by Jessie Cooke
She climbed up and positioned herself over me with her wet pussy rubbing along my shaft. I couldn’t stand it anymore; I’d been fantasizing about this too long. I slid inside of her long and deep, all the way to the hilt. She let out a satisfied moan from those perfectly shaped lips and she started to move. She slid up and down, and ground her clit into my pelvis each time. She leaned down and put those sexy lips over mine and wrapped her fingers up in my hair. “Kyle,” She gasped out my name against my mouth, sending wild sensations throughout my body. “God, I missed you.”
“Oh baby I missed you too!” She sat up and took control, smiling down at me as she rode me. She seemed to delight in every stroke and each one of the moans she was eliciting from deep inside me. She was touching that primal part of me. The part of me that didn’t care about absolutely anything but fucking this woman until she screamed. She brought her head back down and I sucked her lips into my mouth, tasting myself on her. She kept moving, causing pleasure to spike up in me at dangerous levels. I reached up and grabbed those gorgeous tits and kneaded them and pinched and pulled on her engorged nipples.
She felt too fucking good. I was already doing everything I could to keep from coming. I didn’t want this to end…fucking ever. I flipped her over, eliciting a little cry from her and I immediately began fucking her faster and harder. She opened her legs wider and gave herself over to me completely. She was writhing and gasping as I drove into her. I couldn’t take it any longer, I was going to explode.
“Come for me baby! Come for me Rosie” My words were almost slurred because all of my energy was focused elsewhere. I put my face down in her neck and buried it there in her hair as I pounded her. Her moans only spurred me on. I felt her walls tighten around me and I let her milk my own release. “That’s it baby, come for me Rosie.” She was panting as I pulled my head up and looked at her face. At that moment, I knew that I would do anything to keep her. Fucking Jerry was right. I do love her.
“Kyle!” She gasped out my name and dug her fingers into my back. “Don’t stop!”
I wasn’t about to. I was falling over the edge without a fucking parachute and it was exhilarating. I came hard. I haven’t come that hard since the last time I was with her. I was looking into her eyes as we both came and still rocking my hips against her when I blurted it out,
“I love you Rosie.”
She didn’t blink and she didn’t look away and she didn’t say it back. Fuck, I hope I didn’t just screw up again. I leaned down then and kissed her, burying my tongue practically in her throat, wishing that I could turn back time.
When I pulled my head up she put her mouth to my ear and said, “I can’t Kyle…I can’t fall in love with you.”
I pulled out and fell on the mattress next to her. “Why?”
She grimaced. “I’m not cut out for it, Kyle. I like my quiet life. I like not being anxious all the time wondering if the man I love is with someone else….”
“I won’t be. Rosie I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want to be with you, only you!”
She rolled into me and buried her face in my chest. When she finally looked up at me, she had tears in her eyes. “I believe you mean that, Kyle…but that lifestyle is too much for me to deal with and too much a part of you for you to resist.”
“No! I can! I will! I’ll fucking quit!”
She sat up and her hair fell over her face. When she pushed it back, she had a wet tear on her cheek. “No Kyle. It’s part of you. It’s who you are. You’re so freaking talented, I couldn’t ask you to quit doing what you love.”
“You’re not asking me. Rosie…please!”
“It will only hurt worse later on. I shouldn’t have let myself indulge in the fantasy…”
“It wasn’t a fantasy, Rose. It was and is the most real thing in my life. God please don’t do this. I will do anything.”
“Kyle, listen to me, okay? You’re an addict, you admit that. What that translates into is an addictive personality. You’re addicted to the lifestyle, you’re addicted to the attention and the adoration and you’re addicted to the fans. Just like no one could have taken your alcohol and drugs from you until you were ready without you resenting them…I can’t take this away from you and expect you not to hate me at some point.”
