He wasn’t there.
Still, it was a nice change to visit the cemetery and not have to support my sobbing mom back to the car. She didn’t shed a single tear. She was just quiet through the whole thing.
Something had clicked inside of her a few months ago. I could tell the difference immediately. She still felt his loss in her soul, but it no longer crippled her daily life. She finally found a sense of peace.
I was happy for her, I really was. I just would have been happier if we could stop our yearly visits all together. For me, it never got easier to look at his name on that headstone.
Anderson Wyatt Murphy
It was bold and large. Because he was one of the newer residents in the Bradberry cemetery, his headstone stood out among the rest. While others were beginning to fade, his name could be read from fifty yards away.
Every time I laid eyes on it, I was forced to remember him in ways I didn’t want to. I could still see the coffin they unloaded off that plane. There was an American flag laid across it. My mom still had that flag, folded tightly in a memory box in her bedroom.
He died in combat, thousands of miles away from home. Mom and I didn’t get to say goodbye. He was just gone. It almost killed us both, but while my mom retreated into herself for years after, I did the opposite.
At the time of my father’s death, I was pre-med. I had almost finished my Bachelor’s degree and I was getting ready to take the MCAT. Medical school was right around the corner, but all of that changed when my dad died. My entire life plan was thrown out the window and I knew there was only one thing I could do.
Enlist.
I joined the Army as a medic and spent four years serving my country. It was the best and worst four years of my life.
I flew around the world.
I helped people.
I saved lives.
But I was also reminded every day that no one was around to save my dad. If I had been a medic back then, would I have been able to keep him alive? If I had been there, if I had gotten to him fast enough, would he still be here?
Four years in the Army didn’t do anything to squash those thoughts.
When my time was up, I moved back home and tried to reemerge myself in the Bradberry way of life, but it was no use. I was no longer the same person who left Bradberry four years earlier. I was now the guy who came home twice a year to see my mom through the difficult days: the anniversary of my father’s death and Christmas. Other than that, I managed to stay far away from the small town I used to call home.
By the time November third rolled around again, I had been home for six months. I took my mom to the cemetery to honor my father’s five years in the ground and then we went home.
She barely spoke two words to me on the way home. When we walked through the front door, she went straight to the kitchen and sat down at the table.
I followed her, sure that she wanted me to. I sat beside her and looked at her gently. Despite my lack of patience with our annual visits, I knew my mom was fragile and that it was my job to take care of her. With my dad gone, I was the only person she had left.
“This came in the mail for you,” my mom said with a faint smile. She pushed a thin envelope across the table toward me. “I didn’t know you applied again.”
I looked down at the envelope and saw the UConn School of Medicine symbol on the top left-hand corner. My heart skipped a beat as I looked back at my mom. She was right, I hadn’t told her I applied to medical school for the second time. I wasn’t sure how she would take the news of me leaving again, but when I saw her face, she was smiling at me.
“I was going to tell you,” I said. “I just…”
I trailed off and a small silence reigned until she broke it.
“It’s okay,” she said. “Just open it.”
“Okay.” I nodded and took a deep breath. Sliding my finger under the lip of the envelope, I felt like my entire life was either about to begin or end. I didn’t know which, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to find out.
When I tore open the envelope I automatically reached inside and grabbed the piece of paper. It was just one piece, small and folded in three. I unfolded it and laid it flat on the table, my eyes scanning the words quickly.
It took a few seconds for me to process what I read.
Dear Mr. Murphy,
Thank you for your application, we are happy to inform you…
Once I did, I looked at my mom with a wide smile and nodded silently.
Mom squealed and jumped to her feet. She ran around the table and threw her arms around me.
“Oh honey!” she cried. “I’m so proud of you! You’re going to be a doctor!”
“I guess it’s official now,” I said softly. “I’m going to med school.”
My mom squealed with delight and let go of my neck. She smoothed down my hair and looked at me with her eyes full of tears. She hadn’t cried at the cemetery that day, but seeing my acceptance letter to medical school was enough to send her over the edge. The tears spilled down her cheeks and she closed her eyes for a minute. With her hand to her chest, she breathed slowly and I knew exactly what she was thinking.
“He would be so proud of you,” she said as she opened her eyes again. I didn’t want to talk about my father in that moment, I just wanted to be happy.
“Thanks,” I said shortly, looking away from her. I focused my attention on the letter and smiled.
“When do classes start?” My mom asked. “Does it say?”
“No,” I shook my head. “They’re sending a larger package in the next few days with all the details. It’ll have the course catalogue and the dates of when I can sign up for classes online.”
“Oh, this is just so exciting!” she said. “We’re going to have a real doctor in the family!”
I smiled and watched her excitement build. She raced around the kitchen, grabbing her cellphone. I knew she couldn’t resist calling all the neighbors and filling them in on the good news. In a town like Bradberry, everybody knew everyone’s business the minute it happened. I was surprised she waited a whole ten minutes before sending up the flare.
