by A. M. Kusi
“Who else will?” he shouted, anger rising.
“I never realized you thought so highly of yourself, that you actually think you have the ability to save the world,” Mikel said.
“That’s not what I mean,” Bently denied.
“Isn’t it though?”
No. Because I’m nothing. I’m unlovable. I’m a failure.
“So, you’re having a pity party instead of going after the happiness you could have with the woman you love?” Mikel asked.
Bently frowned. “I’m not having a pity party.”
“If anyone knows what self-loathing is, it’s me, big brother. Don’t fuck it up and waste your chance at happiness like I did,” Mikel said sympathetically.
Bently remained silent. He’d already ruined any chance with Belle. She’d told him her worst fears and then he’d gone and done just that. He’d sabotaged their only chance. “It’s too late.” The words felt like the last breath he’d ever release. Like inhaling without at least a spark of hope was too painful.
“True failure isn’t in failing, but in not trying at all. You can still fight for her. Just talk to her. Tell her what you told me. Except, maybe leave out the murder part. Might want to work up to that later.” Mikel smirked.
“Does Remy know?”
Mikel swallowed and nodded solemnly. “I told her when I returned before we got back together. I wanted to lay all my cards on the table. I’d held everything from her before. I knew this time, I couldn’t hide the worst parts of me. That she needed to know what she was getting into.”
That sounded terrifying.
Bently opened a file on his desk and pushed it towards his brother. Mikel looked down at the picture of Bently and Belle climbing into his truck. He still got chills knowing that the stalker had been this close to them and he hadn’t even suspected anything was off.
Mikel frowned. “Is this from . . .”
“Yeah. One more reason I need to keep my distance from Belle.”
Mikel sighed. “I think she deserves to know. She needs to have all the information so she can be vigilant and protect herself. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”
That made sense. So why was he holding back?
Because I don’t want her to walk away from me. I’d rather leave before being left.
“I’ll think about it.”
Mikel stood. “Good. And while you’re at it, get some sleep and maybe have a shave.” He laughed.
“How did you know that I loved her?” Bently asked.
Mikel met his eyes. “Because you’re different since you’ve been with her. You’re better. You seem more . . . peaceful.”
Wow. Hearing those words was like a blow to his chest.
“Not to mention the hearts in your eyes whenever you look at her or talk about her.” Mikel chuckled. “It’s about time you met your match. She knows how to put you in your place.”
Bently laughed. “You think I need to be put in my place?”
Mikel smiled. “I think every man does. We just don’t know it until it happens.”
***
Bently jolted awake. The hair on the back of his neck and arms stood on end. He was on his couch, and the TV was muted, so what had woken him?
Smash!
Beep! Beep! Beep!
He jumped to his feet, sending the empty beer bottles clattering to the ground all around him. He ran out the door barefoot. His body pulsed with adrenaline. Every nerve was on edge. He was ready for a fight. He was going to catch his tormentor once and for all.
He yanked the door open and ran across the fresh snow, not even registering the cold as his eyes focused on the hooded figure wielding a wooden bat. Not my truck again! The perp swung, smashing his other headlight as Bently increased his speed and tackled him with full force to the ground.
“Oomf!”
“You sick fucker! I got you, you piece of shit!” Bently wrestled the bat free, as the person underneath him staggered to suck in a pained breath. Rage coated his insides. This was the one who’d broken his windshield before. The same asshole who killed a pig and left the message written in blood. The same one who had been following him and Belle. Why?
“Get off me!” the young man yelled.
“Not a chance in hell.” Bently ground the perp’s head into the asphalt and pushed his arms behind his back until he groaned in pain. Broken glass glittered in the moonlight all around them.
“What I want to know, is WHY?” Bently ripped off the back of his hood and froze. Shock shivered through his body as he looked into the familiar face. Horror filled him as his stomach tipped and convulsed. No.
“It was you? All along, you’re the one who’s been following me? You left that message and killed the pig? You attacked me outside the bar?” His grip tightened as he yanked TJ up. Blood dripped down his face from the cut and embedded glass below his right eye. Neighbors’ lights flicked on as his car alarm continued to beep.
“No!” TJ shook his head. “None of that was me.”
“Why would you do this? I thought we were friends, TJ,” Bently said in disbelief.
“I thought we were too. But you just used me to get to Belle,” TJ grit out as he took a swing at Bently’s face.
Bently evaded the maneuver and locked TJ’s hands behind his back. “No, I didn’t. That wasn’t . . .” He struggled to find the words.
The fury emanating off TJ reminded him a lot of himself. This boy was fighting to protect the only woman who had ever cared about him. He couldn’t fault a kid for doing what Bently had promised to do before he’d fucked it all up.
“You’re worse than the asshole who used her, kept her like a fucking slave in exchange for me to have a roof over my head and food in my belly. At least he was honest about what he wanted from her,” TJ spat.
