Deceitfully (Sinfully Series)

by Leighton Riley

  They were yelling at each other, but all I could do was concentrate on breathing and not falling apart. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but I feared that if I left, she’d have another chance with him. I didn’t want her to win, but at the end of all this, I felt like I had already lost.

  I was disgusted with both of them.

  I had no idea how long I was on the floor. Minutes? Hours? Tate wrapped me up in his arms, and I had to fight the urge to push him away. Tonight reminded me of many things. Things I’d buried away and pretended didn’t exist.

  His body was so warm but still a bit unsteady. I could smell the liquor on his breath when he spoke, but I didn’t hear the words. I was in my own little world, trying to figure out what in the hell my next move would be.

  “You can leave now,” I murmured without realizing I said it out loud. I felt his arms loosen a bit, but he didn’t let go. I was in a daze and needed to be alone. My face was crusty from the tears.

  “I’m not leaving. Stella, I had no idea it wasn’t you. I don’t care about Sophia. You’re the one who makes my heart beat like crazy. I don’t have any excuses but that, what you saw; I thought that was with you. I can’t believe she’d go to that level just to hurt you or prove a point. I love you.”

  And there it was. The three words that made me question everything. I wanted to believe him, believe in us. I just couldn’t right then.

  I wanted to say it back. I wanted to live our happily ever after. “I wasn’t suggesting. I was telling you. Enjoy San Diego, Tate. I won’t be able to make it after all. Right now, when I think of you, I think of her. When I feel your skin on mine, I’m reminded of her sucking you off and you coming inside her mouth,” I said in a monotonous voice and got myself off the ground and went to my bathroom.

  I was freaking out and questioning everything that was our relationship. It brought back all the insecurities of Sophia being better than I was. Each step that I took brought me one step further away from Tate. I didn’t want to lose him, but after seeing what just happened, I wasn’t sure what my next steps would be.

  It was getting harder and harder to stay standing. My heart was breaking and my vision was becoming a blur. I couldn’t catch my breath and needed to be alone. After locking the door, a new set of tears came flooding down and I collapsed on the floor. As I felt the lightness take over, I prayed that he had listened and left. He didn’t need to see me like this.

  I WOKE UP TO the sound of banging. Lifting my head, I winced from the pain in my side and elbow. I was on the rug of my bathroom, still fully dressed, and the banging was only getting louder.

  “Hang the fuck on.” I looked in the mirror and scrunched my nose up in disgust. My hair was in disarray and my mascara had dried on my cheeks and above my eyes. I looked like a hot mess. “If you’re a burglar, I’ve got fifty bucks in my nightstand but leave the vibrators, please. Or—take them I guess, if you need them? Otherwise, I’m gonna hop in the shower.” I started walking slowly over to the shower when I heard him laughing.

  Tate.

  “Tate?” How long had he been out there? What time was it? Looking around, there wasn’t a clock in sight, and I had no idea where my phone was.

  “Yeah, baby. Can I come in? It’s kinda lonely out here now that the burglars ran off with your sex toys.” He was still laughing.

  Rubbing my palm over my face, I wondered what in the hell just happened. How long had he been out there? I turned away from the shower, pouting that it’d be another few minutes before I could clean myself off and to the fact that he was about to see me like this. When I opened the door, his face showed a thousand different emotions and I wasn’t sure which one to focus on. He looked me up and down in concern but also with a glint of desire in his eyes. He seemed worried and that was when the memories from tonight began flooding back.

  “Oh, Tate.” My face crumpled up and I fought an internal battle over whether to have him hold me or keep his distance. I loved and hated him at the same time.

  “I know, baby.” The same sadness was in his voice, and I couldn’t help but collapse into his arms.

  “We’re fighting an uphill battle, aren’t we?” I asked as I rested my cheek on his chest. His large hands were rubbing my back with care. He had this way of soothing me whenever he was close. It grounded me.

  “It wouldn’t be worth it if we weren’t, Stella. You had me scared for a minute. I heard a loud noise, and you didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I was two seconds from beating your bathroom door down. What happened?” He pulled away slightly to look down into my eyes.

