For years, I dreamt of what it would be like to see her again. I played her voice over and over in my mind when I was out on a mission or when training became too monotonous. It kept me calm, centered. My memories of here were my anchor. Now, when I was finally getting the chance to be with her, she couldn’t even bother to look at me.
Rage filled my body and I felt my face flush red. I told myself to stay calm, that she was just hurt after the way things ended between us. To me, we’d ended with a possibility for a relationship again in the future. To Piper, it must have felt completely different.
Still, my disappointment got the better of me. The longer we walked without Piper sparing me a glance, the angrier I became.
“I don’t mean anything to you? Clearly. You couldn’t even call? Pick up the phone after all these years? After all the letters I wrote you?”
“No. And I never should have come back.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“So, I could keep avoiding all of this! You trying to pull me back in. Make me your girl again. I am not your girl Logan, and I never will be.”
“We’ll see about that.”
The words left my mouth before I realized what I was saying. She brought out the best and worst sides of me. My long-suppressed cockiness reared its ugly head again. In that moment, I knew it had been a mistake to let those words slip out, but I didn’t regret them. Not then and not later. Finally, Piper came to a full stop and turned to face me head on.
“What did you just say?” Her eyes were narrowed dangerously.
“I said you’ll be mine again, Piper,” I said.
“That’s not going to happen Logan,” she snapped.
“You’ve been wrong before.” I spat back at her before walking away.
Piper was my new mission, and this time, I wouldn’t fail.
Twelve
Piper
“Ian, I have been dreaming about these scones for so long,” I said into my phone. “You have no idea how amazing these things are.”
“Bring me back a few,” he suggested.
“Oh, I’m bringing back a dozen,” I assured him.
“That’s the fatty I know and love,” he teased.
“Watch it,” I warned. “You know I can fire you.”
“You know you never would,” he said with confidence. I rolled my eyes and stepped further forward as the line at Angie’s began to move.
After my encounter with Logan the day before, I needed an Angie’s fix to get my day started. I woke up feeling younger than I’d felt in years. Just one conversation with Logan and I was back to my old self again. Vulnerable. Exposed. I hated my old self.
“How was the funeral?” Ian asked, snapping me back to reality.
“It was… fine,” I said with a shake of my head. I tried to clear my thoughts, but images of Logan were flooding my mind. I saw his smiling face the night he told me about the SEALs. I saw him flush with rage just a few hours before. His dark eyes looked angrier than I’d ever seen them.
“Uh oh,” Ian said.
“What?”
“I know what that means,” he said.
“You do?” I asked with a small chuckle. “And what does it mean?”
“It means you ran into that old flame of yours. Leo? Logan? Something like that.”
I sighed deeply and looked up at the ceiling. I would never know how Ian did it, but he could always hone in on the one thing I didn’t want to talk about. He had a sixth sense for things like that.
“What old flame?” I asked evasively. Ian snorted on the other end of the phone and I knew he didn’t buy it.
“Talk to Ian sweetie,” he said, putting on his therapist voice. “Come on. Tell me everything.”
“Ugh,” I said. “Ian, there really isn’t much to tell. I saw him. Logan. I ran away. He found me. We talked. He ran away. The end.”
“That is so not the end,” Ian criticized. “You saw him. Logan. For the first time in years and that’s all you have to say about it. Please.”
“Don’t push this, okay?” I begged.
“Piper, I only do this because I love you,” Ian reminded me.
“I know you do, but…”
“And because I love you,” he interrupted. “It is my job to help you deal with these things. I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me about it.”
“What makes you think I need help dealing with it?” I demanded.
“Honey, we both know you can’t be trusted to do this on your own.”
“Okay,” I said. “Fine.”
“Thank you.”
“Well,” I began, moving a step forward in line. “He came to my uncle’s wake. He just walked right in wearing a black suit and…”
“How did he look?” Ian asked.
“Handsome,” I said. Even I knew that was an understatement. “Amazing, actually.”
“Swoon,” Ian cooed. “Continue.”
“He walked in. We made eye contact and I bolted. I just ran out of there as fast as I could. I didn’t stop running until I made it two streets over.”
“Why?” Ian asked. His tone suggested I was certifiably insane.
“Because I’m chicken shit. I couldn’t face him,” I explained. “Not after everything.”
“But you said you talked?” Ian asked. “Did he follow you? Oh my god, did he run after you? Because that would just melt my heart.”
“No, he didn’t follow me,” I scoffed. “That’s not Logan’s style.”
“Maybe it wasn’t five years ago, but you don’t know what his style is now.”
“I guess that’s true,” I shrugged. “But, in any case, he didn’t follow me. I went back to the pub and found my mom. Everyone else was gone, so I decided to walk home. Logan found me in the town square.”
“What did he say?” Ian demanded.
“Nothing important,” I said, rolling my eyes again. “This isn’t a love story, Ian. You aren’t going to be able to live vicariously through me on this one.”
“I refuse to believe that,” Ian said dismissively. I could almost see him waving his hand impatiently. “What did he say?”
