‘I admired what you did,’ she said.
He murmured something politely. She got up and sat on the edge of the bed.
‘My skirt,’ she said, ‘was soaked. Look.’
She pulled it above her knees. ‘Feel it,’ she said.
He came close to her and felt the frock. She stared into his eyes as he touched the cloth. She was shivering.
‘Close the door,’ she said suddenly. ‘I must take it off. I don’t want Monsieur Pierre to see me.’ He closed the door. While his back was turned she picked up the hem of her frock and pulled it over her head. She stood bare-legged in her white underclothes. The shoulder strap slipped over her arm. She knew that he saw her white breast.
‘In England this might be misunderstood,’ she said with a loud nervous laugh. ‘But not in France.’ She laughed and stared, frightened at him.
‘I’m old enough to be your mother, aren’t I?’
‘Well, not quite,’ he said.
She was nearly choking. She could nearly scream. She was ugly and hideous. She had wanted to show him what she was. ‘Feel how cold I am,’ she said, putting out her leg. He put his hand on her white thigh. It was soft and warm. He was puzzled.
‘Do you mind?’ she said. She lay back on the bed. Tears came into her eyes when she spoke.
‘You are young,’ she said. ‘Come and sit here.’
He came and sat on the edge of the bed beside her. He was very puzzled. She took his hand. But there was no desire in her. It had gone. Where had it gone? She dropped his hand and stared helplessly at him. She saw that he did not want her and that it had not occurred to him to want her. If she had drawn his head down to her breast she would have been cold to his touch. There was no desire, but only shame and anger in her heart.
‘I suppose,’ she said suddenly, with a false yawn, ‘that this is a little unconventional.’
To her astonishment he got up.
‘Have you ever been in love?’ she asked in a mocking voice to call him back. ‘Hardly, I expect, not yet. You are only a child.’
Before he could answer she said:
‘Too young to sleep with a woman.’
Now he looked embarrassed and angry. She laughed. She got up. She was delighted she had made him angry.
She took her frock and waited. Perhaps he would attempt to kiss her. She stood waiting for him. But he did not move. Slowly a horror of what she was doing came over her. There was no desire. She saw, too, a remote fear of her in his brown eyes.
‘Thank you,’ she said. She put the frock against her breast and went to the door. She hoped for one more humiliation when she opened it: that she should be seen, half naked, leaving his room. But there was no one on the stairs.
From the landing window as she went up she saw the familiar picture. The military rows of the vines in the red soil. The shadow-pocked mountains, the pines. It was like a postcard view taken in the sun, the sun not of today but of other days, a sun which was not warm but the indifferent, hard, dead brilliance of the past itself, surrounding her life.
She lay down on the bed and sobbed with misery and shame as a broken creature will abase itself before a bloodless, unapproachable idol. She sobbed because of her ugliness and of the ugliness of having no desire. She had abased and humiliated herself. When had the desire gone? Before Alex had rushed to the rescue into the sea it had been there. When?
It had gone when she had heard her husband’s refusal and had seen the fear and helplessness in his eyes, the muddle in his heart. Her desire had not gone winged after the rescuer, but angry, hurt, astounded and shocked towards her husband. She knew this.
She stopped weeping and listened for him. And in this clarity of the listening mind she knew she had not gone to Alex’s room to will her desire to life or even to will it out of him, but to abase herself to the depths of her husband’s abasement. He dominated her entirely, all her life; she wished to be no better than he. They were both of them like that; helpless, halted, tangled people, outcasts in everything they did.
She heard him coming up the stairs.
‘Tom,’ she called. ‘Tom.’
She went avidly to the door.
That evening in the quietness after dinner some friends of Pierre’s came in to hear about his escape. He wore his yachting cap that night. Death, he said, had no terrors for him, nor had the sea. In his case the balance of displacement was exact; once already he had looked death in the face…. He was the hero. He did not once refer to his rescuer. Two of the guests were English, a Colonel and his wife, and to them Coram, also, told the story. He stumbled over his words. He lumbered on. They sat under the massed black leaves of the mulberry tree.
