I gnawed on my bottom lip, surprised that she didn’t know more about my ugly past since I’d spilled everything to Shelby the moment I’d shown up at the gate, terrified and out of options.
Most everything, anyway.
I’d left out the most hideous parts of my past for numerous reasons, the most prominent being both shame and fear.
Shame because my sins were vast, the scars marring my soul deep; fear because of the horrendous—not to mention illegal—things I’d both witnessed and been forced to partake in since I was a child.
I was the definition of a walking liability.
To more people than just one.
“My mom is not a good person,” I said, putting the truth mildly.
“Did she hurt you?” The sadness I’d seen in Maddie’s eyes moments before bled into her voice, making the sympathy she had for me clear.
“N-no,” I replied, my voice cracking, much to my dismay. “She did something w-worse.”
“Ashley, sweetheart, it’s okay. If you aren’t ready to tell Shelby and me every—”
Unable to stop myself from divulging the vile confession, I turned to face them once more and wrapped my arms around my belly, holding myself tight. “She let her boyfriend, more than one, harm me.” The tears filling my eyes began to fall, each sliding down my cheeks faster than the last. “And she didn’t even care what sick stuff they did or how badly they hurt me. Not as long as she was kept knee-deep in pills and whatever cheap liquor she chose to wash them down with. ”
Shelby inched closer until her chest almost touched mine. Having her in my space, her warm body so near mine should’ve made me uncomfortable, but it didn’t.
To my surprise, I wanted her close.
“What did they do, sugar?” She reached out and wrapped an arm around me, resting her palm on my back. “How did they hurt you?”
My insides twisted as memories, ones which I’d tried to block out, flared to life.
The smell of their rancid breath.
The feel of their grimy hands covering my mouth.
The sound of my muffled screams.
Every gut-wrenching detail came rushing back, making me want to vomit up what little I’d eaten that day.
“I’ve got you, Ashley,” Shelby whispered, her fingers rubbing slow circles on my back. “Trust me.”
Call me crazy, but I did trust her.
Immensely so.
Feeling her strength bleed into me, I sucked in a calming breath and forced the words to come. “They touched m-me.”
The room fell silent.
Heaviness filled the space.
Then, “You are not going back there,” Shelby practically hollered, her eyes filled with fire. “I will be damned!”
“No,” Maddie agreed, clearly upset. “She’s not going back there. Not ever.” Wiping her tear-streaked cheeks with the back of her hands, she looked over at Shelby. “I’m not sure how CPS will want to handle this since she’ll be a legal adult in less than a year, but if it comes down to it, she can live with Hendrix and me until then. He won’t mind, and getting licensed as—”
“Oh, back off, Cupcake,” Shelby interrupted, causing Maddie to snap her mouth shut. “I found her”—she dropped her hand from my back and placed it on her cocked hip—“and that means I get to keep her.”
My head began to spin.
Keep me?
I was so confused.
“It’s plain and simple,” Shelby continued, explaining herself further. “If she’s going to live with anybody, it’ll be Lucca and me.” Looking my way, she smiled, her pretty eyes crinkling at the corners. “My little man would love having you around. Then he’d have someone else to harass besides me.”
The vice squeezing my chest eased at the mention of Shelby’s toddler son. The first time I met him, he’d wiggled his way into my broken heart.
Just like his mama had.
“So, what now?” Shelby asked Maddie, shifting her weight between her cowgirl-booted feet. “Do I need to go down to Children’s Services and fill out some paperwork or what?”
Maddie’s eyes widened. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
Shelby looked confused. “Why the hell wouldn’t I be? She needs somewhere safe to live, and I can give her that.” Her eyes met mine. “You’d rather stay with me than go back to Kentucky, right?”
There was no hesitation on my part. “Yes.”