“He said he was sorry for my loss, that it was good to see me, that I looked beautiful… that kind of thing.”
“Swoon!” Ian said again.
“Don’t do that!” I snapped. “He didn’t mean it. He was just playing into some script in his head that he’s been carrying around. Logan left me, remember?”
“And then he came back,” Ian said.
“No, I came back and I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t.”
I sighed deeply and moved another step forward. It was almost my turn to order. I was ready to get off the phone with Ian, but I knew he wasn’t done talking.
“Piper,” Ian said. “Listen to me, okay? Don’t let this become one of those things you don’t deal with.”
“What do you mean?” I demanded.
“You hide,” he said bluntly. “It’s what you do when things get rough. You run. You hide. You avoid. You, Piper Prewitt, are an avoider.”
“I am not,” I argued.
“You are,” Ian insisted. “And that’s okay, because I get it. You’ve had to stay strong any way you could, but maybe it’s time to let your guard down.”
“With Logan?” I asked.
“Yes, with Logan,” Ian hissed. “Are you telling me you don’t have any questions for him? That you haven’t thought about him once over the past five years?”
“Of course, I have,” I said. “But…”
“But nothing,” he said quickly. “This is your chance, Piper. All the unanswered questions you have, go get answers for them. And please, this time, don’t be mean to him.”
“How do you know I was mean?”
“Weren’t you?”
I paused, not wanting to admit he was right. I sighed and closed my eyes for a fraction of a second.
“Ian,” I said weakly. “I was a total immature bitch.”
“I know,” he said.
“Next time you see him, be nice. Just talk to him. See what happens.”
“And you’re sure that won’t open doors that are better left locked?”
“It might,” he admitted. “But how will you know if you never take the chance to find out?”
“You’re annoying,” I told him.
“Don’t I know it,” he laughed.
“I gotta go,” I told him. “I’m next in line.”
“Don’t forget my scones,” he said. “Talk soon. Love ya.”
He hung up right as I stepped up to the counter. I glanced at the display case beside me and my mouth immediately began to water.
“I’ll have one lemon scone and one apple raisin, please,” I ordered with a smile.
“We haven’t seen you around lately,” Angie said. “How have you been, Piper?”
“I’ve been good,” I said. “Busy with work and things, but good.”
“That’s nice to hear,” Angie nodded. She smiled kindly at me and I remembered why I loved her place. Everything here felt so homey and comfortable. The smell of vanilla and cinnamon was so strong you could smell it down the street. I loved it. “That’ll be $4.95.”
“Okay,” I said, reaching my hand into my purse. I groped around for my wallet, but couldn’t find it. I wrenched the purse wide open and peered inside, but my wallet was nowhere to be found. I slapped my hand to my forehead as I realized I had left it in my parents’ kitchen. I was in such a hurry to leave the house that I hadn’t grabbed it.
“Piper?” Angie asked.
“I’m so sorry, Angie,” I sputtered. “I must have left my wallet at home…”
“I got it,” a voice said from behind me. I spun around to see Logan stepping out of line and making his way toward me. “Add a small coffee to that, please Angie.”
“You got it,” Angie smiled.
Logan laid a ten-dollar bill on the counter and waved away his change. He picked up his coffee and my scones, leading the way outside. When we stepped onto the sidewalk I realized I was blushing with embarrassment.
“Thank you,” I said with sincerity. “Really, I appreciate it.”
“Hey,” he said. He handed me my bag of scones. Our hands brushed when I took it from him. I blushed deeper. “You helped me bypass the line. Technically, I owe you.”
“If you say so,” I laughed.
“You’re laughing,” he pointed out. “I guess that means you don’t hate me as much today.”
“I’m sorry about yesterday, Logan,” I said softly. “You just… you took me by surprise. I didn’t think I would see you again. Ever. I just wasn’t ready.”
“It’s okay,” Logan shrugged. “I probably deserved at least some hostility from you.”
“Well yeah,” I smiled. “Just a smidge.”
Logan laughed and glanced nervously around. He shifted his feet from side to side and tucked his free hand inside his pocket. When our eyes met again, I saw a glimpse of the man I used to know. His dark eyes were deep with unspoken emotion. I couldn’t bring myself to look away.
“Listen,” he said. “Piper… I…”
“Do you want to sit down somewhere?” I asked quickly. “To talk? You know, catch up a little bit?”
Logan’s smile was one of relief.
“I would love that,” he said. He gestured toward the benches across the street. I led the way, my scones gripped tightly in my shaking hands. I was more nervous than I’d ever been.
When we slid onto the bench, Logan took a sip of his coffee and pulled out my lemon scone. I took a bite to avoid talking too quickly.
After a few minutes, I knew it was time to break the silence.
“So,” I said. “Tell me everything.”
Thirteen
Logan
I didn’t expect to see her again so soon, but there she was. Standing at the counter with flushed cheeks. She was searching frantically in her purse for her wallet. She mumbled something to Angie and I moved forward without thinking. The next thing I knew, she was apologizing for being rude the day before. She was explaining herself and asking me to sit down and talk with her. I couldn’t believe how quickly things changed between us. Not even twenty-four hours before she couldn’t wait to get away from me.
