I don’t know who, but someone, possibly Taylor with her nurse training, cleaned my sister up enough for me to see her. I didn’t cry when I looked at her and saw how cold and pale she was.
I didn’t cry when I noticed her neck was covered with a small white towel so no one could see the cut across her throat.
I didn’t cry when I leaned down and kissed her head, pressing my forehead against hers just for a moment.
I didn’t cry when I told her how much I loved her and how I always would.
I didn’t cry when Stryker took me from the room, leaving Hammer in there alone with Cindy. I don’t know what he was going through at that moment, but we all heard his sobs. Almost everyone shed a tear that day, a room full of big bad bikers and their old ladies crying for the loss of my sister. She was loved so well, and I know in my heart she knew it.
Not one person ever had a bad word to say about her. She was always smiling, always in a good mood, always there to help anyone who needed it. Even the kids of the club loved her. She was someone within the Snakes Henchmen.
The coroner came and took Cindy’s body, but it wasn’t easy when Hammer wouldn’t let her go. The man was in so much pain and shock, and he threatened to kill anyone who went near her, not even Tank could calm him. In the end, it took Willow to talk him down. She’d already been in to see Cindy and kiss her goodbye. She held Hammer in her arms as he sobbed, while they both did as they watched those men cover Cindy’s body and take her away.
We had no choice but to do things the right way. I wouldn’t allow the Snakes to cover up what had happened to my sister. She deserved better than that. No one questioned me when I called the cops. No one said anything when I spoke to them and told them what I knew. Shepard said nothing, he just watched me and let me get on with it. I know he hates having cops at the clubhouse, but I didn’t give him a choice.
However, that got me nowhere, did it? There was nothing the police could do, Cindy was gone. They promised to look for those who did what they did, but we all knew they’d never find those men, even with the camera footage. There was nothing in that footage to say who or where they were, all that could be seen was darkness around the biker and Cindy. They weren’t stupid they made sure no one would know who they were, we couldn’t even see his face.
He’d made sure the Snakes knew which club he belonged to, that they wanted Hammer to suffer. But like the cop said, without evidence, anyone could have been behind it and using the other clubs name to hide who they were. They could have had a vendetta towards both clubs, and killing Cindy would have been the perfect way to start a war between them.
In other words, no one would ever pay for my sister’s death because the police didn’t give a damn. All she was to them was a biker’s old lady who deserved what she got. Anything the cops could do to make the Snakes suffer, they’d do it. Shepard has an understanding with the Sheriff. He stays out of what’s coming for those who killed my sister, Shepard will owe him a big favor.
I also had the awful task of calling my parents and telling them what happened. Their screams of pain will forever haunt me.
They arrived the next morning, they held me and cried. I couldn’t cry, I held it in and held them together. We argued about where Cindy’s funeral would be held. Hammer wanted it here, but they wanted it in California. As Cindy and Hammer weren’t married, he had no say in the matter.
I talked them into allowing the funeral to go ahead here, this is where Cindy would have wanted to be, but they made sure I knew they’d be taking her ashes back to California, no matter what I said.
My parents blamed Hammer for what happened. They made damn sure everyone around us knew they did. Right there outside the church in which Cindy’s funeral was held, they yelled how much they hated him and how they wished Cindy had never met him. They didn’t care how much it was hurting him; they only cared about making sure he knew they would never forgive him for what they believed happened because of him.
However, I made my parents see that Cindy wouldn’t want them to treat the man she loved that way. They were hurting, lashing out because they couldn’t deal with their pain, but Hammer was in just as much pain. They had to know how much he loved Cindy. Anyone who ever saw them together knew it. That giant of a man was so gentle with my sister. He wasn’t afraid to kiss her or touch her cheek softly in front of people. He wasn’t ashamed to tell her how much he loved her, no matter who could hear him. She brought out the best in him, everyone said so.
