I kiss her salty lips, and laugh. “You were never broken. I just had to help you realize it.”
Three years later…
“Uhh, Cowboy,” Ann mutters from the living room of our home, just across the lake from Aiden’s house. We moved in just a little over two years ago, and every day I walk through the door is a blessing.
We got married seven months after I proposed on that rickety porch. With a preacher, Jason, Mia, Liv and Aiden, I made her officially mine under our old oak tree. It was picture-perfect. Ann was breathtaking. In a simple off-white, lace dress that flared at her waist, she looked angelic walking down the aisle. My breath still hitches when I think about seeing her for the first time, stepping out of her red truck, cowboy boots first.
“Cowboy!” Ann yells again, snapping me out of my thoughts. Hauling my ass down the stairs, I find my very-pregnant wife sitting on the couch, clutching her swollen belly. “I think it’s time.”
My heart skips a beat. “What? You mean the baby’s coming. Now?”
Despite her obvious discomfort, she snorts and rubs her aching belly. “Yes, sweet boy. He or she is coming soon. Maybe sooner if we don’t get a move on it—we should get going.”
My brain shifts into Papa Mode. We’ve taken all the classes and gone to all of Ann’s check-ups. I bound up the stairs to retrieve the hospital bag, knowing it’s the only thing we really need.
The drive to the hospital is too bumpy for my taste. Ann winches at every pothole and I pretend it doesn’t break my heart a little every time it happens.
I quickly find a parking spot and run to Ann on the passenger side. “You okay?” I ask.
Clutching my hand enough to break it, she breathes through an intense contraction. Counting to ten, she opens her eyes and smiles.
“Yeah, let’s just get in there. You ready, Daddy?”
I lovingly rub her stomach and kiss her. “Yes ma’am. Let’s go have our baby.”
We didn’t want to find out the sex of the baby. And, when I say we, I mean Ann didn’t want to learn it before the birth. I tried my hardest to talk and persuade her into it, but the woman wouldn’t budge. Not that that’s surprising.
With Ann waddling like the most adorable penguin next to me, I swiftly take her hand and lead her to the hospital entrance.
The woman sitting at the desk in the maternity ward looks up at us and doesn’t bat an eyelash at my growing panic. “Umm—hi, my wife is about to have our baby,” I ramble.
Obviously she’s about to have a baby. I’m an idiot.
The blonde receptionist lifts her eyes slightly before producing paperwork. With doctor-like clarity, I fill in all the blanks. Ann gently places her hand on my shaking fingers.
“Hey, Cowboy. Everything is okay. Take deep breaths.”
I shake my head and finish the paperwork. “You’re the one having the baby and I’m having a freak out. This is backwards. I’m sorry, baby. I just worry about you,” I say as I hand the papers back to the woman behind the desk.
She cups my face. “I know, and that’s why I love you so much, but I’ve got this. We’ve got this.” She rubs her belly in circles as another contraction hits.
“Shiiiiit,” she drags out the word, clutching my hand.
The old ladies sitting in the waiting room raise their eyebrows at us and I wave, giving them a smile. That’s my wife. Sailor-mouth and all.
“In through your nose and out with your mouth, baby,” I sweetly instruct. She nods her head and does as I say. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Breathe, Red.” As the contraction lessens, the clouds in her eyes disperse and she leans into my side.
“Fuck me, that was harsh. I don’t want to do this anymore.” She stops, looking me in the eyes, a smile playing on her lips. “Yep, I’ve decided. The baby can stay in here for a while more.” She points to her basketball-sized stomach. “Give me some pain medicine and let’s go home. He or she can come out in a few years.”
I snicker and kiss her temple. “You want a three year old in your body just walking around?” I ask. The visual sends me into a fit of laughter.
She narrows her eyes and smiles. “Okay, so maybe that’s irrational, but—ouch—fuck, Duane.” She cries as another contraction hits.
I grab both of her hands. “You can do this baby. Breathe. Deep breaths.”
The receptionist calls over to us, “Mr. and Mrs. Rynard, her contractions are coming fast, let’s get her back to a room, now.”
Ann and I nod our heads and follow her through the swinging double doors, hand-in-hand.
