by Andrew Grey
“I thought….” She sniffed.
Brent sighed. He’d spent years trying to deal with what happened to his dad. Holding years of guilt hidden down inside against his mother. “I know what you thought, and maybe some time ago, I would have felt differently. But you deserve to be happy again.” He peered out the windows to the shop floor just to make sure everything was all right.
“There’s someone you like, isn’t there?” Her smile was genuine. “Has it been going on for a while?”
“Yes and no.” Brent waited for her to sit down and then brought the wheeled desk chair around so he could sit by her. He looked through the window at Clyde as he and Lee finished working on the Dart, and motioned him inside.
“Yeah, Brent?”
“Could you and Lee check out my mother’s car? She says it’s whining.” He took the keys from her and handed them to Clyde.
“Sure thing.” Clyde smiled, jingling the keys as he left the office.
“What is it you want to tell me?” his mother asked. “Your answer was enigmatic, and don’t think you can change the subject.” She dabbed her eyes and then put the tissue in the trash at the base of his desk.
“Well, you see… it’s like this. Scott works here as a mechanic. He and Lee usually work together.”
She turned, following Brent’s gaze. “The one in the sunglasses? Isn’t it dark for those?”
“Lee’s blind. He and Scott work really well together. Lee lost his sight a few years ago. He was just about to get his license when he was blinded. Lee doesn’t talk about it much. But you know James….” He waited for her nod. “Lee was one of his students, and Lee loved cars and can diagnose problems by sound faster than anyone. He and Scott are best friends.”
His mother sighed. “Are you working up to something?”
“Yes.” He sighed, and the words came tumbling out. “Scott is adorable, and he’s so patient with Lee. He’s cute and smart and funny. He picks on me, and I pick back. We flirt sometimes… but I know it isn’t a good thing for me to be involved with anyone from work, so I stayed away.”
“And he found someone else?” his mom supplied.
“No. I think Scott likes me, and I like him. He’s special. He doesn’t see me as just the boss, but as a person. You know? He always has. Last year when I was so sick, he called just to make sure I was okay.” Scott wanted to try to make his mother understand. “He’s a really great person and I really like him.”
“Then what’s the problem? Does your boss not approve?” She fidgeted a little, probably because he was making this like pulling teeth.
“Trevor says that as long as I don’t let it interfere with work, it’s fine. In fact, he told me to shit or get off the pot because of the tension and energy between us.” Brent smiled. “But the thing is, Scott was rear-ended and hit his head and now he can’t hear. He’s coming home today.”
His mother sighed softly. “You need to tell me what the problem is. Do you not want to be with him because he’s deaf now?” She peered down her nose at him.
“Of course not. I’ve already looked into sign language classes so I’ll be able to talk to him. They have them at the School for the Deaf, and I want to go. It takes two years minimum, but I’m a good student and I can learn.” He sat on the edge of his seat, becoming more excited as he thought about broadening his horizons.
His mother cleared her throat. “Let me get this straight. You like Scott and you want to help him. Heck, you think enough of him as a person and an employee to go to take sign language classes for two years just so you can communicate with him. You’ve worked together for two years, scorching the wallpaper off the walls, and you never did anything about it.” Her gaze grew sad. “Why?”
Brent bit his lower lip. “You know shit like that doesn’t work out for me.”
She narrowed her gaze at his language but didn’t say anything, and for that Brent was grateful. “You have to do better than that.”
Brent got to his feet and paced the small floor area. “You want me to say it? I was a coward, Mom. I hid behind the fact that I worked with Scott and used that as an excuse to do nothing about it at all.” He stopped pacing and threw his hands in the air.
She stood and took his hands. “I thought we had worked through what happened with your dad. But I guess we’ve both been feeling the lingering effects for all these years.” She squeezed his hands and stared straight into his eyes. “Now you listen to your mother. What happened is over and we have to move on… both of us. I’m going out with Mike, and I’m going to go on other dates. It’s been fifteen years and I loved your father more than life itself. He’s a hard man to get over, but we have to. You and I can’t live our lives buried in the past. It’s time for both of us to live again.”
