by Lyn Cote
“Frank,” Leigh said.
“Dear Frank,” Mary Beth began writing, “I’m one of Leigh’s friends, Mary Beth.” She proceeded to explain who she was and what they’d decided and then handed the clipboard to Cherise who took it and wrote her own introduction. Finally, the clipboard came to Leigh. There was much she wanted to say, but she limited herself to an explanation of why the three would be writing him: “So that no one can say it’s a boy-girl thing.” Leigh wrote a few more lines and then Mary Beth folded the letter and asked Leigh to address the envelope.
“This is so cool,” Mary Beth said.
Leigh tried not to look unhappy. She glanced at Cherise, wondering why the other girl had proposed this. Of course, no one would be upset with Cherise for writing to Frank. But then Leigh felt small for thinking that. A pretty girl like Cherise wouldn’t have any trouble finding guys to date. And her idea would make it possible for Leigh to keep somewhat in touch with Frank.
Leigh didn’t want to examine how desperately she wanted to keep this channel open. Neither did she want to delve into exactly what her feelings for Frank were. We can only be friends. That’s what he wants.Once again, she thought of Aunt Jerusha and how she’d said Frank’s mother had married Frank Two just to be… what? Different? And that she’d left Frank Three to be raised by Minnie. No wonder he doesn’t trust me. I’m white.
St. Agnes Catholic Girls School, May 1965
The organist played “Pomp and Circumstance.” In a black cap and gown, Leigh walked very straight down the aisle and up to the row of seats on the platform reserved for the graduates. In the crowd, she glimpsed the top of Frank’s head among the proud parents and relatives. He came.
CHAPTER SIX
Leigh made herself continue marching as the nuns had rehearsed them to do over and over on the day before. But her heart had begun singing and she couldn’t stop it. Maybe today she’d be able to reconnect with Frank, get back to the way they were that night he’d driven her home from Dr. King’s march two years ago.
She joined the two rows of black-garbed graduates on the platform. Mary Beth sat in the row ahead of Leigh, but Cherise sat opposite them among the audience. She wouldn’t graduate until next year, but she’d come to see her friends cross the stage.
The three of them had decided to take a chance and invite Frank. Over the past two years, the trio had continued to correspond with Frank, but only three or four times a year. Frank always took his time replying to their letters.
Leigh wondered if he stretched out the intervals between letters so she would believe he’d lost interest in her. Still, she’d treasured the words he blurted out that awful day she’d run away to Ivy Manor and President Kennedy had been assassinated. Frank had said, “You attract me like no other girl ever has.” But then he’d said he wouldn’t write anymore and had hung up.
In the intervening years since the last time she’d seen Frank, Leigh had begun dating on and off. Her mother had backed off, for some unexplained reason. As long as Leigh got good grades and introduced the young man to the family before going out, Leigh had her freedom. But it was a hollow victory. She’d won her liberty on November 22, 1963, but she’d lost the reason she’d wanted that independence.
The principal, Sister Maria, was peering through thick lenses, reading her welcome to the assembled friends and families. Leigh was so happy that her days at St. Agnes were ending today and that everything, anything seemed possible. Today, Leigh would find a way to let Frank know she still cared about him, but that she would never do anything that would cause him harm. Somehow it seemed very important to tell him this, to put it into words so that the awful gulf between them could be bridged. It felt like a debt she owed him.
At the end of the welcome, the organist switched to Bach’s “Ode to Joy” and Leigh felt the awesome significance of the day. Today, childhood ended and adult life began.
Now, the black-and-red-robed monsignor stepped to the front of the platform and bowed his head to give the invocation. Leigh started to lower her head, but then she decided to take the opportunity to look over the bent heads and scan the audience. Minnie and Frank were the only dark faces in the crowd except for Cherise and her mother, of course, who sat nearer the front. In dress uniform, Frank was sitting beside his grandmother Minnie. Grandma Chloe sat on Minnie’s other side. Beside Grandma Chloe, Grandpa Roarke, her parents, and then Dory sat in the row along with Grandma Sinclair—all in their Sunday best. Her mother kept frowning at Frank. But Leigh refused to let her mother spoil this, her graduation day.