  I was embarrassed. It had only happened a time or two before, but they’d always been when I was alone and I didn’t have to tell people about it. I couldn’t lie to him, though. Otherwise, he’d probably think something worse had happened.

  “It was a panic attack or something. I don’t get them often and don’t take my anxiety medications anymore. I thought I had it under control, but I guess not. I’m okay, I promise.” I showed him my scraped elbow. “See, minimal damage.” I laughed lightly, but the concern and pity in his eyes made me clamp my mouth shut.

  “You’ve had this before? I made this happen?” He stepped away and let go of me completely. I was cold and instantly missed his touch. “I didn’t know. Fuck, can this day get any worse?” Tate walked back toward the bed but veered to the other side of the room after a few steps. His hands were holding his hair.

  “It wasn’t you. It was the unexpectedness of the situation. Tate, I know she did this. I’m not upset with you. It just put me back into that dark place where I thought I would never be good enough for someone and that she’d always be better.” The honesty was obvious in my voice, and I didn’t want him to feel bad. In my mind, him coming in her mouth kept playing on repeat, but I wasn’t about to voice that concern. If only I could bury that memory into a deep compartment in my brain and never think about it again.

  “Are you sure you shouldn’t get checked out? You were out for a few minutes, Stell. What if there was some sort of damage done?”

  “I’m fine. I could maybe use another massage though if you really want to make it all better.” I smiled, trying to show that the situation tonight was done with. I wanted to feel us again. I loved being in his arms, making me feel protected and loved.

  “Can we change the sheets first? No offense, but I don’t trust your sister and who knows if this was the end of her scheming ways.”

  I had to laugh at that. The plan I had already come up with was to burn them. Tate seemed more at ease, and I felt a slight bit proud of how I’d overcome Sophia’s skanky plans to belittle me. One point for Stella.

  Only, I knew this game wasn’t over. She’d made it clear that she had a goal in mind and I was the one in her way. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

  I NEEDED THE SMELL OF Sophia off me. I felt her everywhere, and it was making my skin crawl. Stella in my arms helped but fuck if I wasn’t distracted.

  “Can we take a shower first?”

  “Mmmhmm.” Stella had this lighthearted airiness about her, and after what she’d witnessed, it was kind of throwing me for a loop. I was expecting her to kick my ass to the curb and am thankful I stayed after she told me to leave. Her telling me that she wouldn’t be coming to San Diego hadn’t skipped my mind, but I wasn’t about to bring it up yet. Not tonight, when I had her like this.

  She stripped out of her clothes with a sway to her hips as if she were dancing to her own music. I stared in awe of this woman and vowed right then that I’d do anything in my power to make her mine, forever.

  Forever was never in my vocabulary. Not even with Payton. I was more infatuated with the idea of being with Payton than actually being in a long-term relationship with her. I knew we would have never worked out. We’re both too strong-willed, and she’s so much better as my best friend. Forever was a word that Cylas used. I had no doubt that he would have found his forever girl.

  I missed him every single day. So
many things reminded me of him. Going to the gym, driving by the school he worked at, seeing the guys, favorite restaurants, even shows on TV. He was engrained into my life, and everywhere I looked, I was reminded of my friend who was taken too soon.

  I had felt guilty for it being him and not me. It was eating away at me and one night, Stella had asked me what was on my mind, and I broke it down for her. She’d told me that everyone was here for a reason. That everyone we met came into our lives at a particular time, and while we might not realize it, they were there to make an impact. She went on to talk about how Old Man Winstead came in every Tuesday morning to buy a cupcake for himself because his late wife had told him about how while most people hated Mondays, Tuesdays sucked just as much and a cupcake could make any day just a little better. Stella let me in on the fact that on some of her most terrible days, she’d remember Old Man Winstead and would have a cupcake just for him.

