by J. H. Croix
She picked up a pen and started flipping it rapidly back and forth.
“Don’t let him bully you, Zoe. Let me deal with him,” I said.
I had no idea what I meant to do, but I’d stand in front of a moving train to keep her from being harmed. I also fucking hated Ted Duncan.
Zoe was quiet. Too quiet. Her cheeks were splotchy red. All those times I loved watching her flush were nothing like this moment. She was clearly distressed, and I wanted to make it go away. Now.
I stood and started to round the desk. She waved me away.
“No, no. Just… Let me think.” She put her face in her hands and took a shaky breath.
I couldn’t help myself and took a step toward her again. She dropped her hands and lasered me with a glare. “Stop it. This is how this all started. I told you I couldn’t do this and you kept coming at me.”
Her words hit me in the gut. They fucking hurt. Oh, they were true all right, but the way she made it sound sullied it. I stared back at her. I admit, I wasn’t in the calmest state of mind. Hell, I was idling on the edge of the anger fucking Ted Duncan had set off, and it pissed me off to have her upset like this. Intellectually, I knew she had a point. I’d pushed. Because I wanted her that fucking bad. But it was more than that. I knew it, and I hoped she knew it too.
“Zoe, it wasn’t like that. You know…”
“Yes it was! I told you precisely why I shouldn’t let it happen. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. I knew better, and I fell right into it anyway.”
She stood abruptly. “You have to go.”
“Why do I have to go?”
My head felt like it was going to explode. I couldn’t take the look on Zoe’s face. Her eyes were shuttered, and she looked angry and frightened at once. I tried to reach for her as she stepped past me.
“Zoe, luv. Let me help with this. You don’t have to…”
She spun back, her eyes snapping. “You can’t help. You’ll be fine no matter what. I can’t have rumors circulating that I fuck my clients. When it comes to stuff like that, it’s a one-way street. What men can get away with ruins women’s careers. I should’ve stopped this, hell I never should’ve let it start. For now, I can’t see you. You have to go and let me figure this out on my own. If I have any chance to shut this off, it won’t happen if I’m still seeing you.”
It was like static in my brain. I couldn’t think over the buzzing. Meanwhile, my heart was pounding so hard, it physically hurt. She didn’t wait and spun around, walking briskly through her door. I meant to follow her and tell her she couldn’t do this. I didn’t care what Jana saw or heard. But when I got out to the waiting area, fucking Ted Duncan was standing there with a pasted on smarmy smile. I didn’t even think and walked straight up to him and punched him. I have no fucking idea when Tristan had showed up or how he even knew where I was, but he came walking in right after I clocked Ted in the face.
Zoe’s face was sheet white.
Tristan bodily shoved me out of the way. “Back the fuck off, mate. What are you thinking?”
Ted was swearing and muttering something about calling the police. Jana stood up and got in his face. “What the fuck do you think you’re pulling, Ted? You think you can blackmail Zoe and Ethan? Go right ahead and try.”
Zoe, Tristan, and I swung to stare at Jana. Jana didn’t break free from her stare down with Ted. Let me tell you, it was quite the sight to see her with her wild hair and her usually friendly demeanor pissed off.
Jana waited a few beats and then glanced from him to me. “Let me guess, you’d like to make a little more trouble in case you can sleaze someone into paying you off to shut up? You’re the last fucking attorney who should be spouting off about ethics. You forget how much I know about you from where I used to work. I might’ve left under less than ideal circumstances, but I know exactly who to call if I want to stir shit up. Here’s the deal: you shut up and leave, or I’ll make a few calls. Right here. Right now.”
The quiet in the office was heavy. After a tense moment, Ted nodded. He didn’t say a word and turned and left.
Zoe looked at Jana. “What the hell was that about?”
“Before he went out on his own, Ted worked at the same firm I did. He left after he got caught screwing one of the interns. She was legal, but just barely. Might not seem like much to hold over him, but his ex got a shitty deal in their divorce because he managed to keep this and a bunch of other shit about his hidden accounts out of court. He won’t want any of that to become public.”
