by Angel Payne
She snapped her stare to me while finishing. When Margaux joined her own scrutiny to the mix, I instinctively straightened. And tensed. Yeah, here it came. The throwdown of the century from the most ruthless girl posse on the continent. But whatever they had to dish out, I could take.
I had to. I almost wanted to.
The sooner I could start paying my dues on this mile-long debt to Talia, the better.
“All right.” I squared my shoulders. “I’m listening.”
Margaux, now joining Claire, stood shoulder to shoulder with her friend. I almost wished for a zombie army instead.
“Simply put?” Margaux began. “You need to pull your head out of your really smelly ass, dude. The sooner the better.”
Claire threw a shoulder forward. “You want to lose the best thing that ever happened to you? Keep this bit up. No woman wants to see her man down, especially when he brings it on himself. Take it from the voice of very vivid experience.”
“You feeling us here, big guy?” Margaux matched her friend’s stance, driving in her ultimate point. They’d keep on coming if I didn’t hand over an equally direct answer.
“Loud and clear,” I gave back at once. “Thank you, ladies.” I dashed out a two-fingered salute off my forehead, honoring them with a direct gaze to back up the implied respect. I had every intention of following their advice to the letter—as soon as Tolly and I got some privacy.
“A haircut probably wouldn’t hurt, either.” Claire tilted her head to the side, softening the borderline insult with her gentle tone.
Margaux wasn’t so keen about pulling the punches. “And for fuck’s sake, lose the beard. Not everyone can work the hipster vibe.” She jerked her gaze at Drake. “Am I right?”
My brother simply raised both hands, wordlessly turning himself into Sweden on that one. After hitting him back with a generous pssshh, Margaux rubbed her round belly. “Mah little one’s getting’ hangry, gang.”
“We just had breakfast.” Claire rolled her eyes.
Margaux shrugged but finished it by walking over and yanking me into a crushing hug. Well, as ‘crushing’ as things could get with a basketball-sized bulge between us. “We’re leaving you to your mission, Grasshopper.” She kissed me soundly on the cheek. “Make it epic, dipshit.”
Claire followed right behind, giving me a quick wink and hug, too.
After they both embraced Drake in similar ways, they left as swiftly as they’d arrived. He returned from walking them to the door with a dazed look across his face—bringing a wave of welcome relief. I wasn’t the only one feeling like a two-funneled tornado had just touched down in the condo.
“I’m not gonna lie, man.” I shook my head, leaning over the breakfast bar again. “Those two scare me a little.”
A smile jerked at my friend’s lips. “Yeah, they’re a handful.”
His smirk disappeared just as quickly. Abruptly, without even looking at me, he turned on his heel to leave the room.
“Hey, D?” I called. “Can we talk a minute?”
I let him hear my contrition already. I had to mend our fence. Make things right, as Tolly had put it. I just hoped to hell he was ready, too.
“She’ll be back any second.” Maybe he wasn’t. If so, I’d have to accept that.
“I don’t care if she hears what I have to say. The whole world can hear, for all I care.”
I committed deeper to it, really praying he heard. For a second, I thought he’d hadn’t. Or wouldn’t. He took two steps back toward the office—
Before stopping, swearing beneath his breath, then stomping into the living room. I waited as he plopped down on the sofa with a heavy sigh. Neither of us were looking forward to navigating this minefield—but sometimes doing the right thing didn’t always mean doing the easy thing.
I left the walker behind, using various pieces of furniture to support my trek into the space before him. Carefully, I lowered into the easy chair closest to him. It was tempting to just dive right in, but I waited for my breath and my equilibrium to return, lending me a clear head for this. He deserved that much.
He deserved so much more from me.
This was where all that started.
“I owe you an apology, brother.” When he didn’t tense at our meaningful word, my resolve was fortified. “I mean a really big, monumental apology.”
“True.” He nodded but wouldn’t meet my gaze. That had to be okay, too.
