by Jana Barkley
Now she understood what was going on. He didn’t want to be with someone who could get sick and not be there at any moment. Her heart swelled with pain. How could she blame him?
Sam spoke through the helplessness in her heart. “And, of course, I can’t give you more than ‘just now.’”
His eyes locked onto hers. “What do you mean?”
“Do you think I’d risk dragging you through something like this all over again? Putting you through that kind of loss? I could die, Hank.”
The expression on his face changed from fear to incredulity, then softened to the compassion she had been longing for. “Sam, we’re all gonna die sometime. Hell, the way traffic is getting around here, I could get killed the next time I pull out of my driveway.”
He leaned closer to her. “And when it comes to loss, that’s something we both signed up for. We’re falconers. There’s no guarantee every time we turn one of these guys loose they’re gonna come home with us. We know they could get killed in a chase or by another predator or in any number of ways. But we still fly them. Nothing could keep us from flying them, because a life without throwing yourself skyward each time your bird flies is no life at all. We understand that. It’s in our blood, our makeup. Anything else just isn’t life.”
He grabbed her hands, making her gasp at the thrill of his touch as he pulled her in front of him. “I bought that place because I see us there, Sam.”
She caught a ragged breath, unable to speak.
“I don’t care if we have only one month together or one year or twenty. I don’t want to waste any more time figuring out whether we should be together.”
Hank reached out with a gentle hand and held it to her face, his eyes making a tender search of what he saw there.
“It’s a done deal for me, Sam. I want you with me always.”
She couldn’t speak, but she nodded with such energy there was no doubt in his mind where her heart was. His arms caught her with their old, familiar possessiveness. He buried his face in her hair, whispering his love and desire for her between kisses. When she lifted her head, his lips found hers, and she lost herself in the demands of his mouth.
When Hank pulled his face back, he took hers between his hands and smiled down at her.
“Do you trust me now?” His tenderness was disarming. How could she not?
She nodded, hoping he could see in her eyes how much she loved him.
“Don’t be afraid of me anymore, sweetheart. Don’t run away from me.”
With a reassuring look at Chance who had made himself quite at home on his perch in the warming sun, Sam leaned into Hank’s protective arms. There was no longer anything to fear and nowhere else she wanted to go.
Chapter Forty-Five
Six months later
Mary Kate’s green van bounced and jostled the two women in their seats as it turned onto the long dirt driveway leading up to the house.
“Never thought I’d be coming to visit the two of you together, and all the way out in the middle of nowhere.”
“Nowhere?” Sam laughed. “You call this beautiful river valley nowhere?”
August and the glories of summer had changed the valley’s lush, water-fed verdure into the golden hues of dried summer grasses, making it resemble its sister sage flats bordering the property. There were no longer cattle on this land to manicure it down and no wheel lines to water the growing hay. Hank had followed through on his plan to let the ground go fallow, hoping it would encourage the wildlife to come. One morning, he told her he’d already spotted some jacks from the front porch and hugged her with happy anticipation.
“You look happy, Sam,” she said.
“I am, Mary Kate. I truly am.” Sam’s eyes followed the land as they pulled up into the front yard.
“Looks like the rest of us are here,” Mary Kate said as she parked the van and jumped out.
Sam saw Karen coming out to meet them and John over at the barbecue with Hank. Even now, watching her attractive man, she found it hard to believe she could call him hers. As she carried a bag of groceries toward the front steps, their eyes met. Their situation had brought a unique intensity to their relationship and continued to bind them closer. The uncertainty of her health gave their lovemaking urgency, demanding they live each day to the fullest. Although the possibility of loss sometimes pervaded the air, as it had during the past couple of days while they waited for Sam’s blood test results to come back, the act of seizing life and clinging fiercely to each other had taught her a love far richer than anything she’d ever known.
She thought about the first time Hank had made love to her, the same day she’d come to see him from the hospital. He’d been tentative and afraid of hurting her until her passion for him had given him the confidence to lose himself in her. Thinking of his touch and the feel of his body pressed close was enough to arouse her. A last glance his way to see him watching her as she took the groceries inside to the kitchen told her his thoughts weren’t too far different from hers. He could still make her blush, and she shook her head and smiled.
They set up a table and chairs out on the front lawn. The women were barefoot and in shorts as they set the table and brought food from the kitchen. Of course, the men were at the barbecue, talking about hawking. Mike and his wife arrived and shared hugs all around. Though the August days could be hot, the falconry family would be comfortable sitting under the shade of the giant oaks that framed the yard.
As they sat down to dinner, Sam paused and frowned.
“What is it, baby girl?” Hank asked, always sensitive to anything potentially amiss with her. Too sensitive, she thought, knowing his mind was on her test results.
“Karen, you invited Chelsea, didn’t you?” she asked.
Karen nodded.
“We always seem to be missing her.”
As if summoned, a small truck crunched up the gravel drive. Everyone turned.
“Speak of the devil,” John exclaimed.
They waved her over and she found her place at the table.
“We’ve missed you,” Mary Kate said. “What have you been doing?”