Mrs Coram sat there calm, clever and experienced, as she always was. Here and there, as she always did, she helped her husband over the story. ‘Let me tell you what happened,’ she said, smiling. They turned to her with relief, and Coram himself was grateful.
Wonderful story she always tells, they said. Ought to write. Why didn’t she take it up? ‘Go on, Mrs Coram, give us the lowdown.’
They all laughed, except Pierre, under the trees. He was out of his depth in so much quick English.
It was ridiculous, she said, in her quickest voice, glancing at Alex, to go out in a sea like that. She described the scene.
‘Tom tried to persuade him not to go, but he would. You know how vain they are,’ she said. ‘And then,’ she said as they laughed with approval and caught the excitement of her story. ‘Poor Tom had to go in to rescue him.’
She looked at them. Her eyes were brilliant, her whole body alive with challenge as she glanced from her visitors to Alex and Tom.
‘B …’ Tom began.
‘Alex was at the other end of the beach and Tom had to go in and rescue him,’ she repeated.
She looked at all of them with defiance and a pause of pity for Alex; at Tom, like a cracking whip before a too docile lion. The Corams against the world.
Graham Greene
THE DESTRUCTORS
1
IT was on the eve of August Bank Holiday that the latest recruit became the leader of the Wormsley Common Gang. No one was surprised except Mike, but Mike at the age of nine was surprised by everything. ‘If you don’t shut your mouth,’ somebody once said to him, ‘you’ll get a frog down it.’ After that Mike had kept his teeth tightly clamped except when the surprise was too great.
The new recruit had been with the gang since the beginning of the summer holidays, and there were possibilities about his brooding silence that all recognized. He never wasted a word even to tell his name until that was required of him by the rules. When he said ‘Trevor’ it was a statement of fact, not as it would have been with the others a statement of shame or defiance. Nor did anyone laugh except Mike, who finding himself without support and meeting the dark gaze of the newcomer opened his mouth and was quiet again. There was every reason why T., as he was afterwards referred to, should have been an object of mockery – there was his name (and they substituted the initial because otherwise they had no excuse not to laugh at it), the fact that his father, a former architect and present clerk, had ‘come down in the world’ and that his mother considered herself better than the neighbours. What but an odd quality of danger, of the unpredictable, established him in the gang without any ignoble ceremony of initiation?
The gang met every morning in an impromptu car-park, the site of the last bomb of the first blitz. The leader, who was known as Blackie, claimed to have heard it fall, and no one was precise enough in his dates to point out that he would have been one year old and fast asleep on the down platform of Wormsley Common Underground Station. On one side of the car-park leant the first occupied house, No. 3, of the shattered Northwood Terrace – literally leant, for it had suffered from the blast of the bomb and the side walls were supported on wooden struts. A smaller bomb and some incendiaries had fallen beyond, so that the house st
uck up like a jagged tooth and carried on the further wall relics of its neighbour, a dado, the remains of a fireplace. T., whose words were almost confined to voting ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to the plan of operations proposed each day by Blackie, once startled the whole gang by saying broodingly, ‘Wren built that house, father says.’
‘Who’s Wren?’
‘The man who built St Paul’s.’
‘Who cares?’ Blackie said. ‘It’s only Old Misery’s.’
Old Misery – whose real name was Thomas – had once been a builder and decorator. He lived alone in the crippled house, doing for himself: once a week you could see him coming back across the common with bread and vegetables, and once as the boys played in the car-park he put his head over the smashed wall of his garden and looked at them.
‘Been to the loo,’ one of the boys said, for it was common knowledge that since the bombs fell something had gone wrong with the pipes of the house and Old Misery was too mean to spend money on the property. He could do the redecorating himself at cost price, but he had never learnt plumbing. The loo was a wooden shed at the bottom of the narrow garden with a star-shaped hole in the door: it had escaped the blast which had smashed the house next door and sucked out the window-frames of No. 3.