My parents backed off him, only to round on Stryker and tell him how they were taking me home with them. Stryker said nothing, just wrapped his arm around me as I told them how I wouldn’t be leaving my husband, that I needed him now more than ever. That’s when they said that if I chose my husband, they wanted nothing more to do with me. I told them fine and walked away.
I still haven’t cried yet over what happened to Cindy. I don’t understand why it won’t come. I’ve tried to force it out of me, this pain and sadness, but it wouldn’t come. Even the anger won't come. I just go day by day in a daze, doing what I can to help those around me the best way I know how.
I want nothing more than to help Hammer through this. A month after Cindy’s murder and he’s not getting any better. He’s broken and won’t allow anyone near him except for Willow. I think the only reason Hammer can have her near him is because of how close she and Cindy were. However, it’s sad that he can’t even have Tank near him, that man is so worried about his big brother.
Today, my feet took me to the apartment Hammer and Cindy shared. I hadn’t intended to go there I was supposed to be meeting Stryker at the clubhouse. We’re all being followed, the women, I mean. The men won’t let us go out alone until those who killed Cindy are found and dealt with. Right now, I can’t see it happening any time soon.
Jacob, a prospect, followed me all the way to Hammer’s apartment. I had the key Cindy gave me when they first moved into the place in my pocket. I took it out without thinking about it and unlocked the door. The place was clean and smelled fresh, which meant Willow had been by and cleaned again.
I didn’t want to look around the place. I didn’t need to I saw Cindy everywhere I looked, the second I was through the door. The pale yellow walls of the hallway were all her, her favorite color. The pictures on the walls of her and Hammer, the two of us together, even a picture of us with mom and dad, Cindy with Willow, and Hammer with Tank and their parents, all showed how badly she wanted this place to be their permanent home.
I knew my sister would never become a mother. She made that very clear when we were kids ourselves. She made it clear to Hammer also. However, I had hoped that one day, I would have a child, and she’d be there to teach my child things. She would have been a wonderful aunt.
I found Hammer on the couch in their living room of light green. He was wearing gray sweats and a white wife beater, barefoot, his long hair hanging all over the place, a framed photo of Cindy in his hand. I could see what it was the second I looked at it, a beautiful picture of her smiling. Hammer was staring off into space. My heart broke for him at that moment. Nothing would ever be the same for him again, for any of us.
“Hammer?” I said his name quietly.
He slowly turned to look at me and said, “Cindy?” There was such hope in his voice. I hated to break the illusion, but I couldn’t allow him to think Cindy had come back for him.
“No, sweetheart,” I made my way over to him and sat beside him on the couch. He kept his eyes on me, they were bloodshot, like he hadn’t been to sleep since it happened, and for all I know, maybe he hadn't. “It’s Coral. I came to check on you.”
“Why are you here? You shouldn’t care about me, Coral, I’m not worth it. Your sister is dead because of me.”
I took his hand in mine and entwined our fingers, and I held on tight. He wasn’t to blame for what happened. No one blamed him but my parents and himself. There are those who would say that it would be okay for me to blame him, that him claiming my
sister was precisely what led to her death.
It’s true; if he hadn’t claimed her, she wouldn’t be dead, but nothing would have stopped Cindy from coming here when she did. Nothing would have prevented her noticing Hammer the same way she had at my wedding, and nothing would have stopped her from doing whatever it took to be with the man she loved from the moment she set eyes on him. So in truth, this would have happened anyway.
I know in my heart that Cindy doesn't blame Hammer for what happened. They had a love so honest and pure, and it’s so sad that she was taken away from him too soon, but I know she’s watching us all from her place in heaven, and she wants all of us to help the man she loved to move on.
“Cindy didn’t die because of you, Hammer,” I held his hand to my chest. I felt his pain, and it was bringing mine to the surface. However, I fought mine, pushed it back down because Hammer needed me right then. “It could have been any one of us that was taken, any one of you that was targeted. I know you’re hurting in the worst way right now, but you and I both know that Cindy wouldn’t want this. She wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for what happened to her. I’m not saying you should be totally fine already, and there’s no way anyone would expect you to be. But you can’t wallow forever, Hammer. She’d want you to live.”
