Karma

by Barbara Huffert

“Then come back to bed.” He flashed her a wicked grin.

  “But I want everything to be ready. I don’t want them to have to wait.”

  “Listen, precious. It’s Saturday. Here that means you get to hang out and be lazy. No rushing. No set times. No deadlines of any sort. No lunch on the table at the stroke of twelve. We’ll eat when it’s ready. If they show up and we’re still in the kitchen, don’t be surprised when someone pitches in. I should caution you against accepting help from Alyssa for anything that requires actual culinary skill though. She’s admittedly a disaster waiting to happen when it comes to cooking. Shane’s likely to pick your brain since he’s really into finding things Lyss will eat but are healthy enough for after she gets pregnant. Someone generally hangs on to Charlie. Otherwise, she’s a one-child wrecking crew. And Flynn and his buddy, Joey, just recently began to notice that the differences in females are to be appreciated, not mocked. They’ll take one look at you and fall all over themselves, showing off for you.”

  “Why would they do that?” Abby stopped fidgeting in her confusion, giving him the opportunity to maneuver her into his arms.

  “Because…” He nuzzled his face against her chest. “You have a very luscious pair of breasts. Some twelve-year-old girls may be starting to develop but none of them are anywhere close to your league yet.”

  “Stop teasing,” she scolded without any conviction. “I’m too old and too fat for them to bother with.”

  “You are so wrong! As a former horny boy, I assure you, they will be entranced the moment they see you. Especially if you wear that pretty pink sweater. You looked so hot and soft when you tried it on yesterday. It was all I could do not to follow you right into the dressing room and have my wicked way with you.”

  “You’re awful.” Abby arched forward as his tongue traced a circle around the breast he was fondling.

  “Honest,” Jesse corrected. “I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

  “Lucky?” She seemed to be having trouble concentrating.

  “Damn lucky. I found the absolute perfect woman for me. We were made for each other,” he stated, toying with her nipples.

  “Mm.” Abby moaned as he teased her.

  “You’ll tell me if you start to get sore?”

  “Yeah.” She sighed when he found a particularly sensitive spot. “Not yet. More.”

  Jesse raised his head and slid his hands to her waist. “Come back to bed.”

  “Tease.”

  “I could say the same for you since you are denying my pleasure by resisting.”

  Abby scooted around him and sprawled on the bed. “Come here.” She patted her stomach before pushing her mounds together.

  “Ab?” He hesitated.

  “You’ve avoided this on purpose. Even though I’m sure you want to do it.” Abby patted her stomach again. “The way I feel when you touch me is nothing even remotely similar to Earl. Your hands and mouth turn me on so much. I can see how hard you are, just thinking about sliding in here.” She stroked the valley between her breasts. “Let me lick you so you’re nice and slippery and then I want you to make love to my breasts. Or are you only pretending to like them?”

  “You sure?” he asked, straddling her chest.

  “Positive,” she whispered, catching him with her lips.

  Soon Jesse was thrusting in the cavern she created for his cock while his fingers squeezed and caressed her peaks. The first drops of his arousal lubricated her skin, exciting him even more. Abby’s tongue flicked the tip of his shaft every time it emerged from her cocoon.

  “Oh yeah.” He moaned, picking up the pace. “Chest or mouth?” he asked.

  “Both,” she urged, sensing he was about to explode. She raised her head, catching some of his climax, watching as he trapped the rest by sealing off the tunnel, pressing her flesh tightly around his shaft.

  Jesse fought to keep his balance while Abby’s response drew every last drop from him. She was so passionate. How she had ever managed to go three years without any sex at all and two with only minimal contact was beyond him. Someone as lusty as she should be encouraged not inhibited. She obviously enjoyed physical intimacy. Jesse vowed silently to ensure she never felt neglected or unsatisfied again. When he was back in control, he slid down her body, smearing them both with his sticky warmth. He claimed her mouth with a lingering kiss.

  “I wish I’d met you when we were young like Frank and Shelby,” he stated. “I wouldn’t ever have wanted a lover other than you. Think what it would have been like, discovering all the possibilities together.”