The next time the gang became aware of Mr Thomas was more surprising. Blackie, Mike and a thin yellow boy, who for some reason was called by his surname Summers, met him on the common coming back from the market. Mr Thomas stopped them. He said glumly, ‘You belong to the lot that play in the car-park?’
Mike was about to answer when Blackie stopped him. As the leader he had responsibilities. ‘Suppose we are?’ he said ambiguously.
‘I got some chocolates,’ Mr Thomas said. ‘Don’t like ’em myself. Here you are. Not enough to go round, I don’t suppose. There never is,’ he added with sombre conviction. He handed over three packets of Smarties.
The gang were puzzled and perturbed by this action and tried to explain it away. ‘Bet someone dropped them and he picked ’em up,’ somebody suggested.
‘Pinched ’em and then got in a bleeding funk,’ another thought aloud.
‘It’s a bribe,’ Summers said. ‘He wants us to stop bouncing balls on his wall.’
‘We’ll show him we don’t take bribes,’ Blackie said, and they sacrificed the whole morning to the game of bouncing that only Mike was young enough to enjoy. There was no sign from Mr Thomas.
Next day T. astonished them all. He was late at the rendezvous, and the voting for that day’s exploit took place without him. At Blackie’s suggestion the gang was to disperse in pairs, take buses at random and see how many free rides could be snatched from unwary conductors (the operation was to be carried out in pairs to avoid cheating). They were drawing lots for their companions when T. arrived.
‘Where you been, T.?’ Blackie asked. ‘You can’t vote now. You know the rules.’
‘I’ve been there,’ T. said. He looked at the ground, as though he had thoughts to hide.
‘Where?’
‘At Old Misery’s.’ Mike’s mouth opened and then hurriedly closed again with a click. He had remembered the frog.
‘At Old Misery’s?’ Blackie said. There was nothing in the rules against it, but he had a sensation that T. was treading on dangerous ground. He asked hopefully, ‘Did you break in?’
‘No. I rang the bell.’
‘And what did you say?’
‘I said I wanted to see his house.’
‘What did he do?’
‘He showed it to me.’
‘Pinch anything?’
‘No.’
‘What did you do it for then?’
The gang had gathered round: it was as though an impromptu court were about to form and to try some case of deviation. T. said, ‘It’s a beautiful house,’ and still watching the ground, meeting no one’s eyes, he licked his lips first one way, then the other.
‘What do you mean, a beautiful house?’ Blackie asked with scorn.
‘It’s got a staircase two hundred years old like a corkscrew. Nothing holds it up.’
‘What do you mean, nothing holds it up. Does it float?’
‘It’s to do with opposite forces, Old Misery said.’
‘What else?’
‘There’s panelling.’
‘Like in the Blue Boar?’
‘Two hundred years old.’
‘Is Old Misery two hundred years old?’
Mike laughed suddenly and then was quiet again. The meeting was in a serious mood. For the first time since T. had strolled into the car-park on the first day of the holidays his position was in danger. It only needed a single use of his real name and the gang would be at his heels.
‘What did you do it for?’ Blackie asked. He was just, he had no jealousy, he was anxious to retain T. in the gang if he could. It was the word ‘beautiful’ that worried him – that belonged to a class world that you could still see parodied at the Wormsley Common Empire by a man wearing a top hat and a monocle, with a haw-haw accent. He was tempted to say, ‘My dear Trevor, old chap,’ and unleash his hell hounds. ‘If you’d broken in,’ he said sadly – that indeed would have been an exploit worthy of the gang.
‘This was better,’ T. said. ‘I found out things.’ He continued to stare at his feet, not meeting anybody’s eye, as though he were absorbed in some dream he was unwilling – or ashamed – to share.
‘What things?’
‘Old Misery’s going to be away all tomorrow and Bank Holiday.’
Blackie said with relief, ‘You mean we could break in?’
‘And pinch things?’ somebody asked.
Blackie said, ‘Nobody’s going to pinch things. Breaking in – that’s good enough, isn’t it? We don’t want any court stuff.’
