by Julia Sykes
But then she’d practically run from me when she came out of subspace. She’d told me at the beginning she wasn’t really a sub. Did she resent me for drawing out her submission? Or was there something more to it?
Something like fear had stirred in her dark eyes when she registered my erection pressing into her sweet ass. She’d said she didn’t want to have sex. Did she really think I’d violate her just because I was aroused?
Confused and frustrated, I set aside my e-reader before I could be further affected by the sexy words she’d written.
For the first time in longer than I cared to think about, I had gone unsatisfied for the evening at Decadence. I never failed to find a partner and see to my needs to dominate and fuck.
My dick tented my bed sheets, aching for release. Even though I’d put Chloe’s erotic book away, visions of her bent over a spanking bench filled my mind. Her pussy had been perfect, bare and pink. Her sheer panties had done little to conceal it from me. I’d had to summon up all my careful control to keep myself from removing the scrap of lace with my teeth and tasting her on my tongue.
Her pussy was easy to envision now, wet and waiting for me. Her body would be pinned down to the bench, helpless to resist me. She’d moan her need and beg me to touch her, to fuck her.
I wrapped my hand around my hard cock and stroked, imagining sliding into her slick heat. I’d start slow, teasing her with pleasure until she whimpered and whined for me to fuck her hard. I’d tangle my fingers in her long copper curls, tugging her head back to force her to arch into me. She’d turn her face to look back at me, her green eyes clouded with lust and devotion.
“Katie,” I groaned her name aloud, tormented by need and painful love.
“Reed,” she moaned out in my fantasy.
My eyes snapped open, and I wrenched my hand away from my dick with a snarl. I sucked in deep breaths, my fingers curling to fists at my sides as I struggled to force the vision from my brain.
This was why I should have found a play partner who wanted to fuck. If left alone with my thoughts, they always strayed to Katie. I needed a real-life woman to keep me grounded in the present. Sexual pleasure was supposed to help me forget my lost love, not rip apart my fucking heart with reminders of her.
Damn Carina for convincing me to show Chloe around. If I’d been free to find a fuck buddy, I wouldn’t have engaged in such a hot scene that didn’t end with sexual gratification.
I never should have played with Chloe.
She’d made it clear from the very beginning that she was off-limits, but she’d intrigued me, and I’d wanted to dominate her. It had been a stupid decision. She’d hurt my pride, and I’d felt I had something to prove by bringing out her submission. It had been immature, a decision I might have made ten years ago when I was new to the lifestyle. By now, I should be confident enough as a Dom that I didn’t have to win the respect of a woman who wasn’t even really a sub.
But losing Katie had brought many lingering insecurities back to plague me over the last two years. BDSM had helped me overcome the years of bullying and helped me to find confidence and inner peace. The fact that I’d allowed Chloe to get under my skin just proved how far I’d fallen.
Get over it. Go to work tomorrow. Do some good. Go to Decadence. Fuck someone. Repeat.
I heaved in a deep breath. This was just a glitch, a disturbance in my comfortable routine. I’d return to my familiar coping mechanisms and move past it. Chloe would go back to Chicago, and I wouldn’t have to worry about what had happened with her anymore. God knew I’d never return to Dusk, so I’d probably never see her again.
The next morning, I stepped out of the elevator and into the office, and stopped in my tracks. My brain stuck for a moment. What I was seeing couldn’t be right. She couldn’t be here. She didn’t belong.
Chloe stood beside Sharon where they’d been waiting for the elevator. Chloe simply regarded me with mild interest, her expression bland and polite. Nothing about her features reflected the shock that punched through my gut at the sight of her standing in my office.
“What’s up, Dex?” Sharon asked. “Are you sick or something? You look pale. If you’re contagious, go home. I don’t want to get infected. I don’t have time for that shit.”
“What’s she doing here?” I demanded.
Chloe’s full lips turned down in a frown, and her dark eyes hardened on me. “She’s here doing research for a story,” she said drily. “Good morning to you, too.”
