by Archer, Kiki
Connie folded her arms and studied the floor. “We’ve separated. He’s leaving this weekend.”
“Oh no, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine. I always knew it was coming. We’ve not worked for ages.” She shrugged. “We were living a lie. I fell pregnant by accident. We’d only been dating for two months but we thought we ought to try and make things work.” The laugh was quiet. “Those religious people should be criticising women like me, not women like you. Anyone can fall pregnant.” She looked out the window and smiled at the snapdragons nodding in a sudden breeze. “Apart from gay people. They never fall pregnant by accident. They only fall pregnant when they really really want a baby. The child’s planned and prepared for, and there’s never any doubt.”
Maria touched her finger to Connie’s chin, refocusing the gaze on their conversation. “I doubt myself every single day. Am I getting things right? Should I look for a partner?”
“No, I mean Alice. She’ll grow up knowing she’s wanted.”
“And so will Noah.”
Connie shook her head. “Karl’s not a natural. He says he’ll have him most weekends, but I don’t think he will.”
“Noah’s got Ryan.”
“Yes but…” Connie shrugged and frowned. “Are bisexuals real?”
“Where did that come from?”
“Well we certainly need to lighten the mood now, don’t we?” She stood up and retrieved their mugs. “I’d not finished, had you?”
“No.” Maria took her drink back and smiled, patting the sofa and encouraging Connie to return and relax.
“Ryan tried sleeping with a woman once. Both of them were drunk. Consoling each other. He said it was the most weird, never to be repeated event of his life.”
“Yes, because he’s gay.”
“But isn’t Louise? She goes on dates with women, doesn’t that make her gay?”
“Bisexual people don’t change their orientation just because the sex of the person they’re dating changes. They’re bisexual. They like both.”
“And she likes you?”
“Maybe.”
“Of course she does. What’s not to like?”
“Are you flirting with me?”
Connie laughed. “Do you want me to flirt with you?”
“Yes.”
“Right.” She mimicked Maria’s previous response and sipped her drink, repeating the very same words. “Glad that’s decided then.”
Maria laughed. “She doesn’t want him.”
“We’d only been together for two months when Karl invited me to their work do. I said I couldn’t come until later but I must have arrived earlier than expected. I found them snogging over a photocopier. He’s always denied it, but I know what I saw. I sneaked out and asked Ryan to fetch me, but when I told him what had happened he went back inside and made a real song and dance about it, shouting in front of all Karl’s colleagues. I don’t know whether it was the fact I told Karl we were over or Ryan’s dramatics that ended it. But it ended.” She sighed. “And then a couple of weeks later I found out I was pregnant.”
Maria smiled warmly. “And you’ve got Noah. So you wouldn’t change a thing.”
“I know.” Connie paused before glancing around the kitchen. “You do have a monitor, don’t you?”
“It’s an in-house sound system.”
Connie laughed. “Of course it is.”
“We’ll hear them when they wake.”
“I hear the neighbours on mine. It’s the cheapest one that Argos sells. It’s only got one frequency so you pick up all the other monitors in the area.”
“You do not.”
“You do! Come round and listen.”
“Is that an official invite?”
“No actually, you’ll get cabin fever.”
“Let’s do Bounce-a-rama tomorrow and then let’s go for coffee at yours.”
Connie shook her head. “I only have Aldi home-blend instant and I am not serving that to Maria Mariano, owner of the greatest coffee shop in town.”
“I like instant coffee and I like cosy spaces.”
“Liar.”
“I do. I’ll prove it tomorrow.”
“Bounce-a-rama, yes. My house, no.”
Chapter Eighteen
The gentle tapping drew Connie away from her computer and out of her under-stair cupboard. She crept towards the front door and opened it as quietly as she could. Ryan smiled and stepped inside. He knew the drill. Utter silence until they were on the sofa and sure that Noah wasn’t disturbed. He took off his jacket and hung it on the bannister, pulling a chilled bottle of white from the inside pocket. “From the shop,” he mouthed.
Connie crept into the kitchen, trying her best to ensure there was no chinking and clinking as she took the glasses from in between all the other cups and baby beakers. She padded back into the lounge and whispered quietly. “It’s fine, he’s settled. He’s been asleep for over an hour already.”
Ryan lowered himself onto the sofa. “Have you been writing?”
Connie nodded as she unscrewed the bottle top and started to pour.
“Can I read it?”
“No, I’ve written lots since you last read it, it won’t make sense.”
He took the proffered wine glass and signalled towards her workspace. “I just want to read what you’ve written tonight.”
Connie sat down next to him. “Why?”
“Because I’m your friend and I love you.”
“I’ve not printed it off yet.”
“I’ll read it on your computer.”
“No.”
Ryan pushed himself off the sofa and walked towards the cupboard. “Please Connie,” he whispered. “Let me read it on here?”
“No.” Connie stood up and raced around to block his entry. “I thought you came here to chat?”
“I did, but I want to read what you’ve written today.”
“It won’t make sense.”
