She hadn’t wanted to leave or to stop the sensations Lew made her feel, but she couldn’t give in and make love to them as long as this sign was on her body and she felt so unable to take care of things herself. Starting tomorrow she was going to make some changes and get her life back. She was going to go out with Frankie, make some friends, and land a job. If she’d learned one thing, she’d learned that, in order to open her heart and love others, she would first need to love herself.
Chapter 5
Sophia Brown closed her eyes as the buzzing of the needle continued to stain her skin. She took nice, easy breaths, her focus solely on getting rid of the damaged flesh she had been forced to live with for the last six months. She exhaled and tried to do the breathing exercises she’d read about online in order to keep the flashbacks at bay. It was crazy what was available on the Internet.
But it was too hard to forget. Too difficult to tamp down the need for closure. There were no bodies. No actual evidence to prove that Mateo and Deavan were dead. Instead, she would have to live with the fear that they were still alive and would seek revenge against the federal agents who’d destroyed their business, brought them down, and made her disappear.
She had no choice. She’d lost her loyalty to Mateo the moment he cheated on her, never mind branded her skin as a show of ownership and control over her life. She remembered that day, as clear as anything, especially the pain.
She cringed as the tattoo needle went over the more delicate part of the scarring. This tattoo artist better be as good as Jeremy had said. She was pissed off that she needed to turn the branded mark, the scar against her skin, into a tramp stamp on her lower back. But the marking was degrading and repulsive, reminding her of a time when she had no control over her life and nothing to look forward to but death. Things were different now. The design she’d picked began under her breast line, scattered along her ribs and around her hipbone, then even lower to her groin and over her hip to her lower back. It was so intricate that it had taken seven separate sessions to complete the masterpiece. But she wanted it done. She wanted to be able to sunbathe and enjoy the fact that she now lived near the beach, worked for a real estate company, and was finally doing well on her own. It was a hell of a lot better than where she’d been eight months ago.
She thought about Cerdic, Andreas, Gideon, and, of course, Lew. Damn Lew and his ultra-commanding, in-charge ways. Just because he’d been his men’s commander in the Navy SEALs didn’t mean he was in charge of her. She tried to ignore them, but who was she kidding? They were the four sexiest men she had ever laid eyes on, and here she was, still suppressing that attraction, still pushing them away. She even lied, and said she didn’t have the same feelings for them they seemed to have for her. Lies, all lies to protect her heart and to move on with her life without the control and manipulation a man would have over her mind, body, and soul.
Mateo had screwed her up so badly with the abuse, the cheating, and the lies. And, then, to actually brand her with a metal letter M as a show of ownership and possession was sick. He didn’t love her like she’d thought she loved him. She was nothing. She was also lucky that Jeremy had turned out to be working undercover instead of truly being Mateo’s top leader in his gang of shit. That had been a shocker, but he’d saved her from getting raped. Or maybe he hadn’t. Maybe she had been so drugged up from what Mateo and Deavan had given her after branding her that she didn’t remember. She might never know, but assuming the worst made giving her body to another man impossible. To four? No freaking way.
She wasn’t out of trouble yet. She might never truly be free from Mateo unless he and Deavan were dead. Until that day, and until she had concrete proof they were both dead, she would remain on her own, holding onto the evidence she had in her head. She would never step foot in Chicago, the city that had nearly killed her.
“About twenty minutes more, sugar. You holding up okay?” Tank asked her.
“All good. How is it looking?”
“You can’t see the M anymore, sweets, and by the time I’m finished, you won’t be able to find it yourself. Just remember, I asked for a full-body picture of this tattoo.”
“I remember, and I’ll do it for you. So don’t worry.”
“Ah, another plus to tattooing one sexy, fine piece like you.”
She chuckled low. Tank had been hitting on her since day one, but that was just his style. For a guy as big and bulky as he was—with his burly hair and beard, tattoos, and a mean expression—he had the softest, most delicate touch. But she would never forget his artistic talent and his calm, sweet understanding when she’d showed him what she needed to get rid of. He understood.
