Chapter 4
Lucy
I could hear voices and wanted to open my eyes, but I was so tired. Why was I having such a hard time, I wondered? They were talking about me as if I wasn't even there. It was Carrie and her mom. They were going on and on about how beautiful the baby was. Was he there, I wondered? I hadn't heard him speak. Had he left? He couldn't have. He wouldn't have left our little girl, would he? I felt my chest tighten. It felt like I couldn't breathe. Where was Lance? He was there. I'd seen his tears when he saw our little girl. What happened after the beeping started and my eyes closed? Why couldn't I fucking open them? I tried. I could see a tiny bit of white before it was gone again. Then I heard a beeping sound again.
“Oh shit!”
It was him. That was his voice. He was there. Then I heard another voice and felt someone touching me.
“Calm down, Lucy,” a woman said. “Get some rest. You'll be okay. Everything will be okay. Just take deep breaths and relax. You can try to open your eyes when you're ready. It might take some time. You're tired, and that's to be expected.”
I took a deep breath in and let it out. Then I felt someone's hand on mine. It was his. It had to be. It was huge and manly and instantly put me at ease. My body relaxed and the beeping stopped.
“Relax, Firecracker,” he said.
I never thought I'd be so happy to hear that damn word, but I was. He was there. He hadn't left.
“It'll be okay,” he said. “You've been through a lot, babe.”
He squeezed my hand, and I squeezed his back.
“You have no idea how damn good that feels, Lucy,” he said. “I can't wait for you to open your eyes and see this beautiful little girl we created. She has ten fingers, ten toes, and she is perfectly healthy. She has lungs like her mom, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Take your time, babe. I can't wait to see those beautiful eyes of yours.”
“We love you, Lucy,” Carrie's mom said. “Don't you ever scare us like that again. You had us all crying.”
I squeezed Lance's hand again and felt him squeeze back.
“Lance,” I whispered.
My mouth felt like the damn desert. I felt in that moment like I could have drank an entire gallon of water.
“I'm here, Lucy,” he said. “I'll always be here.”
I tried to open my eyes again and was able to see a figure next to me, but it was still blurry.
“The baby,” I whispered.
“She's right here,” he said. “Everything is fine. She's perfect, Firecracker. I love her so damn much already. I haven't even put her down once since they let me see her. I'm going to be the best dad there is. You're going to love her too. She looks like you. The only difference is that she's going to play ball with her daddy.”
I smiled and tried to open my eyes again.
“Come on, babe,” he said. “Let me see those brown eyes. We've been waiting for so long for you to wake up, mommy.”
I kept my eyes open and slowly his face came into view. There were tears in his eyes. Were they real? Maybe it was my eyes messing with me. Then I heard him sniffle.
“You're turning me into a pussy, babe,” he said. “Carrie and her mom have seen me cry so damn hard. Even Scott got a good view. You have no idea how good those eyes look.”
“You're crying,” I said.
It was such a shock. I'd seen tears in his eyes when he saw our little girl. Why was he crying, I wondered?
“I'm just happy to see your face,” he said. “I missed your cocky ass. I never thought I'd say those words. You scared me, Firecracker. You will never know how scared I was. Maybe you do.”
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said. “Keep those eyes open. I want you to see the most precious thing in the whole world.”
He moved his body so I could see his arms. It was the most beautiful sight. There was big, tough Lance with this tiny bundle of pink in his arms. She looked so little against his chest. I looked at the little bundle and then back to his face.
“She's so tiny against you,” I said.
The nurse helped me sit up and Carrie hurried over with water.
“It's so good to see you, Lucy. I've never been so scared in my life. I'll kick your ass if you ever do that to me again.”
“You're here,” I said. “What about the kids?”
“Scott and the kids are at the house. I gave him the key. He was here, but the kids couldn't stay that long. He said he'd be back once you were awake,” Lance said.
Once the nurse got me comfortable, Lance looked down at me with a smile.
“You ready?” he asked.