“I probably don’t have to list all the things I regret from the past couple of months.”
Drake snorted. “Oh, no. Go right ahead. Don’t let me stop you.” His snark stemmed from anger—rage he had every right to. “I’d almost love to hear what you perceive as the problem around here.”
I grunted out a laugh, more from nerves than anything. “You’re really not going to make this easy on me, are you?”
“Do you deserve easy right now, Fletch?”
Massive exhale. A matching inhale, shoring my determination once more. “No, I don’t. You’re…you’re right. I’ve been an ass. On so many levels.”
“Soooo many.” His interjection was clipped.
“I have to start with the morning of the accident—” I caught the sharp jerk of his brow and amended, “Yeah, all right. I’ll start with the night before. The way I treated Tolly, when we were together then…” I let my head drop along with my shoulders. Slumped over my knees, supporting all my weight with my good arm. “It’ll haunt me forever, but I can’t undo it. Even if she decides to forgive me for that debacle, I will never forgive myself.”
As I issued all that, Drake had started shaking his head. I understood he was peeved but now he was just being a peeved ass, as well.
“Okay, what the hell is your problem?” I finally snarled.
He helped nothing with his bitter chuff. “You really think that’s what you need to apologize for? After everything else that’s been going on, that’s what you pick as your worst offense?” He swiped a hand over his mouth, nostrils flaring a harsh breath over his fingers. “We’re more fucked than I thought.”
“Okay, stop.” I flung up my weak hand. At least the fucker was good for something. “Let me finish, damn it. I was going in chronological order so I didn’t miss anything.”
“How sweet and organized of you.”
I ignored that. “Trust me, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. I’ve being doing nothing but loathing myself for the past six weeks.”
“Caught that memo. We all did.”
I was getting impatient with his attitude but quickly reminded myself I had no right to feel that way. I’d given up that right by being a complete ass for so long. I probably deserved worse treatment than he was dishing.
I took a deep breath and forged on. “Secondly, I need to apologize for the following morning. Leaving you guys without a goodbye was—”
“Shitty?” he filled in. “Immature?”
“Yeah.” I scowled. “All the above. I really thought once I got out of the house and cleared my head, the night before would make more sense—that I’d see things the way you explained them to me. But we know what happened after that…”
That one hung in the air. We would all live with the memories of the accident for the rest of our lives.
I finally broke the silence with one determined word. “Drake.”
“What?”
“I really want you to hear my next words. I mean them more than anything.” I paused, waiting for him to look me in the eye. “I need to say…thank you.”
When he just stared back, no hint of acknowledgment or forgiveness on his face, I charged on. What the hell, right?
“Thank you, my friend, for everything you and Talia have done while I was in the hospital and since I’ve been home.” I sat up straighter. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but he needed to hear and see the depths of my gratitude. “You’ve both put your lives on hold because of me. I know I haven’t said it well enough, but I’ve seen it, and been so damn g
rateful for it.” I spread my hands, palms up, utterly offering my remorse up. “I’m not sure words are enough to express how grateful I am.”
His countenance was still a sheer rock wall. Even his stare, normally shaded with dark coffee textures, was stoic, static coal. He’d moved his hand to the side, resting his jaw against it like a modern-day Freud—only I was pretty damn sure the dude didn’t want to hear about my childhood. “You know you’re saying all this to the wrong person, man. Natalia’s the one who needs to hear your speech, not me.”
I scowled. “I owe all of this to you as much as her.”
“Yeah? But we’re tap dancing around the big ugly elephant in the room, aren’t we?”
“I’m getting to that part.” I took the most massive breath of this confrontation. He wanted to watch me fillet myself open and beg for his forgiveness? I was about to go for the gold.
“That night, in our bed, was fucked-up for so many reasons.” I gritted my teeth as he simply nodded, forcing more words to my lips. The hardest words. “I was selfish and manipulative and I know it caused irreparable damage to our friendship. I will regret that until my dying day. I never meant to hurt you or Tolly. I was so fixated on my own problems that the solution I concocted was beyond inconsiderate of everyone, including myself.”
