Vegas’ eyes squint at him and points a deep red polished finger at him, “What do you know, Axl?” She takes her pointed finger and rests her hand on her hip. I cross my arms over my chest waiting for Axl to explain himself.
“Well, she likes to get lit every once in a while, nothing wrong with it.”
“Axl, I’m losing my cool with you, get it out and tell us what you know,” Vegas demands. Blade sits back, smirking at the pile of shit Axl just slipped in.
“Before I left for Las Vegas, I was at the clubhouse and Jenn and I were both sitting outside having a few drinks of whiskey, and she and I popped a pill, is all. How would I know or think she has a problem?”
“What kind of a fucking pill, dude?” Vegas shrieks at Axl in disbelief.
“I don’t know, a Percocet, I guess, some kind of prescription painkiller,” he shrugs.
“So, let me clarify this situation here so you and I are on the same page. One,” Vegas holds up a finger, “It’s totally cool with you to have Dana get, I don’t know, what was the word? Oh yeah, lit, with one of your brothers, alone, without you there?”
“No. I did not say that.”
“Nope, you didn’t, but, hey, what’s good for you is good for her too.”
Axl opens his mouth to protest, but Vegas brings her thumb and fingers together in a shut the hell up motion, then continues.
“Two, you don’t find it alarming that Jenn is carrying around prescription pain pills to drown in hard liquor and is getting shit faced while taking them, Axl? Pinche cabron. Stupid asshole,” Vegas shakes her head at him.
“And three, you don’t even tell one fucking important person in her life that shit may be wrong with her? Are you really that selfish lately? Fuck, Axl, I know you went through some shit, but a fuckin’ text would have been really cool. Makes a whole lot more sense where my pain pills went. You remember that at all?” Vegas’ face scrunches up at Blade.
Axl just stands there, frozen in spot, afraid to move or say the next wrong thing. I would too if I were him.
“Vegas,” I stop her to get us back on track. “We’ve got to figure out where she is and check on her. Even though Axl didn’t tell us then, we have a clue of what could be going on now. Where would she go?”
“I can think of a couple of places. Blade, keep your phone close by, love.” Vegas leans over and pecks Blade on the lips. “Keep Tugg too, please?” She calls over her shoulder while storming back to her car. “Let’s move our asses, Dana, we’ve got our girl to find.”
“Aye,” is all Blade says as he watches Vegas’ ass and hips sway from side to side.
“That shit was always fun to watch, her rip into your ass, brother,” Axl says while shaking his head. “All too funny until it’s you the she- devil digs her claws into.”
“You fucked up, brother, you fucked with her girls. If she held that information from you about one of the brothers, you would feel the same.” Blade drops his smoke in a canister and heads back into the shop with Tugg following closely behind.
Axl grabs me around my waist and tugs my body into his. “Sorry, princess.”
“I know, Axl, see what you can do to find out what’s going on with her?”
“Dana! Let’s move ass!” Vegas bellows and slams the driver door shut.
Axl kisses my lips, “I’m on it, princess, your wish is my command.”
I book it over to the car, afraid of the wrath from Vegas. Waiting for me to snap my seatbelt on, she peels out of the driveway.
“Dana, I pray to the heavens up above that you rip into Axl’s ass later when you get home. I wasn’t even done yet with my ass chewing, it feels so unresolved in here.” She points to her head.
“I just wanna tell him all the ways he’s been a little shit lately. Girl, you better promise me right here and fucking now that you make his ass pay. Promise me.”
Vegas is a hundred percent serious too, or she will finish his ass chewing for me later. “I promise a full ass chewing report by tomorrow. Would you like this in an email or an office debriefing over your morning coffee to get you pumped for your day?”
“Morning coffee debriefing is best. Thank you.” She thinks for a moment and taps her nails on the steering wheel. Her eyes dart between me and the road. “How are things with you and Axl now that he’s back?”
I tell her honestly. “Even though him pushing me away while he was going through all of that hurt like hell, I don’t think I could ever turn him away, Vegas.” Shame covers my features and I look out the window, not wanting Vegas to see the truth in my eyes.