He staggered backwards, the earth tilting. Violence slammed into him, filling his rigid muscles with bloodlust. He wanted to kill the fucker who had done that to Belle. But wasn’t he just as bad? He’d promised to be there for her and then he’d left her after she’d shared her vulnerability.
“Let’s go,” Bently grated.
“You going to read me my rights now, Sheriff?” TJ asked, chin up, the young man ready to face the repercussions for avenging his sister.
“No, we’re going to take you to the hospital and get you stitched up,” Bently said.
TJ’s eyes widened.
“Despite what you believe, I never tried to use you to get to her.”
He’d also never intended to put her in danger.
Chapter 37
Bently
Bently leaned against the wall in the corner of the emergency room as Doctor Burton put the last stitch under TJ’s eye.
The curtain yanked open as Belle ran into the room, halting as soon as her eyes focused on her brother.
Bently’s heart squeezed as the ache he’d grown accustomed to since she’d been out of his life became overwhelming. The air was ripped from his lungs merely by her presence.
Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. Her face was a mixture of fear and shock. She covered her mouth with her hand as she stepped closer to her brother.
“TJ?” Her voice was like a plea. Like she was asking him to tell her this was all a dream.
“I’ll give you a few minutes,” Doctor Burton said, before glancing to Bently and leaving the room.
“What happened? Where are you hurt?” Belle asked, holding her brother’s face in her hands, inspecting him.
Regret flitted through TJ’s features before he looked at Bently. Belle stiffened and turned, her eyes meeting his for the first time.
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish as realization flashed in her gaze. “You did this?”
He remained silent. His mind reeled with a thousand things he wanted to say to her, but none of them
were set free.
She lifted a trembling hand to her chest as she staggered back, putting herself between him and TJ. She was looking at him like he was a monster, like he had done this on purpose. He was paralyzed with regret. A lifetime of paying penance, of punishing himself for not being enough weighed on him. Say something!
“Why?” she croaked.
“I busted up his truck,” TJ confessed.
Belle’s head snapped to her brother. Her shoulders rose as her eyes narrowed. “You did what?”
TJ looked down ashamedly.
“I raised you better than this, Thomas Nigel Jones! You . . .” She staggered back, her words stuck as she crumpled to the floor.
Bently stepped forward, reaching towards her, his instincts overriding his fear. The need to comfort, to take some of her burden, drawing his lead feet towards her. His fingers grazed her shoulder as she flinched away from him. Her eyes were a mixture of betrayal, confusion, and fury.
“Don’t touch me,” she growled like a wounded animal.
He held up his hands and backed away. He’d thought the pain when he told her to leave had been the worst thing he’d ever seen, but he was wrong. Belle looked, destroyed now.
I’ve done this.
You destroy everything you touch. You’re good for nothing. You’re weak!
Belle stood on shaky legs, straightening her back and crossing her arms over her chest. She spoke to TJ. “Everything I did. All the sacrifices I made so you could have a life, so you wouldn’t end up in jail or dead. And you just throw it all away? All for what?” Belle’s voice was unnaturally calm. All emotion drained from her face except the tears that dripped down her beautiful face.
TJ’s shoulders slumped. “I was just trying to protect you. To stand up for you.”
She shook her head. “That is not your job, TJ.”
“No one else will!” TJ snapped, his eyes narrowing on Bently.
The accusation hit its intended mark. Shame and guilt swept over Bently like a rogue wave, pulling him under. He was drowning in it.
Belle turned towards him, wiping the tears from her face. “Can I speak with you, privately?”
“Of course.” Anything to take even a fraction from the riot in her eyes.
Belle walked briskly past him, the scent of cocoa butter drifting over him. Another violent twist of longing for her creaked and splintered inside him. He followed her into the hallway on shaky legs and over to an empty room with only a few chairs and a coffee table with pamphlets on grief and loss sitting on it. Fitting. There was most definitely a part of him that had died after Belle left. He was hollow without her.
She turned to face him, staring straight ahead at his chest. She seemed so broken and vulnerable. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and promise everything was going to be okay. But he knew better. He’d lost that privilege the moment he’d let her walk out the door.
“I know I have no right to ask anything of you.” Her voice was shaky and empty, as if she was hanging on by a thread. As if she had nothing left.
Because of me.
She looked the kind of tired that reached the marrow of your bones, not from lack of sleep but the exhaustion from a lifetime of having to struggle to survive. She’d done everything in her power so that both she and her brother would not have to end up like their parents and repeat the cycle.
How can I fix this?
“But is there any chance you’ll let me pay the damages and not press charges? I’ll keep him away from you—”
“Belle?” Bently clenched his fists at his side so he wouldn’t reach out to her.
She blinked and turned her eyes towards his, steady and unwavering. Her strength was one of the things he loved most about her. She’d challenged him in so many ways. A woman he could count on through thick and thin. A woman who’d been through the fires of hell and come out stronger. His angel. He wanted to be the lucky bastard who got to live life by her side. He’d get her back. Bently would make this right, or die trying.
