by Julia Sykes
I sucked in a deep breath and did my best to give her a reassuring smile. The allusion to Katie might have rattled me, but I knew Chloe wasn’t like the woman who’d broken my heart.
“I am with someone who cares about me,” I said firmly. “Chloe is great. She’s sweet and giving, and we have a lot in common.”
Sam sighed. “I guess you do. She does have excellent taste in TV shows.”
I paused. “How would you know that?” To my knowledge, Sam hadn’t spent any time with Chloe. They’d barely even met.
Sam turned beet red beneath her freckles, and her eyes cut away from mine. “I might have hacked her Netflix account. And her social media.”
I stared at her. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I was worried about you,” she said in a rush, still not looking at me. “I knew you were spending a lot of time with her. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t shady. You know how reporters can be. They say one thing to your face to get you to open up, and then they blast you in print. And then there’s her fiction. She writes about BDSM, but she’s been candid in interviews about not being in the lifestyle. And I know that’s not what you want. You—”
She stopped abruptly.
She wasn’t the only one whose cheeks were red. I’d always been careful to keep my kinky lifestyle separate from work.
“Who told you?” I asked quietly, struggling to contain my anger and embarrassment. “Miller?” I knew he was open about his interest in BDSM. Had he told the whole field office about me after I left? Surely Jason hadn’t said anything.
“I, ah…” She shifted, glancing at me once before looking away. “I figured it out for myself.”
“You hacked into my life,” I realized, the words leaving me cold. She was the best hacker at the Bureau. It wouldn’t have been hard for her to track down my online activities, to check into my most frequented websites. “Why did you do that, Sam?”
“I’m sorry,” she said desperately. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I stood abruptly. I needed to get away from my friend before I said something I might regret.
“Where are you going?” she asked, alarmed.
I fixed her with a level stare. “To find Chloe. You’re wrong about her. She does care about me. She’s good for me. You will not cyberstalk her again. Or me, for that matter. Am I clear?”
“Dex, I—”
“Am. I. Clear?” I bit out each word.
She nodded mutely, her eyes huge, her freckles standing out in stark contrast to her pale face. Usually, the sight would have made me want to comfort her, but I was too fueled by righteous anger to be moved at the moment.
I turned and strode away from her, leaving the field office. As I rode the elevator down to ground level, I contemplated what had just passed between us.
Hearing Sam compare Chloe to Katie had been hard. Not only because the thought of Katie still held its own pain, but because the comparison made me realize just how much I had come to care for Chloe. Ever since I’d met her, she’d intrigued me. Yes, she was beautiful, but she was also intelligent and playful. I’d thought she was so like Katie, with her tough armor protecting her inner pain from the world.
But Chloe wasn’t simply a shadow of the woman I had loved. She was real: vital and witty and warm. She challenged me when I needed it and submitted to me so sweetly when I’d earned it.
As soon as elevator doors finally slid open, I hurried out into the sunlight and across the street, eager to get back to Chloe. I caught sight of her through the café window. Her delicate profile was tilted slightly as she thought, a pen caught between her teeth.
Jason wasn’t with her.
“Where’s Jason?” I asked when I reached her table. “Why did he leave you by yourself?”
Her chocolate eyes were sad when they focused on me. “I upset him, and he left. I didn’t mean to. I wanted to apologize, but I think he needs time to cool off. He said he doesn’t want me to shadow him anymore.”
“What?” I demanded, reaching into my pocket to pull out my phone. “Let me talk to him. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”
“Wait.” Her small fingers closed around my hand, stopping me from finding Jason’s contact details. “Let’s give him a day, okay? I need to call Javier to interview him, anyway. I still haven’t done that.” Her eyes turned cautious. “If Jason really doesn’t want to work with me anymore, he said I can shadow Reed Miller. I know you… Well, I don’t want that to be a problem between us. I know you don’t like him.”
I sighed and pulled up a chair, sitting close enough that my thigh could brush up against hers.
“I don’t trust him,” I said after a moment. “I’d prefer for you to stay with Jason.”
“Then that’s what I want, too,” she said, her gaze searching mine. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re upset.”
“I’m not upset.”
“You would be if I were riding with Reed. I saw how angry you were when you first came after me in the Chicago field office. You must really hate him.”
I braced for the rush of white-hot rage that was always brought on by the mention of Reed Miller. It wasn’t as visceral as it once had been, but it wasn’t altogether absent, either. I didn’t want Miller anywhere near Chloe.
“I don’t want him to take you from me,” I said, surprising both of us. I hadn’t meant to say anything like that.
“What do you mean?” she asked, bewildered. “You think he won’t let you come along with us?”
I shook my head. “I mean, you’re a gorgeous woman and a submissive, and Miller might decide he wants you.”
Her full lips firmed. “Dex, be serious. Reed is with Katie. He has been ever since I met him two years ago. They’re engaged. He’s not going to come on to me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Of course that’s what I’m worried about,” I said, more loudly than I’d intended. “You don’t know Miller like I do. He’s an arrogant bastard, and he takes what he wants.”