“See,” Shelby said, shrugging. “Far as my southern behind is concerned, it’s a done deal. I may be so poor I can barely afford to pay attention half the time, but my house is clean, the pantry has food in it, and my sofa is mighty comfortable. Even if it is older than dirt. Besides, my lil ol’ duplex is better than some random foster home. And before you jump my rear end, let me just say—I know some foster families are great, but some, well, they just ain’t.” Turning, she lifted her phone from the desk and clutched the cracked screen tight. “So work whatever magic you have to, Mad, ’cause this needs to be taken care of. Pronto.”
The air in the room shifted, becoming lighter.
“Lord, Blondie.” Wide-eyed, Maddie shook her head. “What’s next? Are you going to adopt her too?”
Shelby blinked. “Will they let me?”
A smile tipped my lips.
It felt strange on my face.
When was the last time I smiled?
“You’re something else you know that?” Maddie asked, eyes twinkling.
Cocking a hip, Shelby sassily flicked her hair over her shoulder. “If by something you mean fabulous, then why yes, yes I am.”
That earned a chuckle from me.
Tossing a wink in my direction, she hooked her thumb and pointed toward the door. “Alright, y’all, if we’re done here, I need to go help Hope and Clara. Last I saw, they were stripping beds, and Hope’s tiny self looked ready to fall over.” Scrunching her nose up, she shook her head. “The girl just ain’t made for manual labor.”
Maddie waved a dismissive hand in the air. “It’s fine, go. I’ve got calls to make anyway since you’re determined to steal Ashley from me.”
Shelby’s eyes narrowed. “I found her—”
“—So you get to keep her,” Maddie finished for her. “Yes, I know, crazy, I heard you the first time.”
Shelby rolled her eyes. “I’ll show you crazy.”
“Please don’t.” Maddie turned and rounded the desk. “I am not prepared to deal with it. Especially not after finding out Grandmama was passing out moonshine at church yesterday. Seriously, y’all, my limit for handling crazy has been reached for the week.”
I snickered at the mention of Grandmama.
Maddie’s grandmother, she was a colorful force of nature. Utterly inappropriate on the best of days and completely scandalous at her worst, she was one of my favorite people, even if I didn’t know her too well.
“Hey, ladies…”
My spine snapped straight when Carissa and Heidi, two sisters who worked at the shelter, walked into the room. Both were close to my age, with only a couple of years separating us. Carissa, who was the oldest, shot me a sweet smile, while Heidi, who was deaf, waved in my direction.
I liked both girls, but there was something about Heidi that made me breathe a little easier when she was near. I couldn’t explain it, because even though she didn’t talk much, she brought me comfort.
Carissa nibbled on her bottom lip, her eyes bouncing between Maddie, Shelby, and me. “Did we come at a bad time? Because if so, we can head back out—”
“It’s fine, C,” Maddie interrupted, her smile growing. “We were just talking about where Ashley will live once she transitions out of emergency care.” Her gaze cut to Shelby. “And Blondie over here is adamant about keeping her all to herself; therefore, she’s insisting we find a way for Ashley to live with her and Lucca.”
Carissa blinked, the shyness she wore like a coat of armor disappearing. “That’s not really fair, is it? I mean, shouldn’t we get to vote or something? What if I
want her to live with Heidi and me?”
Shelby’s eyes narrowed. “For the second time today, I will be damned—”
“Okay,” Maddie said, cutting in once more. Hands up, palms out, she waved her arms around. “I’ll need to work closely with CPS on this, and they’ll have the final say, which will include all sorts of stipulations and rules I’m sure, but it’s up to Ashley whether she wants me to pursue this.”
She looked at me.
“Honey, I know this is a hard decision, and it isn’t one you have to make on the spot, but it’s your choice whether you want to stay with one of us. If not, we understand. But if you do, then all of us will open our homes to you. Clara and Hope included.”
I shifted my weight between my feet, an unfamiliar emotion stirring inside me.
I was being given a choice: a first for me.
And I was unsure of how to react.
“Your voice matters, Ashley,” Carissa said, her tone gentle as could be. “It may not have in the past, but it does now.”