  “We are discovering it all now,” Abby said solemnly. “How can anyone else count as a lover now that I understand how it should feel?”

  “Good point.” Jesse rolled, pulling her with him. “Think we’ll be permanently stuck together if I keep you against me until this dries?”

  “Probably not.” She squirmed in his arms. “What time is it?”

  “Time for my wife to let her husband cuddle with her and hold her because she just proved once again that reality is better than fantasy. I’ll help with lunch, precious. Stay here with me.” Jesse managed to pull the covers with his foot until he could reach them. “I’m warm and cozy and happy. If you move, I’ll be cold and miserable.”

  “Can’t have that.” She rested her head on his shoulder. He could tell she wasn’t entirely comfortable, lying on top of him even though he kept encouraging her to do so.

  After a few minutes, Jesse kissed her forehead. “You’re not relaxing.”

  “I’m too heavy.”

  “No, Mrs. Monroe, you are not. You are just right. We fit like this.” He ran his hands down her back and cupped her ass. “You belong here. How can I convince you that I love the feel of you covering me?”

  “I’m sorry,” Abby whispered.

  Jesse held her more securely. Over the past few days, she had moments when she broke out of the behavior pattern she had lived with for the past five years. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before she reverted to Earl’s enforced habits.

  “I love you,” Jesse reminded her, letting his palms roam. “Have I mentioned that lately?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t think so.” Jesse tipped her face so he could kiss her. “Look at me, Abby. Can you see how I feel? Saying it isn’t enough. I wish you could crawl inside my heart and really understand this. It seems like I’ve loved you forever, not just a few days. You’re already a part of me. I can’t imagine living without you anymore.” Jesse felt Abby tense. “Am I making you uncomfortable? I can shut up if this emotional stuff bothers you.”

  “It’s not that.” She buried her face back against his neck. “It’s just…I don’t know how to act when you say that and I don’t want to screw up. I don’t want to disappoint you. I’m sorry.”

  “Aw, precious, you don’t have to do anything. I’m sharing how I feel, not setting you up. There’s nothing to screw up here. And the only way I’d be disappointed is if you disappeared while I was asleep with no explanation.”

  “You think I’m going to run away?”

  “Gods, no! That came out wrong. I know your life has been a roller coaster lately. Part of me thinks I pushed you into staying with me because it’s what I wanted. I’m afraid you’ll decide it was a mistake once you get a chance to think about everything. That’s why I keep telling you how I feel. And part of why I touch you so often. I’m hoping you’ll be able to see how much I honestly want you as my wife so when the doubts start you’ll stay and work them out with me.”

  “What’s the other part? Of why you touch me? If you’re doing this because you pity me—” She pulled away from him and curled into a tight ball. “You don’t have to do it, Jesse. You don’t have to force yourself to fuck the fat girl to make her feel better.”

  Jesse eased his arms around her and pressed against her back. “You can’t believe that. Please say you don’t honestly believe that. Tell me that what we shared meant more to you than that. Am I the only one who t
hinks I found the one who turns the physical pleasure into so much more than just that? I’m not exaggerating. I’m not saying pretty words to give you a boost. Do you really think I’d do that to you? That I’d treat you like that? That I’d get you to trust me just so I could take advantage of you?”

  “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be with someone. I don’t know how to love you. Why do you even want to try?”

  “Because I do love you. And I have faith in you. I don’t expect you to do anything in particular or act in a certain way. I am Jesse, not Earl. I don’t want to control you. I don’t want to dictate your responses. You are exactly where you should be, Abby. With me. Because you possessed my heart the second we met. Because there is no one else I ever want in my life. Because you are already perfect to me. You do love me. Or you’re starting to at least. You show it all the time. By marrying me. By saying what you were thinking when you talked to Wyatt. By telling me about your past. By letting Andie coerce you into coming here with me. By letting me call Alyssa to photograph you. By letting me touch your bruises. By reaching for me when you want me. By indulging my fascination with your breasts. By giving and taking pleasure as we make love. It was more than sex, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes,” she admitted softly.

