Megan followed them, and Scott fell into step with her. “You doing okay?”
She glanced up at him. “Of course. I know I’m a little out of shape, but I don’t think I’m that bad off. It was just two and a half miles.”
Scott grinned. “That wasn’t supposed to be an insult. It certainly wasn’t meant to be a slam on your shape. It was more like saying, ‘Hi, how’re you doin’.’”
Warmth flooded Megan’s face, and she laughed. “To be honest, I’m thankful for the short break in the middle of our hike. I’m not sure I could make five miles all at once.”
Scott grinned, but at that moment Joe clamped a hand on Megan’s shoulder. “Why don’t you grab a bottle and take a breather with me?”
“I’m sorry, Joe.” Megan gave Scott what she hoped came across as a plea for help. “I think I’d better stay with the boys. I need to talk some things over with Scott about the meeting Monday night, anyway, and this would be a good time.”
“Oh, really?” Joe looked at Scott. “If you’re going to be a leader, you’ll need to fill out an application and attend training.”
Scott grinned. “Yes, that’s what Megan’s been telling me.”
“Fine, do you have one?”
“Actually, I do. Megan gave me one the night Randy joined.”
Joe nodded. “Good. Fill it out and bring it in Monday night so we can get it processed.”
“I’ll do that.” The corners of Scott’s mouth twitched as if he were suppressing a grin. He stepped forward and took Megan’s elbow. “Now what was it you needed to discuss before Monday?”
They each accepted an energy drink and took several steps away from the others before Megan spoke. She looked at him and whispered. “Are you really going to sign up?”
Scott inclined his head toward the others still gathered around the van. A grin tugged at his lips. “If I do, will it keep him away from you?”
Megan laughed. “Joe’s a very nice man. Instead of running from him, I should be praying for the right woman to show up and sweep him off his feet.”
“And you think prayer would work?”
Megan searched Scott’s face, trying to see the reason behind his serious question. The earlier, playful smile no longer softened his features. His eyes had grown cold. What would cause such a sudden change?
She opened her drink, and sent a quick prayer for wisdom toward heaven. “To be honest, I don’t know. Prayer is never a wasted effort, but romantic love is a funny thing. I think we often miss God’s best because of our own stubbornness.”
“Yeah, and sometimes maybe He’s too busy to be bothered by our paltry needs. I mean, I know God is in control and all things that happen work for our good if we’re His, but sometimes it seems He isn’t overly interested in our daily lives.” Scott lifted his bottle to his lips without looking at her.
Scott’s words held a deeper meaning. But what? Did he have unresolved grief from his wife’s death? She took a deep breath. Lord, don’t let me say anything I shouldn’t.
“Are you ever too busy to be bothered by Randy’s daily needs?”
“Of course not, Randy’s my son.”
“And God is my Heavenly Father.” Megan smiled. “Just like any good father, he takes time to help me through the problems I have, whether they are insignificant or insurmountable.”
They stopped a few feet from the boys who were devouring their snacks. Scott looked out across the prairie as if he watched a distant scene no one else could see. He buried one hand in his pocket and held his energy drink in the other as if he’d forgotten it.
“I have no special privileges, Scott.” How many nights had she lain awake praying for God to bring her baby back to her, all to no avail? “I’ve only been a Christian a couple of years, so I’m still learning. God often tells me I can’t have the things I want. Important things. At least to me.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “It isn’t always easy, but I have to accept His will.”
“Sounds like you’re still working on that.”
Megan lifted her gaze to Scott’s and nodded. “Yes, I am. Someone took me to Rosey’s for ice cream not too long ago and told me I should leave my past where it belongs.”
A faint smile touched Scott’s solemn face. “Sounds like a wise man.”
She smiled. “I think he may be.”
“What was it you wanted to say about Monday night?” Scott grinned as if he’d closed the book on serious things.
