“Of course,” she said. “Come say hi to Jean.”
It was unnecessary for her to lead him to the living room, but again, Titan knew it was just her style.
“There’s my girl,” he said, going right to Jean.
She was tied into her wheelchair with a restraint; its purpose to keep her safe and upright in the chair. Tremors and muscle spasms rocked her body as she watched Titan come to her, kneeling down. Jean had been unable to speak much for the last few days, and the fear that she was not just in a flare, but declining this fast scared him to death. Maybe he should forget about making money and take a leave of absence to care for her. Trying to raise her hand to his cheek, she was barely able to speak.
“Titan.”
Biting back tears, he put his arms around her to embrace her.
“Are you getting tired of sitting up?”
An attempt at a nod, rolling her eyes as if to indicate yes, Jean leaned back with her head against the chair. She was exhausted, waiting for him to get home, and now that he was home, she just wanted to get into bed and lie there with him.
An electric lift installed on the staircase to the second floor made it possible for Jean to leave the bedroom during the day. On the weekdays when she was home alone with the nurse, it was too difficult for the nurse to get her in and out of bed alone, now that she was unable to help. Once Titan helped get her up, she had to stay up until the evening.
Tonight, Titan helped get Jean into her hospital bed, but as soon as the nurse left at seven, he went back to the room. Awake, Jean was watching for him.
“Do you want to sleep with me tonight?” he asked.
It would be the last night they’d be alone, and he was afraid, the last night he’d be able to make love to his wife.
Her Tremors aggravated by her attempts to communicate with him, she blinked her eyes, and then murmured a long, low, “Yes.”
Putting the side rail down, he lifted her as gently as he could and put her into the bed, on her old side, propping pillows behind her back, tucking the sheet around her body so she wouldn’t fall out of bed.
Walking to their closet, he began to undress for bed, and the familiar act - his wife waiting in bed, him taking his clothes off - brought on a torrent of sadness and he started to cry. Throwing his clothes over a chair, he went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth.
Waiting for him to come to bed, aware that they were going to make love, that it might be the last time, Jean watched him, still thinking he was the handsomest man she’d ever seen. A tear fell onto her cheek.
Slipping under the sheets, he moved next to her, and again, with great effort, she tried to hold him.
“Jean, I love you so much,” he cried, rubbing her back, kissing her neck.
Looking up at her, he could see she was trying desperately to talk to him.
“Save your strength,” he begged, it heartbreaking to see her struggling.
She shook her head; he waited. Watching her mouth moving, he put his ear close to her and heard her say, “I love you, too.”
The next morning, after getting Jean back in her own bed, Titan went down to the kitchen to get toast and coffee and bring Jean yogurt, which he’d feed her while having a one-sided conversation. Frowning if what he said was sad, Jean would try to smile at him if what he said made her happy. This morning, he decided to tell her about Lee and Steve, and he could tell Jean was shocked, trying to shake her head.
The caregiver got there at eight, informing Titan that there would be a night nurse coming in at eleven that night. The couple would be alone for a few hours each night before bedtime. Rather than having the hospital bed moved out of their bedroom, Titan would sleep in the guest room so Jean could be comfortable around her personal things.
He helped the nurse get Jean up, and he would be back at noon to put her back into bed. It was too difficult for her to stay up all day now.
“I’ll see you later,” he whispered before he left. “Thank you for last night.”
Closing her eyes, Jean smiled and tried to lift her hand to his face again, but the strength it took just wasn’t available.
“Okay, so long, everyone,” he said, and left for his office.
On the way downtown, his phone rang; it was Lee.
“Well, Mother, how is everything?” he asked. “How’s Steve doing?”
“Ask me one question at a time,” Lee said. “How is everything first. Everything is okay. Not great, but okay. Kelly Boyd crashed into Stevie’s truck, but that good! Now he get new truck.”
“How on earth did that come about?” he asked.
