by Jennae Vale
“You’re digging yourself a deep hole,” she said, vindication in her anger.
“I’m nae digging a hole. I’m telling ye the truth.” He turned back to her, outstretched hands pleading with her.
“Why should I believe you? You’ve been lying to me all along. All those things you said yesterday about opening your heart to me were lies. I am nothing but a bit of fun to you.”
“I wasnae lying!” he shouted.
Elena stirred and began to cry. Tina tore her eyes from Donal’s lying face and went to her. “Come here, sweetie. It’s alright.”
“I wasnae lying,” he said in a softer tone. Tina felt her resolve threatening to crack at the pain in his voice.
Tina kissed Elena’s forehead. She was not going to listen to another word he said, no matter what. She would focus on seeing Elena better. It was her only project now. “You are very warm. I’m going to give her some medicine. It should make her fever go down.” She lay Elena on her back and filled the dropper from the medicine bottle with the red liquid. “Here you go, baby.” She slipped the dropper between Elena’s lips and was surprised she took it without a fight. Her brother’s kids were much more difficult to medicate. They had to physically hold them down to get anything into them. “Now, shall we try some broth?”
Donal took the broth from the basket and retrieved her little spoon. Tina didn’t look at him. She couldn’t. She was so hurt and disappointed that she wanted to cry, but she wouldn’t. She’d save that for later when she was alone in her room. Elena refused to eat. And began to whimper weakly. “I’m concerned. Something’s not right.”
“What could it be?” Donal asked.
“I don’t know, but there’s not much left for us to do. Let the medicine take effect. I’m going back to my room. If you need me, come get me.” She put Elena back in the cradle and gently rocked her, she fell immediately back to sleep. Tina wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. It could be the flu, which should be manageable, but with a young child like Elena, it could be disastrous. She wasn’t sure she should leave Elena alone with Donal, but so far he’d proven to at least be a concerned father even if he was a lying cheat of a man. Tina would need her sleep if, as she suspected, she would be awakened in the middle of the night to take care of her.
“Tina, please, stay. We have much to speak of. Please dinnae be angry with me.”
“It’s a little late for that.” She closed the door behind her before slumping against the wall feeling as though her heart had been ripped from her chest.
Chapter 11
She had no idea how long she’d been asleep before the sound of Elena crying woke her, sending her running to Donal’s room. She opened the door to find him walking the floor with her.
“There now, wee one. ’Tis alright. Yer Da is here,” he spoke softly and soothingly to her as she rested her head on his chest.
Once again, Tina was reminded that despite his lack of experience and his sudden fatherhood, he was doing his best to be a good father.
“Have you had any sleep?” she asked.
“Nae. I’ve had much on me mind. I’m worried for Elena.” He sounded a bit defensive, but she couldn’t worry about that just now.
“I’ll take her back to my room. You should lie down and try to sleep.”
“Nae. I’m her Da. I’ll take care of her,” he stubbornly said.
Tina sat on the edge of the bed. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“I’m nae trying to prove anything to ye. I’m proving it to meself.”
“Is she still hot?” Tina asked.
“I dinnae believe so.”
“See if she’ll drink some water.” Ashley and Jenna had assured her that the well water for the castle was safe to drink. She filled a small cup and brought it to Elena. Holding it up to her lips, she was pleased when Elena took a few sips. She rested the back of her hand on the child’s forehead and was satisfied that the fever had gone down. “Maybe if we’re lucky it’ll be gone in the morning.”
“I pray ’tis so,” he said.
The tension in the air between them was palpable, but there was no way to resolve it. He wasn’t the man she’d thought and she knew that it was unlikely he’d change. So, in her mind there was absolutely no reason to give in to the things her heart was telling her she should. “Before I go back to my room let me give her a little more medicine. It’s been long enough since her last dose.”
Once again, Tina was pleased that Elena took the medicine easily. She gave her another sip of water before gently cupping the child’s face in her hand. “Good night, sweetie. I hope you’re feeling better in the morning.”
She didn’t look at Donal and without either of them saying a word, she returned to her own room hoping the rest of the night would pass without incident.
Cracking the door just a bit, Tina checked in to see how Elena was doing. Both she and Donal were sound asleep. The fever seemed to be gone, but she knew it could come back with a vengeance later in the day. Gathering the basket from last night she headed downstairs. “How are you feeling this morning?” Ashley asked.
“Like I was hit by a truck,” she said. “I had a fight with Donal last night and that coupled with Elena being sick really has me feeling hopeless.”
“I’m sorry,” Ashley said. “Can I help?”
“I don’t think so. All I can do is hope that Elena gets well quickly so I can go home. I don’t want to stay here anymore.”
Ashley appeared sad to hear this. “When you’re ready to go, just tell me and I’ll contact Edna.”
“Do you think she’ll let me leave without Donal?” Tina asked, adding a new worry to the already long list of things upsetting her.
“She’s not going to make you stay here. Or at least I don’t think she will,” Ashley said.
