Including packing. As she pulled into the garage she thought about that, about packing things up again. This time she really didn’t want to go. And what would she tell Wyatt? What would she say to the girls, to Molly and Kat?
Complicated. Life was very complicated. She closed her eyes and thought about that, and she tried to grab hold of God’s perspective. To Him it wasn’t all that complicated. She had to trust His plan.
He hadn’t opened all of these doors and brought her here for no reason. Maybe He had planned for them to be here just to help Wyatt and the girls through this difficult time. And when she left, there would be someone else to help.
Maybe Wyatt would find his way back to faith and take a job in the church.
The door to the house opened and her mom smiled.
“How was the first day?”
Rachel rolled her eyes heavenward. “Not easy. A sick man is a difficult man.”
“That’s how they are. And he just called.”
“Called here? Is he okay?”
“I think your cell phone battery must be dead. He said it went right to voice mail.”
“Oh, it might be.” She pulled it from her pocket. Sure enough, dead. “What did he want?”
“Andie’s having the babies. He wondered if you would ride with them to Tulsa. He didn’t say it, but I wonder if he isn’t supposed to drive?”
“Probably not, but he isn’t going to give up that information.” She didn’t want to go. Her emotions were wrung out and what she really wanted was to stay home and be safe. Home with her parents, no pressure, no difficult thoughts to sort out.
“Do you want your dad to drive them?”
“No, I can do it. It’s just that I know we need to start packing. I planned on helping you for a few hours.”
Rachel’s mom stopped her, putting a hand on her arm. “Rachel, I can pack. Your dad has already started. We’ve done this so many times, I think we know how to get it done.”
“But you need my help.”
“Tonight Wyatt and the girls need you.”
More people needing her. She didn’t really know if that’s what she wanted for her life. And when she left, what then?
Not that he couldn’t replace her with someone just as capable, maybe more so. There were plenty of people looking for jobs and several in the area who would be great with the girls.
“I’ll call him and see what’s going on. But I need to change clothes and get cleaned up.” She’d been cleaning and cooking all day. No one would want to sit in a truck with her for an hour.
Cooped up in a truck. With Wyatt.
Not exactly the thought she needed while trying to convince herself that she needed to do this. Of course she wanted to, though. Andie might be having the babies. That was something Rachel didn’t want to miss out on.
Thirty minutes later she parked next to Wyatt’s garage, under the carport. He walked out of the barn as she got out of the car and reached in for her overnight bag. She watched him walk toward her, limping a little, a tiny bit stiff. He pushed his hat back and smiled.
“Nice to see you again.”
“Yes, again. Do I need to get the girls ready to go?”
“I think probably. Molly is upstairs packing a bag. She’s going to be four this weekend, so she’s positive she can do it. I’m sure she’d let you help out, though.” He pulled off his hat, smiling. “She said I can’t help.”
She knew he wasn’t a lot of help in the clothing department, but he probably didn’t need to hear that from her. But the birthday, that definitely needed to be discussed.
“Her birthday. Have you ordered a cake?”
“No, I planned to do it tomorrow.” He rubbed his cheek and half smiled. “I’m not good at birthdays. Worse at buying their clothes. I really stink at the girl stuff.”
Slow, steady breath. “I can help. I can even bake the cake, if you’d like.”
“I’m keeping you from your life. What about Etta? I know you’ve had things to do that haven’t gotten done because of us.”
“Etta is having a slow period. She calls when she needs help.”
“So this isn’t taking you away from something else?”
“Not really.” Just packing and telling this life goodbye. That happened to be something else she wasn’t ready to tell him. Her dad would share the news with the congregation Sunday. She planned on telling Wyatt before then. She didn’t want him to hear it from the pulpit, from her dad.
“Rachel, if you have other things to do, I really can do this alone.”
She smiled. “I don’t mind. And while we’re in Tulsa we can shop for birthday presents and summer clothes for the girls.”
“Now that’s a good idea. You probably know how to match things.”
“Maybe a little better than you.”
He leaned against her car, smiling.
“I should go inside.”
He edged away from the car that she thought had probably been holding him up. “We’ll leave as soon as I get finished feeding. Adam is going to feed tomorrow.”
“I’ll make sure things are closed up inside the house.”
He flashed her another smile. “Thanks.”
Leaving had never been easy. This time it would feel like tearing her heart out. She watched him walk away, a little slower but still with that confident cowboy swagger.
He would never know what these weeks meant to her or how much it hurt to go. What difference would it make if he did?
She only had to remind herself what he’d said last night. How could she forget? He’d kissed her silly and then said he wasn’t ready.
Chapter Fourteen
Wyatt stared through the window into the NICU at the two little girls, Ryder and Andie’s babies. They were close to five pounds each, but Amelia needed oxygen and they were watching Annette. Two more A names. He shook his head, a little in awe over the whole situation.
His little brother was a daddy.
Molly and Kat stood on a stool and watched their little cousins. He couldn’t help but think about their births. Molly’s had been a happy occasion. But Kat’s birth… He wrapped an arm around a little girl who had never really had her mother. Wendy had tried. He knew she’d tried. What a rough few years.
