“There’s no way in hell that’s going to ever happen,” I laughed.
“Oh, yeah? How are you so sure?”
“She’s such a ‘Vail baby’ and they wouldn’t give someone like you the time of day. Face it Cal. It’s just not gonna happen.”
Cal punched the buttons on the controller some more before pausing the game and leaned back in silence. I could tell he was thinking about what I said.
Then he shook his head, “Nah. It could happen. In fact, I’m sure it could happen. Look, all chicks like her, I mean ‘Vail babies’ or other snooty babes, those chicks are out for it. They want to rebel against their parents so bad. And what’s the best way to rebel? To find that little, rebellious slut buried deep inside of them… Well, that’ll make ‘em want something else buried deep in them.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. Then I heard him go on to say he was going to get into the business of being a professional “rebel fuck.”
“I should start a business dedicated to just that—fucking snooty chicks who want to rebel against their hoity toity upbringing. I could be a professional ‘rebel fuck’.” He said with smug satisfaction.
I couldn’t help but laugh. It was so ridiculous and he was the only person I knew that would come up with that kind nonsense.
“Dude, I’m serious,” Cal laughed, “It should be a real business. It can be your next big start-up! Imagine the tax write offs!”
I laughed, “Women aren't worth the trouble.”
“Now I can agree with you on something,” he said in a more serious tone, “They’re too damn flaky. If they’re like that in a real relationship how could we build solid clientele? Nah. Not worth it… That’s why I don’t even date and I’ll avoid relationships now that girls will look at me and just see dollar signs.”
“Everyone here has a bunch of dollar signs, so I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” I reminded him.
Cal snorted, “That’s true but I’m willin’ to bet we’ve got more Benjamin Franklins than pretty much anyone here.”
“Could be.”
“Probably is,” he shot back, “But, you know who I’m not gonna date here? Some chick with a stuck-up, snobby family? Some uppity girl who wants to change me or whatever? Nah. Why deal with that at all? There’s no point. Shouldn’t be that way and there’s no reason anyway. They’re flaky, I’m tellin’ you. That’s why you just gotta fuck their brains out and leave.”
I sighed and leaned back, wondering if Cal would ever have a real shot at hooking up with someone like Alice. And then I wondered what the new coffee girl thought of me.
Was she the type to even notice anybody at all?
It was already late evening when I finally finished my shift at the coffee house and made my way home. My condo was just on the outskirts of the town center, still walking distance, but at least a little removed from all the noise. I knew I wouldn't have been able to stand being right in the heart of things day in and day out.
I walked through the door and hung my purse and coat on the meticulously placed coat rack by the door before heading toward my bathroom with a purpose. Without fail, the first thing I did after getting home after work was to take a shower. I was convinced the smell of coffee would stay in my hair and seep through my pores if I didn’t go through this routine every time. Besides, it was always relaxing to feel the warm water on my back after being tense at work.
Even at that moment, I was diligent in my ways. I was far from the type to strip down and leave my clothes lying around to be picked up later. I removed every article of clothing one at a time and folded each piece neatly before putting it in the laundry basket I kept in the master bathroom. Of course, there was a separate laundry basket in my bedroom. Everything had its place and it needed to be there immediately. I finally got down to my bra and panties when I heard my phone ring.
I didn’t need to look at the screen to know it was my mother calling. I had set a unique ringtone for her because I liked being alerted in advance. I exhaled loudly before turning on the shower’s hot water knob to leave it running so the bathroom would be nicely steamed up when I came back. I grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand.
“Hello.”
“I've been calling you all day, where were you?!”
I peeled the phone away from my ear and lowered the volume. My mother wasn’t frantic, per-se, but she was speaking louder than usual. I rubbed my forehead and was already wondering if answering the call before my shower was a bad idea.
“Why was it so hard for me to get ahold of you?” It was obvious she was perturbed at the thought of her daughter ignoring her.
“Mom, I have a job,” I emphasized the last word. It was a not-so-gentle reminder to her that I didn’t come to Vail to spend my days skiing, socializing, and lounging around. “Remember, I work now,” I emphasized again as though my mom had never worked in her life.
She heaved a loud, dramatic sigh heavy with disapproval. I braced myself. I knew what was coming next. I found it quite preposterous to be lectured for wanting to be responsible, but that was what came with the package of having Jade Williams as a mother. I loved my mom, of course, but the two of us were so different and that was the reason behind the little rants she went on, like the one that was about to happen.
“Cassie,” she breathed, “Now I know you’re trying to figure out what you want to do in life, but Your father did not pay your way to Vail so you could go work your fingers to the bone in some shitty, corporate coffee shop!”
“Mom, you’ve never even seen-”
"I don't need to see the shop to know what it is, Cassie! I don't need to observe you while working to know you're being paid well below what you're worth, and all for menial labor! I seriously doubt this was what your father had in mind for you.”
“Is that so,” I mumbled, trying to focus on my boredom rather than my annoyance.