For the first time since I’d begun this groveling, Drake’s face flared with real emotion. Just not the sentiments I was expecting. Not by a long shot.
“Really?” he spat. “You’re making this all about you?” His bitterness seeped into every word. “Why am I not fucking surprised?”
I ground my jaw harder. I didn’t need all that tooth enamel, anyway. “Stop being a dick. You know how hard all this is for me. You know how fucked-up I am to begin with.”
I knocked on my head with my fist, underlining my meaning. Drake caught the action before surging to his feet.
“Yeah but guess what, my brother?” His voice, nearly trademark for him in pissed-off mode, was a lethal combination of calm and fury. “We’ve finally found the one person in the world who can make us whole—the light in every single day around here—but if you can’t look beyond yourself when the shit gets heavy, you’re going to lose her. We’re going to lose her. And if that happens—if your stupid pity-party bullshit drives Talia away from us—I will never forgive you. Ever.”
The front door opened then shut. Talia entered, fresh from her walk.
Fuck me.
She was gorgeous.
Her cheeks were flushed from the exercise and the wind. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, making it easy to observe her eyes, still carrying flecks of sunshine and life.
The eyes that popped wide when she saw me standing there.
Yeah. I’d stood up.
For her.
So much of it would always be for her…even if she didn’t decide to forgive me.
Drake strode to her, kissed her lips passionately, then pulled back to gaze into her eyes. With our bond plugged back in for me, I felt every drop of her desire for him. I also felt her aching love…and overwhelming anguish.
She was leaving—but didn’t want to. Not any more than we wanted her to.
“Is Marcus still here?” she blurted.
“Yeah, he’s probably cleaning up that cave of a bedroom.” Drake kept his hands wrapped around hers as he answered. “He’s on all day. What’s going on?”
She held up her phone, almost seeming confused about it. “I got a text from Claire. She said she and Margaux came by to visit, but I was out. They’re leaving today, and I’d really like to see them first. Once we all get back to California, life will take back over.” The second she said the word ‘life’, she looked lost. She’d put hers on hold so long for me she literally didn’t know what the word meant anymore.
“They’re leaving?” Drake queried. “Really?”
“Is that so shocking?” Her lips quirked.
“Frankly, yes,” he groused. “Those two are enormous. I’m a little floored either of their husbands will allow them to fly like that.”
“They’ll be taking the Stone jet, baby.” She patted his chest. “It’s different than going commercial.”
“No shit,” he put in.
“This will be their last trip to Chicago before the babies come. Claire wanted to see Mrs. Stone before she brought her grandbaby into the world. She and Willa have grown close since Josiah passed and Claire gets so sentimental sometimes.” She smiled, thinking of her girlfriend. Drake acknowledged that with a gentle kiss to her forehead. Such a simple gesture, making her feel warm, loved, secure. I knew because I felt it all, too.
I wanted that again. All of it—everything I watched between the two of them. The humor. The familiarity. The bond.
Everything I’d once shared with them, too.
My heart ached with pain I’d never imagined. I’d caused so much damage to our relationship…a relationship I’d never be honored to know again. Right now, I felt more like the other furniture in the room. There. Available. But barely noticed.
“Are you ready now?” Drake’s voice was tender and patient. “I’ll drive you to meet them.”
“Let me just freshen up, okay?”
Finally…she looked at me.
She stared for the longest beat, measuring her words carefully…issuing them formally. “It’s good to see you out of bed, Fletcher.”
I swallowed hard.
Furniture.
She turned, making her way back to our bedroom to get ready.
Ours?
Hers.
I had no idea what I expected her reaction to be, but that—
I didn’t know what that was.
The guardedness, I could understand. I had hurt everyone more than necessary. A lot more. But her general disinterest really stung.