  “Do you trust me at all?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you believe I’m being honest with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “When we stood in that room in front of the judge, did you want to marry me?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Do you want to trust yourself and the feelings you have for me?”

  “I’m trying.”

  “Are you afraid of how right this feels?”

  “Terrified.”

  “Are you afraid that Earl is going to show up and somehow take this all away from you?”

  “Every second.”

  “You don’t have to be. No matter what he comes up with or how hard he tries, I will never change my mind about how much I want to be with you.”

  “How can you say that? You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

  “He can try everything and anything and it won’t make one bit of difference to me. My heart knows we belong together. Earl can’t touch that. I’m yours, Abby. I want to be your husband forever. I want to love you the rest of my life. I don’t want a damned thing from you other than the chance to show you that. I have unlimited patience. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll reassure you any way I can until you accept that. Will you stay with me? Can you give us a chance? I won’t ever force you to do anything. Do you want to see where we can go together?”

  “Yes.” He barely heard her. “I’m sorry.”

  “Shh,” he soothed. “I know you’re scared. This has to be so hard for you. I promise it’ll be okay. Don’t pretend and don’t hesitate to say anything at all. You are just starting to relearn who you are. I want to be with you while you do it.” He felt her relax slightly against him. “I love you.”

  Abby turned in his arms and finally looked at him. “Me too but I’m so scared. I’m sorry. I don’t think it was just sex either.”

  “Thank you.” He stroked her cheek. “I have something I’d like to show you. Something I know you’d rather not do. But something that I think is important enough to do even though you’ll be self-conscious at first.”

  “What?” Abby frowned.

  “I want you to see you the way I do.”

  “How?”

  Jesse nodded to the full-length mirror standing in the corner. “I think we can adjust the angle on that so we can see your whole body at one time.”

  “No!” Abby flinched, shaking her head rapidly.

  “Wait. Before you reject this, listen to me please. You keep seeing yourself as Earl conditioned you to. Aren’t you even a little curious about what I see when I look at you? Shouldn’t your husband’s opinion be as interesting to you as your ex’s?”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. But think of that question from my point of view. I won’t insist if you really don’t want to try to see you through my eyes as long as you can honestly tell me that you seriously considered my request.”

  Abby glanced nervously from Jesse to the mirror and back again. “Well, okay. If it means that much to you.”

  “It does.” He rewarded her with a distracting kiss. After several minutes, he urged her into the spot where a sunbeam danced through the room. When he had her in the position he wanted, he slid the mirror in front of her and adjusted the angle.

  Standing beside her, he smiled reassuringly. “Let’s do me first. Hmm, I’d say I look fairly decent. In moderately good shape.” Abby snorted and rolled her eyes. “Okay, in good shape. Toned muscles but not overly exaggerated. Average looks that make it easy to fit into any scenario. Dress me in shabby jeans without shaving for three days and I’m scruffy enough to blend in on the street. You’ve seen me in a suit and I can hold my own in small talk so I can adapt to that sort of circumstance too. I’d say there’s nothing about me that would draw specific attention to me if I didn’t want it.”

  “Wrong. What about your eyes?”

  “They’re kind of grayish. Maybe bluish in the right light.”

  “They’re hard to miss, Jesse. And very expressive when you let them be. But I think you can hide that too. I might have imagined it but I think you made them blank before you looked away from me in that office the first day.”

  “Perhaps.” He was pleased to discover that she had paid attention from the beginning. “I suppose you’re right. I’ve heard comments from time to time about my glare being threatening. It’s nowhere near as effective as Frank’s when he’s pissed though. His eyes go almost black and scare the shit out of people.”

  “I bet you can do that too. I don’t want you to try it out on me or anything but I like the way you look at me when, um…”

  “No hiding now.” Jesse slid an arm around her waist. “I want to know what you see and when you see it. I’m going to share everything. You can too if you want.”

  “Well.” She met his eyes in the mirror. “When you get really turned on your eyes do get darker. I feel hot when you look at me, like you’re sending heat with them. You get kind of intense when you, ah, come.”

  “Good intense or scary intense?”

