by Lily Graison
Her knees went weak, dizziness befalling her when he forced his tongue into her mouth. She moaned, reached up with both hands, placing them on his wide shoulders to steady herself and closed her eyes the moment her heart slammed against her ribcage.
It was the kind of kiss she’d always dreamed of. Forceful, full of passion and unrestrained need. His free arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against him. The desire she’d seen in his eyes earlier wasn’t the only place she noticed it. It was there on her thigh, hard and digging into her flesh.
She tilted her hips a fraction, rubbing herself against him and felt completely wanton as she did. He moaned, his hold on her tightening, and she wrapped her arms around his neck to draw him nearer.
His lips were firm and warm, his breath hot as it washed across her lips. Heat engulfed her body when his hand roamed down her back to her bottom. He cupped her flesh in his hand, pulled her tight against him, the hard length of him pressed more firmly against her leg.
He held her in a vise-like grip, his mouth hungry and demanding and for the first time in her life, Grace would have given herself to a man without a single regret. Her body ached in places she wasn’t even aware could ache, her heart was pounding against her ribcage and no matter how close they were, it wasn’t close enough.
She gasped and broke the kiss, dragging in lungs full of air as Rafe found the soft skin under her ear. His tongue lapped at the flesh of her neck and goose bumps pimpled her skin. Her breasts ached, her nipples hardening and begging for his touch. “Rafe.”
Grace was so caught up in the moment, she barely heard Jesse call her name. The sound of footsteps hitting the wooden steps at the back of the house caught her attention seconds before her name was carried to her on the breeze.
She gasped, pulled away from Rafe, and stared at him while trying to catch her breath. She scrambled to straighten her hair and turned, running the remaining distance to the house.
Seeing her standing naked in his kitchen the night before had left him hard and uncomfortable half the night. After kissing her sweet lips, and hearing her whisper his name so softly, he’d be lucky to get rid of his erection by next month.
The back door slammed shut behind her and Rafe saw her pass in front of the kitchen window still toying with her hair. He smiled before straightening his coat and readjusting his hat.
Shifting in place, and tugging at the seam of his pants helped ease some of the pain in his groin, but only by a fraction. That kiss had done more to him that it should have. Damn if she wasn’t the sweetest tasting thing he’d had in ages.
He wasn’t even sure why he’d kissed other than the fact she’d admitted to thinking of him as a potential husband. He’d dreamed about that very thing numerous times himself. Of course his dreams of being married to her usually involved her lush lips in places that weren’t his face as she shared his bed.
Just the thought of her heated his blood. The scent of her skin stirred him and made him feel like a man possessed. He wanted her with an urgency that scared him shitless. It willed him to do anything he had to do to have her.
And fight just as hard to see that it never happened.
If he’d learned anything about his failed attempts at relationships in the past, it was that he wasn’t capable of being loved. Most women wanted the one thing he would never be able to give them. Money. He’d never had it and never would.
The ranch turned a profit if his father’s ledgers were right but just barely, and Rafe knew without asking that Grace was used to things he’d never be able to give her.
She was refined, well educated, he imagined, and before arriving on his doorstep, more than likely never lifted a finger to do anything that even came close to resembling work.
Grace was a woman men would fight to have and as much as Rafe wanted her, he’d never pursue her. Not for marriage. The dream was nice but the reality would leave him heartbroken and he’d had his heart stomped on by someone he thought cared about him before.
He wouldn’t risk being that vulnerable again. Not for Grace. Not for anyone.
He went back to the barn and made sure the animals were all bedded down for the night before extinguishing the light and making his way toward the house. He wondered if Grace was still in the kitchen as he stepped onto the back porch.
The room was empty when he walked inside. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed.