I felt like a pussy. I wanted to cry and have a fit like I did when I was a kid and see if that would make her give me my way. My chest was so tight that it hurt. If this is what it feels like to fucking be in love, then maybe I don’t want it after all.
“I could never hate you.”
“You could and you would. I’m sorry, Kyle. If it was just me, I would at least give it a try…but I can’t do that to Carlo. He already doesn’t have a father. I can’t introduce a man into his life knowing that it’s doomed to fail.”
“Rosie….” she got out of the bed. I swear I was going to fucking cry. “Please.” I’ve never begged a woman for anything in my life, but I didn’t care. I was ready to get on my fucking knees and beg her to let me give up my career for her. She leaned down and kissed me softly. I tried to pull her back into the bed but she stood back up and said,
“I’m sorry.” She was crying. I knew that she wanted me…I think that she loves me…what the fuck am I supposed to do?
15
Rose
“Mama!” Carlo was calling me from upstairs…again. I walked over to the stairs and said,
“Carlo Cardinale! Come down here if you want to talk to me.”
I heard him bounding down the stairs, two at a time. When he saw me, he stopped and started taking them one at a time. “Can I go over to Joey’s house?”
“When?”
“Now.”
“No, it’s dinner time.”
“They have dinner at Joey’s house…every night. His daddy comes home from work and they all have dinner together.” His little face looked so sad every time he said the word “Daddy.” Sometimes I’m tempted to go find his daddy and kick his ass.
“We have dinner every night too. You and me and sometimes Nona and Pop Pop, and Aunt Lynn.”
“I’m glad Auntie Lynn is home.”
“Me too. How about we go over there tonight and see what Nona made for dinner?”
“I can’t go to Joey’s house?”
“Another time, baby. Mama wants to have dinner with you tonight.”
“Okay, but can we go out to dinner instead of to Nona’s?” I laughed.
“Why would we do that? Nona’s an amazing cook.”
“I just don’t feel like Italian tonight.”
I laughed again. “You’re a little manipulator, I bet that’s what you wanted all along, isn’t it?”
“Joey says that new barbecue place has really good ribs…”
“And a mechanical bull.”
“Cool! Can I ride it?”
I rolled my eyes. I was being worked over by a five-and-a-half-year-old. “Go wash up and put your shoes on.”
I watched him go. He was getting so big. I just agreed this week to let him move his bedroom upstairs. When he was little, I insisted he sleep downstairs so that I could hear him if he needed me. He was almost in first grade now. Time went by too fast.
I went down the hall to my room to get my shoes. Thinking about how fast time went by made me remember how long it had been since the day I left Kyle in that hotel room in Albany. Today would make four months. I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach every time I thought about it, yet I knew I did the right thing, the only thing with the best interest of all three of us at heart. I forbade my entire family from bringing him up at all in my presence. The sound of his name made me want to cry. It wasn’t easy not to hear it even though my family wasn’t saying it. Kyle Case was everywhere. He’d signed with a new label called “Max Axe Records” and he was killing it, doing Country rock now which I thought was weird. I rarely turned on the radio and when I did, I made sure it was on classic rock or something they wouldn’t play his songs on. It just hurt too bad.
“I’m ready Mama!” Carlo was calling from upstairs again. Shaking my head, I went out to get him. We walked the eight blocks to the new rib place. It was called “The Brooklyn Barn.” I can’t imagine what possessed them to put a country themed place in the middle of Brooklyn, but to each their own, I suppose. Carlo and I ordered at the counter and found a table near the flat screen television. When someone got on the mechanical bull, they cut in on the sports show or music videos or whatever and showed the ride. Carlo sat fascinated as he stared up at the screen. A boy about fourteen was on the bull and he seemed to be hanging on for the ride. Then all of a sudden he started sliding and the mechanical bull bucked hard. The kid flew off, landing in the soft padding around them. He got up smiling.
“Can I ride him, Mama?”
“I’m not sure you’re old enough.”
“The sign says ages five to 99 with parent permission.”
