I wanted to sink back into him, and be consumed by the feeling of him pressed against me, thinking of nothing but him and me. Instead, reality invaded and nothing could stop it from spinning time.
“Are you okay?” he asked, slowly withdrawing his arm. My head managed to nod while my voice remained mute.
The lack of contact was chilling and I shivered. Our close proximity that seemed so natural only moments ago was now weighted with a heavy awkwardness. The concerned expression faded from his face. Whatever existed in those short minutes disappeared and I knew Sebastian was on the brink of becoming Bastian again. My chest ached at the realization.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand.
“Shut up,” I said, irritation burning in the pit of my stomach. “I don’t want to answer any stupid questions about your stupid future. I’m tired of being an experiment. I’m tired of seeing the things I see when I look into your future.”
His lips pulled into a thin line, and I wondered if I had finally succeeded in making him angry.
“I’ve never forced you to look into my future. Need I remind you that you’re the one that nosed into my future before I even knew about your ability?” The words were stone cold, delivered with a choppiness that was so unlike his typical smooth and eloquent speech. It was a side of him that I’d never seen before, but it did little to dull the blade of my anger.
“You ruined everything. Things were good before you came here. I had a future. My sisters had futures. Now you’re sucking that way from us.” I shoved at his chest, putting more room between us.
I lifted my laser gun and blasted his vest, watching as the lights repeatedly flashed red. My satisfaction was short lived when he retaliated both with laser and words.
“I didn’t do anything. This was you. You convinced me to go to that party and change your future. This whole situation is a chain reaction started by you realizing that you wanted more for yourself than what you had already chosen.”
He was right and that only infuriated me more.
“Well, from everything I’ve seen the only reason anyone dies is because you’re too scared to do anything about it.”
“Great, so now I’m to blame for not doing something during an event that we know nothing about other than what you claim to see.”
“Claim?! I saw it. It’s fact.”
“From what I’ve seen, your facts are more like lucky guesses.”
“They’re not guesses!”
“I’m actually beginning to think this whole thing is a setup.” His eyes narrowed in disbelief.
“What?! Why would you even think that?”
“You keep talking about how horrible this event will be, yet you’ve done nothing to even try changing it.”
“I have tried!” I yelled at him and poked at his chest with my finger. “All it did was make everything worse.”
“How?” he asked, pushing my finger away.
“I told Lily about it, or at least part of it.” I ground my teeth, restraining the frustration building inside me.
“How did that make it worse?”
“That’s when I stopped seeing everyone’s futures. It’s when yours became the only clear thing I could see.”
He shook his head. “That doesn’t mean you’ve made the future worse.”
“Then what does it mean?” I asked in defeat, every ounce of anger draining from me.
“I don’t know.”
The exit door swung open, spilling light into the darkened room and ending our conversation. When we came out, a small group of kids was waiting to go in. The attendant asked us if we wanted to do our second round right away with them, but we decided to wait.
We sat at a same table and shared a bottle of water. I avoided looking at him. I wasn’t embarrassed, but after the kiss, I needed to keep my distance, at least until I could see my own future and see if he was supposed to be a part of it.
“If I thought I could stop it I would. But there are too many unknowns,” I said, scratching at an invisible mark on the tabletop. “When I did it before, I had to change so many elements of that night, and in the end it came down to you.”
His hand rested on top of mine, stopping my restless motions. “You worry about everything. You’re trying to see everything all at once.”
“I’m just trying to get a glimpse of anything.”
“So, perhaps your gift is trying to tell you to do something different.”
“Like what?”
“Maybe you need to take the future one vision at a time. Focus on one piece at a time. Today, you managed to identify something new. Well, tomorrow you start there and look for another piece of the puzzle.”
It sounded so simple. Yet nothing could be harder for me now. The future was no longer black or white. There weren’t only one or two possibilities anymore. They were countless and the infinite number of possibilities I now saw made it impossible to narrow down to the one most likely to occur.
Chapter 24
Everything between us changed with our kiss and each day after it changed a little bit more. We didn’t talk about the kiss, but it was constantly there between us, building into a tension that left me questioning whether my attempts to connect to the future through him were the right thing to do.
Yet I couldn’t stop. The experiment we started over spring break never ended. Every morning I met him before first period, at lunch, and even in the afternoon, as if I was an addict and my visions of him my drug. I kept hoping there’d be something new to guide me in how to change what was to come, but there never was.
If I were smart, I’d avoid him; find a way to break free of this obsession. Which would be easier if I hadn’t discovered somewhere along the way that I actually liked Bastian. Maybe even liked him liked him.
And that might have a bit to do with how I was somehow going with him to prom.
I still couldn’t believe I’d said yes. On the other hand, I couldn’t believe I’d needed to say yes. Prom always seemed so far away, so far I’d never even considered whether I would go or not.
I’d like to think I’d been oblivious because no one around me had been overly concerned about it. My sisters were excited, but neither were the type to go all crazy about a dance. Bianca was even less likely to get sucked into the craze that went along with prom.