“I've never been so ready for anything,” I said with a smile. “Let me see the little miracle that changed my life. I want to hold our little girl.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead just like he had mine so many times in the months we waited for her arrival.
“Meet the best momma in the whole world, baby girl,” he said, as he handed her to me and placed her in my arms.
I looked down at her and smiled. She was truly perfect. He wasn't kidding. I already knew from just one look that I'd do whatever it took to keep her safe and give her the best life ever. She was so tiny. Her eyes were closed, and she looked so comfortable. I could feel the warmth on her from being in her father's arms. He was watching my every move. I looked up and couldn't miss that proud look in his eyes. I ran my fingers along her precious cheeks. She had dark hair. There wasn't much, but it was there. I couldn't wait to see her eyes. They were dark, I already knew it. I ran my fingers down her tiny arm and leg. She was just so little. I knew being a month early she could be small, but I hadn't thought about how small. When she moved a bit, Lance had his hand right there rubbing her cheek with his huge, man finger.
“She's already a daddy's girl, isn't she?” I asked.
When I looked up, he had the most innocent look on his face. The man was putty, and the little girl in my arms held his heart. I could already see it.
“She had him whipped before he ever held her,” Carrie's mom said with a laugh. “Do you have a name for your precious baby?”
I looked up at Lance. He didn't say a word.
“Samantha Smith,” I said.
He smiled so damn big it made my heart skip.
“Really?” he asked.
“There's no denying this little girl is yours,” I said. “She already has you wrapped around her finger. I'd love for her to have your name.”
“We can call her Sammie,” he said. “Our little Sammie.”
“Perfect,” Carrie's mom said.
“It's getting late, and you two need some rest. This guy hasn't slept a wink. He hasn't left your side, Lucy. I think you two have a lot to talk about. I'm taking my mom back to the house. We'll be back in the morning,” Carrie said.
“Bring Scott and the kids,” I said.
“You sure?” Carrie asked. “He can come when one of us goes back to the house. It is beautiful by the way.”
“Thanks,” I said. “Did you see the baby's room? Did you see what Lance did?”
“I did,” Carrie said. “He did a great job.”
“Bring the kids. I want to see them,” I said.
“Okay,” Carrie said.
She hugged me and Lance. Then her mom hugged me.
“You have no idea how scary it was,” she whispered. “I've never seen a man so worried in all my life. Take it easy on him. He was amazing.”
“Thank you for calling him,” I whispered back. “Thank you for being here for him and me.”
She pulled away and hugged Lance before walking out the door with Carrie. The moment the door closed, Sammie opened her eyes and took my breath away.
“She has the most beautiful eyes,” I said. “Hi, baby girl. I love you so much. I'm going to be the best mommy I can be. You're our little Samantha.”
Lance was watching me but never said a word. I held my baby girl in my arms for two hours and had even been able to feed her.
Lance was sitting in a chair right next to my bed. He was right there for anything I needed.
“You look exhausted. Why don't you go home and take a nap?” I asked him.
The poor guy was still in his uniform and looked so exhausted that if I just touched his arm he'd fall over.
“I'm good right here,” he said.
“Are you still wearing that uniform for the nurses?” I asked with a laugh.
“You aren't being serious right now, are you?” he asked. “These nurses have seen this baseball player brought to his knees. They've even seen me cry. I'm not talking about a tear or two, babe. I'm talking about full on sobbing. There is not one of those women wanting to check me out any longer.”
I shook my head. He looked into my eyes with the most serious look on his face.
“Not one part of that was a joke,” he said. “I felt like I was dying, Firecracker. I had no idea how I could possibly go on if anything happened to you. I love you, Lucy. I'm so sorry you weren't the first to hear it, but”
“What?” I said with a gasp, as I cut him off.
“Carrie's mom was the first to hear it. Then I can't remember if it was Scott or Carrie next,” I went on.
“Lance,” I said.
He'd just gone on like he hadn't said it. Maybe I'd heard him wrong. That had to be it. When I said his name, he stopped but didn't move his eyes from mine for a moment.