Jana flounced back to her desk and sat down, her eyes flicking from me to Zoe before she looked to Tristan. “Hi Tristan, thanks for stopping by,” she said brightly.
“Why the hell are you here?” I asked him.
“Your sister showed up, and I told her I’d track you down,” he said with a shrug.
“What? Which one?”
“Belle,” he said simply.
I had no idea why Belle was here. She was my youngest sister and tended toward carefree and bubbly. It wasn’t a shock for her to show up unannounced, but it wasn’t common either.
“Okay,” I said slowly. “Mind telling her I’ll be there shortly?”
I didn’t want to walk out of here without talking to Zoe. I glanced over to her, not even bothering to wait for Tristan’s reply.
She was already turning away. “I have to go,” she said, striding quickly back into her office.
I was hot on her heels. “Zoe, can we talk?”
I reached for her hand, and she shook me off. “Not now. I can’t talk now, Ethan. You just punched a colleague of mine. Maybe Jana’s right, and she can get him to keep his mouth shut, but it’s not just him I have to worry about. I can’t keep doing this.”
Her words tumbled out staccato and sharp. She didn’t even look at me as she grabbed her purse and jacket. I could barely think over the static in my brain and the pounding of my heart.
Before I had a chance to form a sentence, she was dashing out of the office. I started to race after her when Jana’s voice brought me up short.
“Let her go for now, Ethan.”
I spun back in the open doorway. “But I…”
She cut me off. “It’s obvious you want to talk to her. Hell, it’s obvious you love her. Trust me on this. Zoe’s stubborn. She doesn’t take well to being pressured. Let her cool off first. I’ll talk to her. Maybe you don’t see it, but she’s right about worrying about this thing with you two getting out the wrong way. I’ll admit I told her to go for it, but then I’m the same woman who blew my career up over getting involved with the wrong guy. I don’t think you’re the wrong guy, but I’m a romantic at heart. Go see your sister, and try again tomorrow with Zoe.”
I stared at Jana. I felt like my head was going to explode and my heart was going to pound its way out of my chest. Tristan’s voice punctured the turmoil in my mind.
“She’s right, mate. Let it rest. You can tell Belle all about it, and she’ll tell you what to do,” he said with a wry grin.
Because I didn’t know what else to do, I followed Tristan home, barely recalling I’d just punched a man over Zoe. I didn’t even penetrate my brain that I was that lost and out of control. Over a woman. Instead of worrying over that, all I could think about was the shuttered expression on Zoe’s face.
Chapter 24
Zoe
The rain fell heavily as I walked briskly down the street, huddled in my raincoat and wishing I could will away everything that had happened this afternoon. A horn blared in the street, and I glanced up, realizing I was about to walk by the entrance to Sarah’s office building. Ever since Ethan had dropped the little bomb that Ted knew about us, my thoughts had been spinning. I was so angry with myself for letting anything happen with him. I’d known better. Back when I had a little will to resist, I should’ve hung on. Instead, I’d let myself get swept into the vortex of him. Once the boundaries had been crossed, I hadn’t even tried to keep it from unfolding. As a result, I was mortified
. Ethan’s quick assurances that he could somehow make it better only served to annoy me. He had no idea. I’d worked so hard to get where I was professionally and now it was all at risk. All over sex. That’s it. Sex and nothing more. I had no idea what I’d been thinking, but I was flat out crazy to think there was more to Ethan and me.
Don’t beat yourself and him up over this. For God’s sake, don’t go and make it worse by telling everyone. You love Ethan, and there’s a really good chance he loves you too.
Right. Don’t be stupid.
Variations of this little debate had been circling in my brain ever since I’d dashed out of the office. There was my stupid heart. My incredibly stupid heart that dove right into this mess with Ethan on the coattails of the wild, thrumming desire that drew me to him in the first place. Then, there was my mind. My mind that had gotten me pretty far in life with careful planning and keeping me sheltered from the messiness of relationships. My mind had turned out to be a weak foe against overwhelming desire and my fanciful heart falling for Ethan. It all would have been so much simpler if he were the man he appeared to be on the surface—a shallow, insouciant player who was out for nothing more than a little fun.
