by Niki Burnham
Okay, okay. I know you weren't thinking. But you didn't say anything overly awful, it doesn't sound like. I mean, it's not like you professed your undying love for him or anything like that.
Next time you see him, make it clear that you were joking. You know you weren't, and I know you weren't, but Kyle won't be sure. So tell him that you overheard him telling whoever-it-was that he thinks combat boots are sexy and you wanted to yank his chain a little.
Don't go to Subway yet. Please.
Val
* * *
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: RE: Too Late
Val,
You're only saying that I should stay at Wendy's to get free Biggie Fries and access to my Frosty machine whenever you're home, so don't you yank my chain. I know you and your grease addiction. I personally think it's worse than me sneaking the occasional cigarette.
However, I will follow your advice and see how things go tonight at work. It had better go well, because I'm off on Thursday and I don't want to have everyone talking about me behind my back and saying I have a thing for Kyle.
Don't get caught on your computer, okay? It's after midnight in Schwerinborg, isn't it? I don't want you to lose computer privileges when I am having a serious crisis. Even Ho-Hos don't seem to be curing me.
I know because I've already eaten half a box tonight.
Jules
* * *
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: PMS
Val,
I think you were right about Jules having horrid PMS. She was all chipper yesterday, then today she was quiet and moody again. I tried to steer clear. She's working tonight, but has Thursday off. Maybe I can talk her into coming over to my house with Nat to study for Mrs. Bennett's WWI exam? I bet we can find a way to cheer her up.
Hope you and Georg have fun weekend plans. Jeremy and I are going to see a movie on Friday but we don't know what yet.
Christie
* * *
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: PMS
Christie,
Studying sounds like a great plan...very low key. Good luck. I'm sure Jules will snap out of it soon. And I'm not sure what Georg and I are doing. He says he has a movie for us to watch, but it's a surprise. I'll keep you posted.
Val
* * *
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Christie
Jules,
First, put down the Ho-Hos. They never solve your problems.
Second, quit being an über-grumpus around Christie. She's going to realize that PMS does not last more than a few days and then there will be questions.
Let me know what happens at work tonight,
Val
* * *
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Christie
Val,
You've been living in Schwerinborg too long. Did you notice that you used an umlaut in your last e-mail?
Anyway, no problem on the über-grumpus thing around Christie. Or Nat, for that matter. I am officially out of my funk because YOU WERE RIGHT.
Kyle was a colossal waste of my time and energy. No way does he deserve me or my combat boots. He didn't even deserve me joking around with him. Or working for him.
I've had a serious reality check.
More in a sec....
Jules
* * *
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: WHAT?!?!?!
Jules,
DON'T DO THIS TO ME!! What is going on?
Swearing never to use an umlaut again,
Val
* * *
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: WHAT?!?!?!
Val,
Sorry!
I was watching TV to see if it was on the news. It wasn't, but it's gotta be tomorrow, because there were cameras there at the end.
You are not going to believe this.
Kyle was caught stealing. Apparently, he never graduated from the University of Richmond like he told everyone, because he was tossed out while he was there for something (I'm still trying to find out what) and the Wendy's corporate types found out this morning that he lied on his resume.
Mr. Ansen was off today, but he came at the beginning of the shift to confront Kyle, since Kyle goes on-duty at four o'clock, and he totally caught Kyle off-guard. So off-guard, in fact, that Kyle was busy handing stuff out the back door to a friend who was loading it into his pickup truck when Mr. A found him. Hand soap, a case of paper towels, an industrial-size can of pickles and even a box of ground beef.
What kind of person steals that kind of stuff? I mean, do thieves sell paper towels and ground beef out of the trunk of a car like you see them selling stolen TVs and laptops on all those cop shows?
And if they did, who's buying it? Wouldn't they rather go to a regular supermarket? I mean, I'd wonder about that ground beef.
Of course, Kyle was fired on the spot. The cops showed up before he even finished unloading the truck and trying to apologize his way out of it. Turned out to be quite the show while he was taken away in the back of the cop car. I wasn't sure whether to be horrified or to laugh my ass off.
Could you imagine if I'd actually hooked up with a guy like that? Not that I would, because I love my independent self.
No offense to you and your non-independent self. In fact, from now on, I will listen to anything you have to say about guys.
Jules
P.S.—Well, maybe not anything.
P.P.S.—If it's on tomorrow's news, I'll see if there's a webcast and I'll send you a link so you can watch over there in Schwerinborg. Then you can tell me if you think he's hot. Even if he did turn out to be a toad.
* * *
To: [email protected], [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Jules, of course
Hey Christie and Nat,
I think you'll find that Jules is about done PMS'ing. She's been this way for a week, and PMS shouldn't last that long. So be nice to her and pretend she hasn't been cranky and let me know if I'm right about her being done. I bet I am.
I'm off to see my fabulous prince—not to rub it in or anything—so I'll e-mail later and let you know what surprise movie he found for me, and if any of the actors have hot accents (you know how I start losing brain cells when I hear an accent, especially if it's Australian.) You guys know you're totally my A-list (and Jules, too, PMS or not) so I expect to hear all the details of your weekend adventures.
Later!
Love, Val
P.S.—You should watch the news tonight. I have a feeling it'll be entertaining.
* * *
About the Author
Niki Burnham is the RITA-Award winning author of several books for teens, including Sticky Fingers, Scary Beautiful, and the popular Valerie Winslow trilogy, which includes the books Royally Jacked, Spin Control, and Do-Over.
All three Valerie Winslow titles are available in a single volume titled Royally Crushed. Reality Check is a bonus short story featuring Jules Jackson, a popular character from the Valerie Winslow trilogy.
You can learn more about Niki and her books by visiting https://www.nikiburnham.com or by following her on Twitter at https://www.twitter.com/nikiburnham.
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