by J. H. Croix
I stared at him, anger rolling through me in a flash. All I had were the outlines of what happened to Harper. Even when I’d gone to look up Joe, I hadn’t bothered to review all the stories from that time. I’d missed the details of why she’d been named publicly. Hard to admit, but I hadn’t thought much about how that came to be. I hadn’t ever considered the ramifications of someone in Harper’s situation before. I doubt many men liked to think about what it meant to be raped. Men were the lucky ones in the sense we didn’t have to worry about it much, not the way women did. Olivia had pointedly told me that most women had at least one friend who’d been through it. Hearing that Joe had been behind Harper’s name becoming public made me furious. I didn’t realize I was clenching my fists until Coach spoke.
“Calm down, Alex. Not a damn thing you can do about that. Honestly, he deserved a helluva lot more than a few blows to the face, but you can’t change the past. I’ve got our PR guys on it. They’re leaning hard to spin this for what it was. A good guy finally giving an asshole what he deserved. Now we just need to see what we can do about those charges. Let’s be clear: I’m not saying what you did was a good choice. Fists don’t usually solve anything. I’m just saying I understand how you felt.”
I stretched my hands open and took a slow breath before nodding. “Right. I know it won’t help, but bloody hell. It’s just…” I stopped, emotion knotting in my chest. It was so fucking unfair what had happened. None of it was right, and I wanted to make it so.
Coach’s gaze held mine, a flicker of something in the depths. “Life is most certainly not fair. Best thing you can do is be there for her,” he said gruffly.
I knew Coach had his own share of tragedy. He’d been flying high as one of the best footballers in the world when he was in a car accident with his wife and daughter. He lived, and they didn’t. He was hobbled by his injuries and never played again. He lost his family and his career in one day. I knew he knew precisely how unfair life could be. I met his eyes and nodded, unable to speak just yet.
At that moment, there was a knock at the door. At Coach’s call, a woman stepped briskly into his office. She strode straight to Coach’s desk. She was tall and imposing, her presence so strong I stood reflexively. She had to be close to six feet tall with auburn hair pulled back into a sleek knot and hazel eyes. I realized how far gone I was over Harper when all I could manage was a dispassionate acknowledgment that she was beautiful, if a little intimidating. What with her height and strong presence, she commanded attention and seriousness.
“Zoe Lawson,” she said, holding a hand out.
Her handshake was confident, firm and businesslike, just like her presence. After introductions, Coach gestured for her to sit in the chair beside me. We collectively sat, and Zoe immediately opened a file folder tucked under her elbow. Her sharp gaze swung to me. “Well, the good part is you’ll definitely win the publicity war here. You were avenging your girlfriend. No one will think you’re the jerk in this story. The bad part is you punched Mr. Schmidt twice in front of multiple witnesses, and you happen to be a public figure, so plenty of people recognized you. I’ve reviewed everything. I need to know how hard you want to fight the charges before we decide how to proceed.”
Zoe closed the file folder and set it on the edge of Coach’s desk before looking my way again. I was still absorbing the fact that first Coach and now Zoe had called Harper my girlfriend. I liked it. Quite a lot. Yet, I wasn’t so sure that’s what she was, nor how she viewed what was happening with us. I forced my thoughts onto the matter at hand.
“I guess I didn’t even think about fighting the charges. I mean, it definitely happened. I’m not about to lie about it,” I said.
Zoe barely smiled and flicked her eyes to Coach. “What would the team like to see happen? You’re in the unfortunate position of having an honest player here.” Her gaze bounced to me. “No offense, but I’m used to dealing with sports stars who have some trumped up story about how someone walked into their fist, or whatever details need to fit what happened. I appreciate how honest you are, but as a criminal defense attorney, clients like you can make my job more challenging,” she said with a slight shake of her head.
Coach chuckled. “Alex is honest, and I’d like him to stay that way. How about you give us some feedback on how to proceed knowing that’s he’s the guy he is?”
