by P. C. Zick
He fondled her as she kicked off her red high-heeled sandals and undid the button on her jeans. She pulled them down to her ankles. Red lace panties minimally covered her.
“Here, let me help you,” she said as she lifted his t-shirt over his head. She stood on her tiptoes to reach his lips.
He leaned down to meet her lips and immediately sought her tongue with his, but Sally Jean’s mouth wasn’t soft or perfectly matched to his own. Damn it, why was he even thinking right now? He shut his eyes, and all he could see was Leah. He pushed Sally Jean away from him, and reached for his shirt on the floor.
“I can’t do this, Sal,” he said. “I’m sorry. Here put this on.” He handed her a robe thrown on the bed.
“What do you mean you can’t do this? You’re here; I’m here, and this is what we always did from the very beginning.”
“I can’t do it; that’s all.” He pulled the shirt over his head.
Sally struggled back into her jeans and put her bra back on. She paused before pulling the blouse over her head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, Dean. But maybe all those rumors about you are true. I never believed it myself, but lots of folks did.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Sally Jean.” Dean headed for the door.
“Wasn’t I rough enough for you? Or was I too easy?” Sally Jean talked to his back, as he walked to the kitchen. “Maybe raping a girl is the only way you can get it up.”
Dean turned around and looked at her. What had happened to Sally Jean in the past decade, he wondered. Her hair was wild about her face after the motorcycle ride and smeared mascara under her eyes made her look like a raccoon. He looked around at the kitchen with its stack of dishes in the sink and a pizza box sitting next to the stove. A glass that once might have held milk sat next to it. Dean felt nothing but pity for the woman who used to be his sweetheart.
“It might be best if you took a good long look at your own life before you start tearing apart mine,” he said.
Sally Jean started crying. She took big gulps of air between the sobs.
“Sal, don’t cry,” Dean said as he turned back around to her. “It’s all right. You have a good life here in Victory; you just need to take care of things more.”
“I’m a mess, Dean. I’ve been waiting for you all these years. I hate this house and living here, but I can’t afford a better place. I lost my job at the Winn Dixie last month, and now I don’t have anything at all, except selling Avon to a few ladies in town. When I saw you today, I thought it meant my life might be changing and getting back on course.”
Dean held her as she continued to tell her story and cry against his chest. He was at a loss as to how he could help her, except to just stand there and let her talk. All he wanted to do was escape as soon as possible. Sally Jean’s emotions were too much for him to handle.
“Your mom came to visit me right after you left town,” she said. “I was still living on Main Street with my folks, and Geraldine came prancing up the steps of our front porch like she was a horse just let out of the starting gate.”
“Why was she there?”
“She wanted to tell me and my folks that you were a good-for-nothing evil soul who she’d sent away for good. As far as she was concerned, you were dead, and she wanted to make sure that if you’d told me anything at all that it was a lie.”
“Why’d she say I’d left?” he asked.
“She said it was private, but it involved an underage girl, drinking, and violence. I told her she was lying. She said it happened the night you left town, and I told her you and me were together that night. No one believed me. They thought I was just covering for you.”
Sally Jean pulled away from him and found a box of tissues on the counter between a box of cereal and a can of coffee. She blew her nose hard into the tissue and looked up at Dean with the mascara running down the side of her face.
“My parents got mad at me,” Sally Jean said. “They took Geraldine’s side, and I was told to never mention your name again in their home.”
“They were probably right, Sal. I’m no good for you. I got damaged a long time ago, and I’m not sure I could ever love anyone, even you.” Dean walked toward the door. “Do you need a ride back to your car?”
“No, I’m fine. I’ll call someone when I’m feeling and looking better. I can get a lift to the bar,” Sally Jean said.
“I’m sorry about everything, Sally Jean,” Dean said as he came back to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for not believing Geraldine. And thanks for understanding about today.”
He walked out the door and got on his bike. He wasn’t leaving town until he settled a few things. He headed west toward the highway and the Sandy Shores Motel hoping the wind might knock the face of a certain beautiful gal right out of his mind.
He wasn’t sure why, but for the first time in many years, he felt the rumblings of something sweet when he thought of a woman.
CHAPTER SIX
Leah walked down the breezeway between the kitchen and church offices in search of either Geraldine or Jacob. The door to Jacob’s office was ajar, but she didn’t see her fiancé at his desk. She moved down to Geraldine’s office. She knocked on the closed door and heard Geraldine tell her to come in.
“We need to talk,” Leah said when she entered the dimly lit room.
Geraldine sat at the desk writing. Where Jacob’s office was bare and white, Geraldine’s was rich and complex. A large painting of the church hung on one side, and on the other side, a painting of her husband and Jacob in their white robes. Geraldine had commissioned the painting as soon as she found out Big Jim was dying of lung cancer. He may have been a minister, but he never could give up the habit of smoking cigarettes, even after his diagnosis.
“Yes, we do, Leah. You go first.” Geraldine put down her pen and leaned back in her chair, smiling warmly at Leah. “What is it you’d like to discuss, dear?”
“Dean. I want to discuss Dean.”