  I started thinking about the people in my life and the effect they had on me. Cylas came to mind first, and I knew that he was always the one who made me want to go out of my way to help another. It was so easy to go through life worrying about only yourself and not taking into consideration other people’s feelings. Cylas was always lending a helping hand and considered the impact of his actions on those around him. It wasn’t unlike him to bring his to-go boxes from dinner to some of the homeless just so they could have a decent meal.

  There was a reason Cylas was in my life, and I strived every day to think about how Cylas would have handled things. He was my guardian angel.

  Seeing this beautiful woman in front of me, I never wanted to be the one who made her cry or question the love I had for her. I wanted her to feel loved and cherished. I’d begun to see my future with someone else in it. If Stella only knew the impact she’d made on my life, she’d know that I couldn’t have gotten through the past couple of months without her.

  “Tate?” Stella had one foot in the shower waiting for me. Her skin was like silk, and the sight of her pulled me back into reality. I couldn’t figure out why this woman would ever doubt herself or my feelings for her. Was I not showing her the love that had grown in my heart for her?

  “I’m coming, baby,” I told her as I quickly undressed and stalked toward her. She was mine, and I planned to make her forget the past couple of hours and remember why she was with me.

  I washed her entire body, starting with her squared shoulders and took my time to appreciate her delicate skin beneath my fingers. It only took her a minute to relax into me, and it was as if she knew I needed this as much as she did. I was especially careful around her banged up elbow, and when I finally turned her to face me, all the sadness, anger, and doubt was gone. All that was left was pure love. The way she stared up into my eyes, she was able to tell me everything without uttering a word.

  We were both fighting our own battles, but we were also each other’s saviors. She gave me the strength to remember to live each day to the fullest and to never take anything for granted. Life was a bitch like that and could take away something you love in the blink of an eye. Stella reminded me to live in the present and not to get stuck in memories of the past. If I had to guess, I hoped that I reminded her that she was loved and that she was worth it. I never wanted her to feel insecure, and in that very moment, there wasn’t an ounce of insecurity in her.

  She finally smiled. “You’re staring.” Her hands moved up and locked behind my neck. Her pebbled nipples were grazing against my skin, and I felt my erection growing against her belly.

  “I’m memorizing. I never want to forget this moment, right here with you. I’ve never felt so whole in my life, even with all the loss we’ve had. You make me see the world more clearly now. I don’t live day-to-day wondering if I’m on the right path anymore. You are my path. You’re my everything.” I moved a stray hair away from her face and stared straight into her gazing eyes. The love and passion that I craved to see was staring straight back at me. All of the regret and pain from just an hour ago was gone and it was just us now.

  “I’m sorry,” she muttered and placed her hand in my hair, caressing me slowly. “I’m sorry for having such a terrible sister. For you having to go through that, unwillingly.” Her eyes showed the pain I felt inside, and I knew that while we were together in this, that it would take time to recover from what happened this afternoon.

  Closing my eyes for a moment, I tried to gather my thoughts so that it wouldn’t come off wrong. “Never apologize to me, baby. You had nothing to do with that. As fucked up as it was, it made it so clear to me that you are my one. You are my only. I should have known it wasn’t you, but she made everything sound so different, so much more like you and unlike her. Maybe my mind wanted it to be you. I don’t know. When you walked in the door, I had thought I’d lost you. Really. Seeing what you saw, I figured you’d assume the worst and run without looking back. Thank you for that, Stella.” I kissed her on her pouty lips, showing my thanks through my actions.

  After a moment, she pulled away and turned to face away from me. She was shielding me from something. “What is it, baby?” I could feel the distance she was putting between us, and I shivered.

  “I can’t. Not yet.”

  “Can’t what?” I wasn’t following her line of thought completely.

  “Your—um—arousal. Normally, I’d be all up for it, but right now? I just can’t. Please understand?” Stella turned toward me and anguish covered her beautiful face. My poor girl. I brought her into a hug, hoping my erection that was rock hard for her wasn’t going to make things worse.

  “Of course, I do. It has a mind of its own when it comes to you. I’d never expect that unless you and I were on the same page. We can be PG for a few days, baby. I wouldn’t mind snuggling up and watching movies on the couch with you and sneaking into your room at night to lay with you with my clothes on.”