The graduation ceremony took over an hour and then finally Leigh, along with the rest, rose and moved the tassels on their caps from one side to the other. The symbolic act released all Leigh’s tension. She nearly leaped into the air, but contented herself with a broad smile. Everyone applauded and the graduates marched out to the closing recessional to the reception area.
Leigh worked her way through the milling crowd of families and graduates until she reached her family. Her stepfather hugged her first. In this moment of dawning adulthood, she recognized how much she adored this laughing man who’d always loved her as his own. She hugged him back and whispered, “I love you.” He murmured the same phrase to her and then passed her to her mother.
Bette leaned forward and kissed Leigh’s cheek. “We’re so proud of you, honey.”
Leigh noticed that her mother had tears in her eyes.She hugged her mom; in that moment forgiving all the fights they’d had over the past four years.
Then each of her grandparents hugged her tight and both grandmothers cried. And Dory wrapped her small arms around Leigh’s waist and held on as if Leigh were leaving her that very day.
Finally, Leigh turned to Minnie, very aware of Frank, standing tall and handsome beside her. “Mrs. Dawson, I’m so glad you were able to come.” Then, clearing her throat, Leigh looked up at Frank. “And you, too.”
Before Leigh could say another word, Mary Beth crowded close, holding her mortarboard on with one hand. “Frank,” she squealed, “you came!” Then Cherise appeared at his elbow, smiling shyly.
Leigh introduced everyone while Frank stood back, smiling and responding to Mary Beth, who was doing her eager-puppy imitation. Then he focused on Cherise, who looked very pretty in her new royal-blue shirtwaist. Frank must have agreed because he kept studying her until Cherise’s cheeks turned a dusky pink. Leigh pushed away a trace of irritation that buzzed through her.
It seemed to Leigh that people flowed around her, cutting her off from reaching Frank, from being close enough to speak. But they wouldn’t be in the crowd much longer, and with this thought, she relaxed. At the end of the public graduation, Frank and Minnie would be coming to Leigh’s home where her mother was having an open house for friends and family. There Leigh would snatch a private word with Frank.
At last, Leigh’s family and their friends left the high school grounds and arrived at home. The caterers had everything ready in the backyard under a clear, true-blue, happy-days sky. Flowers decorated tables of finger foods, cake, and punch. Leigh finally slipped off her black graduation gown and showed off her new coral dress, whose short skirt instantly brought her mother’s disapproval. “Your skirt wasn’t that short when we bought it.”
Leigh gave her mother an innocent smile, admitting nothing. This was not the moment to thank her Grandmother Sinclair for teaching her how to put in a professional-looking hem. Instead, Leigh turned to greet longtime neighbors and accept their felicitations. Then Minnie was at her elbow.
“That Cherise seems very nice.”
Remembering all that Aunt Jerusha had said on the day JFK died—about Minnie raising Frank after his parent’s divorce, Leigh’s nerves tightened another notch. “Yes, Cherise is a good friend.” Leigh chose her words with care. “She graduates next year.”
Minnie nodded. “Frank tells me the three of you have been writing him.”
Leigh tried to analyze Minnie’s tone. She couldn’t, so she just nodded.
“I hope you have given up any thought that Frank will pursue you,” Minnie murmured under the cover of all the other voices. “Or maybe I should say, I hope you’ve given up any idea of pursuing him?”
Leigh was blindsided. She’d never expected Frank’s grandmother to bring this up. Frantically, she weighed different responses before finally saying, “Frank has made it clear that he isn’t interested in me as a girlfriend.”
Minnie searched Leigh’s face as if somehow matching her words against her intentions. “Frank is doing well in the military. I think he will go far.”
“I’m glad for him.” Leigh’s heart sped up as if she were lying.
Then Mary Beth called out, “Come on. Someone take a picture of the three of us with our soldier before we have to leave.” She claimed one of Frank’s arms. Smiling, Cherise took the other and Leigh stepped in front of Frank a little to one side. Mary Beth’s father, whose hair had begun to grow longer over the past year, clicked away with the fancy Canon that hung around his neck.
When he was done, Leigh turned and smiled at Frank. “I’m so glad you were able to make it. I hope we can have time to talk in this crowd.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to monopolize the graduate,” he sidestepped her adroitly.