“I know, Mom. But I keep wondering if I’m good enough. If….”
She shook her head. “Coulda… woulda… shoulda. Bullshit!” She never swore, so this was something she felt really strongly about. “Live your life the way you want to now. None of us gets a chance to do things over again. If this young man can make you happy, then I want to meet him sometime.” She smiled. “Listen to me. Second chances in this life are rare as hen’s teeth. So if you get one with Scott, then you take it and see what happens. Your father would want that, and so do I.” She squeezed his hands again. “I mean it.”
Brent nodded, because arguing with her wasn’t going to get him anywhere at all. But damn, he wanted some of her strength and fortitude. Wherever she’d gotten it, he wanted what she was having. “I’ll do my best.”
A knock on the office door interrupted their conversation. Brent opened it, and Clyde handed him his mother’s set of keys.
“Some of the belts are getting a little old. We roughed them up a little and they stopped slipping. She should probably make an appointment to get them repaired, but it will be fine for a while.”
“Thank you.” Brent handed the keys to his mother.
“Set me up with an appointment and have the car looked over good. I have to go to Chicago and then St. Louis in a few weeks, and I want my car to be able to make the trip.” She put the keys in her purse, pulled out two twenties, and handed them to Clyde. “Thank you, young man, for your help. Give one to Lee and tell him thank you as well.” She smiled. Brent wanted to chastise her for tipping, but her expression said she was serious and it was best not to cross her.
“Thanks,” Clyde said, then turned to him, confused. Brett shrugged, and Clyde smiled. “Oh, before I forget. Lee just got a message that Scott will be here soon. Is it okay if we take our break then so we can talk to him?”
“Not necessary,” Brent said. “You take your break when you need to. We’re all going to see Scott and wish him well.” He smiled and Clyde grinned.
“I’ll tell Lee.”
“Awesome. And let everyone know. We want to show Scott that he’s still a member of our family and that we miss him.” Brent closed the door as soon as Clyde left, and his mother gathered her things.
“You take care of Scott, and if there’s anything I can do, you be sure to let me know.” She paused. “I think I’ll bake some pies. His family is going to be very busy, and something homemade is just the ticket. I’ll send it in with you, and you can make sure Scott gets it.” She waved and left before Brent could argue with her.
His mother had turned from quiet and efficient to a whirlwind powerhouse. Brent knew he needed to meet Mike and thank him for whatever he’d done. She was a changed woman, and it was awesome to see. He really did like that she was standing up for herself and getting out there. Now he only had to figure out how he was going to make that happen for himself.
Excitement ramped up outside, and Brent figured Scott was here. He left his office as Lee, on Clyde’s arm, hurried out to the car. Brent’s breath hitched as Scott carefully got out, and then Lee was in his arms. Scott couldn’t hear him, but that didn’t stop Lee from telling Scott how much he missed him and that he was working with Clyde and they were doing well, but that
he couldn’t wait for his best friend to come back so they could spend time together. Scott simply held him and talked to Lee. It should have been one-sided, but Scott seemed to understand the emotion behind everything Lee was telling him.
Clyde, it seemed, had made some signs, and he hurried into the garage, pulled them out, and handed one to each person.
There were “We miss you, Scott!” “Get well soon.” “Your service bay is waiting for you!” among others.
Brent knew the minute Scott saw them. He stopped, gasped, and then closed his eyes. The others all crowded around, patting his back, taking his hand. Some of the guys were usually standoffish, like Darryl. Straight but not narrow Darryl, who treated everyone with quiet respect but was never very demonstrative, hugged Scott, and dammit if Brent didn’t possibly see a tear from him.
Brent strode over and stopped a little way from Scott. The others parted and let him through. He approached slowly, turning to peer inside the car. Scott’s mother waited behind the wheel, so he walked to her and opened the door. “I have some coffee if you’d like some.”