Chelsea grinned from ear to ear, her thick brunette hair falling around her face. “I’ve got a job,” she said. “And guess where?”
“Back East?” Karen asked.
Chelsea nodded. “You know that falconry school—it’s licensed by the US Fish and Wildlife Service? They hired me to do education.”
Karen squealed and threw her arms around Chelsea.
Sam sat back and took in the faces at their table. Six months before, this beautiful ranch had been nothing but an empty property, and now it was her home and full of love and friendship. She turned to Hank sitting next to her and found him gazing at her. He leaned forward against the table, intimating she do the same.
“Are you happy, Sam?”
“As long as you’re with me, love,” she whispered and felt the thrill of his hand as it clasped hers in her lap.
“All right, you lovebirds,” yelled Mike. “Enough of that. You’d think you just got married, or something!”
They leaned into each other and smiled, embarrassed but happy. Well, they had two days ago: in a simple civil ceremony all on their own. Once they had told their friends, Mary Kate had orchestrated this get-together. It was the best way they could imagine to celebrate.
There was more food than everyone could eat, but they took their time, and dinner was delicious. All those who had been drinking a little more than they should have been were told in no uncertain terms they were staying the night. There was no argument about it: two extra bedrooms and a large sofa or two would give them plenty of room.
As the sun started to head toward the western mountain range, Sam stood to begin clearing dishes. Mary Kate and Chelsea jumped up to help. As they mounted the front steps, Sam heard the telephone ringing.
“I’ll be right back,” she told the others, giving them her load of dishes with a laugh and trotting off to find the phone. She wa
s hoping for a call from Jason some time this evening and fully expected to hear his voice on the line.
“Hello?” she said with exuberance.
“Uh—is this where Hank Gerard lives?”
It was a woman’s voice—a familiar woman’s voice.
Mary Kate had walked into the room in time to see the strange expression on Sam’s face. Sam covered the receiver with her hand and mouthed the words “It’s Tasha,” in bemused disbelief.
Mary Kate burst out laughing, then stepped up and took the phone.
“Hello? Who’s this?”
“Oh, hi, Tasha. Yeah, this is Hank’s place. We’re all over having a barbecue. How are you?” Mary Kate made a great show of being interested and Sam’s expressions ranged from mortified to hilarity at the way her friend was behaving.
“Okay, hold on,” she said in an overly loud voice as she walked down the steps with the cordless phone and up to where Hank was sitting. “I’ll get him.”
Sam followed her down, and everyone’s attention was on Hank.
She stepped up to tell him who it was, but Mary Kate stopped her by the arm, a huge grin on her face. Sam was convinced Mary Kate could be positively evil when she wanted to be.
Hank didn’t trust her a bit and took the phone a bit too brusquely. They were all familiar with the way these two teased each other.
“Hello, who is this?” he asked, unable to hide the irritation that made him the Hank they all knew and loved.
His face went blank, and he threw Mary Kate a withering expression, promising pay back when he had the chance.
The others looked to her for explanation and she mouthed, “It’s Tasha.”
Mike rolled his eyes and buried his face in his hands to hide his laughter. Sam on the other hand didn’t quite know how to react. There was no doubt in her heart as to where Hank’s loyalty lay. Everyone else might find this funny, but she didn’t fancy dealing with an angry husband when they were all there to celebrate.
“Well, Tasha, that’s a shame,” he said, obviously uncomfortable. Then a wicked smile spread across his face. “I don’t know about that,” he said, listening some more.
“No, I don’t think I can answer that. Here, I’ll let you ask my wife,” at which point he held the receiver out and said loudly, “Tasha wants to know if she can come over and see me. She needs a shoulder to cry on.”
Instead of handing the phone to Sam like he said he was going to do, he looked at her with a wink and then put the phone back up to listen.
“I believe she hung up,” he said matter of factly and laid the phone on the table.
They all laughed and hooted loudly, but Sam came up and pinched him. He reacted in mock pain, grabbing her hand and pulling her down to sit on his lap.
“That was cruel, Mr. Gerard,” she said.
“Well, Mrs. Gerard,” he replied, I’ve only got room for one woman in my life.”
Their friends applauded as he pulled her head down to his and kissed her right there in front of everyone.
John stood and proposed a toast to the new couple.
“And here’s to a new falconry season ready to start again,” said Mary Kate. They could all drink to that.
As the light faded with the setting sun, the dishes were cleared away and everyone who was going to stay lined out with a place to sleep. While she was cleaning up in the kitchen, Sam listened to Mary Kate and the others as they lounged around on the front porch. Sam loved the sound of their voices and the laughter carrying through the screen door. From where she stood at the sink she could lean forward and make out the back of Hank’s head through the living room window. He was happy, and she would do anything to keep him that way.
When she finally hung the last dish towel up, she noticed the day’s mail sitting unopened on the hall table. They’d both been too busy to bother opening it. Probably more bills, she thought, sifting through the envelopes until her hand stopped on one.