“Dana, you don’t have to push him away to prove shit to anyone, and sure as hell not to me. If you two had a rough patch, I’m going to support you, no matter what, okay?”
“I know.”
“Then hear it and fuckin’ believe that shit.” Vegas smirks over to me before her eyes go back to the road.
“He wants me to get a tattoo,” I blurt. “I’m scared of needles, Vegas. What kind of an Ol’ Lady has fears of getting a tattoo? We were born and raised in this lifestyle. How am I going to tell Axl no when he’s ready to brand me!” I panic looking for Vegas to help me.
“Do you trust me? And do you really want a tattoo,” she asks with a glint of mischief in her tone.
“I don’t know, your devious tone is freaking me out!”
Vegas turns her head toward me again. “I got you, Dana, I got this. I will make it happen for you, but I need a reassurance.”
Fucking hell, what kind of help did I just ask for? “What the hell are you asking for?”
“Send me a text, a waiver of sorts, stating that you want a tattoo and you have put your trust into me to help you make it happen.”
I start typing… I, Dana Maraschino, of sound mind and sound body, do here by…
∞ ∞ ∞
Vegas and I went and checked Jenn’s house again, she wasn’t there. We checked the gym, the grocery store, Kat’s apartment. We both are at a loss of where she could be, alone in the city. We cruise up and down the main streets thinking while we listen to music.
Roger Rabbit: Spider can’t find her phone, she has it off.
Me: Thank you ; )
“We are fucked up, Vegas. We should have pushed her harder to come to us.”
“I don’t agree. If we would have done that, then she would have taken off for sure. It is her choice, Dana. We did ask her a few times what was going on before all this shit. It’s up to her to let us in too. She also knows we are here, and we will always be.”
“I see that too. I just wish that there was more we would’ve done. I just don’t feel like this is it either.”
“It’s not it. Jenn is struggling, and we will find out what it is and help her through it. Out of the three of us, she had it the worst. I keep reminding myself of that,” Vegas finishes.
We continue driving in silence until I hear her gasp. “Hey, I think I know where she went. You remember that little bar that did an open mic night? I bet she’s there.” Vegas takes a sharp right, speeding down the back streets to get to the place she’s thinking of. She parks across the street from the small bar.
Together, we run across the busy street and walk into the bar. Walking around the tables, we find Jenn sitting in the corner. We both halt at the same time and our faces drop at the sight in front of us. Jenn. Alone. She just sits there staring into space as she’s stirring her cocktail.
The bar is busy with laughter and the singer belts out a beautiful melody that can’t even engage the beautiful Jenn. Her long, blond hair is falling around her face. Deep, dark circles haunt her complexion. She looks haunted, just existing amongst the rest of us.
Vegas grabs my hand and pulls me with her through the crowd. Jenn doesn’t register us walking toward her or even us standing in front of her. The waitress comes by with her tray and notepad, curiously eyes us up and down, then asks, “What can I get you two girls?”
Jenn’s eyes come up and she startles at the sight of us in fron
t of her.
“I’ll have a coke,” I smile back at the waitress.
“How about a water with lemon for me. Jenn, you ready for a refill?” Vegas asks her casually, trying to mask her concern.
“I’ll have a… no, thanks, I’m good. Thanks, though,” she responds and looks back down at her drink.
“Be back in a few then.” The waitress pops her gum and heads back to the bar.
Vegas and I slide into the empty seats next to Jenn. “Dude, this place is pretty nice. It’s been a while, you should have called, Jenn. We would have come with you.”
“Definitely, no one should drink alone.” Vegas looks at me worried.
Jenn looks up at us, anguish covering her face. “You guys came looking for me?”
“Jenn, we know something is wrong. We didn’t want to push you too hard before, but we know you are not all right. Did you even remember we had plans to go out together today? I was worried about you. Why are you pushing us away?”
“No, I must’ve forgotten that we were hanging out today. Sorry, I should've texted you,” she mumbles, then goes on. “I feel so lost in this world and I don’t even have the words to explain it all.”