“That would be nice, but Scott and I can’t stay long. He is supposed to take it easy.” She slid out of the car to stand next to him.
“All right. They’re all happy to see him in one piece.” Brent was too, and even though Scott was still pale and walking stiffly, he was up and out of bed, and that was good. “We’ve all missed him.”
She smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “I understand, and I’m happy to see that Scotty has so many friends.”
“All right, everyone, Scott is just coming home from the hospital and we can’t wear him out. I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”
They all gave Scott their well wishes as best they could and filtered away.
Brent reached into his pocket and pulled out a notepad. They truly have missed you.
“I see.”
Brent hesitated and then wrote another note. He ripped it off the spiral and handed it to Scott as his mother guided him by the arm toward the car. Scott got inside, still holding his note, and Brent stood in the drive while they got in. He waved goodbye and stayed still until they’d pulled out of the drive. Then he went back into his office and closed the door. Brent needed to be alone, and he didn’t want the others to see him nearly throw up over what he’d put in that note. He’d found some courage, and now he had to see if it would pay off or not.
AT THE end of the day, Brent closed the garage, going through his routine. He headed home, exhausted and yet nervous and keyed up. He’d finally had the guts to say something to Scott, at least in a way. It would have been nice if he would have been able to say the words to Scott in person. But then, he was coming to understand the fleetingness of what was said and the permanency of writing something down. That still didn’t make him any less nervous.
At his apartment he cleaned up, did the dishes, dusted, vacuumed—anything to keep him busy. Brent checked his phone when he was done and found he’d missed a message.
Did you really mean it? Scott had sent.
Of course I did. Since this was one easy way to communicate with Scott, Brent imagined he was here with him and typed. I’ve missed you every single day. When I sat at the hospital with you and you were asleep, I missed seeing your smile and hearing the way you used to tease and flirt with me. He pressed Send and then waited. The screen showed that Scott was typing, but no message came through for a long time.
I don’t know what to tell you. I liked you for a long time. But I knew you were my boss and thought you weren’t really interested, and then Lee needed me and…. The message ended, but before Brent could figure out what to say, Scott began typing again. I think you stayed away from me because you thought I was too young for you.
Brent had stayed away because he was a damned coward and didn’t have the guts to tell Scott how he felt. But his pride, what little he had, wouldn’t let him say that.
I’m flattered that you care for me, Scott continued, but everything has changed now, and I think you know that. It isn’t fair for me to expect you or anyone else to get involved with me right now.
As soon as those words hit Brent’s screen, his stomach fell to the floor. He should have expected this kind of rejection.
When we flirted and worked together, I was a whole person. I could hear and we could laugh together. Now we can’t do any of those things. I’m deaf, and I have to learn to live with that. There’s a lot of rehab ahead of me, which is going to take a lot of my time. But I’m going to do it.
Brent swallowed hard, trying to think about what he wanted to say. I know things have changed for you. They have for me too. But one thing James told me was that you can’t do it on your own. He set his phone on the table, walking to the kitchen and back just to try to clear his head. He snatched up the phone and began typing again. I want to be there for you. As your friend, if that’s all it can be. His heart ached, but if that was all Scott felt he could give, then Brent would have to be satisfied with that. But I will support you and do my best to try to help you. He paused and then added, If you’ll let me.
There wasn’t a response for a while, and he wondered if maybe he’d pushed too hard or if Scott had decided to cut him off.
I think I’d like that. Everyone tells me that I’m going to need support…. After a brief moment, a new message started. It’s hard for me to ask for help sometimes.
Not help. Support. There’s a difference, Brent returned.
I guess so. It all sounds like help and me not being able to do what I used to do.
Brent closed his eyes and could almost see Scott sitting in a chair, his lips parted in consideration, eyes filled with worry as he typed. You can do anything you set your mind to. Without a doubt. I’ve seen you open your world to Lee, and the two of you work as a team. That took intelligence and patience. Brent doubted his attempts to build Scott up were working, at least for the moment. He suspected Scott was pretty worn out, and no one could blame him if he was depressed about his situation. Waking up and finding out you suddenly can’t hear had to pull the rug out from under anyone.