“Umm.” Megan fell into his lighthearted mood. “I think it was about your application. Are you really going to turn it in?”
Scott shrugged. “That depends. Will you go out with me next Friday night? There’s a restaurant in Columbia I’d like to try out.”
A tingle of anticipation shot through Megan’s stomach. She laughed. “It’s a deal. You bring the signed application Monday night, and I’ll help you check out that restaurant on Friday.”
“Hey, Dad.” Randy’s voice cut into Scott’s laughter. “Come see what we found.”
Megan and Scott hurried to the circle of boys. Randy held a small brown bird. “It was just layin’ there. I came up on it real slow, but when it didn’t fly away, I knew something was wrong.”
“Well?” Scott’s eyebrows lifted. “Have you determined what the problem is?”
“Yeah, I think its wing is broken. Can I try to splint it?” Randy looked with wide eyes at his dad.
A chill slithered down Megan’s back. She stared at the little boy, his hands gentle around the bird.
Scott headed toward the pile of backpacks. “Sure, let me get your first-aid kit.”
This couldn’t be happening. In a fog of disbelief, Megan saw Scott open a first aid kit and hold it for Randy. “I’m impressed. The boys don’t usually start carrying first aid kits until we cover the Readyman Activity requirements.”
Scott shrugged. “Randy has an interest in this sort of thing. He likes to help where he can.”
“That’s admirable.” But where’d he get the interest?
Randy handed the bird to his father and with gentle hands fashioned a tiny splint for its wing from toothpicks and tape.
“I wish we could take him home with us.” Randy looked up. “Then, I could make sure he gets okay.”
Scott shook his head. “I don’t think so, son. We’d better let him go and trust you have the splint on good enough. Maybe by the time he has it off, his wing will be well.”
Scott found a refuge for their bird as high in the tree as he could reach while Randy and the other boys watched. Megan slipped an arm around Randy’s shoulders. “That was pretty amazing, Randy. You seemed to know what you were doing.”
Randy shrugged. “I have some first aid books at home. They’re pretty interesting.”
“Maybe when you grow up, you’ll go into medicine. Have you ever thought about being a doctor?” She held her breath, wanting him to say yes but hoping he would say no.
“Yeah.” Randy’s eyes sparkled. “I hope I can.”
~Seven~
During the wee hours of Sunday morning, Megan tossed in her sleep.
“Why are we stopping?”
Jason pulled off the road and braked to a stop on the narrow shoulder. “I think that dog is still alive.” He swore under his breath. “Why someone couldn’t take two minutes of their precious time to help an animal after they run him down....”
He jumped from the car and ran back to inspect the dog as if it were a patient on the table. Pride for his compassion filled Megan’s heart.
Within minutes Jason had bound the dog’s broken leg and laid him gently into the back seat of his car. He climbed in beside Megan. “I’m taking him to the vet. He may have internal injuries.”
Megan nodded. Jason was wonderful, but she still had concerns. “Who’s going to pay? It’s a stray dog.”
Jason looked at her as if she should have known. “I will. He’s in pain, Megan. He needs medical attention.”
Megan woke with tears running into her hair
. How could a man who felt such compassion for a stray dog become so callused when his own unborn son threatened his freedom? Had he not understood the reality of the baby she carried.
Megan threw the covers off and climbed from bed. Why was her past haunting her dreams, anyway? Then, she remembered.
Randy’s tender care of the bird the day before had triggered her memories. His actions were like Jason’s.
She grabbed her robe against the early morning chill and padded into the living room to turn up the thermostat. Next she went into the bathroom and pulled a large towel from the shelf.
Since meeting Scott and Randy, she’d been thinking entirely too much about the past. So what if Randy had her coloring and Jason’s interests. He was still Scott’s son. Born to Scott and his wife. Hadn’t Scott said they lost a baby girl the year before they got Randy?
