by Linde Lean
A Janitor was busy cleaning the corridor floor, and shouted at Ryan that it was the Ladies, when Ryan pushed past him. But Ryan did not hesitate as he search the cubicles, which came up empty.
Coming out, he shook his head at Paul and Mike.
Approaching the Janitor Ryan asked, “Did you by chance see an attractive young lady wearing cream, and coral come this way. She has very long black hair?”
“Oh her, yes Gov, but she is long gone, came past me very upset, almost fell over my bucket on the way out, but still very polite and apologized.”
“Did you see where she went?”
“Well, she went out of the main doors onto the main road, Gov.”
Ryan felt as his world moved on its axes, where was he going to find her now?
As one, the three men ran out of the building each running and searching in a different direction, but having to admit the futility of it when they could not find her.
She was gone! Ryan felt helpless.
Ryan phoned them from his mobile and told them to meet back at the courthouse. Paul confirmed he would get more men in and they would do a sweep of the city.
His father, mother and Mary come out of the Court House and confirmed that the men received the maximum penalty and would be in jail for life.
Ryan was pleased but it brought him no consolation. The most important piece of his life was now missing and he was not sure if he would be able to find her if she really wanted to disappear. He did not even know all her friends. She fitted in with his world he never tried to fit into hers. He phoned her friend Amy, the only friend who’s number was on his mobile.
He asked her to let him know if Jenny contacted her. Amy confirmed that she would, but that she did not think Jenny would contact her for a place to stay.
Ryan frowned, and asked why the hell not?
Amy then confided that though she and Jenny were old school friends her mother did not approve of Jenny, as she was one of the orphanage children who also went to the same state school as Amy.
And Jenny knew this, Ryan wanted to know. Amy shamefully informed him that Jenny did.
Feeling utterly floored Ryan now came to realize how many people, Jenny, with her kind and loving heart, had been rejected by.
How she stayed the loving person that she was beyond his comprehension. But how much rejection could any one person handle, if your mother and the foster families did not want you! As well as being made to feel like a second class citizen at the school you attended and by your best girl friend’s family. On top of that to have your first love forced you to have sex with him.
But the ultimate rejection must have been his!
The fact that Ryan knew that if the kidnapping had not taken place, nothing would have gone this far, did not make it any easier for him. He felt that if matters had gone their normal route he and Jenny would have had a serious talk and once everything was in the open, he would have declared his love for her, and proven to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that her not being a virgin was really not an issue.
But now after what had transpired, he must admit that if it were him, he would be locking himself away somewhere to hide.
“Guys, we are going to search every hotel for her, I think she will try to get a cheap place to stay.”
Mike looked at Ryan enquiringly.
“The bag she has with her is a backpack, I did not take much notice of it, but I know my girl, in that little bag she would’ve packed enough to keep her for at least two to three days, Go guys go, lets get cracking it is already five pm, we must find her before dark!”
When Jenny left the Court House, she was hyperventilating, a torrent of unshed tears suddenly broke and ran down her face. Sniffing and wiping her face with her hands she could not stem the tide. She knew she had to get away. The fear of hearing her name called forced her to make her wobbly legs move. She never again wanted to see the disappointment in Ryan eyes that she’d seen when he looked at her.
She understood that Ryan’s behavior to her the past months was driven by his own hurt. A man like him was not use to being challenge and he was seldom, if ever wrong in his assessments.
Ryan tried to reach out to her, but her own hurt was not the only reason why she’d withdrawn, Jenny knew she was not good enough for him, nor for his family. She was not this perfect, untouched girl that he’d believed she was.
But she’d really tried to put that terrible night, with Perry from her mind. She thought that as she’d filed it away in the far recesses of her mind that it could stay her dark secret.
It was this fact that made her feel guilty. It had been her intention all along to keep this from Ryan. She never thought she would have to tell him and she had no intention of doing so. The fact that she was caught out compounded her guilt. Her actions conspired to make her look guilty of deceit.
Too many wounds had been inflicted, and she could never redeem herself. It was too late.
Without realizing it she’d walked for miles, it was late and dark, and the area she found herself in was unknown. The dark shadows and characters hanging out on the street frightened her. Up front a neon light flashed a vacancy signed, at a run down motel. She couldn’t walk anymore she was exhausted. So she went in.
Though her room was a bit more expensive as it had an en-suite, she looked with despair at the dingy room, decorated in the dullest of greens and browns, the light bulb not bright enough to give enough light to the whole area, Jenny sunk down onto the bed, and then picked up her legs, and lay curled in a tight ball.
Her thoughts in her head went round and round, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find a solution to her dilemma. As she lay on the bed, she could feel herself receding into the far recesses of her mind, where no one and nothing could hurt her.
The last time she’d been there was after the rape and she remembered that she’d sought out the solace and cleansing power of hot water.
Jenny did not feel like herself as she got up from the bed, she walked to the bathroom. She leant down and placed the plug into the bath, and opened the taps. As she ran her hands under the water, she felt the cold water. Oh well, No hot water, too bad. She thought.