And lately? Things were changing. The weight on them wasn’t as heavy. The girls smiled more.
The common denominator happened to be in the other room with Andie, hugging her, praying with her. He’d said his own prayers on the drive here, that the babies would be safe and healthy.
He tugged down on his hat, because he wasn’t about to cry. But man, his eyes burned. Little babies did that to a guy. A hand slapped his back. He grimaced, cringing a little.
“Oh, sorry about that.” Ryder grinned and pointed to his little girls. “Aren’t they something?”
“Yeah, hard to believe you could make something that pretty.”
“Don’t make me have to take you outside and whoop you, not today.” Ryder draped an arm over Wyatt’s shoulder. “They look like Andie. Ain’t that something?”
“Yeah, funny how that works.” He glanced down at his own girls and saw their mother in them. He still had her, in them, in their smiles, their eyes. In Kat’s spunky nature. In Molly’s laugh.
“We’re going to have to get busy and have some boys to protect these girls.” Ryder smiled into the NICU window. “Yep, I’m starting to see why the Coopers had all them kids.”
“I guess having the boys is up to you.”
“Ah, come on, you could have a little boy in the next year or two.”
Wyatt shook his head and gave his brother a look. “Ryder, I don’t even know where you’re going with this conversation. But let’s just stick with the idea that you’re married and before you know it, you’ll have a son. Poor kid.”
“I think Andie isn’t going to want to have another one for a while.” Ryder’s smile softened. Andie had done that, turning him from a boy to a man. “Wendy’s gone, Wyatt.”
“I know you do. No one knows it better than you. But seriously, Wyatt, it’s okay to find someone else.”
“Right.”
Heels on the tile floor. He turned and smiled at the woman walking toward him. Her hair hung in loose curls that framed her face. She smiled a little, her eyes misty and her lips trembling. She bit down on her bottom lip and blinked a few times.
Babies did that to people. Not to him, of course. He turned back to the window, the babies that were wiggling and scrunching up those wrinkled little faces. He’d always said babies weren’t really as pretty as people said. He was rethinking that.
“Aren’t they beautiful?” Rachel peeked over his shoulder, her chin touching, resting on him.
“Yeah, they sure are.” He caught her reflection in the mirror. She backed away but she still stared at those babies. Twin girls with downy soft, blond hair.
“You guys staying the night in Tulsa?” Ryder glanced from Wyatt to Rachel, smiling. Wyatt shot him down with a look.
“Yeah, we’ve got a couple of hotel rooms. Molly already informed me she’s staying in the room with Rachel.”
Kat was hugging Rachel’s leg. He figured he’d lost her, too. And it was okay. He was fine with that. He was kind of losing himself, too.
“We’re going shopping tomorrow,” Molly piped up, smiling big with tired eyes. Wyatt picked her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Man, this was what life was all about.
“I’m going to have that.” Ryder had the look of a man who had just gotten it.
“Yeah, this is it, Ryder. Good times and bad, it’s all about this.” Wyatt hugged his daughter and rubbed his cheek against hers. “This is what makes it all worth it.”
“I have to go see Andie.” Ryder blinked a few times.
Wyatt slapped him on the back and then he turned to Rachel. Ryder was already down the hall, turning the corner. Wyatt slipped an arm around Rachel’s waist and, as if she knew, she took Molly.
He took a good deep breath and kept his arm around the woman at his side. Sometimes it just felt good to have someone to lean on. He remembered last night, holding her, teasing her.
“What now?” He didn’t really know what he meant by that. “Something to eat? Shopping?”
Rachel held Molly and Kat walked next to her. Both girls were dragging. “Both, if they don’t fall asleep in the car.”
“Right.” He held his arms out to Kat. “Come on, Kat, I can carry my girl.”
She grabbed his hands and he picked her up. Rachel smiled but she didn’t say anything. Yeah, fine, it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. But Kat’s arms clung to him and she buried her face in his shoulder.
Yeah, it was all worth it.
After shopping with two toddlers, Rachel’s feet hurt and she was ready for a cup of coffee on the balcony of her room. She kissed Molly and tucked the blanket in close. The child wrapped sweet arms around Rachel’s neck and smiled.
“I love you, Molly.”
“I love you.”
Rachel’s heart melted. She leaned to kiss the little forehead again. Kat, next to Molly in the queen-size bed, slept soundly. She’d fallen asleep as soon as they got her into her jammies and tucked her in.
“Go to sleep.” She tucked Molly’s blankets again. “I’ll be sitting on the balcony and I’ll leave the door open a crack.”
“You won’t leave?”
“I won’t leave. Promise. I’ll be on the balcony and I’ll be here with you in the morning.”
Molly nodded and smiled.
One last kiss on the cheek and Rachel walked away. She poured herself a cup of coffee and stirred creamer and sugar in it. When she turned, Molly’s eyes were closed. Sleeping already. Rachel smiled and walked quietly past the bed toward the glass doors that led to the balcony.