The baby had fallen asleep in my arms. He stood up, leaned in, and picked her up. Then he walked her to her little bed, put her down, and kissed her forehead. He walked back to my bed and sat down on the edge next to me. He took my hands in his and lifted them to his mouth. Then he placed tiny kisses on each of them.
“We have a lot to talk about. You know my past. It's out there for the world to see. I don't know yours. I think I've gotten a tiny glimpse into it, but I want you to talk to me, Lucy. I have a few things to say first though.”
“Lance,” I said, trying to stop him.
I could feel my nerves going crazy. What was he talking about? My world had been turned upside down the moment the doctor told me to go to the hospital. I wasn't completely sure what exactly I'd said to anyone after that. So much was going on in my mind. I'd prayed and cried harder than ever in my life, including when I'd lost Brad. What had I actually said out loud, I wondered?
“No,” he said, as he tightened his hold on my hands. “I'm not going to let you push me away right now. I'm sorry. I love you, Firecracker. Do you hear me? I love you.”
“You're not obligated to me because of the baby,” I cut him off. “I've already told you that you can be as big a part of her life as you want. A lot has gone on. We are both tired and have been through so much. You should go home and rest.”
“I'm not leaving here until you and our daughter leave,” he said. “That is not up for argument, Lucy. I will be here every moment to care for and protect both of you. Do not tell me how I feel or why I feel that way.”
His voice was rougher than it was before.
“But,” I began.
“Stop,” he snapped. “You can feel any way you want. I'm not asking you to love me back. I'm telling you how I feel. It has nothing to do with the baby. I love her more than life itself. That won't change. I also love you. Say anything you want, Firecracker. Tell me all of the reasons I don't love you. Tell me how I feel and how wrong I am. It's not going to change a damn thing. I love you. Do you hear me?”
I didn't say a word. My bottom lip went between my teeth and I tried to hold back my feelings. He didn't love me. I wasn't the woman for him. I wasn't even close to part of his league, and I never would be. I didn't dress in designer clothes. I didn't tell him every second how amazing he was. I wasn't like the women he spent time with.
“Stop,” he snapped again.
“What?” I whispered.
“Knock the shit off,” he said. “I know what you're doing. You need to stop it right now. When I met you, you drove me nuts. I wanted to kick your ass and fuck you all at once. There was something about you. The moment I laid eyes on your cocky ass, I knew I was going to be with you. No, I didn't think it would ever lead to anything. I definitely didn't think you'd give me the greatest gift in the world. You kept me on my toes. I wanted to walk away from you, but I couldn't. You drive me nuts, Lucy. You really do. You're not like anyone I have ever been with, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You are beautiful, funny, irritating, pushy, demanding, sweet, amazing, and so much more.”
He looked at me, but I didn't speak.
“When Carrie's mom called me, I knew I had a huge decision to make. Not one thing had ever come between me and my career before. The thought of you going through things and my baby being in danger was a no brainer. I walked out of there and never once thought about what it would mean for my career. There were only two things that mattered. I prayed so hard for everything to be okay. I said I'd do anything. I said I'd give up my career and even my life. When they wheeled you down that hall, I was so scared. You two were mine to protect and there wasn't a single thing I could do to change what was happening. I felt helpless, Lucy. You have no idea. I had no control, and it scared me so badly.”
“Lance,” I whispered, but he shook his head.
“Not done yet,” he said. “When I heard her cry, my whole world changed. Seeing her pulled at my heart. She was our little girl, and I knew I loved her so much. I knew I'd always do everything in my power to protect and love her. Then the beeping started and your eyes closed. When they pulled me away from you, I lost it. I pulled away from them to try to get to you. I was yelling for you to wake up. It was like a nightmare. They were moving around and taking you away from me. You brought me to my knees, woman. Nothing has ever done that before. All I could think was that you didn't know how I felt. What if I lost you? I couldn't lose you. I couldn't live without you. Do you hear me? I needed you to be okay. I needed you to know how I felt about you. I needed to be able to tell you. Carrie's mom sat with me while I cried harder than I have ever cried in my entire life. I didn't care about the tears. I just needed you. I told her how I felt. I told her how much I loved you. Do you know what she said? I know you do, Lance. That was what she said. How could she have known before I did? That woman is tricky.”