Leigh tried not to be put off by the rebuff. She wanted to touch his arm, but she sensed his grandmother’s hostile stare scaring her back. Regardless, Leigh went on in a low tone, “Frank, I don’t want to put any pressure on you. 1 just want you to know that 1 still treasure our friendship—”
“As do I.” His set expression, his terse words warned her away.
It was a stern warning she found she couldn’t ignore. Frustrated, she retreated to safer ground. “So you decided to re-up?”
“Yes.” He gave her an easy smile. “Alter my promotion to first lieutenant, I decided to for another hitch. I’ll he heading to Nam soon.”
His news made her tingle with uneasiness. “Viet Nam? Oh, Frank—”
“Now, don’t worry about me,” he said dismissively. “I’ve already been through the wringer with my mother, the peacenik. I’ll just be there as an advisor.”
Leigh pursed her lips. Viet Nam seemed a very long way away. But before she could say any more, Frank had turned slightly to be introduced to Cherise’s mother. Me smiled down at Cherise, answering a question Leigh didn’t hear.
Leigh noted his special expression as he gazed down at Cherise and she froze. The expression was one of attraction and pleasure, and Cherise studied Frank with something like wonder.
Frank had come to see Leigh, but he’d come as a soldier protected by impenetrable armor. A shield to keep her from reaching him. But he’d lowered his mask for Cherise, who teased him with a nothing bunch of words, flirting effortlessly. He grinned and looked entranced.
Watching this, Leigh’s heart squeezed together, nearly making her gasp. Frank had made his decision to shut her out, and there didn’t seem to be any appeal left open to her.
Columbia University, October 1966
With the door open to the hall, Leigh paced the floor of the small dorm room she shared with Mary Beth. Uneasy, she glanced at her wristwatch again. Mary Beth had been fixed up with a hippie or surfer from California who was visiting a guy in her psych class. Earlier, downstairs in the dormitory parlor, Leigh had glimpsed the stranger when he’d picked up her roommate. He was Mary Beth’s dream date, having shoulder-length blond hair, ragged jeans, and a tie-dyed shirt with beads around his neck. Upon seeing him, Leigh had nearly hummed, “When You Come to San Francisco, Be Sure to Wear Flowers in Your Hair.” In contrast, Mary Beth—with her long, flyaway hair, blue jeans, and love beads—had looked like it was Christmas morning again. But at least Mary Beth and her hippie had gone with a group.
A half hour ago, Leigh had gotten in early from a Saturday night party. Her date had been another in a string of guys who liked blondes. On their walk home from his frat house, when he’d tried to put the moves on her in a secluded area, she’d claimed a headache. She didn’t like being groped on the first date—or any other date. Jerk.
Now she heard giggling swelling outside her door and a rush of footsteps over the linoleum hall, the signals that curfew had come. Outside, the necking couples who’d gathered around the entrance had separated to let the girls come in before lockup, and everyone was rushing past her door to their rooms. Opening it, Leigh stood at the door, hoping to see Mary Beth. Why am I so worried?.
But she hadn’t liked something about the Californian. Now the girls on the floor all waved to her or wished her good night, and after a spate of late-night showers, the floor grew quiet and the lights in the hallways were dimmed. Still no Mary Beth.
Leigh realized she needed to shut the door to the hall before the resident assistant on the floor noticed that Mary Beth hadn’t returned. Mary Beth had been fine as a freshman, working hard not to flunk out. But now, a month into her sophomore year, she’d already gotten two demerits for staying out after curfew and a third could mean social probation. And their RA didn’t like Mary Beth.
With the lights switched off, Leigh paced the tiny patch of linoleum in their room, trying not to make a sound. The glow-in-the-dark clock on the desk stated the time as well after midnight. Just as Leigh was about to give up and dress for bed, she heard muffled giggling outside their first-story window. She looked out and there was Mary Beth and the blond Californian. Leigh opened the window and leaned out. “Mary Beth,” she hissed, “what are you doing? It’s after curfew.”