"Yes, that is so," she snapped. I straightened up and when she spoke again, it was soft, almost as if she had seen my reaction. "Darling, he didn’t send you to Vail so you could get a job like this. He sent you there so you could experience life! Then you can come back here and decide what career you want to do.” I clenched my jaw. I hated when she reminded me of my problems. I knew my anal retentiveness was off the charts, but I was also indecisive. “You should be out there enjoying yourself! Explore the city and its people and, most importantly, yourself!”
“Explore myself, huh?”
I knew it was pointless to tell her that this was what I wanted. I knew my dad would have understood. Maybe he wouldn’t have been entirely pleased with every one of my choices, but he would, in the very least, have tried to comprehend what I was doing there. He would have seen my point of view and he’d know this was my way of exploring myself. That was what starting to build a life was about, right?
“Yes, darling. You know, it is so important to explore yourself and that’s something that should never stop but… Well, you are at the prime age to do it! And you have everything you could ask for, so why not get out there and go for it?”
“Mom, I am. It’s just not how you-”
“Oh, no. You don’t get to lecture me this time about how you’re just so different. Listen, young lady, I know what I'm saying. Don't forget I did my own exploring when I was your age and it did not involve being a shut-in hermit!"
"I'm not a shut-in Hermit!"
“Oh, no, of course not! You got to work and you ski on weekends!” My mom paused for dramatic effect before prattling on, “You need to explore yourself and that doesn’t mean just finding new hobbies and making friends. It means so much more. You’ve got to know and play with every nook and cranny of your being, my sweet! And, oh yes, I did quite a bit of exploration back in my day. I even explored things with myself when I met the most enchanting young lady named Janine. That was before I met your father, of course.”
“Oh, mom, gross!”
She laughed, “Darling, is the act of it gross? Truly?”
“No,” I shut her down, “My mom inappropriately telling me about her experimentation is gross.”
She laughed, “Oh, darling, you’ve got to learn to loosen up! Life is for you to enjoy and you won’t be able to do that if you’re always wound so tightly!”
I peeled the phone away from my face and placed my hand over my mouth to muffle a sigh. The only way to get my mom off the phone was to either change the subject or stop objecting.
“Okay,” I said, trying to sound as convincing as possible, “Okay, mom. I’m going to shower now.”
“All right, darling. You think long and hard about everything while you’re in there!”
“Of course,” I mumbled.
I was going to think long and hard about things, only those thoughts weren’t going to be along the track my mother had hoped. I set the phone back down on the nightstand and got into the shower after weaving my way through the thick steam that built up in the bathroom. I extended a finger and hovered, just for a moment, over the glass door. There was an urge deep inside me to draw a little heart or a face. I curled my fingers into a loose fist and shook my head.
It was a senseless thing to do.
I stepped into the shower and shut my eyes, feeling the warm water run over my body. I hoped it would wash away the nonsense of the day. Unfortunately, the quiet and solitude of the shower didn’t allow me to shake my mother’s words. It was far from the first time I received a lecture like that, but it was the first time I heard about my mother’s… ‘experimentation’. I felt uncomfortable about the details she so willingly divulged just to get her point across.
Was my effort to be a responsible young adult, even if it was by working at some ‘shitty corporate coffee shop’, so awful? It couldn’t be. I refused to buy into that. I knew I hadn’t figured out what I wanted to do in life, but whatever it was, I wanted to be professional about it. I knew that much.
Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that her words stirred up in me. It was rare but, every once in a while, her little lectures sparked a thought or two. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was worried that maybe, just maybe, I really was missing out on something in life.
“Not trying out a lesbian relationship,” I clarified to myself with a laugh. It wasn’t that I had anything against it, but it wasn’t for me; neither was hearing about my mom’s sex-capades, whether they included my father or some brief romantic lover in her past. But I did wonder if perhaps there was more to life than work and skiing on weekends.
I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and sighed before shutting off the showerhead. I stood quietly for a while until the steam started to dissipate. After drying off I paused at the door of the bathroom. It was dinner time, but I wasn’t all that hungry. I had grabbed a Panini at the coffee shop before coming home. The conversation with my mom followed by the long, hot shower had drained every ounce of energy I had left.
So, instead, I slipped into my panties and one of my perfectly pressed long t-shirts I wore to sleep. Then I slid under the covers of my immaculately made bed after placing the decorative pillows in their basket. I breathed out and turned on the television. At least some mindless TV show might drown out the noise of my thoughts.
As I flipped through the channels, I paused on the show, “Survivor.” Everyone on the screen was laughing. They were all happy and having fun after a successful challenge. I felt a brief satisfaction as if the show were backing up my thoughts on life.
After completing something I needed to do, I could be just as happy as them… But what was that something?
“Ugh, dammit, mom,” I exhaled bitterly.
I hated when her little rants somehow wormed their way inside my mind and stuck like glue. I was perfectly fine. A no-nonsense life was a good and respectable life. Just then the show flashed to an evening scene where two people had snuggled up next to each other in the shelter. It didn’t bother them that all the others were around. The two of them were obviously getting up close and personal in their budding romance.
Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself fantasizing that the two castaways were Hunter, “Hugh Jorgan”, from the coffee shop and myself. My eyes closed and, in my fantasy, his ‘organ’ really was huge. I let out a little moan and stretched as I imagined slowly sliding my hand down his stomach to stroke him.
