I glanced at the dashboard. I read the time of the digital clock and mentally confirmed that I had to pick up Noah from daycare soon.
I also realized that I missed all my classes for today and mostly importantly, my talk with Wyatt to reveal that we had a son together.
I got nervous just thinking about it. My hands became sweaty and my stomach clenched.
I found out I was pregnant just after Wyatt had left for the military. I had been heartbroken when he left so suddenly. I had stopped caring for myself and went through life on automatic.
Finding out I was carrying his child had been at once devastating and yet a moment that I remembered with happiness even though I knew my life had just become ten times harder.
I tried to imagine how Wyatt would take the news. We had been careful and I had never missed a day in taking the pill while we were together.
I didn’t think he would welcome the news. Not with the way he left.
I hadn’t wanted to tell him through a letter, email, or even over the phone. This seemed like in person sort of news to deliver.
I had sent him one email with a single line that he never responded to or acted on.
We need to talk. Please contact me when you’re in town.
He came home rarely and we never ran into each other.
As time passed, there also came many missed opportunities to tell him. Then I worried that he would try to take Noah from me or that we would have a nasty custody issue.
It became easier to just keep the news to myself.
Until now…
Would he understand why I kept it a secret for so long? Or would he make me pay for my decision to keep the knowledge of his child to myself?
I pushed the matter to the back of my mind. I could only deal with one thing at a time. The brooding boy next to me needed my attention now.
A few minutes later, we arrived at my place. I told him to make himself comfortable while I went to pick up Noah.
“We’ll talk when I get back,” I said.
“I know you’re mad at me,” Joe said and I stopped in my tracks on the way to the door.
He said it like the words could no longer be contained and I turned back to him.
I was honest when I replied, “I am, but I love you, Joe. Nothing will ever change that. I just wished you would have trusted me to help you.”
He looked down shamefaced. He seemed so young and lost in that moment and I had to go to him. I pulled him in for a hug even though he stood almost a foot taller than me.
He buried his head against my shoulder and let out a shuddering breath.
“Sis, I knew I should have come to you. It’s just my head was so wrapped up in this girl and she didn’t want me to tell anyone. I promised her that I wouldn’t and I couldn’t go back on my word.”
I admired his strength of character even though he was in a difficult situation. I patted his back comfortingly and told him, “I understand. Love makes us do crazy things sometimes.”
Wasn’t that the God damned truth.
He laughed, a shaky sound.
“Yeah, it does,” he agreed.
I pulled back and told him, “I have to go get Noah now. We’ll finish this conversation later.”
“Thanks, sis,” he said.
I headed for the door again and patted my pockets, checking for my cell phone. It wasn’t there.
I had left it in the car I realized.
I got into the driver’s seat and immediately looked for it. I was never without it.
It was in the glove compartment and when I picked it up, I saw all the missed calls I had throughout the day. The daycare and Wyatt’s outnumbered all the others and I called the daycare back first.
They explained to me that Noah had become ill and that they had reached my emergency contact, who had picked him up.
I felt the blood drain from my face.
Wyatt already knew.
This wasn’t the way I wanted him to find out.
I had put his number on the form on impulse, not really thinking that he still carried the same contact number. My parents were usually unavailable to pick up Noah and Joe was too young. I had had no one else to place as a contact.
After I got off the phone with the campus daycare, I knew my day had taken a turn for the worse.
My hands were shaking as I dialed Wyatt’s number.
He answered in the second ring.
“He is at my apartment,” he said, the words coming across without emotion.
“Wyatt, I didn’t mean for you find out like this,” I started. “I swear-”
He cut me off before I could continue.
“Just come over, Hailey.”
He hung up without another other word.
I had to take several moments before I felt calm enough to drive. My mind was a mess and I was panicking, only terrible scenarios playing out in my mind about the upcoming confrontation.
Still, I tried to be optimistic.
A girl could hope, right?
Finally, though, I was able to turn the key in the ignition and pull out of the driveway.
When I showed up at Wyatt’s apartment the door was yanked open before I even knocked.
By the look on his face, I knew things were not going to go how I had hoped.
Chapter Eighteen: Hailey
Wyatt and I just stared at each other for a few seconds, me standing just outside his front door and he like a guard over the threshold. I looked at a place just over his shoulder and I felt the coolness of his eyes roaming over me.
I couldn’t meet Wyatt's eyes - not yet - afraid of what I would find there, so instead of doing so I let my eyes trail over his body.
I still couldn’t help but notice how devilishly handsome he was in a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt. Then back up my stare went. Over long legs, muscled thighs, trim hips, a flat stomach and a hard chest.
His jaw was stubborn looking and the lines of his face were sharp. The light stubble darkening his jaw intensified the bad boy aura surrounding him. He definitely didn’t look like the kind of guy you would want to piss off.
When I finally found the courage to allow my eyes to meet his, I found him watching me. He tried to bury his emotions beneath a layer of ice I could tell but the clench of his jaw and the heated light in his eyes told me what I needed to know.