Opening the door to our private room, Ann immediately heads to the bed and lies down.
“What do I need to do?” I ask the nurse, scared shitless. Standing next to Ann, I grab her hand in mine. I just need to feel her. Having her hand in mine makes me feel like I can somehow take her pain away.
The nurse surprises me and places one hand on my shoulder and her other on Ann’s shoulder. “Ann,” she looks to my pained wife in the bed, “the on-call doctor, Dr. Liddle will be here to see you in a few minutes. Get undressed and put the hospital gown on.”
She points to the folded fabric next to the bed on the table. “Mr. Rynard, you’re doing everything you need to. You’re going to be great parents,” she assures. With a kind smile, she leaves us to our baby-having business.
“Come on, Red, let’s get you undressed,” I suggest.
She groans. “Ugh, that’s the first time you’ve said those words and mind-blowing sex didn’t follow.” She pouts, “This sucks.”
I chuckle and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I guarantee the next time we have sex, I’ll rock your fucking world. It’ll blow your mind, but right now, you need to focus. Fuck—”
I start to visualize taking her in different ways. It’s been about two weeks since we’ve had sex, and that’s long overdue for us.
“Dammit, okay.” I shake my head of those thoughts. “Stand up and I’ll close my eyes for fuck’s sake.”
Ann laughs, and shakes her ass.
Even almost ten months pregnant, she turns me on. “Fucking minx.”
She sheds her shirt. “You know it.”
I quickly turn away. Her enlarged breasts stand proud on her chest and my hands long to touch them.
“Need help?” I call over my shoulder.
“Nope.” I hear her pants hit the floor. “I’m okay, Cowboy. You can turn around now.”
I take a deep breath, turn and find her back in bed, with a light blue gown on.
I go to her side. “You’re absolutely astonishing, you know that?”
Her lips quiver slightly. “I can’t believe we’re here. This doesn’t seem real. How did this become my life? I have you and we’re about to have a baby. A baby. It’s just so different how I pictured my life would turn out.”
I wipe a fallen tear from the apple of her cheek. “Yeah, you’d be an old cat lady by now,” I kid.
She slaps my arm and smiles. “Shut up. I love you.”
“I love you. Always,” I reply.
She kisses my hand. “Forever.”
Her next contraction begins when the doctor walks in. “Hi, Rynards,” he greets with a warm smile, walking to shake my hand. “Good to meet you, Duane.”
I shake it. “Sir. Nice to meet you.”
He looks to Ann. “Hi sweetheart. You hangin’ in there? Let’s get a look at the baby and see how he or she is doing, yeah?”
Ann gives a thumbs up, still contracting as Dr. Liddle wheels the sonogram machine over to the side of the bed. Covering up Ann’s legs with a light blanket, he pulls her gown up around her breasts. Squirting the warm lubricant onto her belly, the machine comes to life. The doctor takes the wand, moving it around her belly. A few seconds pass when our sweet baby appears on the screen. Small and tiny, I fight the urge to cry. It’s one thing to see it on the screen every month, but knowing the baby is about to be born is enough to wobble my world on its axis.
“How’s he doing
, doc?” Ann asks, and I quirk an eyebrow at her.
“He?”
She smiles, her eyes sparkling from un-shed tears. “I think it’s a boy.”
“You do, huh?”
She grins. “Yep. It’s a boy. Strong, sweet, loyal and perfect. Just like his dad.”
Taking the back of my knuckles, I gently caress her face.
“Guys,” the doctor chimes in, “I don’t want you to panic, but the baby’s heart rate is a little high, and climbing. I’d like to do an emergency C-section right away, with your consent.”
Panic flares in my body, and I look to Ann. She looks about the same as me.
“Okay.” She looks to Dr. Liddle. “Is he going to be okay?”
He.
The doctor looks certain. “Everything will be fine. Both you and the baby are in great hands, but we have to get going now. I’ll have the nurses prepare the room, and someone will come get you when it’s ready.” He clasps Ann’s hand, giving encouragement, before heading out.
Wiping my hands down my jeans, I sit next to Ann on the bed. “You okay?”
She looks anxious, but she smiles. “I think. This is a major surgery, but I’m worried about the baby. Let’s get him out, and I’ll be happy.”