Research again. What was it with this woman butting into my life and treating everything I cared about so clinically? “You’re researching BDSM in the field office? I don’t think so. We might all be in the lifestyle, but this is completely inappropriate.”
She planted her hands on her hips. “It’s not for you to tell me what I can and can’t do. And I’m not researching BDSM. I’m also a journalist, and I’m working on a story about the Latin Kings. I’m shadowing Sharon today.”
“What?” I demanded. I turned my attention to Sharon. “She’s not serious, is she? She’s a civilian. She can’t go out in the field.”
“She’s sick of you referring to her in the third person when she’s standing right here,” Chloe said testily. “And I can go out in the field. You don’t have a say in this.”
“It’s too dangerous,” I insisted, trying my best to rein in my irritation. “Kennedy won’t allow it.”
“Kennedy’s the one who authorized it,” Sharon supplied.
“He wouldn’t,” I asserted, positive that I was correct. “Ken wouldn’t put a sub in danger like that.”
Chloe made an exasperated noise. “I don’t see what my sexual proclivities have to do with anything. Besides, I already told you I’m not a sub. Not that it should matter. Carina’s a sub, and she’s perfectly capable of being a journalist.”
Carina. Of course she was behind this. Kennedy had a soft spot when it came to his precious sub. She must have convinced him to agree to this outrageous scenario.
I took a breath, struggling to summon up my control. “I’m not saying you’re not capable.” I tried to soothe her. “But I am saying this is dangerous. I’m going to talk to Kennedy about it.”
“Are you implying that I’m not competent enough to protect her?” Sharon demanded, her fiery temper rising. “I might be a sub, but I’m an agent, just the same as you.”
“And don’t you dare try to change Kennedy’s mind,” Chloe interjected. “I’m not going to let you ruin my chance at getting my big break. Just because you’re a Dom doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do.”
My head throbbed. Is this seriously happening right now?
I’d resolved to put Chloe behind me, and here she was, interfering in my life. I’d allowed her lack of respect to irritate me last night, but now the woman was downright infuriating.
“It’s not like you to be a dick, Dex,” a new voice drawled.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment. Things were about to get worse.
Smith James stepped into our space where we were crowding the elevator. Of course the office gossip had come to see what was going on. He might like to think of himself as a badass agent and an even more badass Dom, but the man loved to get involved in everyone’s business, the juicier and more dramatic the better. I was sure every agent in New York would hear about my little run-in with Chloe within the hour.
“I’m not being a dick,” I said as calmly as I could manage, meeting his silver eyes. They danced with mischief. I didn’t at all care for his high-handed attitude. I might respect Smith, but his arrogant self-confidence grated on me at times. I’d known too many assholes with similar attitudes in high school. We hadn’t gotten along, to put it mildly.
“I think the lovely lady would disagree.” Smith tipped his head at Chloe. “Is he bothering you, Miss Martin?”
She gave a little dismissive wave. “It’s fine.” Her eyes found mine again. “I appreciate your concern, but this is my career. And it was Kennedy’s call. H
e says it’s okay, so it is.”
“I’ll keep her safe, Dex,” Sharon promised, her prickliness dropping. She obviously wanted to diffuse the situation now that Smith was sticking his nose in. None of us appreciated being the focal point of his gossip.
“Fine,” I caved, eager to escape Smith’s scrutiny. “I trust you, Sharon.”
I might not like it, but I’d rather not get involved. I’d resolved to put Chloe in my past. If she insisted on being in my present, I would just have to cope. I could focus on my own work and let Sharon deal with her.
Smith sighed. “Must you always be so stoic, Dex? Things were just getting interesting.”
“Sorry to ruin your fun,” I said drily. “I need to get to work. Excuse me.”
I brushed past the trio without another glance in Chloe’s direction.
Go to work. Do some good. Go to Decadence. Fuck someone. Repeat.