I stayed quiet, but it was nice to know Coach appreciated me for who I was. Truth was, plenty of athletes were assholes behind their public façade. The media fawning allowed that to happen, and it was bloody annoying. It was good to have a Coach who had no tolerance for rubbish like that.
Zoe drummed her fingertips on the armrest of her chair for a moment and shrugged. “We’ll play it straight, but play up his history and what Mr. Schmidt said before you punched him.”
She slipped the file folder closer on the desk and opened it. “According to your police interview, he referred to Harper as an old friend. Then when you asked him if that’s what he called the women he raped, he said ‘Fuck you.’ Sound accurate?”
“It’s what happened and what I told the police,” I replied, wondering why she was repeating the obvious.
She closed the folder again. “Repetition is critical. I don’t doubt you for a second, but you need to get used to being asked the same questions again and again. I’m hoping we don’t even go to trial, but if we do, trust me, don’t get annoyed with being asked to repeat what happened a few hundred times.”
I bit back a sigh and ran a hand through my hair. I might not regret punching Joe. In fact, learning he was responsible to making Harper’s name public before only made me want to do it again, but it didn’t mean I wanted to deal with this circus. “Right then. Will do.”
“How likely you think it is he’ll go to trial?” Coach asked.
Zoe looked to him and shrugged. “Not very likely if the press keeps hammering the angle they already have. You look like the hero against a rapist who managed to barely serve any time.”
“But how does that help with the fact I hit him?” I asked.
“The longer this stays in the news, the more Mr. Schmidt has to be back in the public eye. I doubt he realizes it because guys like him usually don’t, but he got lucky before. I reviewed his court records. My guess is if Ms. Jacobs had wanted to keep dealing with a dragged out court case, he would’ve been convicted for the original charges, and she’d have been dragged through hell to make it happen. Rape cases are ugly for the victims. They have to testify about something terrible, reliving it over and over, and deal with cross-examination while they’re at it. It’s extremely unpleasant and the reason something like only three-percent of rape cases ever go to trial. I wasn’t there at the time, but I imagine the prosecutor offered a plea deal because Mr. Schmidt had a very aggressive defense attorney who was prepared to make it as ugly as possible for Ms. Jacobs. He got off easy. Now the whole sordid story is back in the news and he looks like the asshole he is. Not good for his professional reputation at all. He works in finance. I would bet his job might be at risk now because they won’t want any association with a former rapist who just called his victim an old friend. As far as I’m concerned, you let your PR team blow this up. Mr. Schmidt might end up wishing he’d never pressed charges against you. Does that mean it will completely disappear? No. Too many witnesses, but we can agree to a deal that probably means community service for you,” Zoe said with a firm nod.
Coach said something in reply, and they continued talking while my thoughts spun off wondering just how bloody awful the lead up to the plea deal must have been for Harper after Joe was charged. I didn’t like thinking about it. At all. In fact, thinking about it only made me angry again. Bloody hell. I’d been angry more ever since Olivia dropped this little bomb on me than I had since I was a lad. I’d thought my problems with my temper long gone.
Coach cleared his throat, and I looked back over at him. He leaned back in his chair and angled his head to the side. “You’re pissed again,
” he said calmly.
I bit back a sigh and shrugged. “I don’t like hearing about what Harper went through. I especially don’t like thinking about how easy Joe got off. It’s a load of bollocks is what it is.”
Zoe looked at me calmly and shrugged. “It certainly is, but don’t throw your fists around anymore, okay? We can handle this situation without too much trouble. If it happens again, you won’t look as sympathetic as you do now.”
Bloody hell. She was practical. I swallowed the next curse I wanted to spit out and closed my eyes while I took a deep breath instead. Opening them, I glanced between her and Coach. “No worries about me.”
Zoe nodded and stood, snagging the file folder and tucking it under her elbow again. “Well, I’ll be in touch after I speak with the prosecutor tomorrow. In the meantime, make your life as boring as possible,” she said with such a slight smile, it was barely noticeable.