A movement on the balcony caught her attention. Wyatt. They had separate rooms but shared a balcony. He stood at the wrought iron railing, leaning against the support post that ran from the floor to the upstairs balcony. When she opened the door, he turned.
“It’s a nice night,” he commented as he turned back to the view of the skyline.
She nodded, but he probably wasn’t paying any attention. It had been that kind of day, the kind that wrung a person out and left them empty. The babies, the memories and she was positive he was in more pain than he let on. It hadn’t been an easy day.
“Coffee?”
He shook his head. “No, thanks, too late at night.”
She sat down and held the cup in her hands. Tulsa evenings were beautiful. It was a little warm, a little humid and traffic honked on the city streets. She put her feet up on the chair next to the one she sat in.
Wyatt left the rail and sat next to her. He moved slower but broken ribs didn’t seem to be something that slowed him down. He told her it wasn’t the first time he’d cracked a few ribs and probably wouldn’t be the last.
She sipped her coffee and he rubbed his shoulder and neck. Try as she might, she couldn’t ignore him, couldn’t avoid watching him. His profile was dark, his expression impassive. Rachel sighed and set her cup down on the table. She moved her chair closer to his, her heart catching a little.
No going back.
But did she really want to move forward? She closed her eyes and waited for common sense to return, to drag her back to sanity. She had made so many reckless decisions when it came to relationships. Worse, she had tried to make people love her.
Her hand was on his shoulder, the knotted muscles were tense beneath her touch. She opened her eyes and he turned, his expression questioning. The words from the other night came back, that he wasn’t ready.
After a long moment he reached for her hand and pulled it forward. With her pulse fluttering at the base of her throat, he brushed the back of her hand with a sweet kiss. “Good night, Rachel.”
“Good night?”
“Yeah, time for you to go.” He smiled at her. “I think we both need space and maybe fresh air. Alone.”
She couldn’t move.
“Rachel, this is me being a gentleman and not a rogue cowboy. This is me making the right choice for both of us. I’m not sure what to feel right now and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Not sure?”
He shrugged. “Until recently I still felt married to a woman who isn’t coming back. I still have a lot to work through and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m not going to get hurt. I’m a big girl.”
He smiled at that. Her hand was still in his. He squeezed her fingers lightly and let go.
“I know you are, but I’m not willing to be the one who hurts you.”
Rachel picked up her cup but she didn’t move from her seat. He was telling her to go, but the look in her eyes said something else. She knew, of course, to back off, to not take things where they shouldn’t go. She moved her chair away from his, giving them both space.
“Wyatt, what was she like?”
He stared off into the night and didn’t answer right away.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s okay, I’m just surprised.” Wyatt sighed. “I can talk about her. For a long time I couldn’t, but now, it’s been eighteen months and I can talk. I can tell you that she loved our girls. Man, when we had Molly, Wendy glowed. She loved that baby.”
“I’m sure she did.”
“She loved her, but…” He stared out at the night, away from her. “She left us. She held Molly, she fed her and sometimes she laughed. When we had Kat, Wendy disappeared inside a shell. She stopped taking care of herself. She didn’t take care of the girls. I took her to doctors, to counseling…”
“I’m so sorry.”
He nodded. “Yeah, me, too. I had some pretty wonderful years with a woman that I thought I’d spend my life with.”
“I th
ink she probably wanted the same thing.” Rachel didn’t know what else to say. She had seen his pain, but hearing it made it all the more real.
It put everything into perspective.
She stood and he looked up, smiling. Her hand trembled as she reached to touch his cheek. His eyes closed and he leaned into her touch. Her heart couldn’t decide if it should fast-forward or pause.
“Good night, Wyatt.”
As she walked through the door she heard him sigh and she echoed the gesture. Walking away was something every girl, every woman should know how to do.
And sometimes, she knew from experience, it wasn’t easy. Sometimes there was a cowboy on the other end of the emotional tightrope.
She closed the door and bolted it. She pulled the curtain closed and locked the connecting door between their rooms.
The phone rang. She picked it up, glancing quick at the girls. Kat slept on, Molly’s eyes fluttered a little.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.” His voice was soft, not sweet, not this time.
“I kind of knew that.”
He laughed. “Yeah, well, I wanted to apologize. I just wanted to say that I’m trying not to lead you on.”
“I’m not going to let you.” She sat on the edge of the desk and held the phone with her shoulder. “Wyatt, I’m…”
“Rachel?”
“I was a really wild teenager and I made a lot of mistakes, mistakes I regret and that I’ve worked to get past. I’m almost thirty years old. I know what I want. I know what I’m waiting for. I’m not chasing you.”
She closed her eyes and told herself how stupid that sounded. She’d spent the last few years thinking that God would send someone if there was someone for her. And now she was telling this man she wasn’t going to chase him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“Rachel?”
“Yeah?”
“I think you’re amazing.” She could hear his smile.
Amazing. Right. He didn’t know that she was trembling from her head to her toes. Fear?
“Thanks. Good night, Wyatt.”
She put the phone in the cradle, her hand on it, waiting. It didn’t ring again.
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