Instead, he was so much more. My heart ached, and I didn’t know what to do. So I did what made the most sense. I’d come clean with a few trusted colleagues and figure out what to do. Maybe what happened with Ethan and I wasn’t ethical, but I’d transferred his case as I should’ve, and I was ending things now.
I flipped my hood back once I stepped through the doors into the office building and gave my jacket a shake. Within moments, I exited the elevator and entered Sarah’s office. Sarah and I had gone to law school together, along with Jana before she took time out from school to help take care of her sister. Sarah was an excellent attorney, and I trusted her. I knew she’d be honest with me about what she thought, but she wouldn’t gab about it.
Her receptionist took my name, and I sat down to wait. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I glanced at the screen to see a wall of texts from Ethan. My heart clenched. I didn’t want to read them, but I couldn’t help myself.
Jana told me to leave you alone for now. If you’re wondering, I don’t fucking want to. When can I see you? We need to talk.
Ten minutes later.
My sister Belle wants to meet you. Where are you?
Ten minutes later.
I’m sure you’re freaking out, but it will be fine. Jana says she can handle Ted, and I’ll kick his ass if I have to. Again.
I couldn’t help but laugh a little, a bitter, sad laugh. I knew Jana would do battle for me. I wasn’t quite so sure how to feel about the curl of warmth that filtered around my heart knowing Ethan wanted to protect me too. I was used to standing on my own. By myself. I’d never thought of that as lonely, but right now it felt like it.
Another ten minutes between texts.
Luv, you’re killing me here. Please tell me where you are, so I don’t have to come find you. Belle and Tristan are worried now too.
Another ten minutes.
I know you’re in a different spot than me, so it looks different, but it’ll be fine.
Another few minutes.
Bloody hell. Where are you?
That was the last text from him, sent just a few minutes ago. I’d completely forgotten the unexpected arrival of his sister and wondered what that was about. I wanted to meet her. For all the wrong reasons. I wanted to know that part of his life because it was so obvious his family meant a lot to him. But that wasn’t who he was to me. I couldn’t keep letting my silly heart and body lead me down this path of insanity. As it was, I was facing professional mortification over getting involved with him. I’d already been stupid enough.
“Zoe, come on back.”
I glanced up to see Sarah standing in the doorway to her office, gesturing for me to come in. Once I was there, I plunked down in the chair across from her, feeling a bit like a weary, drowned rat. My skirt was damp and water dripped off my raincoat to the floor.
“I meant to call you,” Sarah said, her concerned gaze scanning my face.
For a minute, I was puzzled and then I put the pieces together. Ethan had been here at her office when Ted dropped his little bit of news.
“I’m guessing you think I’m an idiot,” I finally said.
Sarah shook her head quickly. “Not at all. Ted Duncan’s an asshole. Ethan took off, so I didn’t get a chance to fill him in, but I made it clear to Ted if he tried to spread any rumors, I’d report him to the licensing board. Don’t even start worrying about this, okay?”
I forced myself to take a breath. My chest felt tight and my head was pounding. I didn’t like how this entire situation had spiraled out of my control. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten involved with Ethan. I looked over at Sarah whose expression was nothing but kind.
“It’s easy for you to say. I made a mess of this. I know I shouldn’t have let anything happen. It just doesn’t feel good to have Ted knowing this. He’s such a…”
“Zoe, stop beating yourself. Ethan said you two were involved before you took his case. I thought he was going to climb across the table and kick Ted’s ass.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, when Ted showed up at my office, Ethan hauled off an hit him.”
Sarah’s eyes widened. “Oh God. Did Ted call the police?”
I shook my head and quickly summarized what Jana said to him. “You know Jana, she’ll think she has it all handled. No matter what, Ted can make things uncomfortable for me.”