By the time she’d undress and pulled on Ryan’s shirt that she’d never returned to him, the bath was almost overflowing. Getting into the bath, still wearing his shirt, she lay in the cold water.
Her gaze rested on an unopened packet of razor blades. She had no one, after all who’d want anyone from the gutter, so why not…? Jenny opened the packet and removed a razor blade … She saw the blood on her wrists, surprised that there was no pain.
The drip of the water from the faucet, was the only sound except for the occasional shout and thump from the other patrons
Jenny felt cold; she was slipping but somehow didn’t have the strength to push up out of the freezing water. Sinking lower in the water, she breathed through her nose as the water cross her lips. Soon, soon it will be all over!
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Chapter Fourteen
Ryan was desperate, it was after ten pm and there was still no sign of Jenny. He could see that Paul was not optimistic, the area they had to cover, and all the possibilities and variables made this a proverbial needle in the haystack. For the hundredth time that day, he begged Oh please dear God help me find her!
Just then an old bag-lady came towards them pushing her super market trolley, with all her worldly goods in it. As she passed them she muttered to herself, “Lots of fancy people in my neighborhood today.”
Ryan asked “Excuse me, who has been in your neighborhood today?”
“Well you for one!”
She grumbled and walked on but some instinct had Ryan following her. Although Paul and Mike called to him that he was wasting his time.
“You said some fancy people were in your neighborhood, was it a woman by any chance.”
Some of his urgency penetrated, and the old lady looked at him.
“How did you know? Yes i
t was! A nice little thing, but she had a strange look in her eyes.”
“What did she look like?” Ryan urgently enquired.
Still pondering on what she’d just said, she continued, “Come to think of it she looked a little lost. Are you lost too?”
Exasperated Ryan tried again, “If you were to describe this woman, what did she look like?”
“Oh sorry Dearie silly me. Now let me think, ammm, small. Oh with black hair to her waist. Nice clothes, cream and orange.”
Coral, Ryan corrected in his mind, but close enough.
Mike and Paul stood closer.
“Did you see where she went?”
Nodding in the general area behind Ryan she confirmed, “Just behind you, she went in there.”
Turning as if in slow motion, he felt the blood in his veins run cold, the hair on his arms stand up, as he surveyed the dump the old lady indicated.
Paul took a few dollars from his wallet and gave it to the old woman hurriedly he and Mike followed Ryan.
The reception if one could call it that was badly lit, and the people standing around were of very dubious character. The man behind the counter, with a weather beaten face, but with intelligent eyes put two and two together, before Ryan could enquire, he said.
“You’re looking for a young well dressed lady?”
“Yes I am!”
“Gov she is in room seventeen, just up from the landing,”
Ryan acknowledged the information, and the three men quickly made their way to the room.
Ryan banged on the door a few times, but there was no response from within. Frustrated and driven by an inexplicable fear he kicked the door open. He immediately saw her backpack and clothes laying on the bed.
“Jenny, Hon?”
No reply. Surely she wouldn’t go out leaving her purse on the bed?
No one said a word, and no sound came from within the room except for the dripping of water. A feeling of disquiet came over Ryan.
Paul and Mike surveyed the room as Ryan went to check that en-suite. Both unable to believe that Jenny thought this is where she should be, instead of with Ryan.
A strangled cry came from the bathroom!
“Oh God please No!” Ryan wailed, as he saw Jenny laying in the bath, her head almost submerged in the bloodied water.
He lifted her out of the bath and then saw her slashed writs. Her body was cold and her lips blue. “God please don’t let me loose her!”
Mike and Paul rushed to the bathroom and stood transfixed at the door.
Ryan rocked Jenny in his arms, his face pushed against hers.
“She’s not breathing! Mike, help me!” Tears ran unchecked down Ryan’s face.
Mike did not know how to respond to the finality of the devastation he faced.
Paul unable to look at the agony of grief emanating from Ryan, glanced down to the floor and as he did so, his gazed caught Jenny’s lifeless arms, swung wide, as Ryan held onto her. Just then he thought he saw her fingers twitched.
“She moved, Mike, check her pulse.”
Through the shock-induced fog Ryan heard Paul’s voice, but he knew it was futile, that was the first thing he’d done.
Mike reacted and felt for a pulse in her neck, not feeling anything; he adjusted his nervous fingers, and tried again, urgently searching for the illusive throb.
“Ryan! It’s very faint but it’s there!”
Ryan’s Porsche hit the road, and clocked up the speed for which the engine was built.
The car hazards blazed and his hand stayed on the hooter. He wanted to be the one holding Jenny, but Paul told him that he knew how to handle his powerful car, to get the most out of it.
Mike sat with Jenny on his lap, talking to her encouraging her to hold on tight and not to let go.
Paul phoned ahead to the City Centre Private Hospital advising them of their imminent arrival, demanding that the Specialist be ready.
When they arrived, the hospital staff took over. It was a long night, the hardest for Ryan. He sat with his head held in his hands, his eyes closed.
Ryan couldn’t bear to look at Mike or Paul, or accept their attempt at consoling him.