Jesse walked into the room, disturbing his thoughts of Grace. Rafe watched him to see if he knew what had happened out in the yard but he gave no indication he did. His eyes were bloodshot and looked glassy as if he’d been crying. His neck held faint traces of bruising. Rafe’s blood pressure rose just seeing it. Ben Crowley was a bastard but Rafe didn’t think he’d ever go so far as to try and fight a boy. Just goes to show what a low down dog the man really was. “You okay?”
Jesse nodded his head and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. “That piece of pig shit basically called Grace a whore, right there in earshot of anybody listening.”
“I heard.” Rafe removed his coat and hat, hanging them both on the peg by the door. “It was a bit idiotic taking him on by yourself, don’t you think?”
Jesse shot him a peeved look. “No. He can’t call my wife names like that and not get a whopping for it.”
Rafe grinned, ignoring the reference of Grace being his brother’s wife. He wasn’t sure Ben got the worst out of the ordeal but if Jesse thought so, then so be it. “What are you doing up?”
“Came for some water.” Jesse drank deeply from his glass before wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “What was you and Grace talking about?”
Rafe hoped his face didn’t give the real answer to that away. He felt heat crawling up his neck before walking to the table and turning the wick on the lamp down. “Mostly what happened in town.”
Jesse made a noncommittal noise and set his glass down. “Marshal Avery says we can press charges against Ben.”
Rafe nodded and turned back to face him. “Probably, but you’d have to go up in front of the judge. Everyone in town would be able to sit in. You want everyone knowing your business?”
Jesse was quiet for long minutes before shaking his head. “No. I don’t want them gawking at Grace and thinking what Ben said was true since we ain’t married yet.”
He still thought they were getting married? Rafe sighed and leaned his hip against the table before crossing his arms over his chest. “Jesse, you do know you can’t marry Grace, don’t you?”
Jesse’s eyes flashed, his brows lowering. “Why not? She came out to the house with me, didn’t she?”
“Yes.” A fight was brewing but it couldn’t be avoided. “And she’s told you already you’re not who she thought you were. You described me in that letter, didn’t you?”
Jesse blushed. “So? What different does that make?”
It didn’t. Not really, but a tiny part of him thrilled at the thought of her wanting him. At the notion she’d traveled across the country with a mental picture of him filling her mind. “You still expect her to marry you knowing how young you are?”
“I said her age didn’t matter.”
Rafe sighed. “It’s more than that, Jesse, and you know it.” The look on Jesse’s face said he didn’t see a problem. “Look. I can’t think of any other way to say this than just being damn blunt about it. You’ve said you’re a man, so I’ll tell it to you like you are one. Grace is a woman and I’m sure she expects certain things from a husband.”
“Like what?” Jesse asked, his voice rising to almost a yell. “There ain’t nothing she could want I can’t give her.”
“No, I don’t suppose there is but I’m not sure how well you’re going to be able to.” Rafe scratched at his chin, wondering how to word what needed to be said. He decided just saying it would be best. Taking a deep breath, he looked Jesse in the eye. “Have you ever been with a woman?”
If possible, the kid’s face flamed a brighter red than his hair. His fre
ckles seemed to grown three sizes and swallowed his entire face. “Why’s that matter?”
Rafe chuckled before shaking his head. “Well it don’t. Not really. Most women are virgins when they get married. No one says a man can’t be as well.”
Jesse turned to stare out the window. The back of his neck was red. Rafe knew he was embarrassed but damn it, the kid had to be told what he was getting himself in to. “Grace is going to want kids, Jesse. Most women do and the only way to get them is…” Damn if it didn’t feel like his tongue grew by half. He couldn’t make himself say it. Talking about Jesse making love to Grace was just…
“I get what you’re trying to say, Rafe. It’s why you said I’d have to sleep in her room, right?”
Rafe exhaled a pent up breath. The kid did know what he was talking about. Thank the Lord. “Yes.”
“I wouldn’t have to do that right away, would I?”
“Well, a marriage isn’t legal until you do.”
Jesse continued to stare out the window, studying the darkness beyond the glass for long minutes. He sighed, his shoulder heaving with the motion before he straightened his back and turned to face him. “Then I guess I’ll just have to do it.”