Honestly though, the reason I hadn’t noticed was because the person I spent most of my time with now was Bastian. Until he asked me to go with him, I’d have sworn he didn’t even realize prom existed.
When he asked me, shock left me speechless. I hadn’t even realized it was only a week away. Then he suggested we go as friends, and I said the only sane thing a girl could when faced with the prospect of either missing senior prom, or going solo. Yes.
But finding an answer to why I was going to prom with Bastian was a lot easier to answer than why we were going to prom in a limo with Phoebe, Nathan, Bianca, Owen, Tonya and her flavor of the month.
I tried dress shopping, but gave up at the complete lack of anything close to decent. I ended up wearing the pale pink dress I wore for New Year’s. It wasn’t as formal as the sleek silver dress Phoebe wore, but it wasn’t as wildly unconventional as the black and scarlet romantic ballerina tutu and corset Bianca had on, with matching new red streaks in her hair.
“Did you know the word prom was first used in the late eighteen hundreds as a shortened form of the word promenade, a type of formal dance?” Bastian tugged at his tie. He’d gone with a suit, and regular tie, skipping the tuxedo. The look suited him.
“Did you know girls don’t really care how prom started? All they care about is being the best dressed and dancing.” Phoebe asked.
Nathan leaned around her. “And all normal guys care about is if they’re gonna get-ofph!” Everyone laughed at his pained expression as Phoebe jabbed her elbow into his ribs.
Someone figured out how to turn the stereo on and music blared from the speakers. I would have totally miss
ed this if I’d said no to Bastian.
I glanced at Bastian. He laughed and sang along with a Katy Perry song. It was surreal. He was completely unlike his typical self, yet he appeared so relaxed, as if this was his normal.
Everything about him lately was different. Oh, he still qualified as a science nerd, but I no longer expected him to pop up on The Big Bang Theory each week. His hair had grown out on top, though the sides were still cut close. He must have been taking hair tips from Nathan.
The biggest change though was in how he interacted with me. Phoebe and Bianca always claimed he could be normal, but until the past few weeks, I hadn’t believed it. Gradually though I saw this other side of him and I liked it. More than I wanted to admit.
By the time we rolled up to the hotel, the excitement of the others had taken over me as well. Each year, prom was held at the poshest hotel in town and the only one with a ballroom. We went through the obligatory promo photo line and found a table to sit until the DJ got things going.
“Can you believe we finally made it?” Bianca threw her hands up in the air.
“Made what?” Bastian asked.
“High school. Senior year. We made it.”
“There’s still a month to go before finals and graduation,” he reminded her.
I groaned. “Fun is the word of the night, Bastian. Fun.”
“Dude, you seriously need to chill,” Nathan said, giving him a thump on the back.
“Yeah, I mean what else is there to think about?” Phoebe asked.
“The future,” Bastian and I replied at the same time.
Phoebe sat forward, her eyes on me. “I just realized that since you don’t see our futures anymore, you can’t tell us how hopeless our dreams are.”
“I never said your dreams were hopeless.”
“Uh, hello. What about when I told you I was going to get married and have a bunch of babies by the time I was twenty?”
“What?!” Nathan exclaimed, his eyes about to pop out of his head.
“You were fourteen. You wanted to marry Harry from One Direction and have six kids. I’m pretty sure anyone would feel comfortable bursting that bubble.”
“Still, at least now you can’t tell me I’m not going to become a world famous fashion designer,” Phoebe said.
“Or that my parents won’t ever approve of my choices,” Bianca added.
“Gee, thanks for making me feel like crap.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
Phoebe made a goofy face. “I’m kidding. Well, kinda. Not. Kidding!”
She laughed at my grouchy face then grabbed Nathan’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor. They were the only two dancing, but she knew better than to stick around after teasing me. Bianca and Owen began discussing the latest results of the roller derby match, leaving me with only Bastian to talk with.
“Does it bother you when Phoebe teases you about that?” He leaned forward until his elbows rested on his knees. I almost expected him to put a hand under his chin in “The Thinker” pose.
“Only because she thinks she’s getting under my skin.”
“Isn’t she?”
“Yeah, but I hate that she knows it.”
“Perhaps she is simply glad you’re no longer squashing her dreams.”
I scowled and glared at Phoebe from across the dance floor. Maybe I was a dream killer, but not everyone had good quality dreams for their lives. Bastian was the perfect example.
“Do you remember me asking you what you dreamed of for your future?” I asked.
He gave a half smile. “NASA and a DeLorean. I seem to recall, however, that my lack of request for love seemed to cause you intense agitation.”
“Do you still have those dreams?”
“I do.”
“What about love?”
“I stand by my belief that romantic love does not truly exist, and if it does then it is merely a temporary state of being. Humans do the stupidest things in the name of love, only to find out the other person doesn’t hold them to the same value.”
I shook my head. Well, if Phoebe and Owen were right about Bastian having a thing for me, it wasn’t anything deep.
“That’s not how love works. It’s not a give and get.”