I wish I could have this conversation in person, Scott sent, and the sadness came through. I sit all day in silence. When I go outside, I can feel the wind but not hear it. There are no birds, just unending silence. And it’s driving me crazy.
Brent wanted to hold him and try to take away the longing that came through in Scott’s words. I can’t imagine how you feel, so I’m not going to tell you that I do. I don’t. Any more than I can understand fully how Lee feels.
I know. I used to think how lucky I was that I could see. And I was proud to be his friend and work with him. There was a pause before another message came through. I used to tell myself how lucky I was because I wasn’t blind. And now I feel like complete shit.
Why? Brent asked.
Because I used to think I was lucky. That Lee was someone I needed to look out for and help take care of. And now I’m the one that everyone is going to have to help. Sure, I can do most things. But I’ll never hear anyone again—no music, no birds, no nothing. Brent was sure Scott was crying. I will continue to help and watch out for Lee, and now he can do the same for me.
Sometimes Scott surprised him so much. He was only in his early twenties, but he was mature and able to look at himself in a way that many others weren’t. It only made Brent care for him more.
Suddenly an image of his dad flashed in his mind. He had been a sheriff’s deputy, and Brent had worshipped him. Brent was fourteen when he’d figured out he was gay. Though they never talked about it, probably because Brent didn’t have the words, he remembered his dad coming to his room one evening. Brent had been in bed and the room was pretty dark. His dad sat on the edge of his bed, something on his mind.
“Sometimes you have to accept shit you don’t like because you can’t do anything about it. Being an adult means you don’t whine about it, but either turn it into an advantage or learn to live with it.”
He reme
mbered his dad’s words clearly and sent them to Scott.
So now you’re the one offering sage advice, Scott’s message said, and Brent smiled.
It isn’t mine. It’s what I was told by my dad once, a long time ago. He didn’t offer any more and hoped Scott didn’t press. How long before they think you can come back to work? Brent missed seeing him every day.
They said it’s going to be a few weeks. They want my ribs to heal, and the doctors want to see me every week for a while. They keep hoping that some of my hearing will come back, so they keep running tests to see what’s going on. I hate it. Makes me feel like a lab rat. At least I’m cuter.
That hint of flirtation made Brent smile.
I should probably let you rest. But I’ll try to see you soon. My mom said she was baking you a pie. Brent smiled as he sent that message, knowing how Scott felt about food.
Pecan?
Of course. It was his mother’s specialty, and he’d brought some in for the guys on a few occasions.
Best news I’ve had all day… well, almost the best. Thanks, Brent. The display registered that another message was coming. Mom told me I need to get some rest and she is going to split a gut if I don’t listen to her.
I’ll talk to you soon. Brent waited and got a happy face in return.
Brent made himself some dinner, then watched television until his doorbell sounded. Brent checked the camera and buzzed Dean in, opened the door, waited, and pulled him into a hug.
“I thought you were mad at me, so I brought a peace offering.” Dean held up a container of ice cream in a plastic bag. “And no drinking.”
“Come on in.” Brent took the bag, brought it to the kitchen, and slid it into the freezer until they were ready for it. “So what gives?”
“Other than you lecturing me?” Dean asked with a smart-alecky grin.
“Shit. You never listened before. Why now?” Brent grabbed a couple sodas and carried them over to flop on the couch next to Dean.
Dean took the soda and popped open the top. “After we talked and I felt like shit the following morning, I got to thinking. Of course, that didn’t last very long, but I went out that night and was cruising this guy and realized I’d seen him before… at least eight times. And then I looked around and realized I knew most of the people there. We were all cruising each other in the same small group, and it’s so incestuous. I turned around and left.” Dean set his can on the table and turned sideways. “I’m just….”