“I’m not pressing charges. I brought him here to get stitched up. I had no idea it was him. I thought—I thought he was the one who’d been harassing me. I never would have laid a hand on him if I’d have known it was TJ.” He hoped she would see his honesty.
She swallowed and nodded. “Thank you. Just send me the bill.”
He held up a hand. “I’ll take care of my truck.”
Her tiny nostrils flared as anger sparked in her brown-sugar eyes. She glanced at the door and then back to him. “I always pay my debts. We both know nothing in life is ever free. So, send me the bill.”
He was going to argue, to tell her he was sorry for so much more, but Doctor Stanley walked in.
“Oh, Belle. I just heard your brother was brought in. Are you okay?”
Belle nodded and walked towards the door. “I’m fine, Rick. Thanks for asking.”
Bently ground his teeth together and forced himself to stay put as Rick put his hand on Belle’s shoulder. Chaos broke out inside him. He wanted to be the one to comfort her.
“If you need to reschedule tomorrow, let me know,” Rick said as they disappeared around the corner.
His chest was heaving as if he’d just run a marathon. Jealousy burned his guts and they twisted into a million intricate knots.
There was no way he was going to give up. He loved her, and he’d prove it. He’d beg for a second chance, or whatever number they were on now. Maybe they had been doomed from the start. Maybe not. Perhaps he’d gotten in his own way and sabotaged this.
Failing was not attempting to try—wasn’t that what Mikel had said?
You’re nothing. You’re weak. His father’s voice echoed in his mind.
No. Maybe I once was, but not this time. Not for her. I’ll be better. I’ll get back up. For Belle, I’ll do anything.
***
The bounce of the ball got louder the closer Bently moved to the near-empty basketball court. Two other kids dribbled down the opposite end. TJ shot and made the basket with a swoosh of the net before he jogged to grab the ball.
“Nice shot.”
TJ faltered, his head snapping towards Bently. The boy’s gaze filled with apprehension as the ball rolled off the court.
“Can we talk for a minute?” Bently asked, motioning towards the metal bench on the sidelines.
“Do I have a choice?” TJ didn’t move.
“Of course. But I hope you’ll hear me out.” Bently sat and waited.
TJ hesitated a moment longer, glancing around before he joined him.
“I owe you an apology,” Bently started.
TJ snorted.
“I never used you to get close to Belle. I liked playing ball with you and hanging out. I just happened to fall in love with your sister along the way.”
TJ jerked his head to face Bently, brows drawn together. “You got a fucked-up way of showing your love.”
“It . . . scared me,” Bently admitted. The only way he was going to win her back was to give her everything he’d kept inside.
“My tiny sister scared you?” TJ scoffed.
“Terrified is more like it. I was afraid I’d . . . mess it all up. I thought she’d leave me anyways once she saw I wasn’t . . . enough for her. That she’d want more someday and I’d never be able to give her that.”
TJ studied him.
“We found a picture in my truck the same day the blood was spilled all over it. The photograph was one of Belle and me. Someone is coming after me and I don’t want her caught in the crosshairs.”
TJ nodded. “You didn’t think she deserved to know?”
“She did—does. And I’d really like to try to make it right.” Bently held his breath. He needed things to be okay between him and TJ.
“What if she doesn’t want you back? My sister doesn’t give out second chan
ces, and you’ve already had one. Statistically, you have no chance to get back with her.” TJ shrugged.
“Even if she won’t accept me, I just want her to understand why I did what I did. So she won’t think it was anything to do with her. I don’t want her second-guessing and thinking she’s anything less than perfect the way she is.” Bently’s throat burned as emotion choked him up.
“So, what’s the plan?” TJ asked.
“I’m gonna figure out how to get her to talk to me, and then I’ll tell her . . . everything.” Bently shrugged.
“Good luck with that.”
“I have your approval?” Bently asked, surprised.
TJ shrugged. “I mean, if what you say is true, then you’re exactly the man I thought you were. But . . . right now it’s just words.”
Bently nodded. “You’re right. But I promise, I’m in this for the long haul. I’m gonna be there from now on for both of you. Even if she doesn’t want me, after all is said and done, I’m still here for you, TJ.”
TJ cleared his throat. “Means a lot. And thanks for not, you know, arresting me.”
“You’re a good kid. We all make mistakes, and we all deserve some grace. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that in the future,” Bently warned.
“I won’t. I’ve never seen that look on her face before. Not even when the worst of the worst happened to us. I can’t believe I almost . . .” TJ covered his mouth with his hand. Conflict flashed in his eyes, as if he wanted to say something more.
Bently clapped a hand on the young man’s back. “We all fuck up sometimes. All we can do is get back up and try harder next time.”
“Your life’s motto, I’m assuming?” TJ chuckled.
“Something like that.” Bently laughed. He’d honestly thought he’d lived his life by that statement. In truth, maybe he’d always been keeping one foot on the other side of the fence while sinking deeper into self-pity. He’d been weighted down by guilt he shouldered out of self-imposed obligation. He’d figure a way through it somehow. Because from now on, he was all in.