She strode out of Coach’s office, her footsteps echoing on the tiled floor as she walked down the hallway. Coach stood and closed his office door, returning to lean his hips against the side of his desk. He eyed me for several beats. “It’s okay to be angry about something, you know.”
I stared back at him, wrestling with my own thoughts. Intellectually, I knew there was good reason to be angry with Joe. Yet, years of watching my father rule with anger had set me up to curb mine. I finally shrugged, uncertain where Coach meant to go with his comment.
“I’m only saying that because I haven’t seen you anything other than calm in the year plus you’ve been playing with the team. That’s a damn good thing. Your steadiness is a huge part of what keeps the team focused in tough games. I can’t say why, but you seem rattled by getting angry over this situation with Harper. You should be pissed. Hell, I’m pissed. Thing is, when people get angry and think they shouldn’t be angry, that’s when they do dumb things like punch people on the street because they’ve been too busy stuffing their anger.”
At that, he pushed off the side of his desk. “I’ll call you as soon as I hear anything back from Zoe. You do the same if you hear from her. Okay?”
“Of course. See you tomorrow at practice.”
As I made me way out of the stadium, I considered Coach’s comment. I hadn’t thought much about whether I’d been stuffing any of my anger when it came to what happened to Harper. I didn’t like being angry and especially didn’t like feeling so helpless. As Coach so plainly said, I couldn’t change the past.
Chapter 14
Harper
“Bye Stanley,” I said, giving his sleek head a pet. “Be back later.”
He nudged my leg and turned to amble over to his favorite napping spot in the corner where a splash of sun fell through the windows. I’d awoken to an overcast morning and gone for a run with Alex in the light drizzle. When it came to Alex, my thoughts were a jumble. I was starting to feel half-crazy because I wanted to see him all the time, but that didn’t fit with what I’d thought would happen with him. Not that I’d ever known what it would be like to finally break through the wall I’d built around myself and actually desire someone again. I wasn’t prepared for thinking about Alex nearly all the time and aching to see him again. I looked forward to our morning runs together because I knew I was guaranteed a solid hour in his presence. I wanted a hell of a lot more than that, but I was in the midst of my own internal battle over what to do about that.
My hard won peace of mind was coming to seem more superficial than I’d hoped. It relied on me avoiding emotionally charged situations, something I hadn’t discovered I’d been avoiding until Alex came along. Much as a part of me was near desperate to wrap myself in everything that was Alex, allowing that to happen meant letting go in a way I hadn’t in years. Honestly, in a way I’d never let go emotionally. The scorching intimacy I experienced with Alex was like nothing I’d ever experienced.
I gave my head a shake and slipped my jacket on, glancing over to see Stanley already sound asleep in his little patch of sun. Sometime between getting home from our run and my shower, the light drizzle had stopped and the sun was playing peek-a-boo through the clouds. I locked the door behind me and headed out to work.
I’d fallen in love with my new apartment when I saw it for several reasons. The windows offered a view of Puget Sound in the distance, it was on the same side of town as Daisy and Olivia, and it was closer to my job. I’d loved the fact it was close to a park as well because that meant a good place for walks with Stanley. I hadn’t considered running into Joe because I couldn’t have known he lived nearby. I still didn’t know anything other than that he went running in the park and I’d seen him in his car. Even the knowledge of his presence couldn’t puncture the warmth I felt now that Alex was in my life.
Well, I suppose he’d been in my life before. Ever since Olivia had moved in with Liam, Alex had been on the periphery of my life. I’d see him whenever Olivia and Liam had gatherings with friends. It hadn’t escaped my notice Alex was all kinds of sexy bundled up in an amazing body, but he’d kept his distance enough that I hadn’t seen beyond the surface. Truth be told, I hadn’t paid much attention to any man. It was strange to consider it, but the collision of encountering Alex in the park and seeing Joe at the same time had snapped me out of a numb place inside.