I was running my hand over my own stomach to slip it into my panties. My body gave a small tremble when my fingers grazed over myself. I feathered my fingers through his hair at the same time I grabbed his thick shaft and give it a stroke. I moaned a little louder as I pressed my palm against myself. I thought of touching him and making him groan in pleasure, making him feel as good as I was feeling.
My heavy breath and moaning completely drowned out the noise of the television—and of my thoughts.
It was a rare, slow day at the coffee shop. That meant I had to listen to more of Alice’s ramblings with further inappropriate questions. I looked out the front window, almost longingly, as if willing a hoard of customers to storm the place.
“I wonder if Hunter will come in again today,” Alice whispered with a glint in her eye.
I looked at my co-worker with flushed cheeks. Alice smirked, but I wasn’t going to even hint at what I did last night. I couldn’t believe I actually fantasized about him.
“Oh,” Alice said with a smirk. She leaned in closer, “Told you there was no way you weren’t interested in such fine ass man like him.”
“He is not what I would call a fine man,” I shot back.
I knew exactly what Alice meant, but I was determined to stick to my guns. In my book, a "fine man" was a decent, hard-working young man with morals and respect. I didn't think of a man being "fine" the way Alice did, which I decided was synonymous with ‘I'd fuck him’. I wondered if she really did have such a thriving life in that department or if it was just a desperate fantasy from growing up in a place like Vail.
“Oh, please,” Alice grumbled. She leaned back against the wall. Her hair, all tight and springy curls, smashed into it. “I can’t believe that out of all the people outside of this stuck-up hellhole I got someone so… Closed-minded as a co-worker.”
“I am not closed-minded!”
“Oh, you’re not? Okay, then, why don’t you tell me once and for all what life is really like on the other side of the tracks?”
I let out a long sigh and rolled my eyes, “I don’t know what it means here in Vail, but the expression ‘life on the other side of the tracks’ is not a good thing anywhere else. It’s not something you want to know about. That is usually an expression reserved for people like prostitutes, thieves, and drugies." I paused and turned to look into Alice's gray eyes. "Look, life in Boone, North Carolina is more like life in the slow lane than anything else.”
She heaved a breath, her deep caramel skin tone shining as the light from the window caught it. "You've just got to have some juicy stories, Cass. Somewhere, at some point in time, something had to have happened. It's not like you grew up in boring Vail!"
Just then, a smirking blond guy walked up to the counter. I instantly recognized him as Hunter’s friend. I nonchalantly looked around for Hunter, but he was nowhere to be seen.
“If you're looking for something juicy, I've got it for you…” he told Alice with a goofy grin.
I watched her scrunch up her face and respond with a forceful, “yea, no.”
He shrugged it off, “Your loss, but I doubt Miss Priss here has anything better for you to sink your teeth into.”
That was when I saw Hunter get up from the bar by the coffee shop window. I didn’t know how I never notice them before. Sure, he was wearing a beanie and turned the other way, but his tall muscular frame was still recognizable. He walked over to the counter. His eyes were trained on me even as he asked his friend, “Cal, are you harassing the staff?”
Cal shrugged and gave Alice another smirk before turning to Hunter and stepping away from the counter. I couldn’t figure out if Hunter really was trying to ree
l his friend in or if he was trying to make some sort of impression. I cleared my throat and looked away toward the front door. Even as I made sure not to look at him, I wondered how long he had been there. Neither I, nor Alice rang them up, so that meant they had to have come in during the opening shift. It didn’t matter. I chastised myself for thinking about it so much.
“Oh, crap. I’m late,” Cal said as he looked at his watch.
“Late?”
“Yeah,” he smiled, “I’m going to watch a movie. Look, NotCat is on a REAL leash in the alleyway just outside. He had to go to the bathroom.”
“Never going to let that go, are you?”
"Would you? A bunch of uptight, rich people who make a fuss about an old, half-blind dog not being on a damn leash. Or as they like to put it— ‘restrained’."
“He seemed just fine-” Hunter started.
“NotCat doesn’t really have a choice, now does he?”
“A choice? Cal,” he chuckled, “It’s not like he even knows what-”
“Oh, just shut it. I like and trust him. I hate that these people made me put him on a leash. Accept it.”
“I think you’re the one who needs to do some acceptance about your dog actually being on a leash for once.”
“It’s not just once. It’s for the rest of his days.” Cal looked up to the ceiling as if he were reminiscing long lost memories.
Hunter rolled his eyes, “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“I’m not being dramatic! Anyway,” Cal pressed him impatiently, “Just be careful with him, okay? He’s been slipping out of the collar.”
“All right, all right. Go to your movie and don’t worry. I’ll take care of him.”
Right after Cal left the shop, Hunter turned to ask for a refill in a to-go cup. He smiled, seeing that Alice and I had watched the entire exchange about the dog. I expected Alice to ring him up since she was so infatuated with him, but she didn’t.
“Oh! Oh my gosh, the muffins! In the oven! I’ve got to…” Alice said suddenly before rushing into the kitchen and completely out of sight.
Mocha Me Crazy Page 2