I nod my head, and rub my thumb on the inside of her hand until the nurse comes to wheel Ann out to the operating room.
Her eyes begin to water. “I love you, Cowboy. I’ll see you in there.” The bed begins to move out of the door.
“I love you, too,” I mutter when Ann’s hand slips from mine.
Straightaway, my hand feels cold and tingly. Had I been holding her hand so tight that it was numb and I just now realized? I open and close my hand a few times to regain circulation.
I should be with her.
I wouldn’t be much help. I hate needles. From the articles I’ve read, this particular needle is anything but little.
My heart left on that hospital bed.
I run my hands through my hair and pace the room.
A wide-eyed looking teenager in green scrubs walks through the door and hands me a cloth-like suit to put on over my clothes.
“You want me to wear this? It looks like I’m about to step into a potato sack,” I rant. Really, as I pull it over my jeans and t-shirt, it hangs off of me so much that I’m sure I could fit at least two of me in here.
The teenage-looking nurse-man snickers at me and shrugs. “Don’t forget the shoe covers, and cap as well. When you get in there, try not to touch anything.”
I grunt in agreement. “Can I at least touch my wife?”
The nurse-man heads toward the door and pushes the hand sanitizer button. The liquid pools into his hands and he rubs them together. “Yes, of course. Hold her hand, kiss her, do what you need to, but if you’re squeamish, I wouldn’t look over the blue sheet. It’s not something you really want to see.”
With that, he pushes on the door and gestures for me to follow him.
What’s going to happen on the other side of the sheet?
Alright, that’s a stupid question. I’ve seen what happens, but I’m sure TV romanticizes it a bit. Do I even want to contemplate? I shake my head of all horrific possible scenarios and follow the nurse-man.
Walking out of the confines of our room, reality slaps me in the face. Hard. I’m about to be a dad. I’ll forever be someone’s father. Someone’s kid—my kid—will look up to me. I’m going to attempt to mold this little person’s life as best I can.
Am I capable?
“Sit here, the nurse will be out to get you when your wife is ready.” He points to one lonely chair and shuffles away.
Planting my ass in the small chair, I huff and rub my hands over my face. Slowly counting, to calm my sky-rocketing nerves, I hear a screech. Thinking it’s the nurse to come retrieve me, my head snaps up and I begin to stand, but the hallway is empty. Not one sign of life. The lights are extraordinarily dim, and I wonder how people get around. The other parts of the hospital that I’ve seen are lit like a damn Christmas tree. Why is it so dark in here? A chill runs down my spine.
Holy shit, why the fuck is it so cold?
Shake it off, Duane. I chastise myself. It’s just a hospital.
Shaking my head again for the second time in five minutes, I sit up straight and take in my surroundings. Stretchers and hospital beds line the walls, some with sheets, and others bare. The supposed reception desk lacks a computer and a chair. Oh, and a receptionist.
Was there some sort of zombie apocalypse I’m not aware of?
Slow rolling music begins in my head. Any minute now, a zombie is going to walk into the hallway and slowly chase me. Yes, you read that right. Slowly chase me. I don’t know why, but the slower a zombie walks the more terrifying they seem.
“Mr. Rynard? We’re ready for you,” a gentle voice announces, breaking me from my over imaginative thoughts.
Running my hands on the outside of my potato sack, I get up and walk into my future.
As the door opens to the operating room, a cold gust of wind hits me square in the face and I shiver. Ann is lying on a table, with her arms spread out on both sides. She turns her head to the sound of my entrance.
“Hi there, Cowboy.” Her voice is accompanied by a wink.
Her hair is wrapped in a hospital cap, and an oxygen tube runs out of her nose.
I rush to her. “Are you okay? Why do you have oxygen on?”
She gestures for my hand, so I gently place mine in hers, worried I might break her.
“I’m okay, really. They just do this as a precaution.” She looks at me stern. “I’m fine.”
The big blue sheet blocks my view from the rest of room, so I focus on Ann. She looks wide-awake, and ready.
She smiles as the doctor gives her the run down. “You’re going to feel a slight tugging. Try not to move. This’ll all be over soon.”