“I bet you do. What is it you want to discuss?”
“I want to know why you and Jacob lied to me about him.”
“How did we lie, sugar?” Geraldine came around from behind the desk, and stood in front of Leah.
“You told me he was dead, but obviously he’s not, and you knew it.”
“He is dead to me; he’s dead to Jacob, too. And if you know what’s good for you, he’ll be dead to you as well.”
“He’s not dead. He was right there in front of us.”
“Yes, he was, and he’s just as evil as he ever was. Evil is dead to us. Why do you think he lured you out back and forced himself on you? He’s a rapist, and he’s damn lucky that poor girl decided not to press charges against him.”
Leah put her hand to her mouth and felt the heat rush up her neck into her face. She hadn’t considered the possibility that someone might have followed her out to Dean’s bike behind the hall. For the hundredth time since it happened, she wondered how she ever kissed him.
“He didn’t force me to do anything,” she said after a few minutes of Geraldine looking at her with satisfied eyes. “And I don’t believe you about him being a rapist.”
“That’s the worst thing about an evil person,” Geraldine said. “They take the most innocent of all creatures and force them to eat the apple in the garden—all the while the person who devoured the apple thinks they did it willingly.”
“You’re wrong about him,” Leah said. “I don’t know what happened all those years ago, but he’s changed.”
“How could you possibly know that after just one kiss? You still believe people can change and that all people are good at heart. Just like that stupid little girl who thought that and then was put to death in the concentration camps. Was Hitler really good at heart?”
“You mean Anne Frank? Her words are a beacon of hope.”
“They are the words of someone not wise in the ways of the world,” Geraldine said. She leaned down and cupped Leah’s face between he
r hands. “You will learn, but I hope not from that person who showed up here today with evil intent in his heart. He’s even stamped himself with the evil sign of the serpent.”
“You don’t believe in redemption like the Bible teaches?” Leah asked.
“Not in some cases; in some cases there is no hope for redemption, and we must fight the evil forces when they appear. The heartbreak of my life is that I gave birth to one such person.”
Leah pulled away from Geraldine and headed for the door.
“You still lied to me,” she said. “I may have done something I am ashamed of, but I was angry with you and Jacob, and wasn’t thinking straight.”
“It wasn’t a lie meant to hurt you,” Geraldine said. “It was how we all felt, even Big Jim.”
“During my mother’s darkest days in her heroin haze, she never lied to me. I’m not the innocent little bird you imagine me to be.”
“No, I imagine not,” Geraldine said. “For now, don’t worry. Your little secret is safe with me, unless it happens again. If it does, I can make your comfortable life here end in an instant.” She snapped her fingers in Leah’s face.
Geraldine went back to her desk and sat down. Leah stared at the person sitting there as if seeing her for the first time. Geraldine could threaten all she wanted. Leah’s whole world changed the minute Dean walked into the hall and looked into her eyes. Leah knew for her that nothing would ever be the same.
Geraldine was not the charitable woman Leah thought her to be. Jacob, while preaching love and charity, was a coward when it came to living his words. Dean proved within a few hours of meeting him that he didn’t respect anyone. From her to Sally Jean meant that he didn’t care about anybody but himself. At this rate, he must be onto his third victim, Leah thought.
The only people in her life who were just as they appeared lived down on the banks of the Deer River. She’d lived among them for several years through harsh conditions and devastating circumstances. Not once had anyone lied to her or treated her with disrespect.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Leah left Geraldine’s office more confused than before she entered. What happened to the charitable woman who took her in at a low point of her life, Leah wondered as she continued down the hall toward the sanctuary. She opened the door and let the soothing smells of lemon oil and musty old wood and books wash over her. From the moment she’d first come to Sunshine Church, she’d felt safe in the sanctuary. Today, the soothing effect of the red carpet and wooden pews and stained glass windows spraying sunlight through the colorful depictions of the Bible story didn’t quite reach her.
She sat down on the front pew on the other side from the pulpit where she looked up at the cross hanging from the vaulted ceiling over the center of the altar. She closed her eyes and asked for a moment with God. Then as she’d done for the past five years, she asked her mother for guidance.
“I’m so confused right now, Mom,” Leah said as she kept her eyes closed and her hands clasped before her in prayer. “I don’t know why I kissed Dean, and I don’t know why Jacob and Geraldine lied to me. I trusted them. When my faith faltered, I depended on them to help me.
“Now Geraldine acts like someone I don’t know, and Jacob’s avoiding me. Please help me find the answers, Mom. And God, please keep me from making another mistake with Dean. Take away the feelings I had when I looked at him. Please God. I love Jacob and want our dreams of a life together to come to fruition.
“I can do so much here, God. Please give me the courage to face the Church board to reinstate Soup’s On. Or give me some kind of sign on the direction for helping those folks down at the river.”
Leah bowed her head further and tried to listen for signs from God to show her the way. Just then, the front door to the church opened, and Susie came rushing down the aisle toward her.
“I thought I might find you here,” Susie said as she sat down beside Leah. “I wanted to tell you about an idea that just came to me after you left the dry cleaners this afternoon.”