“She’s right,” Shelby added. “From now on, it will always matter.”
Heidi nodded her agreement, her blue eyes awash with moisture.
“As I said,” Maddie started once more. “You don’t have to—”
“I want to stay with Shelby and Lucca,” I blurted out, cutting her off and surprising myself. “If that’s okay with her.” Feeling a bit nervous and a lot foolish, I ducked my head and stared at the floor. Mere minutes had passed since Shelby stated that she wanted me to live with her, but that didn’t stop my anxiety from planting seeds of doubt in my head.
What if she’d changed her mind?
Or what if she hadn’t really meant it?
“Thank you, sweet baby Jesus.” I jerked my head up, my wide-eyed gaze landing on Shelby when she spoke. “I am so glad you picked me, sugar,” she said, “because I am not above begging.”
Her eyes twinkled; my heart beat faster.
Closing the small space between us, she extended her arms. “Can I hug you?”
Again, I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
Her warm arms embraced me, and I leaned into her, resting my cheek against her chest.
“Thank you for picking Lucca and me,” she whispered, swaying me from side to side. ‘You won’t regret it. Promise.”
Her words, as nice as they were, made no sense to me. I had no idea why she was thanking me. Shouldn’t it have been the other way around?
Leaning back, she ran her hands through my hair, pushing the errant locks from my face. “And just for the record, I swear on everything holy that I will not let anyone hurt you again. Not today, not tomorrow, and not ten years from now. Got it?”
It was a vow I prayed she’d be able to keep.
“I’ve got it.”
Dropping her arms, she took a step back. “Well,” she said. “Since this is all settled, I guess I should go find Clara and Hope. Lord knows Itty Bitty has probably keeled over by now.”
Carissa scrunched her nose. “Let’s hope not because I don’t think Evan would handle that too well,” she said, referring to Evan Morgan, the shelter’s head of security, and the man who acted as Hope’s shadow.
I didn’t know what the deal between them was, but he was always up her butt. Normally, such a thing would’ve made me uncomfortable, but it was obvious that Evan’s behavior was okay, maybe even welcomed as far as Hope was concerned.
I didn’t understand it. At all.
Then again, I was no expert on relationships. My experience with men consisted of unwanted touches, constant abuse, and sadistic behavior.
Who was I to judge what was normal?
Or even healthy?
Shelby’s eyes widened, grabbing my attention. “That’s no joke.”
Smiling big, Maddie tapped Shelby on the arm and pointed toward the door. “Get your tush out of here and go help the girls before Hope works herself to death, and Evan has a coronary in response.”
Shelby glanced back at me. “You want to come?”
I rocked back on my heels, crossing my arms. “Is it okay if I go outside instead? I know I’m not supposed to but—”
“It’s fine. The gate is closed, so you’ll be safe. Just don’t stay too long. It’s hotter than blue blazes out there.” Having given me her answer, she turned her attention to Maddie. “I’m taking C and Heidi Bug with me. You call Children’s Services, and then try and take a nap. You look exhausted.”
Hand on her belly, Maddie nodded, her eyes heavier than before. “I swear this little one is sucking the energy right out of me. I can’t even pee without—”
I’d heard enough.
Heart aching, I headed for the door before Maddie could finish whatever she was about to say. “Be back soon.”
No one said a word as I hoofed it out of the room, but I felt their eyes on me until I reached the very end of the hall and turned the corner, disappearing from their sight.
Shoving through the exit, I burst into the afternoon sunlight, the meltdown I felt brewing earlier barely restrained.
Racing around the side of the building, I hid behind a large dumpster, taking myself out of view of the security cameras.
Chest tightening, I let my legs give way and slid to the gravel-covered ground beneath me in a heap of weary bones and battered flesh. Knees pulled in, I wrapped my arms around my shins, holding myself tight.
There, I allowed myself to break.
Chapter Five
Ashley
I woke up screaming.