The Californian gave Leigh the peace sign and then in a sort of wobble, motioned to Mary Beth. He cupped his hands together and Mary Beth, still giggling softly, put her foot in them and let him hoist her up to the window. Shocked, and terrified of their being seen from a window of the neighboring dorm, Leigh hauled the giggle princess into the room. Mary Beth’s weight almost took Leigh to the floor, but she stayed on her feet long enough to shove Mary Beth onto her nearby twin bed. Then she shut the window and turned, ready to read Mary Beth the riot act.
“I don’t feel very good,” Mary Beth moaned. “I’m gonna be sick.”
Leigh shoved the wastebasket under her roommate’s chin just in time. She held Mary Beth’s head there until the fit of retching passed. A sour, sick odor competed with Mary Beth’s alcohol breath. “How much did you drink?” Leigh snapped.
“Not much,” Mary Beth mumbled, then she giggled. “Chance had weed.”
Leigh nearly shook Mary Beth, but didn’t want her to start throwing up again. “Are you insane?” she hissed next to Mary Beth’s ear. “Drugs on campus? Do you want to get expelled?”
“Aw, lighten up. What’s a little weed between friends?”
Nothing, just a felony and expulsion. “You don’t have any on you, do you?”
Mary Beth looked at her as if this were an unknown collection of words.
“If you have any on you, give it to me. We’ve got to throw it out the window. What if they do a bed check?”
Mary Beth shook her head. “Didn’t bring any—”
Light streamed in around the door to the hall. “Bed check!” the resident assistant announced in a loud voice. Their door flew open first. Leigh glared at the RA. “We’re here. What’s your problem?”
“She better not have brought any alcohol—” the RA began.
“I’m clean,” Mary Beth crowed. “Just a little happy.” And then she began humming the Beatles, “Love, Love Me Do.”
The RA looked Mary Beth over and then shook her head. “You’re going to end up flunking out if this doesn’t stop.”
“Peace.” Mary Beth held up her hand in the two-fingered peace sign. And then passed out on the bed.
Leigh wanted to shake Mary Beth until her teeth rattled out onto the floor. Mary Beth had begun by going to drinking bashes at the different frat houses. And now a hippie and marijuana… She had to find a way to turn Mary
Beth around. Otherwise, where would it all end?
Chicago,
August 28, 1968
Outside Leigh’s hotel, the Conrad Hilton, police sirens sounded in the distance, releasing another spurt of adrenaline in Leigh. Where was Mary Beth? Was she safe? Her friend had promised to steer clear of trouble this week, but so many opportunities presented themselves. And she’d already been picked up by the Chicago police once. Leigh stared down from the high window of the room she shared with other girls attending the convention. Mary Beth had chosen instead to camp out in Grant Park with Chance, her hippie boyfriend from California. Fretting, Leigh stared down at the yellow police barricades below near the hotel entrance, and at the line of helmeted, blue-uniformed cops along it. From the transistor radio, Martha and the Vandellas sang “Nowhere to Run, Baby…”
The sense of a world spinning out of control, of a beast waiting to be unleashed, ate at Leigh’s peace. And why not? The International Amphitheatre where the Democratic Convention was being held was surrounded by steel-wire fences and ugly yellow barricades and armed riot police. How crazy did the world have to become? When had it grown dangerous to be a politician, dangerous to be near politicians?
But of course, it had all started with the assassination of President Kennedy five years ago. That thought took her mind back to that dark day. Another unhappy thought. Frank was in Viet Nam for his second tour of duty, and thousands of U.S. soldiers were dying there. At home, the Viet Nam War had ignited a blaze of nationwide protest and forced LBJ not to run again.
She rubbed her tight neck muscles and turned to get ready for this evening. Mary Beth, please come now. Please.
Leigh had come to Chicago in the entourage of the Maryland delegation. It had been set up through her college and with her grandmother’s influence. Leigh hadn’t taken much interest in her great-grandfather before, but evidently he had been a politician. And Grandma Chloe still knew people in the Democratic Party, people who could arrange for her granddaughter to have a plum job at a convention.
Both Leigh and Mary Beth had come to write articles about the convention experience for college papers. But where was her friend? Mary Beth was supposed to be here to go to this evening’s session with Leigh, who’d finally gotten her a visitor’s pass.