Embellishing the truth, Lee gave her son the exaggerated story of a crazed soon-to-be ex-wife who tried to kill them with her car.
“Well, that’s not so good,” he said, figuring she’d probably inflated the story for more drama.
“But it good to get rid of that truck!”
“Okay, that’s one good thing,” Titan replied, smiling. “What’s next?”
“Stevie proposed,” she said.
“Mother, isn’t he still married?” Titan asked, worried.
No wonder the wife was bashing into her husband and his girlfriend.
“Kelly Boyd let him go,” Lee said. “She let her children disrespect him at dinner. They don’t like him.”
“I’m sure that can’t be true,” he said, figuring it was probably Lee they didn’t like, and it made him sad that his mother was putting herself in that position. “How’d you happen to be at their house for dinner? It doesn’t seem like the wife would feed you and then she’d try to kill you.”
Listening to her chatter for the next five minutes, he cringed, worrying about his mother destroying lives. Since his own life was crumbling, he couldn’t worry about her for long.
Finally, after she yammered on, she asked about Jean. “How’s Jeanie? I not there to help you,” she said, her voice sad.
“I have nurses there,” he said. “Starting tonight, day and night. Jean’s not good, Mom. If you want to see her again, maybe you’d better come home for the weekend.”
“Oh no. Poor Titan,” Lee said, beginning to weep. “I ask Stevie to bring me home tonight.”
Relieved, Titan thanked her. Lee taking over when she was at the house gave Titan a break from the constant pressure of work and caring for Jean. Even with the nurses there, he couldn’t turn his back on his wife.
“She’ll be so happy you’re there,” Titan said.
That night, as soon as Steve came back to the hotel from work, Lee was waiting with their clothes packed.
“You too tired to take me to Chicago tonight? Titan needs me there. He say Jean not doing so good.”
When Lee started to cry, Steve held her until she calmed down.
“We can stop for dinner on the way,” he said. “Titan’s wife is getting worse?”
Repeating what Titan said about seeing Jean before it was too late, Lee’s need to get home was a priority for Steve. Loading the rental car with their belongings, it didn’t take long for their love nest to revert to a sterile hotel room.
“I checked us out of the hotel for the weekend,” he said. “It’ll save a few dollars. We can get our own apartment next week.”
Holding her hand, he led her to the parking lot.
“I’d rather have a house,” she said, frowning.
Arm around her shoulder, Steve hugged her.
“In time we’ll have a wonderful house,” Steve promised. “We can get a nice apartment on the river, with a pool for next summer. Wouldn’t you like that?”
“I never thought of a pool,” she replied. “What about a yard?”
“I’ll make sure it has at least a terrace for you,” he said. “You can grow things in containers.”
“I like your house with Kelly Boyd,” she said, smug. “You should tell her to move.”
“You don’t want that house,” Steve insisted, holding the door for her. “Any house we get will be better than that because we’ll be togeth
er.”
Grabbing her hand, he pulled it to his lips to kiss just as Lisa drove by on her way home from work. Not able to remember a time in which she’d observed Steve showing Kelly any affection, sadness crept in as Lisa slowed the car down. Watching her father looming over the tiny older woman and witnessing the loving affection he was pouring on her smacked Lisa in the heart and she started to sob. Pulling to the curb, she quickly keyed in Ben’s number.
“Are you eating dinner?” she asked when he answered.
“Not yet,” he said. “Liz is resting. The baby was a handful today. What’s going on?”
Pouring out her anguish to her twin, Lisa said things she’d always feared were true but never put into words. Her father didn’t love Kelly and probably didn’t love any of the children he had with Kelly.
“Was this at the hotel?”
“Yes,” she said. “It looks like they’re moving out because the trunk was open, filled with suitcases.”
“You should have seen him, Bennie. He was positively glowing with love for her. It made me sick!”
“Calm down,” Ben said, weary. “It stands to reason that if he is going to walk away from marriage to our mother, it must be for a good reason. Go home and I’ll be over in an hour to walk with you. We might be pushing a baby carriage tonight.”