“Focus, Tank. I’m hoping to be in the sun by next week.”
“You will be, and maybe you can pick a nice stretch of beach down the block from here, specifically where I take my lunch? That way I get to see this sexy, curvy body of yours in a string bikini,” he said. The buzzing sound continued, and her skin ached and burned.
“I doubt it. Hey, I thought you were kind of seeing that cute redhead that’s always showing up with drinks for you.”
“Cindy? Ahh, she’s cute and all, but kind of young. Besides, she’s really scared of Hector.”
“Of Hector? Why? He’s so nice,” she said about his brother. One thing she learned about living in Treasure Town was that there were a lot of ménage relationships. In fact, she had become friendly with some of the women involved in such relationships, and they were thrilled. Some of them knew Lew and his team because of their friends. In fact, she was going to meet Frankie and go bikini-shopping this Friday.
“I don’t know, but she needs to get over that fear if we’re ever going to work out dating her.”
“Oh, so you’re into the whole sharing thing too, huh?”
“You sound disgusted with the idea.”
“Me? No, not so much disgusted as I am uninterested, for me at least.”
“Why is that? I’ve seen the men that hit on you. Hell, just yesterday while you were waiting for me to get started, Brooks and his buddy were asking you out.”
“I know. I’m not interested.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“Just out of curiosity, is it because of whatever happened to you and how you got this mark on your body, or is it just you’re more traditional when it comes to men and dating one at a time?”
She took a deep breath and exhaled.
“Honestly, I think it would be different if I were normal.”
“Normal? What’s not fucking normal about you? I mean, besides the fact you have a hell of a fucking body and the biggest—”
“Tank!”
He cleared his throat. She knew he was going to say breasts. She wasn’t exactly petite, except for her feet, a size five. Her ass was big too, but she had an hourglass figure, and sometimes, in today’s fashion, having tits and ass of any decent size seemed unattractive. She’d never found skin and bones attractive.
“You know what I mean. You’re fucking gorgeous, have an amazing body, gorgeous dark blue eyes, luscious lips, and are so sweet and smart. If a couple of guys, brothers, close friends wanted to commit to you and share you, provide for you, and take care of you in every sense, why would you not jump at the opportunity? Is it because of society?” he asked. She wondered if he wanted to know because he was thinking about Cindy, hoping she would come around and accept his brother Hector.
“Like I started to say, if I were normal, the bad things that happened to me had never happened, and two men—who were kind, caring, and truly into me—wanted to share me, make me theirs, and commit to me entirely, then yes. I would consider it. I’ve learned the hard way that life is just too short to not take chances, to do things your heart says are right, even if other people around you say they’re wrong. I would do anything to feel safe and secure. To be loved by one man, never mind multiple, in that way. But I’m not someone who is capable of doing that. Not after everything that’s happened. Not now, anyway. I
’m just taking every day, one at a time.”
“Damn, Sophia, I wish I could strangle the fuckers that hurt you. Who knows? Maybe it will just take the right man or men to prove to you that you deserve to be loved.”
She swallowed hard. This was a deep conversation to be having with her new tattoo artist friend. But Tank was so easy to talk to.
“So what will you do about Cindy? Maybe ask Hector to be a little bit calmer and approachable with her and try to get to know her, too?”
“I don’t know. I’ve tried talking to him. He’s had some problems in the past. Got into some trouble a few years back. He paid for it. Served six months in jail. But I think it makes him feel like he isn’t good enough. I don’t know.”
She exhaled and completely understood Hector’s thinking. When she looked at Cerdic, Andreas, Gideon, and Lew, she thought the same thing, especially when other women flirted with them or checked them out. How could she open up her heart—her body—to four men and take such a chance, especially when she didn’t even know if two men had raped her that night? To not remember a thing, only bits and pieces in her nightmares, didn’t prove anything. In fact, it made her fear worse. She saw images of their hands, their fingers, touching her, trying to arouse her body, but she’d been in so much pain, and then the drugs made her lose her mind.