5
Chloe
“Is he always like that?” I asked as I watched Dex stalk away. Even in a suit, his bulk was impossible to hide. He’d been just as intimidating in the FBI field office as he had been bare-chested in Decadence. It had taken all my willpower to maintain cool composure when he was facing me down. Although I knew he was concerned about my safety, I couldn’t help being annoyed at him for trying to put an end to my investigation into the Latin Kings before it had even begun. He obviously thought subs were fragile creatures who needed to be protected.
I never should have submitted to him.
“No,” Sharon answered, her eyes curious as her gaze followed his retreating form. “Dex is usually really nice. It’s not like him to go all alpha-male-bossy like that. Smith fills that role around here.”
“Are you saying I’m not nice?” Smith gave her a sharp grin.
“I’m saying you can be an imperious douchebag,” she informed him with a teasing smile.
He laughed, the rich sound booming through the office. “Now who’s not being nice? Should I tell Derek how rude you’re acting?”
She scoffed. “You know he won’t punish me for holding my own at the office. He wants me to put you in your place. You’re insufferably cocky otherwise.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment. Insufferably cocky is kind of my thing.”
“I can’t wait to kick your ass next time we spar,” Sharon said with a sweet smile. “Your ego needs deflating.”
“My ego’s the exact size I like it. And it can handle more than a few hits from you.”
“James, Silverman,” Kennedy barked out from behind us. We all turned to find him stepping out of the elevator. His hazel eyes fixed on them with disapproval. “This is the FBI field office, not a garden party. Stop loitering and get to work.”
Smith gave him a sardonic salute. “Yes, sir. Right away, sir.”
Kennedy rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why I don’t fire you.”
“Because you’d be miserable without me, boss. You love me, really.”
Kennedy snorted. “Go get me more intel on the Moreno case, and I’ll consider keeping you on the task force. Unless you’d prefer to do paperwork on wrapping up the Alicia Camden case?”
Smith shuddered. “Paperwork is cruel and unusual punishment. I’ll go back to the Moreno investigation.”
“Good. Silverman,” Kennedy turned his attention back to Sharon. “Clayton needs your help dealing with an informant in Brighton Beach. I suggest you go do that now before I put you on the Camden case.”
“We’re leaving now, sir,” she said quickly. “Come on, Chloe.” She stepped around her boss and waved for me to follow.
“Have fun, ladies,” Smith called after us as the elevator doors closed.
“How can you stand that?” I asked once we were alone. “Talking about punishment when you’re at work? Don’t the Doms annoy you with their attitudes?”
Sharon herself had casually owned up to being a sub, and it had taken effort to conceal my surprise that she would make reference to her D/s relationship in her workplace. The fact that the entire team was into BDSM really was bizarre.
“Always,” she smiled ruefully. “But they annoyed me before I found my place in the lifestyle. The testosterone in that place in stifling. It’s actually easier to handle now that everything’s out in the open. I give as good as I get. And none of the guys think less of me for being a sub. They respect me for it.”
“But Smith just said he’d tell Derek that you were being rude. Is Derek your Dom?”
Her smile widened. “Yep. But Smith was just joking. He gives everyone a hard time, Dom or sub. You saw how he teased Dex.”
I took a moment to digest that as we left the elevator and crossed the parking garage to Sharon’s black sedan. I slid into the passenger seat and buckled up.
“Dex doesn’t seem to respect subs,” I contemplated aloud. “He said Kennedy shouldn’t let me go out in the field because I’m a sub. He should respect my career.” The final declaration left a sour taste on my tongue as I was reminded of the last man in my life who hadn’t respected my career. Neil had never wanted me to have a life outside our household.
“I’m sure Dex does respect your career,” Sharon said, placating. “He was more concerned about you being a civilian. You being a sub just added to his alpha-protective instincts. He wasn’t trying to be an ass.”
“He was doing a damn good impression of it.”
Sharon glanced over at me before looking back at the road. “I think you two got off on the wrong foot. Dex really is one of the sweetest guys I know. He’s a good man and a good Dom.”