“That’s fine,” she said, blowing her nose.
After they hung up, Ben stared at his phone. Thumbing through the contacts, he came to DAD. Pushing the button, Steve’s number popped up and started to ring.
In the process of putting his seat belt on, Steve dug his phone out of his pocket and looked at the face.
“It’s my son. Ben.”
Ignoring the call, Steve put the phone down.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Lee asked. “Always take calls from your children, Stevie.”
Resigned that he wasn’t going to be able to run from his family, he nodded and pushed the Talk button.
“What is it, Ben?” Steve said, surprising Lee and Ben with the sharp tone. “We’re just leaving for Chicago.”
“Sorry, Dad,” he said, not sorry at all. “Lisa saw you with a trunk full of suitcases, kissing Lee. We were just wondering what the hell was up.”
Shocking himself that he got right to the point with his father, Ben decided at that moment that the only way to survive this was to be honest about everything. Beating around the proverbial bush to make Steve comfortable was not going to work any longer.
Ben’s brutal honesty brought Steve back down to reality.
“Titan talked to Lee today and his wife is not doing well. He asked us to come, so we’re headed out that way now.”
“Oh, well, I’m so sorry about Titan’s wife,” Ben said, humbled.
“Is there anything else?” Steve asked.
“Dad, we think you’re suffering from PSTD. Do you know what that is?”
“I don’t believe in any of that malarkey,” Steve said. “Save it for your mother.”
“Dad, it’s documented. Post traumatic stress disorder. It’s a real, recognized psychiatric disorder. Even your pipefitter’s union has coverage for it,” he said with disdain. “Before you leave Mom, think about at least talking to someone.”
“Ben, thanks so much for your concern. I’m hanging up now.”
And he did.
Staring at his phone, Ben wasn’t exactly surprised Steve hung up on him, but he was hurt. Thumbing through his recent calls, he saw the number he’d called to talk to Titan and pressed the call button.
“Hi, can you put me through to Dr. Baker?” Ben asked when the call was answered.
This time he’d get numbers. When Titan picked up, Ben immediately apologized for calling the service again.
“I’ll give you all my numbers before we hang up,” Titan said. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s okay here, but I just talked to my dad, and he said your wife wasn’t doing well and that he and Lee are on their way to Chicago. I wanted to see if I could help in anyway.”
Unexpectedly, after a brief pause, Titan started crying. “Forgive me,” he said, unable to control his emotions. “It’s so sad. She’s at the end. This condition affects the nerves, and now it’s affecting the nerves to her diaphragm. Her breathing is irregular and she’s struggling for breath.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ben said.
If Titan and his wife were nearby, Ben was sure the whole family would be there, helping him. But it wasn’t to be.
“Is there anything we can do?”
“No, not really,” he said, thinking life goes on for everyone even if a beloved spouse was dying. “I’ll be with her all weekend. I’m taking a leave of absence starting next week. It’s not going to be easy because this is a business Jean and I started together.”
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” Ben replied, Liz’s death unimaginable. “My mother and brother are nurses, so if you need any help, just let us know.”
Although it was ridiculous of him to offer the help of others, Ben knew that his mother would drop everything to help a person in need. Even the wife of her husband’s bastard son.
Biting back a snivel, Ben quickly said goodbye and hung up on the call, hooting laughing, slapping his knee, and then breaking down in tears, chest heaving, miserable.
“Ben, what happened?” Liz said, coming out from the bedroom. “What is it?”
“My brother’s wife, my new brother’s wife, that is, is dying. What a fucked-up situation.” Looking up at her, he shook his head. “I woke you. I’m sorry.”
“No, you didn’t,” she said. “I’m so sad. We don’t know them, but we do, you know?”
“Yes,” Ben said. “I know exactly what you mean. I wish there was something we could do.”