No. It fucking hurt.
I leaned my ass against the couch’s arm to keep from tipping over. I dropped my head into my hands. I’d just been kicked in the balls and punched in the gut at the same time. No. I’d prefer even that physical pain to this emotional jolt.
I’d royally fucked things up, and I still needed to apologize to her.
This was going to take a big plan.
Big.
Shortly after, Drake and Talia left for their visit. I looked around the empty condo, trying to soak up some ‘big idea’ inspiration. I had to make amends with her, and I had to do it right. But where the hell to start?
Marcus appeared in the doorway. I wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there before I noticed him.
“Maybe you could start with a shower?” He looked at me with goofy hopefulness.
I stared back, amazed. How did he always know what I was thinking about?
“You need to make a serious show of commitment…right?”
I chuckled. “You’re kind of a nosy dick, you know that?”
“Dude, I’m a home caregiver. That means I’m in people’s homes. All the time. In their life’s fabric. I’ve seen it all.”
“Huh.” I snorted. He had a good point. “So, Mr. Homebody, what’s your take on my particular morass?”
“That you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.” He folded his sizable arms. His ink stretched tight over his forearms. “But from what I’ve seen, that is the Fletcher Ford way, yeah?”
“Know-it-all bastard,” I retorted, mirroring his good-natured smile. When I didn’t accent that by throwing anything, he took another step forward, hands now jabbed into the pockets of his scrubs.
“My advice, dude? Show her you’re on the mend. In her mind, words are a dime a dozen from you right now. Show. Her.”
We were quiet for a few minutes while I turned his suggestion over in my head. He was exactly right. Talia needed to see that I was serious. That I was ready to plug back in and do the work it would take to get us back on track.
To get myself back on track.
“Can you help me?”
“That’s why they pay me the big bucks, my friend.” He
smiled again, this time extending his arm out to support me before we headed toward my room. I was taking the first steps on the journey home, and nothing had felt more right in a long damn time.
Chapter Twelve
Talia
The afternoon with Claire and Margaux was exactly what my heart needed. There were defining moments in all our lives, and I was on the cusp of one my most vivid ones.
Leaving Chicago would be hardest thing I’d ever done—but I was backed into a corner with Fletcher’s refusal to pull himself out of his funk—or whatever the hell he was calling it. I couldn’t care anymore. I was so damn tired of caring. I’d always love him—but right now, I just didn’t like him very much.
I had hoped my leaving would stir him to action. His cameo in the living room was a great sign—but not enough by half. He had to realize that he had work to do. Hard, emotional work, but necessary if we had any hope of coming through this whole ordeal on the other side.
Drake dropped me off at the apartment where Killian and Claire stayed when they were in town. It was nothing like the one he had sublet to me last year, when I’d relocated to clear the emotional cobwebs from Gavin’s abuse, but it was still amazing and posh, a new unit in the glamorous Aqua skyscraper. Only the best for the Stones.
Briefly, I wondered where Mac lived in the city. I had a feeling we’d all soon get the whole story behind his feud with Killian, but devoting any more brain space to the subject was too much. I had to focus on straightening out my own worries right now.
Killian and Drake ducked out for a game of one-on-one basketball in the Shore Club while I visited with the girls. We ended up staying longer than I expected, because when the mamas drifted off for their afternoon ‘disco-naps’, I crashed right alongside them. We slept for hours, only waking up to the sound of the men coming home.
While I was completely refreshed from the sleep, I was sad but weirdly relieved we’d spent most of the time sleeping. I wanted to remember this time happily, not crying again over the issues with Fletcher. I wasn’t even sure it was necessary, since Claire and Margaux had now seen him with their own eyes. Sometimes pictures were worth a thousand words—and in this case, Fletch’s deterioration formed quite a picture. Though not much more could be said after that, I was heartened when Claire shared some stories from her darker days with Killian. If true love had brought the two of them back to the light, I held out hope it could happen for us, too.