“You read that?”
“No, but that’s what Joey told me his mother told him it said.” Carlo was right, that is what it said. I didn’t want to let him though. They called our number then and I said,
“Let’s eat and then we’ll talk about it.”
“Okay,” he said with a frown. I went and got our baskets of ribs and fries off the counter and when I turned back around, I nearly dropped them. “What’s wrong, Mama?” I didn’t answer Carlo. I couldn’t speak. “Who is he?” Carlo had followed my eyes and saw me staring at the television. They were showing a clip from a country music concert in Queens last night. There was a young cowboy looking kid with blonde hair and a lean muscular body. He was wearing a straw cowboy hat, a t-shirt and Wranglers and boots. The girls in the audience were screaming and swooning and next to him on stage was the most beautiful man on earth. It was Kyle. “Mama? Can we sit down?” Damn!
“Yeah baby, I’m sorry. I just saw someone I thought that I knew.”
Carlo looked back up at the screen and said, “That’s Blake James and Kyle Case.”
In shock, I looked at the five-year-old and said, “How do you know that?”
“Everybody knows that, Mama. Besides, I met Kyle at the zoo, remember? Nobody at school believes me.” He stuck a fry in his mouth and turned back around to watch the TV. My heart was racing just looking at Kyle on the screen. I knew he was doing some kind of country thing and I knew how talented he is…but I was still blown away. Blake James sang the country parts…the ones that required a twang. Kyle sang the parts that had more of a beat to them. It was incredible and even if I wasn’t hopelessly in love with one of them, it would have been mesmerizing. When they finished their set, they both took a bow. Kyle held up his hand towards the audience and on the underside of his forearm was a new tattoo. It was a rose…a blue one. I felt the sting of tears instantly fill my eyes.
“It’s your turn Case.”
I looked up at the cowboy. He was holding out the darts. I was kicking the kid’s ass and I wasn’t even trying. “I think you’ve had enough,” I told him.
Blake laughed. I’d never met anyone before that laughed all the time. He had to be the happiest damned person in the world. When I first met him I thought he was just a big goofy kid, too goofy to be a star. I’ve learned since then that when Axel says someone is going to be a star, they will be. He can spot them walking down the street. He found Blake in a hole in the wall, honky tonk bar in Texas. When he came back and told me he thought I should try country music and he had found me a partner I thought he was high. In the past three months our first CD sold over six million copies. Axel was crazy but he was crazy like a fucking fox.
“Maybe you’re the one who’s had enough,” Blake said. “You’ve been in a pissy mood all day. Hell, we’re in a mansion dude!” Blake was still adjusting to being around so much money. I don’t think he’s even spent a dime of his own yet. He had no idea what to buy. We were staying at Axel’s estate while we were in town. I kept thinking about buying a place, but the only place that felt like home to me was on the Rez and I was happy with my little house there, for no more time than I was able to spend in it.
“I’ll just be glad to get out of New York,” I told him. Everything about New York reminded me of Rose. Every time I was here I was consumed by her. It took everything in me not to turn up on her doorstep and beg her to love me. Thank God for impulse control.
Blake sat the darts down and picked up his beer. He took a long swig off it, staring at me with his weird dark green eyes the whole time. The girls love those eyes although I couldn’t see it. They also seemed to love his childlike innocence. They all wanted to corrupt him. I had to wonder how long he’d be able to hold onto it in this business. At least on the country music side it wasn’t as wild as it was when I was doing the rock thing. Country music seemed to be more family oriented. Finally, Blake said, “Axel said you hate New York, why?”
“I don’t hate New York.”
“You sure don’t look happy to be here.”
“I got my heart broke here once. It aches like an old wound every time I come back.”
Blake finished his beer and tossed it in the can next to the pool table. “What’s her name?”
“Rose.”
“Pretty. Is that what that tattoo you got when we were in California is about?”
