After another squeeze, she pulled back, eyes roaming over my face. Concern replaced her surprise. “Honey, are you crying?” Her gentle hands framed my face.
I swiped at my eyes, not realizing tears were spilling down my cheeks, and stared at the floor. “It’s nothing. I’m just being a sappy girl. Bad time of the month.”
“Awkward. And that is my cue to leave,” Chase announced, his chair scooting across the floor.
I knew he wanted to give me time with Mom, but I was afraid. It wasn’t necessarily him leaving that freaked me out, but being alone with Mom. What if something happened? What if I hurt her? What if she asked questions I couldn’t answer? “Chase?”
He stopped in the doorway and arched a brow. I couldn’t believe how much I missed seeing the silver stud above his eye. “I’m just going next door to clean up,” he said, but his eyes said so much more. They assured me everything was going to be fine, and if I did need him, he would know.
I nodded, and then he disappeared.
Her hand flew to her heart. “I don’t know how you ever get used to that.”
“I don’t.”
She had watched our exchange, sensing something was up, and placed a hand on each of my shoulders, studying my face. “What is going on? You’ve lost weight. And what did you do to your eyes? Does it have anything to do with demons?” Her ramble of questions was typical Mom.
“Mom, there is no need for a full-blown freak out.” Sarcasm. It was my companion. Anything else would have only triggered her warning bells.
“That’s not an answer.”
“What was the question?” I asked, playing ignorant.
“Angel, I can’t believe I’ve actually missed your sarcasm, but God help me, I have.”
“That makes two of us,” I muttered.
“So, are you going to explain the eyes, or am I going to have to interrogate Chase?” she pushed.
I swallowed. God no. He would crack under the mom pressure, especially if she offered to make him dinner. I shrugged, about ready to spew a bunch of lies, but I couldn’t. She trusted me, and had always been truthful. I owed her the same.
Could I really tell her I’d killed my father? Her ex-husband? Not that he’d actually been the same man we’d once known.
Could I actually say I’d been possessed by Hell?
There was no way I could tell her I’d been held captive because I had wanted to unleash demons on Earth. She would be appalled. I was appalled.
“This is going to call for more pizza,” I said soberly. I had no clue what I was going to say or how detailed I’d be.
She raised a honey-colored brow. “And wine,” she added.
“Mom, it’s not even one o’clock, and if you say it is somewhere, I’m going to my room.”
“Glad to see college hasn’t changed you too much. Except for the eyes,” she said, stretching to reach the top shelf on the cabinet. After retrieving a stemmed glass and a half-empty bottle of Muscato, she took a seat on the stool beside me.
I plucked a black olive. “It wasn’t school that altered my appearance.”
She pulled a swig from her glass. “I kind of figured that out on my own. Demons?”
“When isn’t it?”
Worry jumped into her eyes. “You’re okay though?”
“Yeah. Of course. The eyes are just a byproduct of a hiccup in my bond with Chase. It’s nothing, really.” Downplaying was apparently the route I was going to take. Not quite a lie, yet not the whole truth. Worked for me.
“Is it permanent?”
I lifted the still slightly damp hair off my neck, keeping my eyes averted. “I don’t know, but I think so.”
She was slow to respond. “Angel, don’t be afraid to look at me. I’m not going to condemn you. Whatever did happen, you’re still my daughter. Nothing is ever going to change that, certainly not the color of your eyes. Anyway, they’re beautiful, just like you.”
I wrinkled my nose. “That’s just the wine talking.”
She laughed. “Even so, doesn’t make it any less true. I’m so glad you’re here. I want to hear about all the other stuff. School. Living on campus. Chase…” She said his name in a gooey kind of tone. “But first, I have something important to tell. I was actually going to call you, but this is much better.”
I groaned, but was secretly glad she didn’t press for more details. When Mom said important, I immediately thought of her relationship with Devin. There was no denying things between them were moving in a certain direction. “Okay, now you’re freaking me out,” I said, glancing at her hands to see if there was a shiny new diamond.
“It’s nothing bad. I’ve just made some big changes.”
I picked at the crust on my plate, my appetite vanishing. “To your life or the house?”
Nervous energy rolled off her. “Sort of both.”
“Just spit it out.”
Both of her hands spr
ead out on top of the counter. “I put the house on the market,” she blurted.
Confusion and trepidation weaved through my belly. Believe it or not, I’d actually really grown to love my little hick town. The idea of moving again filled me with dread. She knew how much the people here meant to me, what Chase meant to me, and I legitimately thought she was happy with Devin. What had changed? To make me have to choose between her and Chase was cruel, especially after everything I’d gone through. “You’re selling our house? Why?”
An emotion crossed her face. A wistful gleam. “Well honey, Devin and I have decided to move in together.”
“What? Are you insane?”
Chapter 13
{Angel}
Where love was concerned, Mom didn’t have the best track record. I mean, her last husband had turned into a drunk, landed in jail, and ultimately was used by Hell. He had a black soul, the kind Hell gravitated to.
I thought for sure Chase would come barreling through the front door at the speed of light due to the rise in my blood pressure. He was definitely listening, but I was past the point of caring. “Don’t you think you’re moving a little fast?” I asked, pizza getting cold.
She twirled the stem of her glass on the counter. “It might seem that way, but with you gone at college, Dev and I have gotten more serious. And it seems like such a waste having this big old house empty most of the time.”
I made an ugly face. Gross. She’d just implied she spent most of her night’s next door. I could have done without that image. “Can we not mention you and Dev…together?”
Mom smiled warmly. “He’s an amazing man and an even better kisser.”
OMG. I buried my face in my hands, groaning. Make her stop. I swear she made a game out of embarrassing the crap out of me. The more uncomfortable I got, the louder she generally laughed, but her tactics never failed to make my cheeks burn. The second she started telling me how famous Devin’s butt was, I was walking out. But then I realized something. Whether she did so intentionally or not, her awkward teasing made me feel more normal than I had in weeks.