“But how am I meant to live without her?” He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, trying to hide his tears from me.
“You don’t have a choice, Sam,” He looked at me, and I saw even more pain in his eyes, only Cindy called him by his given name. “You have to learn to move forward. It won’t be easy, I know that, but Cindy wouldn’t want this for you. I know how much you're hurting, I feel it too. I’ve lost my only sister, and I don’t myself know how anything will ever be the same again, but we’ll live, Hammer,”
He looked me dead in the eye. “It won’t hurt forever, I promise.” I reached up and stroked his cheek, his beard because he hadn’t shaved since Cindy was killed, tickled my fingertips. “One day, you’ll wake up, and it won’t hurt to breathe.”
“Why don’t you blame me, Coral? How can you be sitting here talking to me like this?”
“Because I know in my heart that it wasn’t your fault, Hammer. My parents know that too deep down, but they’re hurt, and they lashed out at you because you were the man loving their daughter. They lashed out at me too, but they’ll come around once their pain subsides. Don’t let this destroy you. Don’t let it eat away at you until there is nothing left of you. You might want to die right now, or you might not, but Tank needs you. Don’t push him away, don’t leave him to wonder why you left him the same way you’re wondering about Cindy. Your little brother just wants to help you.”
He nodded, tears in his eyes, and I wrapped my arms around him and held him as he sobbed his heart out. He sobbed and sobbed, fell asleep in my arms like a little boy. Willow arrived, and I left her to deal with him. Then I went home, showered, changed into PJ’s, and now I’m sitting here wondering if I can remember how to breathe.
I’m cracking, the anger inside of me is about to boil over, and I can’t stop it. I grab the wine bottle in front of me and throw it against the wall. There is no satisfaction upon seeing it break, so I grab the glass I was drinking from and do the same thing. That doesn’t help either, so I grab every fucking thing I can and smash it, and I scream and scream until I’m hoarse from it, and then I scream some more.
Why did this happen?
Why was my beautiful, innocent sister taken from me so cruelly?
I can’t breathe. Oh god, I can’t breathe!
Chapter Twenty-Three
Stryker
When I tried to call Coral to see where she was, there was no answer, which worried me. After everything this club has been through this past month, the last thing I want is anything happening to my wife. It would fuckin’ kill me.
I called Jacob, the prospect in charge of watching over Coral. He told me she’d walked to Hammer’s apartment, stayed there for about forty-five minutes before leaving and going home. Then he suddenly became panicked, banging on something, yelling Coral's name.
I screamed at him to tell me what the fuck was going on. He said something was wrong with Coral. He couldn’t get into the house, but she was screaming, and there was a lot of crashing. I panicked so fucking bad that I jumped on my bike, Tank, and Jett following me to make sure if anyone had gotten into my house and were attacking my wife, they’d be there to end them.
What I saw when I got home is something I won’t forget as long as I live. Jacob had booted the front door down but was standing in the hallway of the house with one hand on his head, the other covering his mouth. I couldn’t believe what I saw myself. My wife had smashed the house to pieces. There isn’t a piece of furniture left intact. The kitchen, destroyed. The living room, destroyed. Even the hallway is destroyed.
Pictures smashed. Drawers ripped open, glass of all kinds smashed, clothes strewn everywhere, papers, you name it, it’s probably laying around somewhere, broken or torn.
“Jesus,” Jett hisses.
“Stryker, I swear, I didn’t know what was happening. I thought someone had gotten past me and was in here killing her. I broke the door down to help her, but she screamed at me to stay away from her, then started screaming about hating someone, then she was mumbling.”
I don’t answer Jacob, the kids barely twenty-one, he’s a prospect, he broke into my house to help my wife. That’s all that was asked of him.
“It’s all right, Jacob, you did good.” Tank tells him.