The tears filled her eyes, and then Tank whispered, “It’s all done, sweetness, and I must say—you need to show this baby off. It’s my best work ever.”
He pulled over the mirror and then helped her to sit up.
She pushed her shorts to the top of her panties and then down on one side of her other thigh so she could look at the full tattoo. Lifting up her shirt to the cup of her breast, she stared at the flowering cherry blossom. As she squinted and looked closely, Tank appeared with a smaller mirror. He moved it so she could see and not have to let go of her clothing.
“Can you see the M?” he asked.
She stared at the tattoo, precisely where the M had been, but it had now turned into this intricate, beautiful design where no one could ever see the terrible, abusive act again.
“It’s gone,” she whispered as the tears filled her eyes and slowly leaked down her cheeks.
He squeezed her shoulder and smiled.
“Sure is, gorgeous. If this doesn’t get you to move on with your life and open up your heart, I’m not sure what will.”
She nodded and then wiped her eyes.
“Grab your camera, Tank. I’m ready.”
He smiled, and then she adjusted her clothes slightly as he set up his camera, prepared to take some photos.
Until I was broken, I didn’t know what I was made of. I’ve spent these last months thinking about all the wrong in my life and how I survived but also keep thinking about the fears in knowing they’re still out there and could come for me at any time. But I can’t live my life this way. I can’t let the past dictate my future. It’s time to rebuild myself. This time, I’m going to be stronger. I survived it all, and this is my second chance at life.
* * * *
“I found her,” Gideon stated into the cell phone.
Lew had gone by the realty office where she had been working part time and they said she had the day off. She hadn’t told them. In fact, she had been distancing herself from them since the night they all kissed and things got a little wild. Of course her days were busy, as she had started working for the real estate agency in town and handled all the bookkeeping as well as organizing vacation rentals. She was exhausted when she got home.
“Where?” Lew stated into the cell phone.
“The tattoo parlor. The one where people can watch tattoo artists working. Wait, I think she’s coming out. Should I appear or what?”
“No, we’ll talk to her about it tonight,” Lew said and ended the call.
Gideon watched her walk down the street toward the deli, and she was smiling. Then he spotted Frankie, Serefina, and Michaela. They were obviously meeting for lunch, and as they hugged Sophia hello, he felt happy for her for making some friends. But then his heart ached and the fear that she couldn’t love them or accept them as her lovers, her men, tugged at his heart. He’d never felt like this, and he wondered what more he and the guys could do to make her see that she was indeed special and could trust them with her heart and her soul?
* * * *
Sophia finished taking a shower. She applied some special lotion and looked at her new tattoo. She was overwhelmed with emotion every time she stared at the cherry blossom design. Tank had performed a miracle. Seven days, four-hour sessions, a few fibs about her work schedule to the guys, and she’d done it. The additional week letting the tattoo heal had been hell. One look at Gideon and she felt as though she had hurt his feelings. What had they expected? For her to just let them take her to bed and that all would be forgotten from her past? It wasn’t that easy. In fact she felt the last few weeks had definitely been needed. She had learned a lot about ménage relationship from her new friends and gained a better understanding of what a commitment this would be if she decided to accept their advances.
She pulled on the deep blue sundress that zipped up the side over her tattoo and was too snug to wear a bra with. Then she heard the cell phone buzzing.
Quickly she looked at it and saw it was Jeremy. She smiled as she answered the call.
“Hi.”
“Hey, how are you?”
She sat down in the chair that overlooked the deck and the ocean down below.
“Doing very well. Adjusting, working, making some friends.” She heard him inhale and then slowly release a breath.
“Jeremy, is everything okay? Is there an update?” she asked.