“I beg to differ. Valentine’s Day is a perfect example of how love is reduced to the value of a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers.” He held up his hand to keep me from refuting his point. “You would say it is the thought that counts, but I say that is a false statement. Consider Phoebe, if you will. If Nathan had presented her with simply a kiss and a card, she would have been beyond irate.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
I formed my answer carefully, suspecting he was prepared to rip it apart to prove his point. “The giving and receiving of gifts is not love. It’s a part of a relationship. Love can exist without a person being in a relationship with someone. Love is about wanting the other person to be happy and fulfilled. It’s about being willing to sacrifice your own desires to put their needs above your wants. It can be knowing the person so well that you understand when being apart is the best thing for them.”
“So being in love means you give up everything?”
“You’re missing the point,” I said. He started to argue, but I stopped him. “Enough debating.”
Phoebe’s arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind. “That’s right, sis. No arguing and no heavy topics.”
“I’m going to get some refreshments. Would you like a soda?” Bastian asked.
“Water please. Soda is possibly the worst thing you could put in your body.”
“Possibly is an overstatement, I believe. I can think of a number of alternative substances that would have a far greater negative impact on the human body. Although, the majority wouldn’t be considered typical beverages.”
“Fun, remember?” I said. “Tonight is fun, and debating is not fun.”
“I’ll get you a water. I only offered in an attempt to avoid a confrontation about me not offering.”
I groaned. “Fun, Bastian.”
“Right. I shall endeavor to remember that word at every opportunity.” He nodded with mock seriousness before walking away.
“I think you like him, I think you love him,” Phoebe sang. Bianca snickered as she sat in the seat beside me.
“Shut up,” I said and glared at them.
“Aha!” Phoebe bounced in her seat and pointed a finger at me. “I knew it! You do like him.”
“You figured that out because I told you to shut up?”
“No,” she said, a huge smile plastered across her face. “It’s because you didn’t deny it. You knew I’d call you on the lie.”
I turned to Bianca for help, but she was too busy hiding her smile with her hand. The DJ took the mic then and hyped up the crowd. The music started and the three of us got on the dance floor. Nathan and Owen joined us after a few minutes. I glanced back at the table to see Bastian sitting there looking slightly lost. He gave a half smile when he noticed me watching. I waved for him to come over. I thought he would ignore me, but he came reluctantly, shuffling his feet the entire way.
It wasn’t long before Andrew’s dancing circle made its occurrence. At parties, the dancing circle died off quickly. Here it seemed to go on and on. Andrew’s dancing was as cheesy as ever. When Bastian was tagged in, I prepared for a cringe-worthy performance. He wasn’t the greatest dancer, but he was nowhere near as embarrassing as Andrew had always been. Owen surprised us the most. He entered the open dance floor with hesitancy, but then he started to move.
Dang, the guy could dance. Watching Owen was like watching one of those straight to video dance off movies. He was break dancing and doing some pop and lock moves. Then he went to the floor and spun himself on one hand. When he finished, the entire circle cheered and then dispersed no one willing to follow the show he put on.
The night flew by so quickly, yet every moment etched into my memory, something I would recall in
the dark days to come. Phoebe and Bianca laughing hysterically at Nathan’s failed attempt to beat Owen in a dance off. Lily and Micah wrapped in each other’s arms. Even the memory of Andrew and Nadine holding hands and smiling as Javier snapped a picture of them would be a happy memory. Then there were those moments with Bastian.
He sat beside me now, his arm resting along the top of my chair. Every so often, I could feel his fingers skim along the bare skin of my shoulder or catching a strand of my hair. I must have been caught up in the romance of prom, and the tradition of it being a night for high school sweethearts.
“Do you want to dance?” he asked as the DJ switched to a ballad. I’d managed to avoid slow dancing with him up to this point, but the hopeful look on his face combined with the fact that everyone else at our table was dancing made it impossible to say no.
“Sure.”
His fingers rested lightly on my back as we walked to the dance floor. We faced each other and an awkward moment passed where we both seemed to reconsider whether this was a good idea.
My hands lifted and rested on his shoulders as his hands found my hips. The foot distance between us had me feeling like I was back in seventh grade again. Then suddenly we were flush against each other and thoughts of being thirteen again vanished.
I let myself lean into him, relishing the feel of his warm body. Things felt so right. Why did I keep pretending he was only a friend? Why couldn’t I just enjoy being with him? I kept telling myself it was because of the visions, but I wasn’t sure I believed that anymore.
His hands slid around to my back and I locked my fingers behind his neck. Pulling his head down, I rose on my tiptoes. Kissing him was like finding a missing piece of me I never realized was missing.
The press of his lips, the taste of the sweet raspberry lemonade he’d been drinking, was so tempting. There was nothing I wanted more than to stay connected with him. But the closeness did what it always did, and gradually my mind numbed to the sensations he ignited in me.
Watch Me: Teen Paranormal Romance (A Touched Trilogy Book 3) Page 20