  “Definitely good,” Abby replied quickly. “You looked so kind and concerned the first day when you were trying to help with my migraine. Like you were really worried about me. And sometimes, when you don’t think I know you’re watching me, you make me feel warm and tingly.”

  “Ah. So just because your head is lowered I shouldn’t assume you’re not aware of what’s going on around you. Good to know. Shall I continue? My hands are sort of big. Not deformed big but bigger than they should be. I have adequate dexterity so they don’t keep me from working with the finer parts of Wyatt’s systems but I wouldn’t be able to tie flies like Will does.”

  “Flies?”

  “Fishing flies. You’ll meet him tomorrow. He had so many that Brett suggested he set up a website and sell them back when he and Dee were still in the city. It took off like you can’t believe and since they’ve moved, he does it full-time. Even has some college kids he’s training to help keep up with the demand for custom-made bugs. The things he makes are so realistic. They’re amazing. I’m sure Will would show you if you’re interested.”

  “I didn’t know they were such a big deal.”

  “Me either but apparently plenty of fishermen think so. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, my fingers are too clumsy to do the fine stuff Will does but they’ve never let me down.” Jesse displayed his hands on her stomach, flexing them to draw her attention. “I guess that just leaves my penis. Average in size. Taking a break at the moment but seems adequate to get by.”

  Abby snorted. “Oh, please. Adequate? Average? You’re too modest.”

  “Th
ink so?”

  “Jesse, even now you’re huge compared to Earl at his hardest. Thicker too. And extremely talented.”

  “Why thank you. Nice to know it suits you.”

  “Suits me? Stop fishing for compliments. It more than suits me. It’s amazing and makes me wild and you know it.”

  “Yeah, but I like the way you sound when you’re praising me. Goes straight to a guy’s ego when his woman compliments his manhood.”

  “Your manhood is spectacular and I love everything you’ve done with it so far. And everything you’ve let me do with it. I’m looking forward to many, many more experiences with it.”

  Jesse lowered his gaze to his responding shaft. “I think it heard you. Just wait until we discuss you. I bet you’ll inspire it to even greater, ah, heights. I’ll have to stand so we can watch its response to you.”

  “Mm.” Abby leaned against his side and licked her lips at the thought of his manhood, hard and demanding as it had been for the last three days.

  “But before you get distracted…” Jesse sensed she was about to reach for him, “Let me tell you about you.” Abby immediately dropped her head. “Look at me, not the floor. That’s the whole point of this.” He waited for her to meet his gaze. “Ready?”

  “No.”

  “Too bad. It’s your turn. First of all, let me restate that I never went for one type of woman over another.”

  “What about boobs?”

  “Boobs are great. The bigger, the better but I’d have been drawn to you even if you were flat as a board. You describe yourself as fat. Maybe by some misguided standards, you are. But to me,” he said as he ran his hands up and down her sides, “your body is exactly what I want. If you lose twenty pounds, I’ll say the same thing. If you gain twenty pounds, I’ll still say the same thing. As long as you give me total access like you have been, I’ll continue to worship every bit of you, no matter how your size changes over the next seventy years.”

  Jesse rested his fingertips against her face. “Your skin is so creamy and soft. I could tell that right away.”

  “But my bruises…”

  “Will fade soon enough.” He caressed the large purple area on her side. “Your eyes get huge when you feel desire. They sparkle when you tease. They glow with heat when you come. They show you’re hurting when you have a migraine. They glaze with terror when you talk about Earl. When you’re scared, they go flat, like you’re hiding inside yourself. You already know I think your hair is adorable. You’re the perfect height to fit next to me. I like the way your cheek rests against my chest when you lean into me. Your neck…” Jesse touched it before nibbling with his lips. “Is so sensitive. That mouth of yours.” He slid a finger between her lips. “Well, I think you already know how I feel about every part of this mouth. Let me restate how welcome you are to do anything you want with it to any part of me. And these.” He cupped her breasts, pushing them up. “Are exquisite. Hot. Lush. Sensational. Promise you won’t ever lose so much weight that these disappear. I know I said they didn’t matter but now that I’ve had them I would miss them if they went away.”