“I’m sorry, Sophia, but the feds put a stop on the search for Mateo and Deavan. They seem to be satisfied enough to nail Scaggs and a crew of low-level thieves.”
She felt the tears fill her eyes, and her heart began to race. “Where does that leave you and me?”
“Don’t worry about me. It’s you I want safe. I spoke with Nate and then Lew earlier. Lew said you’re doing well and making some money. He said you can stay there as long as you want and that they wouldn’t want you to leave. Sounds like you’ve become important to them and not just a job.”
She sniffled. She couldn’t help it.
“I don’t know about that. I mean they’re amazing men and they are a lot older and more experienced, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to let my guard down, especially not now.”
“I understand that you feel that way, but you’re making a life for yourself. It could very well be that Mateo is out of the country and will remain in hiding for a long time.”
“But there’s always that worry he might come out of hiding and find me. As we both know, Mateo was always steps ahead and always had a plan. Why do you think he was able to botch that raid and disappear?”
“But you can’t live your life that way. What Lew, Andreas, Cerdic, and Gideon want to offer you is special. There’s no need to be alone anymore.”
“I’ll see what happens. When will I see you again?”
“To be honest, some things have changed for me, too. I can’t let this go and allow Mateo, Deavan, and their crew of murderous assholes to get away with this. I’ve called in some help, people I trust, and without getting into any details with you, I think we’re onto the rat, but the corruption runs deep. Keep close to your men. Let them care for you, protect you, and let them into your heart so they can love you. They’ve gone through hell in their lives, their careers, and are survivors, too. It’s probably part of the attraction you all share. Go for it, Sophia. Treasure Town is a very special place.”
“So I won’t see you again?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. I have to see four Navy SEALs the size of those guys taking care of you, all mushy and lovey-dovey with you. That has got to be a sight.”
“Nice, Jeremy. I’ll be sure to tell them you said that.”
“Good. Because I promise to deliver the
news that Mateo and Deavan have been caught or are dead in person to you. Now take care and I’ll be in touch.”
“Stay safe, Jeremy.”
“Give those men a chance, Sophia.”
She smiled and then disconnected the call.
She looked out toward the sunset. The sun appeared to disappear into the water. She loved it here. She felt comfortable in this town and around the people, her new friends, and with her new job, hell, her new life. Could she stay? Could she let herself go and give in to the desires, the attraction she had to Lew and the others?
Immediately her heart said yes, and her body shivered with anticipation.
She stood up, looked at herself in the mirror, and then headed downstairs. As she came down the stairs, she heard the voices and then saw Andreas leaning on the shelf. They were all there, drinking beers and opening up a bottle of wine.
“What’s going on in here?” she asked, and they all stood up straight and stared at her.
It was crazy, but there seemed to be this imaginary force surrounding them, a line, a connection, and as their eyes roamed over her body and the light, snug-fitting sundress she wore, she felt every part of her react. Her nipples hardened to tiny buds, and she knew they could see it through the thin material of the dress considering she was braless. Her legs shook, her pussy clenched, and she tried to walk deeper into the kitchen in a casual, carefree manner. But her heart pounded furiously, especially as she locked gazes with Cerdic. He licked his lower lip as he took in the sight of her. She turned away. It was too much.
“We need to talk.” Lew stated firmly, his arms crossed in front of his wide, muscular chest, the black shirt he wore stretched to capacity. He looked incredibly handsome and was dressed casually, yet every ounce of her read his expression as dominant, hard, controlling, untrusting, and she gulped.
“Yes, Lew?”
It got so silent she could have heard a pin drop. The sexual charge in the room was choking her resolve to go slowly, to let them take their time touching her, but she was also renewed. She felt a rebirth of sorts just because the tattoo had made Mateo’s branding, possessive mark disappear forever. She wanted to move on. She wanted to trust, to explore these feelings, and to feel more of their touches, caresses, and even their control.
Hearts on Fire 6: Healing Sophia (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 8