She stared at me, incredulous. “So, what? You think Reed will just swoop in and take me? Don’t I get a say in this?”
I gritted my teeth against my mounting anger, none of which was directed at her. Most of it was for Miller, but a good portion was aimed back at myself. I hated how thinking about my loss could make me lose all composure.
I jolted at the touch of her soft fingertips on my clenched jaw.
“Hey,” she said gently, calling me back to her. “I do get a say in this. And I’m not interested in Reed Miller. I want to be with you, Dex. If continuing my research on the Latin Kings means I’ll have to shadow Reed, then I’ll stop right now and work with what I have. I would never do anything to hurt you.” She let out a little ragged laugh. “God, how many times have you promised me that? And I should have been saying it back to you all along.” She brought her other hand up to my face so she cupped my cheeks, commanding my full attention. “I’m not going to hurt you, Dex,” she said fervently before boldly pressing her lips to mine.
She poured her promise into the kiss, and I responded with equal intensity, silently swearing my devotion to her in return.
Chloe was my sub, and I would take care of her. But she was proving to me that she would take care of her Master, too.
Chloe’s beauty was impossibly enhanced under the deep golden light that illuminated Dusk. It shined down on her, teasing me with flashes of her tanned skin through her sheer black lace dress. The material was just thick enough around her breasts to conceal her nipples, and a scrap of a black thong covered her pussy. I wanted to rip it all off her. The thin garment would make a satisfying sound as it tore open, revealing her to me.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, suspicious. “You look… I don’t know. Hungry.”
I gave her a wolfish grin. “That’s an accurate description of what I’m feeling. I’m definitely hungry, with you on the menu.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s quite a line, Dex.
Have you used it before?”
I hooked my thumb beneath her jaw, capturing her face so she had no choice but to look up at me. “Are you being impertinent with your Master? I should remind you that you’ve never been to a BDSM club with me. We play by stricter rules here, princess.”
“Of course we’ve been to a BDSM club together before. Do you not remember how we met?”
I traced my fingers over her perfect lips. “That was different. You weren’t mine then.”
Her breath caught. “Oh.”
A low laugh rumbled from my chest, and I brushed a quick, doting kiss across her lips. “You are very cute, sweet sub.”
“Dex?” a new, feminine voice called out to me. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re here!”
My stomach dropped.
Katie.
I removed my hand from Chloe’s face and did my best to arrange my mouth in a smile as I casually leaned on the high table where we were standing.
“Hi, Sparrow,” I greeted her, automatically using my pet name for her.
She was little more than a flash of copper hair before she launched herself at me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as she held me close. Her cleavage pressed against my chest, and her familiar scent assailed me. I stood stiffly in her hold, frozen by the shock of her sudden nearness after so many years at arm’s-length.
“Katie,” Reed’s voice came out in a deep, dominant tone. “You’re suffocating him. I know he’s big, and I know you’re excited to see him, but you’re going to crush him.”
She laughed, a melodic sound that stirred too many bittersweet memories. She pulled away, but she braced her hands on my forearms, maintaining physical contact.
“I’m just so excited to see you,” she gushed, oblivious to my discomfort. “I’ve missed you so much since you moved to New York. I haven’t even talked to you since the night Reed and I got engaged.”
My gut twisted at the memory. Even now, my eyes were drawn to the diamond sparkling on her finger, to the collar that encircled her pale throat: the signs that she belonged to him.
“It’s been a while,” I agreed stiffly.
I’d been a fool to think I could come to Dusk without facing the consequences. Even though I’d known there was a chance she’d be here, I’d decided to come. I had been so wrapped up in Chloe that I hadn’t paused to think about the pain I’d expose myself to.
Reed’s hand closed around Katie’s shoulder, and he firmly guided her back toward him. She released my arms and looked up at him with a beatific smile.
“I’m so glad we’re all here,” she sighed happily. Her emerald eyes turned back to me. “How long are you staying in Chicago?”
“I’m not sure.” I should have gotten the hell out before making the stupid decision to come to Dusk.
“Dex is staying with me,” Chloe interjected abruptly, her voice oddly fierce. Her hand closed around mine, squeezing tightly. She gave Katie a red-lipped smile. “He’s helping me with my research.”
Katie’s smile faltered as she focused on Chloe. “Right,” she said breezily. “Reed mentioned you’ve been shadowing Jason at work for your Latin Kings story.”
“Dex is also helping me with my research for my next novel,” Chloe replied, saccharine sweet.
“Oh.” Katie blinked, then beamed. “I’m really glad to hear it.” Her green eyes pierced right through me. “That’s great, Dex.”
“If you’ll excuse us, my Master was about to show me one of the private rooms,” Chloe said, still all cordiality, but she placed special emphasis on my title.
Katie’s smile widened. “Of course,” she allowed brightly. “I’ll see you two later. I’m really happy for you, Dex.”
I nodded, the lump in my throat preventing a verbal answer. Too many emotions roiled within me. Reflexive pain knifed through my chest at the sight of Katie, radiant at Reed’s side. Chloe was clearly getting possessive. It made my heart squeeze at the same time as guilt threaded through my gut. I couldn’t fall apart in front of her, especially not at Dusk. I was her Dom, and her needs were more important than my heartbreak.