The letterhead from her doctor’s office gave her a start. Her gaze sought Hank out on the front porch where he was drinking next to John. She smiled at seeing him so relaxed and happy, then steeled herself for what she might find. Turning to walk through the kitchen and out to the mud room entrance, she stepped into the side yard and took a seat on a small chair she used from time to time when working on that side of the house.
It doesn’t matter what the results are. For good or bad, we’re together. Her hands shook as she tore the envelope open and pulled out the letter. It was indeed her lab results and her new doctor’s signature at the bottom. Starting at the top, Sam forced herself to read.
The night air was deliciously warm, and the sounds of crickets sang like music in her ears. She loved the serenity of this home they were making together. After a few quiet minutes, she folded the paper back up and replaced it in the envelope. Walking back inside to the living room, she returned the letter to the hall table with the other mail.
“There you are,” cried Mary Kate. “Get your blonde self out here, lady, and have a drink.”
Sam laughed and came through the screen door to the porch. Hank’s gaze was on her instantly, always vigilant and searching. He’ll know something’s up.
His eyes shone bright as she met his gaze, and she came at the invitation of his raised hand to sit close. There was nothing more comfortable than this man’s arms around her.
Their friends continued to laugh and tell stories about their birds, but he sat quietly with his arm around her. She could feel his breath on her neck and knew he was drinking in her scent. It made her melt into him.
His voice was quiet enough so as not to be heard by the others.
“Sweetheart, you know you have nothing to worry about from that woman, don’t you?”
Sam grinned and looked up into the warmth of his eyes. Tasha had been the farthest thought from her mind. Her smile reassured him, but she saw a question remained.
She leaned back to whisper something in his ear, and he complied by lowering his head. After a moment, Hank’s other arm came around to hold her close and kiss her forehead.
“Hey, hey,” Mike started to tease again, but the expression on Hank’s face made him stop.
“Is everything okay?” Mary Kate asked, sensing the change in the two of them.
Sam looked up and smiled at Hank.
“You tell them,” she said.
“Sam got her lab results back,” he said, his voice full.
“And—?” Mary Kate said loudly when he took too long to answer.
“No cancer.”
Mary Kate fell over herself to get to Sam and hugged the both of them, while Mike and the others laughed and cheered.
“That’s the best wedding present we could have gotten,” Sam said, wiping her tears and smiling.
Several minutes later, as they all sat back on the front porch to watch the setting sun, Sam was lost in a rush of blissful unreality with only the firmness of Hank’s strong arms to keep her grounded.
She sat close to her husband on the porch swing, barely aware of what the others were saying. As the minutes passed, she felt an increasing lightness as the world of despair and loss slid from her shoulders, until she was melded to the side of the man who held her tight. She laid her head against him and felt the energy radiate between them, the warming vibration from his voice when he spoke and the reassuring rhythm of his breathing.
The fading light of day slipped behind the rugged mountain range on the horizon, but Sam didn’t need it to see. Ahead lay a thousand acres of beautiful, river-fed bottoms, which promised many hunts with Chance and Remo, and perhaps even Gally if ducks came to the pond below like Hank was betting they would. It was all part of those wide-open spaces she’d longed to lose herself in. And she understood better how releasing her hawk to fly free was not dissimilar from the freedom she had fought for and claimed for herself. How had she come to live in such heaven? What had she done to deserve the love of a man who was the center of her universe—a man who would overcome
heaven or hell to have her? She was too happy and too drained to take it all in. A deep, peaceful doze fell over Sam, and she nodded off, lost in the sound of her friends’ voices, the nighttime whir of insects, and the ultimate proof she was loved—the beating of Hank’s heart.
Sam woke later to find they were alone, still cuddled together on the porch swing. As she stirred, Hank brushed his lips past her temple, thrilling her with his nearness.
“Where is everyone?” she asked.
“Mike and Natalie drove home, John and Karen and Chelsea are in the guest bedrooms, and Mary Kate is snoring on the sofa—can’t you hear her?” Sam raised her head and listened. The steady susurration of their friend’s breathing was unmistakable through the screen door. They both laughed quietly.
“So what are your plans tomorrow, Mrs. Gerard?”
She smiled at her new name. “I thought I’d put Chance on the creance and see if he’s close to his new hunting weight for this season.”
Hank made a noise of approval. “What’s he at so far?”
“730 grams, like last season.”
“Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t need to drop a little lower. He’s not a juvenile anymore, and he may need some taking in hand to get him back into the swing of things.”
“He’s certainly had more of an attitude.”
“You’ll figure it out,” he said, caressing the side of her face with his hand and sending pleasurable chills down her back.
“And if I don’t?”
“Then your sponsor will help you.”
“He can be pretty helpful at times.” She gave him a playful smile.
“Really? I hear he’s pretty cranky.”
“Only when he doesn’t get his way,” she teased.
“I know one thing he’s gonna insist on getting his way,” he said, letting the hand holding her shoulder slip down to her waist and pull her closer.
“Oh?”
“This apprentice needs to get herself to bed at a decent time.”
Sam giggled and stood, pulling him up with great effort to stand in front of her. Stretching tall to put her arms around his neck, she whispered, “As long as she doesn’t have to go alone, I’m sure she’ll comply.”