“Read it out loud then.” He reached down for the bean bag and planted it against the wall beside the open cupboard door.
“Why? I’ll feel silly. You laughed at me last time.”
“I did not. Please, Connie, just a little bit.” He got himself comfy. “Indulge me.”
Connie sighed. “Okay, but then we’re drowning our sorrows in its crapness.”
“Fine,” he nodded.
Connie stepped over the chair and pulled herself into her computer. She scrolled up to the start of a paragraph and took a deep breath. “Just one section.”
“Just tonight’s work.”
She started to read. Her voice was quiet and shy, but her words came out with ease.
‘Why am I turning around? Why am I checking the number? I’ve been standing at the same petrol pump filling my car for the past five minutes. I’ve looked up at the number ten times already, so why am I turning around? I know what the number is. I’m at the counter, I’m ready to pay, yet I can feel myself turning around. Why am I turning around?
I turn around and look back at the large number sticking out over my car. “Pump number five, please.” Why did I need to look? I knew it was pump number five. What could possibly have happened during my walk from the car that would have changed the pump number? It’s the same on an aeroplane, or in the cinema. I know my seat number. I always know my seat number. I’ve studied my seat number. But at the last possible minute I check my seat number once more. Why can’t I be sure? Why can’t I just know?’
Ryan cut in. “Is this Bonnie talking?”
“I guess it’s Bonnie thinking. I think they call it an internal narrative.”
“Why’s Bonnie unsure?”
She stayed facing her computer. “Mark’s told her he’s in love.”
“And she doesn’t believe him?”
“She’s just questioning him, questioning herself.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s who she is.”
Ryan shook his head. “That’s who you are, Connie.
”
She turned around. “No, this is Bonnie’s story, not mine.”
“You’re questioning your feelings for Maria and you’re questioning her feelings for you.”
Connie minimised the screen and stood up so suddenly she banged her head. “That’s it, you’re not hearing anymore.”
“I don’t need to. I saw everything I needed to know today.” He dragged the beanbag into the lounge and followed Connie back to the sofa. “You held each other.”
Connie grabbed her glass off the coffee table and took a large gulp of wine. “We did not.”
“You did. You both did. There’s an energy between you.”
“There is not.”
“Connie Parker, put your glass down and look at me.”
“Not when you’re towering over me.”
“Fine.” He sat, pulled her down and tried to snuggle up next to her.
Connie took another huge swig of wine.
“What?”
“You’ve got feelings for her.”
The blush was instant. “I’m going through a separation, I’m obviously just confused.”
“This separation won’t change your life, apart from the fact that you won’t have to cook Karl his tea in the evenings. It’s not that. You knew this was coming. You’re prepared. You know it’s for the best.” He nodded. “This thing with Maria’s totally separate.”
“There is no thing with Maria.”
“She feels it too.”
“She does not.” Connie lifted her eyes and looked at him properly. “How can you tell?”
“Gaydar, darling. The chemistry is visibly fizzing off the pair of you.”
“I’m not a lesbian.”
“Labels do much more damage than good. You like her.”
She took a slow sip of her drink. “Maybe I’m just a bit in awe of her.”
“Her looks? Her house? Her business?”
“No, just her.”
“Oh bless you, darling, I knew this was coming.”
“Since when?”
“Year Eleven prom. I know for a fact you wanted to dance with Joanne Stephens.”
Connie batted his chest. “Not everyone’s a gaybo like you.”
“A gaybo?”
She laughed. “Meant in the kindest possible way.”
“There’s always been something missing with you. This is it.”
“What? Some new found lesbianism?”
“No, Maria.”
Ryan shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what sex she is. You’ve been missing someone like her. She brings out a lovely side in you, Connie.”
“You bring out a lovely side in me, Ryan.”
He laughed. “Never, ever again.”
“Agreed. But you’re wrong. I’m not gay. I’ve never even kissed a woman before.”
“Some people have never tried wine… till they do.”
“I think I’m just a bit intrigued, that’s all.”
“That’s where it always begins, my love.”
She sipped on her wine and grinned. “Maybe there’s a slight crush there.”
“Slight? You were practically humping her on the doorstep.”
“Oh, Ryan, stop it. You’re so mean.”
“That’s why you love me, darling.” He smiled. “Do you need some company this weekend? That’s when he’s moving out isn’t it?”
Connie nodded. “I want to distract Noah. He won’t notice when Karl’s not around in the week, but he might notice this weekend.”
“Karl’s having him next weekend though? And every weekend after that?”
“Yes.”
Ryan sniffed. “How long do you think that will last?”
“I’ve got hope.”
“You’re a better woman than I am. And the house? You’re sure he’s going to pay for everything? Bills? Council tax?”
“Karl does all the finances. He promises me that everything will stay the same.”
“Until he finds out you’re fucking Amal Clooney.”
“He won’t.”
“Why not? Because you’re planning on keeping it quiet?”
“No, because I’d have no clue where to even begin.”
“It’s pretty much what you were doing on the doorstep, but without clothes.”