He was angry.
Rightfully so.
Actually, the word angry didn’t adequately describe the tsunami of hot emotion pouring off him. It threatened to burn me alive even though a word hadn’t been spoken yet.
I swallowed and straightened my spine. I needed to pull up my defenses for the upcoming confrontation that was about to go down. No matter what, I wasn’t going to just tiptoe around him. My pride wouldn’t allow it. I would explain how this situation happened and hoped he understood. I knew I deserved him being pissed, hell I would have been too, but my kid was in his house and I needed to see him.
“Can I come in?” I asked, working to keep my voice level.
He stepped back and allowed me to enter.
“Where’s Noah?” I asked as I passed him, careful so that no parts of our bodies made contact. “How is he?”
My focus moved completely from Wyatt to my baby.
“On the couch,” he answered, the words ultra-controlled and giving nothing away. “He’s fine. Poor kid is suffering from one of those twenty-four hour bugs though.”
I headed straight for the living room and immediate rushed to Noah’s side. I dropped the bag I carried on my side and knelt next to the furniture, my hands hovering over him. I was careful not to jostle him even though I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms and make sure he was truly okay.
My son – our son – was sleeping peaceful on the couch. A light blanket was thrown over him and his chest rose and fell gently.
“He fell asleep almost as soon as we got here. I woke him up to eat lunch and gave him another dose of the medicine in the bag. He watched tel
evision for a few minutes but went right back to sleep. He’s been sleeping most of the time. Is that normal for him?”
My eyes remained on the small child, my mother’s eyes meticulously cataloguing his every feature and searching for anything that might be off.
Luckily, all I saw were the normal signs of a child recovering from a mild sickness.
I answered Wyatt without moving my gaze, giving Noah another automatic sweep of my gaze. “The medication makes him drowsy plus he tends to sleep a lot when he’s sick. He’s no worse for wear. He will get over this soon.”
Thank goodness!
I pushed Noah’s hair back and kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment. Noah didn’t move but continued to sleep, his breathing easy.
A silence filled the room. I ignored it until it became too loud for me to continue doing so.
Steeling myself, I moved my eyes to the man who stood like an imposing mountain at the entrance of the room.
He was watching me.
For a moment I swore I saw a softening in his look as he gazed upon the image Noah and I made. But the look was gone much too quickly for me to believe it was anything more than my imagination.
The molten fury simmering in the depths of his eyes was certainly real though. Shit.
The intensity of his look left me momentarily speechless. Finally I said, “We need talk.”
That was an understatement if there ever was one.
His eyebrow rose as if to say, obviously, then said out loud, “Follow me.”
He turned without waiting for my answer or reaction.
I watched his back as he walked to his bedroom.
Giving Noah one last look, I took a deep breath and followed him.
Inside the bedroom, I briefly looked around and noticed that the bedroom had all the essentials – bed, dresser, bedside table – but like the rest of the apartment lacked any true touch from this man. He had obviously only just moved in and had made no effort to infuse the space with his personality as yet.
I turned to him and saw that he had pushed the door to almost closing. He left a small space that allowed us to hear if Noah needed us but also afforded us a small amount of privacy.
There was more heavy silence until he finally broke it.
“What the fuck Hailey? Why? Why did you keep this from me? You had no right. Absolutely no right.”
His words seemed hurt and I swallowed, pushing back the sudden prick of tears. His anger I expected and kind of understood. His sorrow was unanticipated and worse than I imagined.
I couldn’t stand to hurt Wyatt. Not back then and not now. Knowing I did so was being stabbed a knife through my heart. This was all my fault.
My voice was croaked when I spoke for the first time.
“I was going to tell you. Please believe I never meant for so much time to pass before I did. I screwed up,” I said.
His jaw ticked and his anger exploded in venomous hisses that left no traces of the hurt I thought I saw.
“When Hailey? When he was in his twenties and I had completely missed all the important moments in watching him grow up? What the fuck did you think you were accomplishing by keeping my own flesh and blood from me? Think long and hard before you answer me because your answer had better be fucking good or God help you,” he whisper-shouted.
His tone was grating and instantly my hackles rose, a natural defense mechanism I had developed over the years. Heartbreak and motherhood had taught me to toughen up or life would have swallowed me whole and spit out an emotional mess by now.
“Don’t you dare think you can threaten me Wyatt Murphy! I know I was wrong, but you won’t do this,” I returned in an irate whisper.
Our son laid only a few feet away and I had no desire to have him awake to two screaming adults. Wyatt must have had the same idea because his tone remained subdued despite the heat in it.
“Threaten you? Oh no, honey, that was a promise.”
Shit. I probably deserved that too.
He was understandably furious. I couldn’t deny I would have felt the same way if the roles were reversed.
Besides that, it wouldn’t help the already turbulent situation if I lost my cool so I controlled my tone to one which was even and more patient after a few deep breaths.