“Come on, Dex,” Chloe urged, tugging at my hand as her fingernails curved into my palm.
The light twinge of pain kept me tethered to her, and I followed where she led, leaving Katie without another word.
We moved through the crowd, skirting the dance floor to head back to the private rooms. I walked in a daze, so caught up in my conflicted feelings that I didn’t even notice we were alone until Chloe shut the door behind us. She released my hand and crossed to the huge iron four-poster bed, falling down onto it with a heavy sigh. When her chocolate eyes met mine, they were shining with tears.
“I never had a chance, did I?” she asked quietly.
A new emotion rose up to blot out the rest: fear. I realized in that moment that my obsession with Katie might cause me to lose Chloe.
Well, fuck that.
I closed the distance between us. She stiffened when I sat down beside her, but I boldly took her hand in mine. I stared into her gorgeous eyes, willing her to understand.
“I want to be with you,” I said fervently, my decision already made.
She huffed out a disbelieving scoff. “I saw you. She’s the one, isn’t she? The one who hurt you? I wondered, when you said you were worried Reed would steal me. But I didn’t realize exactly what I was up against. You’re still in love with her.”
A single tear spilled down her cheek. She swiped it away.
“I’m not,” I said quietly. “I was for a long time. Too long. Then a sassy little writer came into my life and kicked me out of my depression.”
“I’m glad I could be your upper,” she seethed, her voice wavering somewhere between anger and anguish.
I captured her face in my hands, gently wiping her tears away with my thumbs. “It hurts to be around her,” I admitted. “I lost my best friend the day Reed walked into our lives. I might still feel love for her, but I’m not in love with her. I can’t be, because I love someone else.” I took a deep breath, and did something I’d sworn I’d never do again: I put my heart on the line. “I love you, Chloe.”
I braced myself for rejection. I wasn’t sure I could live through it again. It would be so much worse this time, because Chloe was mine in a way Katie never had been. She trusted me; she’d let me into her soul.
Her fingertips traced the line of my jaw, and the anguish in her eyes transformed into longing. “I want to say it, too,” she whispered.
“Then say it,” I almost begged.
“But what if you can’t let her go? What if you change your mind? I can’t risk my heart again. Not after everything I’ve been through.”
“I’m not going to change my mind,” I promised. “I love you. You can trust me.”
“Can I? I thought I could, but I don’t know now. Seeing you with her…”
“It was a reflex reaction,” I said, more sure of my words that I would have thought possible. “I’ve spent years mourning her. And I am sad that I lost her friendship. But what I felt for her isn’t like what I feel for you. I loved the idea of her. I put her on a pedestal because I thought she was my perfect sub. I was wrong.”
“What made her so perfect?”
“She needed me,” I said, fully realizing the truth as I spoke. “And I wanted to be needed. She was fragile, broken inside. She was living a life she didn’t want, allowing other people’s expectations to rule her. In the end, she suffered for it. Our boss, Franklin Dawes, was a serial rapist known as The Mentor. He tried to shape her into what he wanted her to be. And he almost succeeded. He tried to take her for himself. I wanted so badly to rescue her from her inner pain and from the madman who was stalking her. But I couldn’t. Reed could. He saved her, not me. For years, I couldn’t get over the fact that I’d failed her and that I’d lost her. All I wanted was to save her, but I wasn’t the right man to do it.”
“But didn’t you want the same thing from me?” she asked, pained. “Eve
r since you met me, you’ve been trying to save me. Do you only want me because I remind you of her?”
“No,” I swore. “Because despite everything your bastard ex put you through, you weren’t broken. You’re strong and independent; more beautiful than any woman I’ve ever met, inside and out. You didn’t need me to save you. You chose to let me help you heal. You chose me. And I choose you. Let me prove it to you.”
“How?” she asked on a whisper.
I drew in a deep breath. “I want to submit for you.”
19
Chloe
“What?” I asked, breathless. Surely I hadn’t heard him correctly.
“I want you to Top me,” he reiterated. “I’ll put everything on the line for you. I love you.”
There it was again: “I love you.”
The mirrored words teased on the tip of my tongue. I wanted so badly to let them out.
“But this is so fast,” I protested weakly. “How can you know you love me?”
His flame blue eyes burned into me. “I know it the same way you know it. I know it because I wasted years of my life on what I thought was love. But it wasn’t anything like what I feel for you. You’ve gifted me with your trust. You’ve let me into your heart, and you’ve worked your way into mine, even though I didn’t think I had one anymore. Take a chance on us, Chloe. I want to be with you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
“But I don’t understand how you submitting to me will help.”
“I want to prove to you that you can trust me, just like I trust you. We’re both taking a risk here. Neither of us wants to get hurt again. Well, I can’t think of a better way to show you that I’m ready.”
“But you’re a Dom.” I couldn’t stop coming up with reasons to stall. He might be ready to take the risk, but I wasn’t sure I was. Not after seeing how he was around Katie. The pain that had been etched into his features had made my heart ache.