Coral suddenly starts yelling to God and asking him why. She’s in severe pain. She’s kept it all locked inside for a month. Not once did she cry when she saw her sister die, not at the funeral, not after it. I don’t know what finally broke the damn, but I know she needs to purge her soul of this pain.
I rush over to her and grab her to me just as she was about to throw a paperweight right through the closed window. “Get off of me!” She screams while fighting me, thumping at my chest as I try to hold her. “Don’t touch me!” She screams louder and walks backward away from me.
“Coral, it’s me, baby. Everything’s okay.”
She shakes her head, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes are swollen and bloodshot, and her upper lip is swollen and red, her whole face is. Shit, she must have been crying for ages. “Everything is not okay! My sister is dead. Dead!” She screams the last word. “My parent’s blame me, blame Hammer. It wasn’t his fault!” She grits her teeth.
She’s never once blamed Hammer for what happened to Cindy, unlike her parents, but the man blames himself. He’s in purgatory right now. Won’t see anyone, won’t talk to anyone. Shepard told us to leave him alone and give him some space. Willow is the only one he can bear to have near him, so she’s the only one apart from Tank who makes sure he’s okay. Not that we want to leave the man all by himself, he needs us, but we’ve been given an order, and we need to follow it.
Besides, no offense to Hammer, but my wife is my priority, and she needs me more than ever right now.
“I know it wasn’t, Coral. We all know that.”
“Why didn’t she stay home like she was supposed to?” I don’t know how to answer that. All the women had been told not to go out alone. We were having problems with another club. We had to keep them safe. However, for some reason, Cindy went out alone and was taken.
No one will ever know why she left the house alone, especially when she’d promised never to do it. None of us will ever know what was going through her mind that day, but I know how much hurt has been caused by her death. We’ll never forget Cindy. She was a good person, and she’ll always be missed.
“I don’t know the answer to that, sweetheart.”
With her fingers in her hair, her eyes widen. She’s shaking her head, tears falling from her eyes, struggling to breathe through her emotions. I want to go to her, but she doesn’t want me to touch her right now. “It’s not fair.” She mumbles. “It’s not fair. Why h
er? Why my baby sister? She never hurt anybody in her life! It’s not fair!” She screams and falls to her knees, and this time, I drop to mine and grab her. She doesn’t fight me this time. There’s no fight left in her. She sags against me, sobbing her heart out, and I just hold her, rocking her gently.
There’s nothing worse in life than seeing your wife in pain like this. The fuckin’ agony inside of me for her is boiling over. I feel every ounce of her pain, and I’m crying along with her, and I don’t give a fuck who can see me like this. This woman is my life, and her pain is my pain.
She clutches at me, sobbing into my chest. “It’s okay, baby, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” I kiss her head hard and hold her to me. I won’t let go. I’ll never let go.
I don’t know when the others left, but it's some time after I walked in and grabbed Coral that I realize we’re alone now. She's stopped crying, but she’s still making sobbing noises each time she breathes in. She’s fallen asleep against me, exhausted from trashing the house and crying so hard.
I kiss her head and force my aching body to move. I lift her into my arms and carry her to our bed. I lay her down and cover her with the blanket from the bottom of the bed. I watch her sleeping for a while, hoping she sleeps at least a few hours. I stroke her cheek and tell her how much I love her before leaving her to rest.
“I thought you two had gone,” I tell Tank and Jett when I walk into the kitchen to find them finishing up cleaning the mess Coral made. They didn’t have to clean my house. However, as I turn my head, I see they’ve cleaned the hallway too. Both places are spotless.
I chuckle inside. These two massive men have cleaned my house like a pair of women, and when I say cleaned, I mean cleaned.
“Thought we’d stick around and help. Coral really trashed the place.”
“I know.” I rub the back of my neck while nodding at Jett because he’s right, she did.
Strike Fast: Prequal (Snakes Henchmen MC) Page 17