Back pressed against the cot where I slept, I kicked away the thin white sheet blanketing my sweat-slicked skin and jerked upright, heart in my throat.
The nightmare that had invaded my dreams, stealing the breath right out of my lungs still lingered, making it impossible to fight off the demons that lived inside me, their cruel taunts destroying me bit by bit.
Like the day before when I’d recalled the horrid things I’d been through at the hands of my mother’s lovers to both Maddie and Shelby, every heartbreaking detail of that fateful night—the one which came two months before Carmen and Jade’s deaths—rushed forward.
The memories…
They hurt.
So damn bad.
Hands pressed against my ears, I rocked back and forth, agony gripping me as the reminders of my past bombarded me, forcing me to relive a hell I’d never truly escape.
The smell of fresh blood.
The sound of my screams.
The echoes of her cries.
Stomach churning, vomit climbed the length of my esophagus. Knowing I was about to be sick, I clamped my hand over my trembling lips, jumped off the rickety cot, and headed for the bathroom.
Halfway there, I almost ran smack dab into Shelby, but by some miracle, she managed to jump out of the way just in time, avoiding a collision. “Ashley!” she hollered, her cowgirl boots clicking against the hallway floor as she chased after me, matching me stride for stride. “Wait!”
Wait?
That wasn’t possible.
Demons were nipping at my heels; I ran faster, my heart splintering. Bursting through the bathroom door at top speed, I dropped down in front of the toilet, my knees slamming onto the tiled floor, and emptied the contents of my belly into the porcelain bowl.
Shelby rushed in behind me.
Pulling my hair back from my face with one hand, she used the other to rub circles on my back. “It’s okay, sugar,” she whispered. “Everything is alright.”
I liked Shelby, but she was wrong.
Nothing would ever be alright again.
Not without them.
Done getting sick, I plopped back onto my butt just as the first sob hit, jerking my entire body. “He took her from me,” I cried, holding my tattoo against my chest. “He took all of them from me!”
Unable to stand the pain, I leaned forward and curled my hands before slamming my fists down on my thighs over and over.
Breaking apart at the seams, I then screamed, putti
ng my grief out there for any and everyone to hear.
Kneeling behind me, Shelby wrapped her arms around me tight, and pulled me back, taking all of my weight when I collapsed against her. “Who, sugar?” she asked, her erratic pulse bleeding into my back. “Who did he take?”
I dropped my head back onto her shoulder. “Everyone,” I whispered, my insides twisting. “He took everyone I ever loved.” More sobs, more tears. “Now they’re gone, and I’ll never get them back.”
It was a truth I didn’t want to face.
Because without Carmen and Jade, and without her, I knew the torment embedded in both my heart and soul would last until the moment I took my final breath.
* * *
Dressed in a soft pink tank top and light grey pajama shorts that had once belonged to Hope, I sat atop a picnic table next to the shelter, my eyes closed and head tilted back, letting the blazing Georgia sun dry my tear-streaked face.
How long I’d been sitting there, my body still trembling from what happened an hour before, I hadn’t a clue.
Not that it mattered.
Finding comfort in the quiet that surrounded me, I could have stayed in that same spot, my skin baking in the mid-morning light, all day.
Everyone seemed content to let me do it too. Other than Heidi popping her head out the side door every few minutes to check on me, I’d mainly been left alone.
For that, I was thankful.
Nearing a complete mental breakdown, I wasn’t in the correct state of mind to answer any of the concern-filled questions headed my way from the ladies once I stepped back inside.
Questions about the nightmare.
Questions about who they were.
Questions I couldn’t answer.
Being forced to relive Carmen and Jade’s murders each time I closed my eyes was bad enough, but being asked to explain the harrowing events that came months before would be my demise.
“Ashley!”
Ripped from the chaos that was my life, I snapped my head forward, a chill racing down my spine at the sound of a familiar, albeit panicked, voice.
Every Kiss You Steal: A Redeeming Love Novel (Book 7) Page 4