She nods her head. “Okay, doc. I’m ready when you are.”
Dr. Liddle peeks over the blue sheet. “We’re ready. Let’s get you your baby.”
Lacing our fingers together, we wait.
After three minutes, Ann’s body slightly jostles, and she grunts.
“Slight pull, my ass, doc. You’re pulling my fucking insides out.” Her eyes roll and mine bulge. “I don’t feel anything, Cowboy. It’s alright.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, willing for all of this to be over.
A scream erupts and my eyes snap open.
“It’s a boy!” Dr. Liddle cheers, lifting him up over the sheet so we can get a peek of him before the cleanup team takes him.
He’s a bloody mess, and perfect. I look away from him to Ann. Tears are freely falling from her face, but she’s beaming. I wipe at my own tears and whoop, making the room laugh.
Handing the baby to a nurse, they hurry him to the cleaning station, and begin to wipe him down. “He’s eight pounds, five ounces, twenty-one inches long,” a nurse calls out. “Perfectly healthy. Congratulations!”
I sniffle. “Did you hear that, Red? He’s perfect. You did so good.”
Ann gently pulls me to her. “We did good.”
“Would you like to hold him, mama?” The nurse asks.
Ann eagerly nods her head and reaches for him.
“Does he have a name?” The nurse asks while cuddling our new baby.
Ann and I look at each other, silently agreeing.
Ann wipes at her runny nose, lips shaking. “Kyle—his name is Kyle.”
The nurse nods her head. “What a great name, for such a strong boy. Congratulations, again.”
Because Ann is still on the table, getting stitched up, I help her hold Kyle. He’s got bright blue eyes, and light sandy hair. His chubby cheeks move in and out as he swallows, and I’m mesmerized.
“Hi, fella,” Ann coo’s, “I’m your mama.” Then, she points to me. “That’s your dad. We are so lucky to have him. Welcome to the world. We love you so much.”
Like the manly man I am, I choke back a
happy sob, and cover my mouth. “Hi, buddy.” I bring my hand to his face.
Wiggling in his little cocoon, his hand snakes out and he grabs my finger.
“Well I’ll be damned,” Dr. Liddle says from behind me. “I’ve never seen a baby do that in all of my thirty five years of practicing. You’ve got a special boy there, you two.”
He bends to kiss Ann on the forehead, much like a grandfather would. “I’ll check back in on you in a bit. They’re finishing cleaning you up, and you should be in recovery in a few minutes.” Rubbing my shoulder, he gives me an encouraging squeeze, and leaves the room.
My eyes haven’t left Kyle since the nurse brought him over. Every second he sits in my arms is unbelievable. A gift.
After Ann is able to leave the recovery room, they take her back to our room where we’ll be staying for the next few days. When the doors open, Liv, Aiden and their two-year old daughter Evie are sitting on the windowsill, waiting for us.
Pregnant with their second daughter, Liv wobbles over to Ann, opening her arms for a hug.
Aiden and Liv got married shortly after Ann and I did. On a whim, they decided to go to the courthouse and get hitched. They love each other like Ann and I do. We are simply two brothers who fell in love with best friends and we both love every second of it.
Ann and Liv still run James Place, downtown. The business has picked up so much that they opened a second location a year ago. Mia runs that shop with her husband, whom she met at the very same concert I sang to Ann at. Small world. Jake was in his last year of graduate school at the time, earning his masters in business, so it made sense to turn the shop over to them when the time came.
Ann still sings. We built her a studio in the house where she writes and produces songs for up and coming artists in the area.
Shortly after I proposed to Ann, I quit my job as a lawyer. Dedicating my life to the ranch made sense and I’ve never been happier with my work life. The hay farm has expanded so much that we now provide hay to every dairy in Tennessee. Business is good.
Life—life is good.
It’s moments like these when you begin to appreciate all of the hell you went through and endured because it only made you better. It made you stronger. It made you who you are today. Find a way to thank the people who made your life miserable. Make them understand that, because of the shit they put you through, you refuse to back down. Live your life to prove them wrong. Live to prove yourself right. It only takes one second to change your future. So, follow your heart. Take the time to laugh, and play—find the good in every moment.
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