I ran my hand across it. “Yeah, the color of her eyes.”
“What happened?”
“She just wasn’t up for the girlfriend of the rock star scene.”
“That was it?”
“That was enough.”
“Have you talked to her since you started doing country? I mean hell, look at us. We’re in New York on the Upper East Side and we’re playing darts like a couple of old men. I ain’t gonna pretend to know anything about love, but it seems to me if you changed your lifestyle for her…maybe you should at least tell her.”
“I told her once before that I would do it and she didn’t believe me. I doubt this time would be any different. I’m not up for getting kicked in the teeth again. I think I’ll go to bed.”
“Pussy.”
I swung around to face him. “Excuse me?”
“I said you’re a pussy. What are you gonna do, be a fucking Priest? You don’t even look at all the girls always throwing themselves at you. Hell, I’m glad you told me about Rose. I thought you were gay and I was afraid you liked me a little bit.”
“Fuck you!”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, pussy?”
“Give it up, Blake. I’m not going to see her. She doesn’t want to see me.”
“Why don’t you just call her and ask. Maybe she’d like to come over and play darts with us.”
“It’s nine-thirty at night. She has a kid.”
“There’s lots of stuff around here for a kid to do.”
“I’m not calling her.”
“Okay pussy. Go on up to bed and jerk off thinking about my fine ass.” I tackled him and knocked him back into the sofa. He was laughing again and when he was able to speak again he said, “Did you get a good feel?”
“Fuck you!” I grabbed my guitar case and left. I heard Blake’s laughter all the way out the front door. I threw the guitar into the back of the ’69 Camaro I bought last time I was in town. Axel lets me leave it here when I’m not in town. I don’t have much need for it when we’re on the road. When I go home to the Rez I have my SUV. I started driving, I seriously had no idea where I was going, I was just driving. I was about two miles into Brooklyn by the time I realized it. What the fuck was I going to do? Walk up and ring her doorbell? For all I know, she could have a boyfriend already. This is fucking ridiculous. I flipped a U and got to the end of the street headed back for the interstate. When I got to the stoplight I flipped another U and I drove back to her house. I sat across the street from the Brownstone, like a fucking stalker. Finally, I decided that I had to either take my ass back to the mansion or get out of the car. I got out of the car and I took my guitar with me.
When I got to the front steps I sat d
own. I lost my fucking mind. I’m sitting on her front steps with my guitar like a fucking, stalking lunatic. This should make her want me. She’d have to be out of her mind to turn my pathetic ass away. Shit! I can’t do this. I stood up and as soon as I did Rose appeared like a vision on the sidewalk with Carlo. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at me like I was a ghost. I stared back at her like the pathetic idiot I am.
“Look Mama, it’s Kyle. Are you going to cry again?”
Rose looked down at her son and then back up at me. She did look like she’d been crying…and Carlo knew who I was. “Rose…is everything okay?”
“She cried when she saw you on the TV.” Rose popped him in the back of the head. “Ouch!”
“I’m sorry but you have a big mouth. Go inside and put on your pajamas. I’ll be right there.”
Carlo started up the steps. When he passed me I held out my palm and he slapped it. Then he traced the rose on my arm with his little finger and said, “Your rose made her cry.” Then he ran inside and left us two adult idiots standing there, staring at each other.
“It made you cry?”
“I may have teared up a little.”
I tried not to smile as I said, “Why’s that, because you want me?” She looked like she didn’t know if she wanted to smile or cry. I took a step down towards her and said, “Baby steps Rosie…just like they tell you in the program.” She stepped up on the first step. There were four steps between us.
“I’ve never been in the program.”
I took another step down and said, “I’m glad…because I think your addiction is me.”
Her lips quirked and she took another step up. “You’re still pretty full of yourself.”
I took another step. I was almost touching her. God, I wanted to touch her. “I’m still pretty.”
She smiled and took the last step up to me. “Yes you are,” she said.