What would she do if Edna refused to send her home? What could she do? She had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“You should eat something. We’ve all noticed you haven’t been enjoying the food.”
“Well, at least if I’m stuck here I’ll probably starve to death, putting me out of my misery.”
“Don’t say that,” Ashley protested. “You’re not going to starve to death. And it’s not so bad here. Some of us actually love our home.”
“I didn’t mean to insult the place. It’s just not for me. I miss my family. This is the first time I’ve been away on my own. I guess I need them more than I thought.” After years of feeling jealous of Elle and having that wedge driven between them because of her fame, the time they’d spent together on tour had given them an opportunity to get reacquainted and to be friends again. She wished more than anything she had Elle or her mom around to talk with about all of this.
“While you’re here, we’re your family. You can rely on us just like you were at home.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just in such an awful place emotionally right now. I don’t know what to do.”
“What could be so wrong that you can’t work it out with him? What did he do?”
“He let me believe Sionaid had been his wife. He lied to me.”
“They weren’t married? I’m so sorry. We were all shocked to hear that he had a wife, I guess that’s why.”
“He admitted that when I first arrived he would have done or said anything to get me to help with the baby, but we moved past that, I thought. He had plenty of time to come clean and tell me the truth but he didn’t. And not only that, I found out she probably didn’t tell him about the baby because he had already moved on to another conquest. He is nothing but a player and I don’t need someone like that in my life.”
“Oh, Tina. That is awful.”
“I guess you were right all along,” Tina said. “He wasn’t the right one for me.”
“Tina, I don’t want to be right about this. I saw your feelings for him grow and if there’s one thing I do know, it’s if you think there was something there, something that attracted you, then you shouldn’
t let that go so easily.”
“I don’t know if I can trust him. How long until I am just tossed aside like those other women?”
“I know. I’m not excusing that. What I am saying is talk to him about it. Talk until you don’t think you can talk anymore. It is completely possible for people to learn from their mistakes.”
“I’ve been lied to so many times by guys. I would have to worry everyday that he wasn’t being honest, that he didn’t want me any more. How can I ever trust him again?”
“Have you ever lied to someone? I know I have. Or have you ever lied by omission?”
Tina thought about that for a moment. She knew what Ashley was getting at. “Of course I’ve lied. We all have.”
“So, does that mean that everyone should cut you from their lives? Does that mean that you can never be trusted? I get it, Donal has a history. But that doesn’t mean he wants to be that guy forever. He never found a person he wanted to change for, maybe now he has.”
“I know what you’re trying to do and I appreciate it, but in this case, I’m not so sure I can just let this go.”
“I think if you hold every man you ever meet to such a high standard, you’re always going to be disappointed. That’s all I’m going to say.”
That hit pretty close to home. Tina knew she had high standards when it came to men. Was there something wrong with that? Maybe there was. It could be the reason she’d never had a serious romance. Not one. She wanted so much to be part of a couple. To have someone to share her life with and yet Tina wasn’t sure she could change or that she should.
“I’m going to bring this back to the kitchen,” Tina said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
If it was possible, she walked away from Ashley feeling even worse than she had before. Why was it that once she’d dug her heels in it was impossible for her to do anything but keep digging? She thought about all the times she’d cut men loose because their motives weren’t what she thought they should be. When was the last time she’d had more than two dates with the same guy? Wasn’t that why she was here? Self-reflection wasn’t her strong suit. She had a very hard time admitting when she was wrong and so she almost never did.
Mary was hard at work, as always. “Good morning,” she said, placing the basket on the table.
“Good morn to ye, lass. How’s the babe?”
“She was cool to the touch this morning, but I’m worried the fever will come back later in the day.”
“Aye. ’Tis good to be cautious. How’s yer man, Donal holding up?”
“He’s not my man and he was sleeping when I checked in on them.”
“Poor thing. I ken I’m hard on him, but deep down he’s a good man. I can see it when he’s with ye and with the babe.”
Hearing Mary’s words warmed Tina’s heart a bit. She knew Donal wasn’t a terrible person, but with everything she now knew, it was making it very hard for her to see.
“I was wondering if you could put something together for me to bring back for them.”
“And what of ye? Do ye never eat?”
“I’ll have some of that good bread if you have any?”
“I’ve always got bread for ye. Do ye like fruit?”
“Yes, very much.”
“Good. I’ve got apples and pears, will they do?”
“They will.”
“Cooked oats?”
“Yes.”
“I knew I would find something ye’d eat,” Mary laughed as she hurried about the kitchen obviously thrilled about her new discovery. She filled the basket to the brim. “Ye’ll be needing enough to last ye the day.”
“Thank you, Mary. You’ve been so kind.”
“I’d thank ye no’ to say a word about it. I’d rather them think me mean,” she chuckled.
“I think they might be on to you,” Tina said. “They only say the nicest things about you.”
“Do they now?” She smiled as she went back to work. “Off with ye, I’ve things to do.”
Her interaction with Mary brought a warm smile to her face. Despite her protests, she was a very sweet lady and everyone knew it.