“Yes she is,” I said.
“When the doctor came in to tell me you and the baby were okay, I felt the best I'd ever felt in my life. I felt better than I had when I'd found out about the Pirates and better than anything baseball has ever made me feel. I wasn't going to let one day go by before I told you how I felt. I almost lost you, Lucy. You could have been gone. Do you hear me? I could have lost you. Enough stupid shit. I can't do it anymore. I won't ever let that happen again. I will tell you every single day how much you mean to me. You don't have to love me back. I'm not looking for you to have some awakening about your feelings for me. It has nothing to do with that. I'm not expecting anything. I know you don't want a relationship. I get all that. I just want you to know how I feel. I love you, Lucy Stone. Nothing you say or do right now is going to change that, so don't bother trying to change my mind.”
I didn't say a word. He moved up the bed a bit, leaned his head back next to mine, wrapped his arm around me, and pulled me closer.
“Get some rest,” he said. “She'll be up in no time.”
“Lance,” I said.
“Not a word,” he said. “I won't let you ruin this moment for me.”
“There's so much you don't know,” I said. “If you knew, you wouldn't feel this way.”
“Not one thing you have to tell me could change how I feel, babe. You can do and say anything you want. It won't change how I feel or the fact that I will always be here. Go to sleep. You need your rest, and so do I. It's been the hardest day of my life.”
Just as I was dozing off, I heard him whisper.
“Lucy,” he said.
“Yes,” I said.
“Thank you for putting me as your emergency contact,” he said. “I don't know w
hat I would've done if they wouldn't have let me in or told me what I needed to know. Thank you.”
He kissed my forehead one more time before closing his eyes and going to sleep.
Chapter 5
Lance
They'd asked about taking the baby to the nursery, but I told them no. My little girl wasn't going to be out of my sight for one second if I could help it. They were concerned because of how exhausted Lucy would be, but I assured them that I would be right there to take care of my daughter.
I was in a deep sleep when I heard the tiny cry and opened my eyes fast. Lucy was sleeping in my arms, and there was no way I was waking her. There would be plenty of time for me to sleep later. I wasn't missing one second with my little girl. I slowly slid my arm out from beneath Lucy and walked over to look down at the cutest little girl in the world. Her little eyes were open and she was moving around. I picked her up and kissed her forehead.
“Daddy is here little one,” I whispered.
Then I put her back down to change her. I'd already done a few diapers while waiting for Lucy to wake up. I was so worried about hurting the baby, but the nurse assured me I was just fine. She wasn't going to break. That was what the nurse said as she laughed at me earlier. Once I was done, I got a bottle, picked up my baby girl, and walked over to sit down and feed her. She was so good. I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking? Did she know how much I loved her? Then I started thinking about leaving her. I had missed part of that shoot with the team, but we were home for five days. It was actually going to work out that Lucy and the baby would be home before I had to leave again. I was so happy. There was no way I could have asked Carrie or her mom to make sure someone was with Lucy every second. That was what I wanted, and I was thrilled that I was going to be able to be the one to do it. What was going to happen while I was gone? Lucy had the c-section and had some major shit go down right after. She was fine, but she was going to need more rest than the average mom. I made a mental note to talk to Carrie's mom to see if she could stay for a bit. I'd pay her if she needed. It didn't matter. I'd do whatever I needed to make sure Lucy and Samantha were cared for while I was gone. Samantha, I thought. Our baby girl's name was Samantha. Lucy didn't even argue giving her my last name, and I was glad. That was one argument I was going to win, and I was pretty sure she knew it too.
Playing Hardball: Part 5 Page 2