  “Clothes on? Now you’re just being irrational. It’s just too fresh in my mind right now. Give me a few days and I should be better.” She raised herself onto her tiptoes and gave me a deep, slow kiss that almost brought me to my knees.

  This girl.

  THE DAY HAD COME and I was a nervous wreck. Tate had gone to grab us two mocha frapps before we boarded the plane, and I couldn’t stop my knee from bouncing. After my panic attack a few weeks ago, Tate had convinced me to see my doctor, and I had gotten back on my anxiety meds. While I had started to feel them working, the doctor said it could be three to four weeks before I noticed any real improvement. I had originally been reluctant to go, but Tate had been so understanding and persuasive that I put on my big girl shoes and agreed. Looking back, I realized I really did need the medication to take the edge off and help me be me.

  Even so, getting on a plane with my boyfriend to go visit a friend of his who he’d had prior intimacies with was enough for my brain to go into overdrive. He’d come clean that he and Payton had been together before but that over the past couple of years, they had transitioned into this weird brother/sister friendship that was strictly platonic. After much convincing and video chatting with Payton and Emilynn, I came to see how their relationship worked. The banter between the two of them was similar to friends who’d known each other their whole life.

  I’d learned that Payton was married to Ryder, and they were madly in love with each other. Many times, Tate and I would be chatting with Payton, and we’d see Ryder in the background cooing and playing with his baby girl. It was adorable.

  I wanted that someday.

  “You ready for some sunshine and relaxation?” Tate handed me my iced drink and took a seat next to me as we heard the airline attendant announce that first class could now board. He was wearing fitted dark wash jeans and a zip-up hoodie over his plain white tee and couldn’t have looked hotter. His sleepy, bedroom eyes were on me and he gave me a kiss on the cheek before telling me, “You’ve never looked more beautiful than you are right now. You’ve got this lightness about you that’s come out this past week.”

>   I looked down and thought about his words. I was wearing skinny jeans and a cream sweater with my hair pulled into a messy ponytail. When I thought about it though, I did feel lighter. I hadn’t been stressing as much, and after days of being royally pissed at my sister, I knew that going away with Tate to see Payton would also put separation that we very much needed between my evil sister and us.

  Pushing any negative thoughts away, I replied, “I’m ready to hold a chunka-monk little baby. Is that weird? Being excited to hold someone’s baby who I’ve never met before?” I questioned as I took a sip of my drink and moaned in appreciation. “That’s so good. Thank you, babe.”

  Laughing at me, he adjusted his pants. “No, Stella, thank you. Now I’ll be hearing your moans of appreciation in my mind the whole flight with nothing to do about it.”

  “Nothing to do about it, my ass. Are you telling me that you’ve never? On a plane?” I was in shock that Mr. Sex on a Stick hadn’t joined the mile high club in all his years of rendezvousing.

  Still laughing, he shook his head slightly and turned to look at who was sitting close to us. There was a college kid with headphones on his ears and two businessmen who were too busy talking on their phones to hear anything else.

  “I’ve tried. Once. It didn’t go so well.” He blushed, and I knew I had to know the story.

  “Spill.”

  “Ugh. You better be glad that I love you.” He burrowed his face in his hands. “Fine.” He looked up and his panty-melting smile was back. “I’d just met her. She had offered to switch seats so that a mom could sit with her two boys and the girl ended up next to me. We started to chat about work and home life. It was chilly on the plane so she’d asked for a blanket, but as soon as she got it, she laid it out purposely covering both of our laps. I wasn’t expecting it, and she took matters into her own hands, literally. I sat back and enjoyed but just as I started to feel myself about to—you know, she unbuckled and took off for the bathroom. I was about to stand myself, but then I saw the two boys’ faces just staring at me, and I knew I couldn’t follow. I mean, what kind of role model would that be for them to see me walk into a plane bathroom and fuck a random passenger. I just prayed that they were too innocent to know what she’d been doing to me in the seat. After ten minutes, she came back pissed and defeated. It was an awkward rest of the flight, to say the least.”