“Tell me everything,” she said as we sat down together. I sipped my coffee and she nibbled her scone. I could tell she was nervous.
“Honestly,” I said. “I’d love to, but I really want to hear about you first. What’s your life like in New York?”
Piper hesitated for a fraction of a second. She glanced nervously at my face with a shy smile before launching into her story.
“It’s amazing,” she said with a wide smile. “When I passed the bar, I didn’t expect to be hired anytime soon. I thought I would have to wait months or even years before a decent firm picked me up, but it wasn’t even a week. Smith and Tucker called me in on a Monday. They interviewed me. Then, offered me the position the next day. It felt like a dream, Logan. Sometimes I still can’t believe it actually happened. I sit in my office in awe that I actually ended up there. Who would have thought, you know? No matter how much I dreamt of it, I don’t think I ever believed I would make it out of Bradberry.”
“I always knew you would. You were made for something more. I’m proud of you, Piper,” I said and I meant it more than anything. “You’re doing exactly what you’ve always wanted to do. That’s amazing. Plus, I bet life in New York City is pretty exciting.”
Piper laughed, “Not exactly.”
“No?” I asked.
“No,” Piper shook her. “When I’m not working, I’m at home. I don’t get out much.”
“That’s surprising,” I said. “I figured you would be dating at least.”
“I do,” she nodded. “A little.”
“Nothing serious?” I asked.
“Not since you,” Piper admitted. Good, I thought. I didn’t think I could take it if she’d found someone new. She stared down at the scone in her hand and we fell into an awkward silence. A stray curl fell into her face and I had to fight the urge to brush it aside. She was still so damn beautiful.
“What else has been going on?” I pressed. “Any new friends in the city?”
“Just my assistant, Ian,” Piper said. “He’s my best friend.”
“You have an assistant,” I laughed. “Fancy pants.”
“It’s not as exciting as it sounds,” Piper promised. “He’s more like an annoying little brother than anything.”
“Sounds like fun,” I said.
“It really is,” Piper nodded. “As cliché as it sounds, I’m really happy. I love my life.”
“That’s wonderful, Piper.” I was smiling like an idiot, but I couldn’t help it. Just sitting with her made me feel at ease. I could feel the tension leave my shoulders for the first time in months. I could have sat there with her all day and never once been bored.
“Your turn,” Piper said suddenly. I took a sip of my coffee and hesitated. There were so many things I wanted her to know, but even more that I didn’t. She was finally speaking to me. We were catching up. She seemed to hate me less. I didn’t want to ruin that by revealing my shortcomings.
Fourteen
Logan
“There’s not much to tell,” I said with a shrug. “I’ve been working. I retired a few months ago.”
“You did?” Piper asked. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Why?”
“There was a mission,” I began slowly. “Some things happened that shouldn’t have and my team was pretty messed up about it. We tried to stick it out, but in the end, we just weren’t the same men anymore. I was discharged honorably four months ago.”
“How was it?” Piper asked. “Before that? I mean, you spent your entire life waiting to be a SEAL. What was it like?”
“It was…” I searched for the right words. “Complicated, I guess. Complicated is the best way to describe it.”
“Tell me about it,” Piper pressed. “Please.”
&
nbsp; “There are things I can’t really talk about,” I told her softly. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just…”
“You’re still dealing with it all,” she said with a nod. “I understand.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Thank you. It’s not easy. Coming back here and trying to adjust to civilian life. It was only five years, but after all the missions and training, I’m not the same person. I left a lot of myself behind when I left for Coronado and a lot more behind when I left the SEALs. I’m just trying to figure out where my place is now.”
“That makes sense,” Piper said with sympathy. “It seems like you’re doing really well though.”
“I’m trying,” I admitted. “I’m really trying. Sometimes, it’s still hard to overcome the darkness, but it’ll get easier.”
“It will,” Piper assured me. “I can’t possibly understand everything you went through, but I do know a little bit about who you are. I know you’re strong enough to find your way back. However long it takes.”
“In the beginning, it was perfect,” I told her. “It was everything I always thought it would be. I fell into a rhythm with my team almost immediately. We were seamless. Every mission we went on was a success. Even the ones that weren’t, we still all made it out in one piece. Things only went south at the very end. I loved it until then. That last mission… I don’t know if I’ll ever get past it.”
Piper reached over and took my hand. I could tell it was an instinct, something she did without thinking. When she realized what she’d done, she cleared her throat and tried to pull her hand away. I held onto it tightly.
“Piper,” I began. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” she asked.
“The way I left,” I said quickly. “I never took the time to realize how that made you feel. I was just so excited to finally be a SEAL that it made me selfish. I just assumed you would understand and that was wrong of me. I thought you knew how I felt about you, but I was wrong. I never meant for that to be the end for us. I should have told you that back then. I’m so sorry I didn’t.”
“It’s okay,” Piper said weakly. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s been so long. It’s all in the past.”
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