In his minds eye he still saw Jenny’s battered body in the forensic photographs; undeniably he’d not been there for her, to help her heal after the ordeal. And the sight of her, when the hospital staff had wheeled her away, cold and almost dead!
Hell was this anyway to treat the woman you love. Nothing anyone said could take the guilt from him.
It felt like forever before Ryan heard the electronic doors to the ward open, he looked up his body tense as he slowly rose from his seat
Ryan couldn’t gage from the doctor’s expression what he was going to say.
He felt his gut give a sickening lurch, his eyes closed for a brief second, Ryan took a deep breath and then asked
“Is she alive?”
“Mr. Barnard, we’re not out of the woods yet. Her body went into shock we’ve given her a blood transfusion. Now we are working on getting her blood level, and heart saturates up, as well as her body temperature.”
“I want to see her.” Ryan turned towards the Ward.
The doctor turned to Mike and Paul and advised, “We will only allow one visitor, I am afraid.”
Ryan, grimaced at them in apology, “Sorry, Guys, thanks for staying with me. Go home, I will phone you if anything changes.”
Mike gave him a brief hug in encouragement. “Hang in there.”
Paul raised his hand in greeting.
When Ryan walked into Jenny’s room, he was relieved to see that she no longer had that awful gray/blue colour though she was still extremely pale. She was connected to the blood pressure and heart monitors, as well as an intravenous drip. A thermal electric blanket and duvets worked to get her body temperature up.
He took her still cold hand in his, and kissed her knuckles, he then leant forward and gave her lips a feather kiss, relieved that her lips felt warm. As he looked at her sleeping face, he recalled how she’d looked earlier in the hotel room, that image of her would forever stay with him
He pulled the chair closer to the bed so that he could hold her hand. The light in the hospital room was on dim, everything was quiet, and the only sounds that reached him, were the occasional noise from the wards, and the steady beat of her heart monitor.
The Ward Sister and her staff checked on Jenny, in regular intervals. They were used to visitors also dozing away, especially on this quiet shift, but each time the nursing staff came in they found Ryan wide awake.
Ryan had some soul searching to do and found this the ideal time in which to do it. He acknowledged that he’d set the trend and the pace for their relationship from the onset. Jenny never really stood a chance, his personality much too strong for her. So he had fooled himself in thinking that he was giving her a chance to grow up and grow into their relationship. She did not have much of a choice.
He’d also not for a moment consider what it must have felt like for her to wait for him. Ryan had been aware from the onset that she desired him and her love for him was also so very clear to him. But he on the other hand he knew was not an easy person to read. His reputation as an astute businessman compelled him to be able to control his emotions and feelings. The off handed attention and inclusion into his home, family and lifestyle, would not have given her confidence in herself, in him or where their relationship was going.
Jenny had no reason to believe that he wanted more from her than just a future mistress. Ryan a ruefully acknowledged that her background alone would have made her insecure.
How the devil was he going to make it right, now? He would do whatever it took to rebuild her trust in him, and for her to believe in him again. He would give it his best shot, he just hoped that her loving nature, would allow her to give him a second chance.
As the night sky, saw the day dawn, Ryan felt the lack of sleep take its toll on him. He felt like hell, rubbing his hand over his chin, he felt the stu
bble.
Jenny came round to find Ryan asleep in the chair next to her bed. Her hand held firmly in his. Her wrists were bandaged and she had various monitors attached to her. She felt depressed and disheartened; and badly wanted to cry. Looking at him she could not think why she would have thought that this man could come to love her or that she would be worthy of him.
Ryan came awake as he felt her hand move in his, when he opened his eyes, he looked in her beautiful deep blue eyes, but the moment she saw him, her eyes changed, and suddenly the bright light that shone there for him was extinguished and replace, by on dear Lord, a nothingness! She pulled her hand away, and turned her face into the pillow and closed her eyes, withdrawing from him.
“Hi Hon.” Lifting her hand that he still held he kissed her. But she gave no reaction or inclination that she had heard him. Trying again he said.
“Jenny, Honey, I am so desperately sorry for everything. I love you.”
Jenny heard the words, these were the words she had waited to hear and they should’ve filled her with such joy, but she could just not muster up the enthusiasm. Why did she feel as if she was on another plane, and he was so very far removed from her?
“Ryan, please leave.”
She requested him in that emotionless voice that had his guts eating at him in despair.
“I’ll leave for a while, but only to go home and change and then I will be back.”
He leant forward and kissed her forehead, he felt her shrink from him. As he left the room he turned back Jenny looked so small and fragile in the bed. She’d closed her eyes again, and turned her head away. He felt his mouth give an involuntary twitch. He never thought that anything could hurt so much.
A few hours later Jenny was woken by a bout of nausea, she urgently pressed the emergency button. The ward Sister immediately called the doctor while the staff attended to her needs.
When Ryan arrived at the ward some time later he was met by the Sister. She advised him that the doctor wanted to see him urgently before he went in to Jenny. Very concerned, he made his way to the doctor’s consultation rooms in the hospital.