I knew she was just proud of me and that she wanted to brag, but it was still slightly embarrassing. After all, when I enlisted in the Army, she didn’t rush out to tell all her friends. She didn’t really do anything but stare at me blankly while I repeated myself twelve times.
When she finally registered my words, she was overcome with so much emotion that she didn’t speak to me for a week. It wasn’t until my last day at home that she hugged me and told me that she understood. She whispered that she loved me and that was it. I walked out the door and we never discussed my decision again.
Now that I was home and safe, her bragging abilities were back in full swing. I sat at the kitchen table and listened while she made phone call after phone call. She never stayed on the phone too long, always ending it with, “Well, I gotta go! I’ve got more people to call, but I wanted you to know! We’re just so happy over here!”
Then would she hang up and immediately dial the next number.
By the fourth call, I hoped she would run out of numbers soon. I knew that was wishful thinking though. She would be on the phone all afternoon.
With a small wave, I walked out onto the front porch, my acceptance letter in hand. I sat down on the porch swing and reread the letter three more times. I wanted to make the words sink in. This had been my dream for as long as I could remember.
My mind drifted to the past and the memories swirled around my head.
When I started college, going pre-med was the only option. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor and my time in the Army only served to solidify that wish. As a medic, I learned more than four years in a classroom could ever teach me.
I knew I was ready for whatever was thrown at me.
As I imagined what medical school would be like, I thought back to my undergrad years. It felt like a different life, those four years at the local college. Almost everyo
ne from Bradberry went there, if they even went to college at all. I never considered going somewhere else. I graduated high school and enrolled in pre-med classes the very next week.
I loved college. I was fucking great at it. I studied hard and partied harder. I could outdrink most of the football team and they all loved to see me do it. Most of the kids there had known each other since elementary school, so we all got along well.
There were only a few people I didn’t automatically know on sight, and Hailey was one of them.
Hailey Clarke drew my attention the very first time I laid eyes on her. We were in a Biology class and I sat down beside her. It was her major and a requirement for mine, so we both took the class more seriously than most. We quickly became study partners, then friends, then more.
I could still picture the small bird tattoo she had on her shoulder. Whenever I thought about it, I remembered what it felt like to kiss that spot.
As I held onto my acceptance letter, Hailey drifted in and out of my mind. We were together when my father passed and everything changed. I left for the Army and I moved on, but Hailey always found a way to pop back in my head from time to time. When I was overseas on a long night, I would picture her face. The next morning would arrive and I would be ready to face the day. Hailey was my secret good luck charm, the little memory I carried around in my pocket and pulled out whenever I needed it.
I reread the letter for a fourth time and sighed. As I folded it up, I immediately thought about telling Hailey. Even after years of silence, I knew she would be happy for me. Hailey was the one who helped me study for the MCAT. She pulled more all-nighters for me than she did for herself.
I thought about calling her, but I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t even know where she was now.
Or if she wanted to hear from me.
We didn’t part on good terms and it was all my fault.
I decided not to dwell on that fact and how much it fucking hurt to let her go.
I let thoughts of how we met consume me instead.
Chapter Two: Wyatt
It was the first day of Biology.
I needed to get a great seat. This class was my first prerequisite for all my pre-med classes and I couldn’t afford to fuck it up. I knew I was smart - I always had been - but I also knew pre-med classes were no joke. As much as I acted to the contrary, I knew I wouldn’t be able to skate through college the way I did high school.
I walked into the classroom fifteen minutes early and took a seat in the front row. We were in the lab that first day, so I took the lab table closest to the window, which would also put me closest to the professor. Slacking off wouldn’t be an option.
As the minutes ticked by, no one walked through the door. I sat alone in the classroom for a full ten minutes before the door finally opened.
A small girl with short brown hair walked inside. She let the door slam behind her while she scanned the room. Her eyes fell on mine and she looked at the lab table where I was sitting. I could tell she wanted to sit there, too, but she felt awkward with us being the only two people in the room.
I lifted my arm and waved her over with a smile. She was cute, she could definitely sit with me. She hesitated for a second before she shrugged and walked over to join me. She smiled shyly and set her bag down on the table before she climbed onto the empty stool.
“Thanks,” she said softly. “I like to be close to the teachers. Or, professors.”
“I had the same idea,” I said with a nod. “Back in high school, I didn’t care because I could basically get A’s without lifting a finger, but I have a feeling college will be different.”
“Is this your first class?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m pre-med. You?”
“I had an English class this morning,” she said. “But this is my first class for my major.”
“What’s your major?” I asked, hoping she would say pre-med.
“Biology,” she said simply.
“Well,” I laughed. “I guess Bio 101 is a pretty good choice then.”
“Yeah,” she laughed back. “Kind of didn’t have a choice.”
I nodded and tried to think of something witty to say.
She was cute in a shy, nerdy kind of way. Her glasses were thick with black rims and every time she looked down at the table her hair fell into her face. When she looked at me, I saw that her eyes were grey with a hint of blue. She was pretty, but not in an obvious sort of way. She looked smarter than any girl I had ever dated.