Sarah shook her head slowly. “Stop it. Ted has a crappy reputation because he’s a living, breathing example of an ambulance chaser. So what if people find out you and Ethan are involved? You did actually transfer his case. Technically, I think you didn’t have to, but you did anyway. This line of thinking is going to make you crazy.”
“Trust me, I know I should’ve known better, but it happened and now I’m trying to clean up the mess. You know how it is. If people hear I got involved with a client, it won’t look good,” I muttered, my cheeks flaming.
Sarah leaned back in her chair and brushed her hair off her shoulders. Like me, Sarah had put a lot of work into building her career. She was bright and sharp. A big difference between us was she married her college sweetheart and already had two kids. She drummed her fingers on the table.
I took a breath and let it out, anxious because she didn’t say anything more. “I should’ve transferred the case sooner, but nothing much was happening for a bit on it. I, well, I wasn’t thinking too clearly.”
Sarah grinned. “Kinda hard to do with a man like Ethan Walsh. He’s dreamy and has that sexy British accent. It’s obvious he adores you.” When I didn’t return her grin, she cocked her head to the side, her gaze sobering.
“Please tell me he didn’t talk about us.”
“Oh no, it wasn’t like that. Before that thing with Ted, he kept saying what a great attorney you were, and he hoped I would do just as good of a job. I didn’t have much to do, so I assured him it would be fine. It’s not like he said much, more that the way he talked about you, it was obvious he thinks you’re amazing. Because it was you and I had no idea, I figured he had the hots for you and nothing more, so…” Her words trailed off with a shrug.
I was so bad off about Ethan, this tiny sliver offered me a ticket to wishful thinking and fantasyland. I gave myself a shake and looked over at Sarah. I could not go there. “That’s nice and all, but what the hell should I do about Ted?”
“Nothing. Don’t take his bait. Whether Jana can keep him shut up or not, I don’t think you need to worry as much as you are. If I hear anything, I’ll report him to the board for threatening you like that. I know you’re worried about your end of things, but Ted was trying to extort a settlement from Ethan over this. That’s an actual legal problem. Maybe you got involved with a client, but you did the right thing and handed his case over. Plus, Ethan’s the only one who could really cause trouble for you, a
nd he claims it started before you took his case. I think you should stop worrying and let it go. I’ve got your back and so do plenty of people.”
I didn’t like her answer, mostly because I hated how I felt. I was mortified at ending up in this situation because it just wasn’t the kind of thing I did. Hell, before I met Ethan, I was a virgin. That’s how far away from this kind of thing I’d been. I looked over at Sarah with a sigh. “I was hoping you’d have a better suggestion.”
Sarah smiled ruefully. “I think you’re making it out as more than it needs to be.”
“Fine.” I stood and adjusted my raincoat. I started to turn away when Sarah said my name again.
“What?”
“Is it serious with Ethan?” she asked.
My heart clenched and my mind spun back to the other night when he’d kissed me against the wall. I’d felt like we were alone in the universe, caught in a shimmering web of intimacy with every fiber of me stitching tighter and tighter to him.
I don’t know what she saw in my expression, but her eyes softened and she stood, rounding her desk quickly and pulling me into a hug. She stepped back, cupping her hands on my arms and squeezing.
“No matter what, you’ll be fine. If he means that much, don’t let this chance slip away.”
My mouth fell open before I snapped it shut. “I didn’t say that,” I blurted out.
Sarah smiled softly and stepped back. “The look on your face said it all.” She paused, her gaze considering. “You told me way back when I married Jack that I was a romantic. Maybe I am, but the thing is, we don’t always get to be with someone we love. I know you’re all about being practical, and I respect the hell out of you. But if you love this guy—and my gut tells me you do—don’t let this stupid thing get in the way.”
Blessedly, her receptionist rapped on the door and poked her head around it. “Your five o’clock is here,” she said.
Sarah nodded, and I made my escape. There were all kinds of things I didn’t want to think about right now. Contemplating how much Ethan had come to mean to me the same day I was facing the magnitude of my poor judgment was simply too much. I gave a wave and headed back out into the rainy evening.