He was still blushing, Jesse was, and Rafe didn’t know if the kid’s ears would ever regain their natural color. “Or you could let Grace marry someone closer to her own age.”
Jesse’s body went stiff, his lips pressed into a thin line before his brows lowered. “And who would I let have my wife? You?”
The thought had crossed his mind a time or two but it would never happen. Rafe didn’t tell him so, though. He wasn’t even sure why he withheld the knowledge from him. It would have eased both their minds to say it out loud. To say he wouldn’t marry Grace, but the words never came.
Rubbing a hand over his face, Rafe pushed off the table and walked across the room. “We’ll talk about this later. I’m going to bed.”
“You ain’t getting her, Rafe! She’ll just run away from you like your the other woman in your life did.”
The bedroom door closed louder than Rafe would have wished and Jesse’s biting comment was why.
Jesse knew nothing of Maggie or Katie, other than the little bit Rafe had told him, but the kid’s words were never so true. Maggie and Katie did leave him. They hadn’t loved him enough to stay. As bitter as the truth was to acknowledge, Jesse was right. Grace would leave him, too. When she realized he was nothing special, she’d find someone else to love and leave him like the others did. It was why he fought so hard to keep his distance from her.
He should have never told Jesse about Maggie or Katie. The only reason he had was to let Jesse know his life the past ten years hadn’t been a picnic like he’d thought. It was because of Maggie that he’d taken off to begin with. He’d been prepared to ask her to marry him, he’d even bought a ring, but she chose Holden Avery instead. One of his best friends had stolen his girl right out from under him.
He’d never hated a man until that day and just seeing Holden and Maggie together drove him half mad. He’d headed south the next day, picked a side in the war, and barely felt the brutal effects of it. The news of Maggie’s death had hit him hard and left him numb for months.
Meeting Katie a year later was a godsend and she mended his broken heart the only way a woman could. He’d fallen for her hard, all thoughts of Maggie tucked away in the privacy of his soul, and he vowed to do everything right this time. By the time the war ended, he’d been ready to get on with the living of his life, start a family and maybe even bring Katie back to Montana.
It wasn’t meant to be. Just like Maggie, Katie found someone better. She took what little money they had and ran off with a gambler in the middle of the night, never looking back.
The thought still left a bitter taste in his mouth. He’d let down everyone he cared about. Jesse and his pa, even Katie, to some degree. If he’d been able to give her everything she wanted, she wouldn’t have gone looking for it in all the wrong places. She’d never have met the gambler.
And his pa wouldn’t have worked himself into an early grave, leaving Jesse alone to fend for himself.
He sighed. Leaving home had been the single most disastrous mistake of his life and he had a lot to make up for. Taking care of Jesse was one of them. Figuring out what to do about Grace was another.
A large part of him wanted nothing more than to marry her, to fill her belly with his babies and live the rest of his life with her right by his side, but that wasn’t going to happen. Even if Jesse gave them his blessing Rafe would never ask for her hand. The dream was nice but he’d had his heart broken twice and he wasn’t about to let Grace stomp on what was left. He didn’t have it in him. Not anymore. What was left of his heart wasn’t big enough to love a woman the way he needed to, anyway. It probably never was. Maggie and Katie left him for a reason. Grace would find it eventually and once she did, she’d be gone as well.
Chapter Thirteen
The coffee was already brewed by the time Grace heard Rafe moving around in his room. She glanced in that direction before walking to the shelf above the sink and grabbing the plates. A nervous flutter erupted in her stomach just thinking about seeing him.
She’d been up half the night, unable to think after the kiss he’d given her. Her lips still tingled just remembering it. She’d been kissed before but never had she felt so… giddy afterwards.
Most of the time, she felt quite queasy. Most of the men she’d courted were older and too eager for a young bride. Their attention was lavish and she hadn’t minded until they tried to steal a kiss. Their lips had felt nothing like Rafe’s. Where his were soft and warm, others seemed cold and… wet.