She laughed. “Can you imagine what she’d be thinking if she could hear us right now?”
“She’d be thrilled.”
“Ryan, she’s a kind woman. She’s taken pity on me, that’s all. I’m just fascinated to be in the company of someone so different.”
“You keep telling yourself that, darling.” He suddenly sat up taller and gasped at a sound from outside. “Shit, the door.”
Connie banged her wine glass onto the table and stood up. “Hi,” she said as Karl entered the house.
Karl didn’t smile. “I didn’t know we had company tonight.”
Ryan waved at Karl. “I was just passing through. Thought I’d pop in. Would you like a glass? It’s been a while since we’ve all caught up.”
Connie saw straight through Ryan’s killing-with-kindness act and stared at him sternly. “You were just heading off, weren’t you?”
Karl cut in. “It’s fine. You two stay in here. I’ll set myself up in the kitchen. I’ve got a bit of work to do anyway.” He managed a half smile at Ryan. “But I will take a glass of that wine with me, if that’s okay?”
The friends watched in disbelief as Karl made his way into the kitchen, returned with a wine glass and allowed Ryan to fill it. He lifted the glass in a salute to Connie and Ryan.
“Cheers,” he said, managing a smile before leaving the room. It was one of the nicest interactions the two men had ever achieved.
“Wow,” mouthed Ryan to Connie, “progress.”
Connie nodded with wide eyes, went into the kitchen and pulled the door to. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Karl yanked off his tie and spoke quietly. “If you have to have a man in the house when I’m not here, then I’d rather it was him.”
Connie nodded. “Got it.”
Chapter Nineteen
Walking into the Bounce-a-rama building, Connie quickly spotted Maria taking off her shoes in the centre of the room and setting up her stuff on a table. The place was as empty as it always was during the midweek toddler time with only Alice and a couple of other little ones running around. She looked at the tables, unable to see the kids’ accompanying adults.
“Hi,” she said, approaching Maria. “Who do they belong to?”
Maria followed Connie’s eyes to the princess bouncy castle. “Don’t you recognise them?” She turned back around and bent down to cuddle Noah. “Hey big man. How are you? Alice is over there on the pirate ship.”
Noah kicked off his shoes, sending both flying in different directions.
“Lissssssssssssss!”
Maria retrieved the discarded footwear and greeted Connie with a warm hug and big kiss on the cheek. “You look lovely,” she said with a smile.
Connie shifted herself awkwardly out of the embrace, craning her neck over Maria’s shoulder as if recognising the children was the most important thing in the world.
“They’re bouncing too much.”
Maria smiled at the stiff greeting. “It’s the boy from playgroup. The one who’s always breastfeeding.”
“Lucas? Oh yes it is, and his friend as well, Crusty’s son.” She turned back around and scanned the large room. “So where are Earth Mother and Crusty then?”
Maria laughed. “No clue, but you really ought to find out their names. What’s Crusty’s son called?”
Connie shrugged. “Crusty’s son.” She smiled. “Or sometimes we call him Crusty’s son with the bumper helmet.”
“You and Ryan are so dreadful. I think I saw them going into the dark tunnel when I arrived.”
“Crusty and Earth Mother? When?”
“Two minutes ago.”
“You did not.”
“I did.” She lifted her hands to the r
oom. “Where are they then?”
Connie turned around and looked towards the dark tunnel, which led, via an enclosed mini maze, towards the ball pit. “What would they be doing in there?”
Maria wiggled her eyebrows.
“Stop it.”
“Come on, let’s go and have a look.”
“No!”
“Please?” The giggle was contagious. “Come on, we can do a silent reconnaissance mission. We’ll sneak down the dark tunnel and see if we spot them.”
“No.”
“I’ll take your hand.”
“It’s scary in there.”
“I know. I’ll look after you. Come on, take off your shoes.” Maria offered her hand and nodded enthusiastically.
Connie kicked off her slip-ons and accepted the offer, feeling Maria’s smooth fingers lock between hers, drawing her towards the tunnel’s entrance. She laughed and squeezed the hand in return. “We’re here, you can let go now.”
“Shush! We’re meant to be silent. Follow me.” Maria maintained her grip and walked forward, plunging them into a quite successful blackout.
Connie paused. “Ooo, you really can’t see anything at all, can you?”
Maria held her hand even tighter. “Stay close,” she whispered.
Connie giggled. “Stop being dramatic.”
“You never know what we might find.” With her free hand out in front, Maria felt her way around a corner. “It’s getting darker.”
“It’s already pitch black!”
She stopped their walk and turned, lowering her mouth towards where she thought Connie’s ear might be. “Shush!”
“You just shushed up my nose.”
Maria giggled. “Sorry, where’s your ear? I can never gauge how low you are.”
“Here,” said Connie, stretching up in the darkness.
“Your ear’s on my chest!”
Connie laughed. “Will you stop it!”
“You’re the one listening to my heartbeat.” She reached out and found Connie’s waist, turning her around and resuming their walk. “Stay quiet,” she whispered once more.