He’d never been so worried about anything or anyone in his whole life. This was his daughter. He was going to care for her and protect her from harm to the best of his ability or he’d die trying. The relief he felt knowing that Elena’s fever was gone was profound. Now that she was feeling better he could concentrate on trying to make things right with Tina.
He’d seen the hurt and disappointment in her eyes and heard it in her voice and he knew he’d done that to her. His guilt over lying and what a terrible man he had been was overwhelming him. He’d resigned himself to losing her once before but he didn’t want that now. He wasn’t the same man that had pursued those women. He knew, now, what it meant to find someone special and he didn’t want to find someone else. He wanted Tina and he would do whatever was necessary to keep her. Logan told him to use his words and that is what he would do. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say that might change her mind, but he would try.
The door opened and Tina entered. “I brought food. Mary thought you’d be hungry.”
“Mary is right, as always.” A crooked grin appeared on his lips. One he hoped would charm Tina. Donal had never cared enough about a woman to want to win her back, but Tina was different. When she walked through that door, his heart skipped a beat and his mind went to work. He had to find a way to let her know she was special to him. That he would do anything for her. “Are ye feeling better this morning? Ye were quite upset last night.” Much to his surprise she didn’t respond the way he’d hoped.
“I found out the man I thought I loved was a liar who steps on hearts without a second thought.” She took a deep breath before continuing, her anger obvious. “That you not only didn’t remember Sionaid’s name, but had tossed her aside so fast you were already making your way through the women of the village. How long did your relationship with Tess last?”
Donal didn’t say anything to that.
“Honestly, Donal, how long do you really think this,” she wagged a finger back and forth between them, “is going to last? Clearly you are not a man familiar with commitment. I am not looking to be someone’s throw away. I wanted…” she stopped and Donal didn’t breathe until she spoke again. “I wanted to find someone that would love me for me. Someone who would be my partner in life. Obviously that person doesn’t exist. Not in this time or in the future.”
“Tina, that’s not true. I…”
“What do you know about the truth, Donal?” That stopped him. He had lied or at least misled her about nearly everything from the moment he met her. But not about how he felt. For the first time in his life he had been completely honest about his feelings for a woman, but she didn’t trust him and he couldn’t blame her.
He’d merely asked a question. One he’d hoped showed his concern for her. Somehow he’d said the wrong thing and now she was angry. Or perhaps she was still angry. Despite all the women he’d known, he had no experience with this side of them.
“Forgive me. I didnae mean to rile ye, but it seems I cannae help myself.”
She grumbled something under her breath as she unpacked the basket. He stood and walked to the table where as he reached for an apple his hand grazed hers. She froze and he noted she closed her eyes. This was a woman at war with herself. She still had feelings for him and yet she was denying them. He wanted to touch her, to hold her, to promise her he’d never lie to her again. If he did, would she reject him? As the seconds ticked by he realized he had no idea what to say to her. Maybe if he could keep her in the room his brain would kick in and figure out what he was supposed to say to fix this. He grabbed an apple from the basket and rubbed it on his plaid to have something to do. “Ye should eat,” he said.
“I wish everyone would stop telling me to eat. I’ll eat when I’m hungry,” she snapped.
“As ye wish.”
“You should eat and then go about your day. I’ll stay her
e with Elena.” When she glanced at him there was a sadness in her eyes that he hadn’t seen before.
“Tina…”
She held up her hand to stop his approach and his words, “No, don’t say anything. I’m trying my best to get through this. I am here to help take care of Elena. When she’s feeling better, I’m going home. So, until then we are nothing more than two people who care about one little girl.”
What could he say to that? They were not to be. He grabbed some bread, cheese and the apple and left the room. He was angry with himself for the lies, his careless past, and his idjit brain that couldnae think of the right thing to say to her. She’d seemed touched by his plight and he’d shamelessly taken advantage of her kind heart. He truly was as awful as she thought him to be.
At around the noon hour Tina got some relief. Doreen came back and offered to stay with Elena for a while.
“She’s been sleeping quite a bit, but at least she seems comfortable. Send for me if she seems worse.”
“Aye. Me ma tells me many of the villagers are sick with the same. ’Tis never a good thing. We’ll lose many to be sure.”
Remembering where she was and when she was had a sobering effect on her. A bad feeling worked its way through her. What if Elena was one of those who would be lost? “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” Tina vowed to herself that she wouldn’t allow that to happen. “Maybe I should stay here with her.”
“She’ll be fine for a short while. Ye need some time out of this room.”
She gave Elena one last kiss on the forehead and was satisfied that she no longer had a fever, “I won’t be far if you need me.”
Once outside in the courtyard, Tina lifted her face to the sun, feeling its warmth chase away the chill she felt inside. How could this have happened? She’d been sent here to find a mate and somehow the idyllic scenes she had imagined when she first thought about it in her own time, were far from the reality she was living here and now. Why did Edna send her? Was it because she knew Elena would need her?