“Like what? You really can’t help him with her care.”
“I know. I feel like reaching out to my dad in some way. I talked to him on the phone and he was his usual, unpleasant self.”
“Aw, the little boy reaching out for Dad?”
Ben looked at Liz and nodded. “Pathetic. But I’m my mother’s son,” he replied. “Maybe I’ll call her. Maybe it’s my mother I should be offering help to.”
Wrapping her arms around Ben, Liz felt sorry for him, but there wasn’t anything Ben could do for his father or his half brother. Ben’s family could suck the life out of a cactus.
“Aren’t you walking with Lisa tonight? That’s an act of love for your family, Ben. I’m sure Kelly is grateful for your unremitting love for your sister.”
“Yes, we’re walking. She saw my dad kissing his new girlfriend this evening, so she’s probably eating a loaf of bread right now.”
“Oh, not so good,” Liz said, sorry for Lisa and aware of her many struggles. “I’m glad you’re helping her.”
Before she and Ben married, Liz knew that his relationship with his twin sister was entangled, but the time he spent with Lisa seemed to enhance the time Liz and Ben spent together, so she had never resented it.
“I’ll take the baby with me. She’ll benefit from fresh night air.”
Clapping her hands, Liz smiled. “Oh, goody. I’ll take a nice bath while you’re gone. She’s awake, fussing in her crib, but these breasts don’t have another drop of milk to give her. Take a bottle of milk I pumped along in case she starts to wail.”
Within the hour, Ben was on his way to Lisa’s house, baby Nicole in her little car seat, with the expensive jogging stroller Lisa had bought them for a baby gift folded up in the back. As he parked in Lisa’s driveway, she was waiting once again in new spandex jogging clothes, and bright new sneakers.
“You look so athletic!” he called out, getting out of the car.
“All the better to fool you,” she said, morose.
When he opened the door in back, Lisa realized they weren’t going to be walking alone, and it immediately brightened her evening.
“Oh, you did bring the baby!” she exclaimed.
Hopping off the ste
p, she ran to the car to help.
“This will be fun,” she said, looking in the window at Nicole, who had her fist crammed in her mouth.
“I don’t know why, but I hope you’re right,” he replied, dubious. “I wanted to bring her because I can’t justify leaving my wife alone with her one more evening. Our family is demanding too much of my attention these days.”
“I’m sorry, Bennie. Liz is really a saint,” she said, taking the baby from him.
“We have the big stroller tonight,” he said.
“Oh, is that right! I bought it with just this in mind! That we’d start running through town like those smart, in-shape yuppies we see.”
“I’m not sure that term is even used anymore,” Ben said, laughing. “But I know what you mean.”
Getting the stroller out of the car and setting it up took a few minutes, but strapping the baby in was more challenging. When they were confident she was inside securely, they started walking.
“This is nice,” Lisa said, holding on to the handle.
“Pushing the stroller is helping us stay at a good pace,” Ben said.
“Let’s walk to the park,” Lisa said. “We have another hour of daylight, so it should be okay.”
For the next forty minutes, they walked through the park and back into town, past the café where Reggie worked with open-air seating, and a drive-in restaurant with curbside service, carhops dashing back and forth, bringing food to diners.
“We don’t have many more nights like this before it will be too cold to sit outside,” Ben said, thinking he’d invite Liz to have after-dinner coffee with him at the café that weekend.
It was dark by the time they returned to Lisa’s house. “That was the best walk yet,” she said. “I feel like it’s something I could do every night. Tomorrow I’ll come to your house so you don’t have to lug everything over here.”
“That works,” he said, unstrapping baby Nicole, who had been wide awake for the last half hour and didn’t make a peep.
“I hope she sleeps for you tonight,” Lisa said, taking the baby so Ben could fold up the stroller.
“Me too. Get inside now and lock the door,” he said, taking the baby from her to buckle in the seat. “I’ll call you later.”
The Jade Emperor Page 13