She shuddered just thinking about it.
Setting the plates on the table, she smoothed a hand down the front of her new dress. Grace wondered what Rafe would think of it. It was plain and did nothing to flatter her figure but the sunny yellow material was dotted with small blue flowers and looked feminine, but that was all she could say for it. It hung straight down her body and the hem was a bit long. She’d have to fix that sooner rather than later. It wouldn’t do to trip on the thing.
Raising a hand, she patted at her hair to check that it wasn’t falling down. Instead of pulling it up into a bun as usual, she’d braided it and left it to dangle down her back. She’d seen several woman in town wearing their hair that way and thought it had looked softer, somehow. It didn’t make the face look as stern. So matronly.
She shook her head at her musings. It didn’t matter. Not about the way she styled her hair or the unflattering dress. What mattered was Jesse and Rafe.
The moment she thought of Rafe, a tiny smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. The soul-altering kiss he’d given her the night before had been filled with so much passion, she’d had trouble sleeping.
She forgot about her plans to leave, too, unpacking the rest of her trunks instead. That kiss proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Rafe liked her. He wouldn’t have kissed her so ardently if he didn’t.
Imagining being his wife caused her pulse to leap, for her cheeks to burn hot, and an ache to throb between her legs so intense, she was embarrassed at the thought. She was a lady, but one simple kiss left her foggy-headed and feeling as wanton as those painted ladies hovering at the door of the Diamondback Saloon.
Hearing the door to Rafe’s room open, she busied herself with their breakfast. She couldn’t make herself look at him regardless of how much she wanted to.
He didn’t move after opening his door. Or she didn’t think he had. She didn’t hear him cross the room which meant he was still in the doorway watching her.
Heat burned her cheeks. Stealing a glace at him out of the corner of her eye she quickly looked away, puzzled. He looked angry. His brows were lowered and his arms were crossed over his chest.
Taking in a deep breath, she turned her head his way. “Is something wrong?”
“Why would anything be wrong?”
She l
ooked at him then, bathed in a soft orange glow from the oil lamp in his room. He took up almost the entire doorway, his shoulders nearly touching the frame. “You look irritated.” She smiled. “Or are you always this surly first thing in the morning.”
He made a small “humph” noise before crossing the threshold and walking across the kitchen to the table, picking up a mug and pouring coffee into it. He took a sip, looking at her over the rim, his gaze raking her body from head to toe. He lowered the mug and nodded too her new dress. “I hope you didn’t spend my money on that ugly thing.”
Her smile died in an instant. She watched him stare at her and smoothed a hand over the calico. “You don’t like it?”
“No. And do something with your hair. You’re far too old to wear it styled that way.” He set his mug on the table, walked to the door, shrugged into his coat and hat, and left without another word. Nothing about the kiss they’d shared, or the passion she felt rising between them.
Just more hateful, biting words. Had she imagined the desire between them? Was she so naive as to not know the difference?
Raising a hand to her mouth, she knew she hadn’t imagined it. Her lips still stung in remembrance.
Was he regretting it?
She stared at the space he’d been standing, recalling everything he’d said. He didn’t like her dress. Without thought she reached for her hair.
Her spirits plummeted moments before her temper flared. That insufferable man! Still as churlish as ever. Had he been teasing her with that kiss? Did he take some small satisfaction in the fact he took what he wanted and caused her to moan in dreamy ecstasy from it?
He probably did.
The more she thought about it, the madder she became. Humiliation burned a trail across her skin until she was sure she was as red as Jesse’s hair.
By the time Jesse walked into the kitchen, she was fuming. She slammed the breakfast dishes onto the table, served him, and ran up the stairs, flinging herself into her room. The door slamming wasn’t enough. She wanted to throw things. She wanted to smack Rafe Samuels’ arrogant face and tell him what a loathsome pig he was.