Back in high school, I was good at everything. I had girlfriends. I played sports. I got straight A’s. Everyone loved me.
It wasn’t cocky to say so, because it was true. I tried not to let it go to my head. I didn’t want to be arrogant, but I also couldn’t deny what was right in front of me. I was good looking, smart, and athletic. Girls were attracted me. It was just a fact.
“I’m Wyatt,” I said, realizing I hadn’t yet introduced myself. “Wyatt Murphy.”
“I know,” Hailey chuckled. “We went to high school together.”
“We did?” I asked. My cheeks felt a little warm, but I covered quickly. I laughed and said, “Are you sure? I feel like I would remember you if we had.”
“Probably not,” she shook her head. “I wasn’t popular. I sat in the back of the class and only had a couple friends. My name’s Hailey. Hailey Clarke.”
“Clarke?” I asked with a frown. The name didn’t ring any bells. I could tell Hailey was amused by me, but she was kind enough to not say so.
I was failing. I never failed with girls. This was new and I didn’t like it.
“It’s fine,” she said. “I don’t expect you to remember me. You were on the football team, I was in the stands on a Friday night. We didn’t exactly run with the same crowd.”
“Yeah, but this is Bradberry,” I laughed. “Everyone knows everyone.”
“Apparently not,” Hailey shrugged.
I watched while she got out her notebook and popped the top off a pen. She wrote the date in the top right-hand corner of the paper and titled the page “Bio 101 Notes – Day 1.”
I smiled to myself while I watched her meticulous writing. She was careful to keep her handwriting neat. Her “y” was curled slightly in a girly way and I couldn’t help but think it was adorable.
“You really are a nerd, huh?” I teased. She looked at me with wide eyes and I gestured toward her notebook.
“I guess,” she said. “I just want to do well.”
I felt slightly chagrined at my teasing when her earnest and completely innocent gaze met mine. My attempt at flirting had obviously fallen flat. Hailey had only just sat down and already, she was throwing me off my game. She seemed completely oblivious to my efforts. A rarity for me.
I wasn’t usually so awkward with the opposite sex. I was that guy who always knew what to say to get them eating out of my hand. And to get them in my bed.
Hailey looked back down and her hair fell over her face again.
I wondered at the strange urge to push it behind her ear. Her hand, tipped with delicate looking fingers, smoothed the wayward strands back into place. It was an absentminded action, I could tell.
She began drawing in the corner of one page of her notebook. She seemed to forget I was in the room with her.
Another rarity for me. I never had to work this hard to keep a girl’s attention on me before.
I didn’t think too hard on why I wanted her attention on me.
“So,” I said, trying something different. I leaned a little closer to her and let the teasing tone fall out of my voice in favor of a more straightforward one. “Why Biology?”
“Huh?” Hailey asked, looking up at me, confirming my suspicion that my presence wasn’t affecting her in the least.
Her grey eyes shone from behind her glasses and I couldn’t believe I had never noticed her before.
“Why did you choose Biology for your major?” I tried again.
Hailey shrugged and looked
back down at her notebook.
She clearly wasn’t interested in having a conversation with me. I watched her for a few seconds, waiting for her to speak, but she didn’t. She doodled in her notebook, completely unaware that I was still sitting beside her.
“I’m glad we got here early,” I said as more students starting filing in. I waved and high-fived a few of the guys I knew from high school. “We wouldn’t have this lab table if we were late.”
“True,” Hailey nodded. “I would hate to sit in the back.”
“Didn’t you say you always sat in the back in high school?” I asked
“I did,” Hailey said. “But this is college. It’s different, so I have to be different.”
That was all the explanation she gave. She put down her pen when the professor walked in, her full attention focused on him instantly.
I admired her focus, but I was daunted by her lack of interest in me. Hailey sat down beside me immediately, but after fifteen minutes of flirting – if my fumbling attempt could be called that - she barely glanced in my direction. I guess I wasn’t her type. Damn.
The professor launched into the syllabus quickly. His teaching assistant handed them around while he explained each section briefly.
“I’m a stickler for punctuality,” he warned. “So, if you’re late to class, don’t bother showing up at all. I won’t let you in. And remember, all assignments are due on the date the syllabus states. If you’re worried, then have them completed a few days ahead of time. That way, if an emergency arises, you already have the work done.”
I listened with raised eyebrows. Was he serious? He wouldn’t allow late assignments?
I exhaled slowly and glanced at Hailey to see what she thought. She stared at the professor with wide eyes and scribbled down notes while he spoke. She meant what she said, she was going to take this class seriously.
I knew if I was going to be successful in my pre-med classes I had to get my act together. Shameless flirting and letting myself get distracted during class wouldn’t get me into med school. This professor meant business, but so did I. I wasn’t going to let my perfect academic record slip through my fingers just when it was finally beginning to mean something.
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