“When we talked last night, I told you I had something to tell you. This was it. I never meant to keep this from you for so long. I swear to you I didn’t. The fact that I had you as the emergency contact on Noah’s daycare sheet should tell you as much.”
“You expect me to believe that when you lied to me for so long!”
“I never lied to you!” My tone rose along with his but went right back down when I repeated the words, adamant because they were true.
“You lied by omission, Hailey. No matter how you spin it, you kept something from me that I had every right to know.”
“When was I supposed to tell you, Wyatt? You weren’t exactly around,” I responded, gesturing with my hands to solidify my point. “When I found out about the pregnancy, you were already gone and you had been in such a dark place after your father’s death, I honestly didn’t think this was something you would be able to handle. I didn’t know how to break through your walls and I wasn’t going to bring my child up in a broken home with a father that popped in and out of his life.”
“You had no right to make that decision for me. I am his father. I needed to know that I had bought a child into this world,” he said, his hand gestures just has furious as mine.
“You’re right.” I could see that he was taken aback at my agreement and added, “I see that now. I should have tried harder to make you a part of his life and my decision not to is something that I will always have to deal with. I can’t change the past but I am willing to work with you to make the future better for everyone involved here. I am ready to do right by both you and Noah so I am begging you that we try to move past this and focus on what is best for him.”
“And that is knowing his father loves him and is willing to die to protect him,” Wyatt said. “I should tell him. He has the right to know just like I did.”
I panicked and closed the distance between us with haste. I grabbed a hold of Wyatt’s arms and tugged.
“Have you told him? Please, tell me you didn’t, Wyatt. Not like this. Not without me,” I cried.
“Of course I didn’t. I am still a stranger to him. I’m not going to just spring it on the poor kid,” he replied, pulling away from my touch like he couldn’t stand it.
I breathed a sigh of relief, my body sagging with the feeling. I refused to focus of the aching disappointment of having him visibly pull away from me.
“But doesn’t he already know? He said you have a picture of me.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I do. But I haven’t said the words of who you are to him. But we will together, when he feels better.”
“And if he’s better tomorrow, will we tell him then?” He asked as if expecting me to say no.
I meant what I said. Noah was a growing boy who needed a father figure in his life. He was already noticing the fact that other kids at the daycare had daddies in their lives and he didn’t. I had fielded the questions he had so far but I knew his curiosity would only make the situation more volatile.
He needed to be told that he had a father who obviously cared for him. I would never deny him that. Not again.
“Yes, Wyatt. I just want him to feel good when he gets the news.”
Wyatt didn’t get a chance to respond because we interrupted.
“Mommy?”
The small voice had both our heads turning sharply toward the living room then we were both moving.
I got to Noah first. He was sitting up on the couch, the blanket pooled around his hips. His cute little mouth was stretched in a yawn and his was rubbing his tired eyes.
I pulled him into a hug.
Wyatt stood behind the couch, watching the display with a guarded expression.
When I kept the embrace too long, No
ah began to squirm. I let him go, pulled back and smoothed his hair way from his face, feeling for his temperature in the same movement.
He was cool to the touch.
“Did you have a good time with… Mr. Murphy?” I asked.
Wyatt's jaw clenched at my hesitation.
Noah glanced back at Wyatt and the man’s expression instant change to one of utter devotion. It was like watching the sun suddenly break through the clouds.
It made regret settle in my stomach. I really should have told him about Noah sooner. Because I hadn’t they had both missed out on so much.
“Oh, that we did,” Wyatt said, ruffling Noah’s hair. “Didn’t we, buddy?”
“Oh yeah.” Noah perked up at the attention. “Wyatt – he told me I could call him that – and me are best friends now,” he announced.
“That’s great,” I told him, injecting false joy into my voice. “But you have to say goodbye to Wyatt now. We gotta go baby, get you to bed.”
“Awww Mommy, do we have to? I want to watch Spiderman with Wyatt again. He promised we could.”
“And you will. Just not right now.” I made my voice firm and he settled down with a pout.
I went over to where his bag was on the table and shouldered it.
“Is all his stuff in here?” I asked Wyatt.
“Everything’s in there,” he confirmed.
I looked up to find him watching me with that cold expression so I turned away from it and went back to Noah. I lifted him into my arms
“Say bye to Wyatt. You will see him again soon,” I said.
“Very soon,” Wyatt interjected.
We left a few minutes later.
When the door closed behind us, the sound rang with such finality that I felt like I had just gotten my heart broken all over again.
“What's the matter, Mommy? You look sad,” Noah asked.
I was buckling Noah into his car seat when he asked. He touched my cheek and brought my attention to the wetness there.
A tear had rolled down my cheek that I hadn’t even noticed.
“There must be something in the air. I’m okay,” I lied, quickly wiping the moisture away. My cheeks hurt from the awkward smile I gave him. “Everything is fine.”
Seconds later we drove away from Wyatt’s apartment but I knew this was far from over.
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