She exhales deeply. “I’ve felt like I have lost it all lately. I’ve lost touch with myself mostly, and I’ve tried to ignore those feelings and get lost in my music. Even that has not been helping. I feel so dead inside, I feel as if I have been gutted out. I don’t feel like any part of me fits anywhere.” She pauses before looking at us. “How can I be around anyone when it’s so hard to be around me? I wasn’t ready to talk about it.”
Jenn goes back to stirring her cocktail as the waitress stops by and sets down our drinks. I place a ten on her tray and she thanks us, then continues to the next table to drop off their drinks.
“You are not alone, Jenn. Not ever. We are always a team. If you sit in pain, then we all sit here in pain. If you want to talk, then we do too, okay?”
Jenn doesn’t say anything one way or another, and I fear we lost her. I fear we are too late to reach her, and that thought terrifies me. I will sit here with her as long as it takes. Vegas and I watch the crowd of happy couples and friends talking and enjoying their night. We listen to songs and drown into the abyss with Jenn. We are staying, whether she wants us to or not.
After about an hour, Jenn scoots her chair back and heads toward the door. Quickly, Vegas and I follow. We reach the dark sidewalk of the River Walk downtown. The cold air feels welcome to our somber moods. Lights string along the pathway of the sidewalk.
Picking up our pace, we catch up to Jenn and flank her on each side, as a team. We walk the streets together, listening to the cars that bustle by and honk their horns as they go by. Aptly showcasing what Jenn must have been feeling this whole time. Watching us live, thrive around her while she drifts alone, just a voyeur.
She stops in the middle of the bridge, her feet guiding her to overlook the calm river. She places her hands on the railings and deep breaths override her calm exterior.
“I’ve lost a lot. When I was a little girl, my mother was raped and murdered in front of me. My sister and I watched as men took her flesh and abused her for their desires. The memories haunt me. Her screams still run through me.”
Tears flow down her chilled cheeks. She doesn’t bother to wipe them away. They are a welcome part of her that she is intimate with.
“Memories I can never erase because of him. My father. He is the one responsible for her death and our torture. I have so much hate for him and those men for what he did. Then he leaves me and my sister with my aunt to deal with this alone. My entire life, all alone. Ashley was just a toddler when this happened, her mind doesn’t remember, but she knows of what happened. How fair is it that she gets to have a normal life? Why would that asshole leave his kids behind, all alone? Why?”
“Babe, what happened to you? What happened last year that has brought all this back now?” Vegas implores her.
“Those men came back looking for me.”
Chapter 21
Axl
“Hey, Mom!”
Where the hell is she at? I walk around the house and check each room, but I can’t find her. Anxiety crawls over my skin, worried that something’s happened to her. Racing from room to room, I look for her. Pacing to the back patio, I finally see her in the hammock, curled up in a blanket, next to a small fire.
“Mom?” I call to her as I open the patio glass door. She turns her face to me. Puffy swollen eyes find my own. “Momma, what’s wrong?” I pull up a chair to sit next to her.
“I’m trying to find my way in this world, sweetheart. Without him in it. It’s suffocating. It helps being closer here with you. The lonely days and nights are so hard without him.”
I reach under the blanket to grip her hand. I give it a tight squeeze. “Keep going, Momma, I want you to tell me all of it. I’m here for you.”
“I need him, Axl. I need him to hold me. In the past thirty-five years, I never slept alone, without his arms around me. Every day I heard his voice, and now… nothing. I go to the store and go to grab his favorite foods, only to find myself crying at the checkout line because I have to go put it all back.”
She sobs, and my throat hurts so bad that I can’t even say a word.
“I will go on. It’s just learning to live without him, to forget living with him, that’s hurting me the most. Forgetting the way he feels, and his voice. God, I miss his voice. I haven’t, and can’t, erase his voicemails on my phone.”
“You have one?” My throat loosens barely enough to get those three words out.
“Yeah, baby. Listen.” She pulls out her phone from under the blanket and pushes play.