Just thinking about Alex now sent a flash of heat rolling through me. I turned on the radio, only to hear Alex’s name. Even though I knew it might be something I didn’t want to hear, I turned up the volume.
…. Alex Gordon’s recent charges are a shock in Seattle. Gordon is known for never losing his cool and has never even been called for a foul during his pro soccer career. Until this, he was clean as a whistle and considered Britain’s gentleman footballer. He’s facing assault charges against Joe Schmidt, the former track star previously charged with rape against a female runner who was ranked nationally during her college career. There was public outcry over the paltry sentence Mr. Schmidt agreed to in a plea deal, serving only a few months of time. Reports indicate Gordon is involved with Mr. Schmidt’s victim. Gordon looks like the hero here. Fans are saying Gordon did it for love.
The radio announcer continued and then shifted into a discussion on a local sports news station. I switched the radio off, my stomach churning. I couldn’t say I hadn’t been prepared. Alex himself had tried to tell me he was worried about this very thing. I guess I’d just shoved it away, thinking it couldn’t be that interesting to anyone. But then, I’d done the same thing back when Joe raped me. I’d been completely unprepared for the media attention and devastated when Joe announced my name during a live interview. The press had kept my name out of it until then. After that, every publication with any decency had actually called to ask if I preferred they continued to withhold my name, but I’d told them it didn’t matter. Because it didn’t. Joe had already done his damage, and shoving my name back into anonymity had been impossible at that point. I only prayed this would blow over quickly.
I zipped into my parking spot at my office and jogged inside. I liked my job, I really did. I kind of fell into it, but physical therapy turned out to be a good fit for me. My senior year in college had been a blur. I’d barely been able to focus and my grades had slipped. I had to spend an extra year in classes recouping from that mess. My track coach had been kind enough to set me up with a job providing support to the physical therapy team for various collegiate programs. I’d enjoyed it because the job itself offered opportunities for me to stay fit, and I enjoyed helping others. Sad to say, but part of the appeal at the time had been free access to the on-site gyms. I’d been deep in the echoes of fear from Joe’s attack and had been too scared to run outside at the time. Yet, I’d craved the physical burn of working out and the escape it offered me.
I’d gradually worked up to walks outside with Stanley, but had only started running outside again with Alex. Another gift he’d given me—of such import it was hard to convey. I waved at the receptionist and headed down the hall to my office. I still worked at the univer
sity occasionally, but my official job was with a clinic that provided physical therapy and orthopedic consults all over Seattle. Olivia and I sometimes referred to each other with her being an orthopedic surgeon. I liked the freedom of my position and the ability to see a wide range of patients.
I stepped into my office to find Daisy waiting in one of the chairs by my desk. “Hey there, what are you doing here?” I asked, puzzled at her appearance.
Daisy twirled the ends of her blonde ponytail in her fingers and shrugged. “Just thought I’d say hi.”
While it wasn’t completely unusual for Daisy to drop in, she was too nonchalant for that. I hung my jacket and leaned my hips on the desk. “You’re not here just to say hi. You’re checking on me, aren’t you?”
Daisy sighed and wrinkled her nose. “So how are you?”
I pondered her question seriously. I wasn’t great. It wasn’t good to know Alex was in the news and the biggest ghost of my past was in the public eye again because of what had happened. Yet, I’d come a long way. I was unsettled and anxious, but I felt okay. I didn’t have that old panicky feeling where I felt strewn into broken pieces inside, always trying to put myself back together and never quite able to pull it off. Oddly, I wanted to see Alex. I wasn’t quite ready to examine what that might mean, but somehow the thought of seeing him made me feel better. He was someone to hold onto, and I didn’t doubt for a second he’d be there if I asked.
I met Daisy’s concerned gaze. “I’m really okay. Were you driving in and heard the same thing I did?”
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Yes. It got me worried. But you look… Well, you look okay. Want to grab some lunch today?”