‘I don’t want to pinch anything,’ T. said. ‘I’ve got a better idea.’
‘What is it?’
T. raised eyes, as grey and disturbed as the drab August day. ‘We’ll pull it down,’ he said. ‘We’ll destroy it.’
Blackie gave a single hoot of laughter and then, like Mike, fell quiet, daunted by the serious implacable gaze. ‘What’d the police be doing all the time?’ he said.
‘They’d never know. We’d do it from inside. I’ve found a way in.’ He said with a sort of intensity, ‘We’d be like worms, don’t you see, in an apple. When we came out again there’d be nothing there, no staircase, no panels, nothing but just walls, and then we’d make the walls fall down – somehow.’
‘We’d go to jug,’ Blackie said.
‘Who’s to prove? and anyway we wouldn’t have pinched anything.’ He added without the smallest flicker of glee, ‘There wouldn’t be anything to pinch after we’d finished.’
‘I’ve never heard of going to prison for breaking things,’ Summers said.
‘There wouldn’t be time,’ Blackie said. ‘I’ve seen housebreakers at work.’
‘There are twelve of us,’ T. said. ‘We’d organize.’
‘None of us know how …’
‘I know,’ T. said. He looked across at Blackie. ‘Have you got a better plan?’
‘Today,’ Mike said tactlessly, ‘we’re pinching free rides …’
‘Free rides,’ T. said. ‘You can stand down, Blackie, if you’d rather …’
‘The gang’s got to vote.’
‘Put it up then.’
Blackie said uneasily, ‘It’s proposed that tomorrow and Monday we destroy Old Misery’s house.’
‘Here, here,’ said a fat boy called Joe.
‘Who’s in favour?’
T. said, ‘It’s carried.’
‘How do we start?’ Summers asked.
‘He’ll tell you,’ Blackie said. It was the end of his leadership. He went away to the back of the car park and began to kick a stone, dribbling it this way and that. There was only one old Morris in the park, f
or few cars were left there except lorries: without an attendant there was no safety. He took a flying kick at the car and scraped a little paint off the rear mudguard. Beyond, paying no more attention to him than to a stranger, the gang had gathered round T.; Blackie was dimly aware of the fickleness of favour. He thought of going home, of never returning, of letting them all discover the hollowness of T.’s leadership, but suppose after all what T. proposed was possible – nothing like it had ever been done before. The fame of the Wormsley Common car-park gang would surely reach around London. There would be headlines in the papers. Even the grown-up gangs who ran the betting at the all-in wrestling and the barrow-boys would hear with respect of how Old Misery’s house had been destroyed. Driven by the pure, simple and altruistic ambition of fame for the gang, Blackie came back to where T. stood in the shadow of Misery’s wall.
T. was giving his orders with decision: it was as though this plan had been with him all his life, pondered through the seasons, now in his fifteenth year crystallized with the pain of puberty. ‘You,’ he said to Mike, ‘bring some big nails, the biggest you can find, and a hammer. Anyone else who can better bring a hammer and a screwdriver. We’ll need plenty of them. Chisels too. We can’t have too many chisels. Can anybody bring a saw?’
‘I can,’ Mike said.
‘Not a child’s saw,’ T. said. ‘A real saw.’
Blackie realized he had raised his hand like any ordinary member of the gang.
‘Right, you bring one, Blackie. But now there’s a difficulty. We want a hacksaw.’
‘What’s a hacksaw?’ someone asked.
‘You can get ’em at Woolworth’s,’ Summers said.
The fat boy called Joe said gloomily, ‘I knew it would end in a collection.’
‘I’ll get one myself,’ T. said. ‘I don’t want your money. But I can’t buy a sledge-hammer.’
Blackie said, ‘They are working on No. 15. I know where they’ll leave their stuff for Bank Holiday.’
‘Then that’s all,’ T. said. ‘We meet here at nine sharp.’
The Second Penguin Book of English Short Stories Page 27