“Hey, Harley.” My dad’s deep voice comes through. “Axl and I are at the clubhouse. We are waitin’ for you here. Hurry up with the girls, I miss my woman.” She smiles and plays the next.
“Have you heard from Axl? That little shit is going to get a boot up his ass if he doesn’t get here. Tell him to hurry the hell up.” I remember that day about a year ago…
“Dad, what the hell? Quit blowing up my phone, I’m not even late. You’re fuckin’ early. Jesus...” I tell him as I put my kickstand down and meet him in front of the tattoo shop.
“Well, I’ve got other shit to do today too, you know?” He says it as he’s hanging up the phone after I hear him bitching to Mom about me being late, again. I swear, if his ass wasn’t so impatient…
“Uh huh, like what?”
“You don’t want to know,” the devil grins back at me.
“You’re fucking right about that,” I say as I open the door to the tattoo shop. “I wanted you to be my first client here. You pick it, I’ll stick it.”
I set up my room while Dad scrolls through his phone until he finds a picture of a skull with a crown, and behind the skull there’s a bright red rose.”
“A skull and a rose, huh?” I ask him to tease.
“Aye, it’s for your mom. In this life or the next, our love will last forever. Put it right here on my forearm. Is there enough room?”
Grabbing his large forearm, I move it side to side, eyeing how much room I have. “Let’s do it.”
An idea sprouts in my mind. “Get up and get ready, you and I are going to have some fun today!” I stand up and hold my hand out to help her out of her little sad cocoon.
Mom nods, and I see a little life coming back into her eyes. “Yeah, let’s go get into a little trouble, just like Mad Max would!” She fist pumps the air.
Less than an hour later, we walk through the Battle Born Tattoo shop.
“What’s up, Sunshine?” I greet our receptionist.
“Nothing, Axl, is this your first client with you?” Sunshine has been working as a receptionist, but is also working with us as an apprentice.
“Sunshine, meet my mom, Harley.”
“Hello. It is so very nice to meet you. How old are you? I mean you are so gorgeous and, holy fuck, seriously, Axl cannot be your
kid!” She exclaims.
“Yes, honey, this meathead is all mine,” she says, slapping my back.
“Damn, you are one fine cougar then.”
“She was a Harley pin-up model, it’s how she got her road name by the old man,” I brag just a little, wanting to help put some more light into her pretty green eyes.
“That was a whole lifetime ago,” Mom blushes.
“I bet you could go back to it today,” Sunshine compliments her, and I know it’s genuine because my mom is a cold stone knock out, even in her fifties.
“Sunshine, please cancel my appointments for today. I’ve got a whole date day planned with Harley.”
“Sure thing, boss.”
In my room, I riffle through my drawing binders until I come across the one I was looking for. Taking it out of the plastic sheet, I hand it over to her.
“Is this the last tattoo you did for your dad?” She asks with shiny eyes. Her fingers run over every line, then looks up at me.
“Yes, it was. You know that message you just played, Dad telling you to tell me to hurry the hell up and that I was late? I wasn’t late, the man was twenty minutes early, as always. But anyway, it gave me an idea. You want the same tattoo?”
“Hell yes, I do! Where are we going to put it?” Her happiness lights up her voice.
“It’s pretty big, so I would say it would have to be a thigh or on your back to work. If you want your thigh, I’ll call in Blade or Tank to do it, because yeah, I’m not going there.”
She sits and thinks about it for a few minutes before she says, “I want it on my right shoulder, right next to the brand your dad gave me. Will that work?”
“Yes, I can do that. It’s going to take me about thirty minutes to draw it and set up. You can go over to the bar and chat with the girls while I get it all ready, and then we will stick it!”
∞ ∞ ∞
Hours later, Mom looks into the two mirrors opposite of each other, her eyes begin to water and a smile spreads across her face. She originally had a tattoo of a heart and a rose together, with Mad Max scrolled across the top. I added to the words as a surprise, it says now, “Mad Max, from this life to the next, our love has no bounds”, with more vibrant red roses and black leaves that intertwine around a black and gray skull with a crown.
Nothing Lasts Forever (Battle Born MC Book 2) Page 15