Leah broke away from her listening reluctantly. She needed God to show her the way, but she forced herself to listen to Susie instead. There would be time for reflection and listening later, she thought, as she turned to her friend.
“You said the church won’t fund Soup’s On, and they don’t want you using the facilities, right?” Susie asked.
“That’s right,” Leah said.
“What if you found a way to fund it and found a place to serve the food?” Susie asked.
“I could continue, but how?”
“Do you remember that old barn down on the edge of Big Jim’s property?” When Leah nodded, Susie continued. “It’s just standing empty since he stopped farming on it. It’s not in bad shape, and it’s down close to the river but out of sight of the church. I’m pretty sure there’s electricity and maybe even a well.”
“And I know I could get enough folks to fund the place,” Leah said as the possibilities spread out before her. “Maybe some businesses would donate furniture, lumber. I could devote the whole barn to a facility for the homeless. The loft could be made into a dormitory-style room for nights when the weather was too bad to sleep outside.”
“Do you think Geraldine would let you use it?”
“I don’t see why not,” Leah said. “Like you said, it’s not being used for anything else. You can’t see it from the church or the parish. It’s perfect. And it’s what I’ve always prayed for.”
Susie smiled and put her arm around her friend’s shoulders. Leah looked up at the cross and smiled. She’d received her sign.
“I know how much it means to you, and I felt so bad after you left,” Susie said. “And then it just came to me, like a lightning bolt.”
Leah smiled and hugged her friend right back. “I was sitting here praying when you came in. I asked God for a sign. I guess you’re it.”
Jacob walked into the sanctuary from the side door by his pulpit.
“What are you two scheming?” Jacob asked when he walked around the pulpit and down the two steps to stand in front of the pews.
“Do you think your mother would mind if I used the old barn out on the edge of the property?” Leah asked.
“The old barn? It’s been abandoned ever since Daddy got sick. What could you possibly want to use it for?”
“Soup’s On. I want to turn it into the new Soup’s On kitchen. It’s perfect, Jacob. And no one in the church can say a thing.”
“That’s a pretty far-fetched idea, Leah,” Jacob said. “I don’t see how that old barn could be much of anything but a storage shed for hay.”
“It’s got good bones,” Susie said. “With some work, it would be the perfect, permanent place for Leah to do her work.”
“What do you have to do with this, Susie?” Jacob asked. “Are you putting silly ideas into her head?”
“I have my own ideas, Jacob,” Leah said. “Susie supports the kitchen. I wish you did, too.”
“I can only do so much and helping those vets down at the river is not on my agenda right now,” Jacob said. “There are a lot more pressing matters with the church right now.”
“Such as?” Leah asked.
“I’ll talk to you about those things later,” Jacob said. “But now I have to get back to writing Sunday’s sermon.”
He turned and walked back through the same door he entered. Susie and Leah looked at one another, and Leah shrugged.
“I know it seems as if he doesn’t care,” Leah said. “But he really does. He has a lot of pressure on him right now. The Board hasn’t been giving him an easy time of it.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” Susie said. “Jacob has done a great job with the church ever since Big Jim died. There have been lots of positive changes.”
“They just haven’t happened as quickly as he’d like,” Leah said. “I still like the idea of the barn though.”
“Why don’t you work on the funding aspect before you go to Geraldine?”
“You’r
e right. I need to show them that I know what I’m doing. If Jacob thinks it’s a stupid idea, Geraldine will bury it. But if he sees I’m prepared, he might be able to convince her.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Dean settled on his bed at the motel before he called Joe Moran.
“They don’t have a clue,” Dean said when Joe came on the line. “They told Jacob’s fiancé that I’d died. Everybody else in town thinks I raped a girl, and that’s why I left. Small towns suck.”
“Cities do, too. Did you tell them anything about why you just showed up?” Joe asked.
“I never got the chance. They were too busy telling me to get the hell off church property.”
“Are you going to tell them before the meeting on Monday?”
“Probably not. Might as well let you do that since Big Jim paid you the big bucks.”
“Thanks a lot,” Joe said. “I didn’t know what I’d gotten myself into when Jim Davis walked into my office and asked me to draw up a new will. I should have given him my partner’s number.”
“For some reason, my dad trusted you to do the job. Did you contact Harlan?”
“Your dad’s attorney in Victory wasn’t all that pleased to hear from me, but when he learned I was the lawyer who drafted the new will, he decided to cooperate. We’ll hold the reading of the will at his offices.”
“I’ll see you Monday,” Dean said. “Should be an interesting meeting. You might want to wear a bullet-proof vest.”
Dean hung up the phone and lay back on the bed with his arms folded behind his head. Returning to Victory where he’d been raised was the last place on earth he wanted to be, but it was time to take care of unfinished business. Besides, his daddy wanted him to come back all along and make things right before he died. Now it was too late for that, but he could help fulfill Big Jim’s final wishes.
Geraldine is a coward, he thought as he gazed at the water stains above him. He never realized it until today when he’d seen the way she refused to come close to him and allowed Jacob to be her shield.