I thought about the soothing way he’d spoken to me when I was bound before him, the gentle praise that had washed over me when he’d held me in his arms.
But that had been when I was submitting to him. Whenever I showed any backbone, he became irritable. I didn’t understand him at all.
“I guess you know him better than I do,” I allowed.
“Did something go wrong with your scene last night?”
“What?” I asked, caught off guard. “What do mean?”
She ducked her head, embarrassed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry, but I saw the two of you go back to the private rooms at Decadence last night.”
“You were there?” Carina had said the team was having a party, but I’d only met Dex. I’d been too occupied with him to talk to anyone else.
“Yeah. I’m always there if the club is open. Derek’s the owner.”
“Wait. Your Derek is the Derek Carter?”
She laughed. “Don’t let him hear you say it like that. His ego’s almost as big as Smith’s. It doesn’t need inflating.”
“I’d love to meet him,” I said excitedly, forgetting about Dex for a moment. “Josh Dover, the owner of Dusk, only has the best things to say about Derek and Decadence. It’s why I wanted to come to the club while I’m in New York. It has a great reputation.”
Sharon grinned. “You can definitely tell him that. He’s worked really hard to rebuild that rep over the last few years.”
“Rebuild it? What happened?”
“You must not have been in the lifestyle long,” she surmised. “You would have heard about it otherwise.”
“I’m not in the lifestyle,” I corrected her. “But I’ve been going to clubs for two years. What is it that I haven’t heard about?”
She sighed. “Decadence hasn’t always been a safe place. When I first met Derek, the Latin Kings were running drugs through the club. That’s actually how we became involved. I was undercover at Decadence to gather intel on him. I thought he was a bad guy.”
“The Latin Kings were involved in dealing at Decadence?” I asked, eager to hear more. This was great information for my research. “What happened?”
“It’s a long story, but we busted the Kings, and Derek and I ended up together.”
“I want to hear it,” I insisted. “I came here to learn more about the Latin Kings. I didn’t know they were dealing at Decadence. You said you were undercover? What
was it like? How did you know Derek was innocent?”
“I didn’t, at first. I kind of played him. It didn’t go well when he found out what I was really doing at his club. He started working with us, but it wasn’t until I almost died that he admitted his feelings for me.”
“You almost died?” I reached into my purse and pulled out my notepad and pen. “Wait. Start at the beginning. How did the Latin Kings start dealing at Decadence?”
She took a deep breath and launched into the story. “It all started when Derek’s father sold his sister Charlotte to the Kings. He used her as leverage to make Derek cooperate.”
She continued to talk for nearly an hour as we rode around, pausing only when I had a question. The story really was incredible. Actually, it would make a pretty good BDSM romantic suspense novel.
“So all the guys know you’re a sub now,” I said when she was finished recounting everything. “And you don’t mind being at the club with them? Isn’t it weird having them see you being submissive when you can kick some serious ass?”
“I thought it would be,” she admitted. “At first, I gave everyone a really hard time about it. I didn’t want to be seen as weak. But Derek helped me understand that accepting every part of myself makes me strong. I can trust him to take care of me when I need it, and I don’t have to be ashamed of that. And he needs to take care of someone to be fulfilled. Being a Dom isn’t about bossing me around, and being a sub isn’t about being a doormat. We rely on each other, and we’re stronger together than we ever were before.”
“That sounds like one of my books,” I said.
She smiled at me. “Then you must be getting it right. You understand what it’s really all about.” Her glance turned assessing. “But you said you’re not actually in the lifestyle. Why not? You did have a scene with Dex last night, didn’t you?”
I shifted, uncomfortable. “I identify as more of a kinkster than a sub. I like exploring sensations. I’m not interested in a power exchange.”
She nodded, accepting that. “I get it. There’s no ‘one true way’ to practice BDSM. If indulging only in sensation play is what makes you happy, more power to you. It’s nice to meet a woman who knows herself and her needs.”