Megan clutched the towel close. Before they got Randy? She had tried so hard to remember Scott’s exact words. Before we got Randy. Those were the words that had eluded her memory. What did he mean? He’d also said Carol was already sick. Was she too sick to have another baby? If they “got” Randy, did that mean they adopted him? If not, wouldn’t Scott have said, “Before Randy was born?”
Megan set her towel aside and turned on the water in the shower. Why couldn’t she move beyond her past? This obsession with the child she’d given away was not healthy.
Lord, give me strength and wisdom. Help me shut out all these thoughts and dreams of Jason and the baby. He’s gone. He isn’t mine. I know in my head. Please help me know in my heart, too.
Later in church, Megan sat beside Shelly and tried to listen to the sermon. But as persistent as any mosquito on a warm summer night, the thoughts buzzing in her mind were far from the message so skillfully brought out by Pastor Turner. Instead, her mind drifted back to the day before. Images of Randy laughing and playing with the other boys ran through her mind until the congregation stood for the dismissal prayer.
“Are you coming home with us for lunch?” Shelly threw out her usual invitation.
“If you don’t mind, I think I will.” Megan laughed at her sister’s raised eyebrows and wide eyes. “You didn’t expect that, did you?”
“No, but I’m glad. You know I don’t mind.” Shelly gave her a meaningful look. “Mom will be thrilled.”
“Oh, yes, I’m sure she will.” Megan couldn’t keep the sarcasm from her voice. “I’m coming to see you and Derek. Actually, I’d like to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me. Think we can find a few minutes of privacy?”
Shelly shrugged. “We’ll make sure we do.”
Megan followed Shelly’s minivan through downtown. She could see her mother sitting straight and tall, her shoulders back against the seat in the van ahead. Unbending as ever. Megan still remembered the night her mother learned of her indiscretion.
Shelly had no interest in college, but Megan always dreamed of being a teacher. After her father’s death, there hadn’t been money for more than the necessities. So Megan worked hard through high school to keep her grades high. Her mother couldn’t have been happier when the full four-year scholarship was awarded. Then in the first year, Megan met Jason.
By the beginning of her fourth semester, she was pregnant. She needed support from her family, someone to help her with childcare and a place to live while she finished her education.
Her mother stared at her as if she were a stranger when she asked for help. “Has this Jason—” She spoke the name as if it were distasteful. “Has he agreed to marry you?”
“No, Mama.” Megan felt young and frightened. “He doesn’t want anything to do with the baby. Or me, either.”
The older woman shook her head. “Well, what’s done can’t be undone, but it can be mended.”
“What do you mean, Mom?” Megan narrowed her eyes. “I will not have an abortion.”
“Of course not. I would never suggest such a thing.”
“Then what?” Hope grew within Megan’s tattered heart. “Will you baby-sit for me, Mom, while I finish my degree?”
“If you keep that baby, Megan, you will never finish college. Your dreams will be wasted, and your life will be ruined.”
“I already said no abortion.” What did Mother want her to do?
“Mrs. Waldon at church has a son in Columbia who practices law. Attorney’s help place babies occasionally, you know. I’ll get you an appointment with him, and we’ll let him find a nice couple who can’t have children.”
“Adoption?” Megan stopped listening. How could she give away her own baby? How could her mother expect her to?
In desperation, Megan approached her advisor at the university and found no help.
Megan refused to keep her appointment in July with the attorney.
Then, on the sixteenth day of August, Shelly’s husband died in a car accident. Two days later, at the funeral, Shelly went into labor and Derek was born after a long, frightening ordeal. When Shelly left the hospital, she and her infant son moved in with her mother.
Eleven days later, Megan gave birth to a baby boy. Bowing to renewed pressure, added to the turmoil in their lives and no support in sight, she signed the papers Mother had drawn up, giving her son away. Megan would never be able to forgive Mother for turning away when she needed her most.
Megan brought the car to a stop in front of the house Mother and Shelly shared.
A glance in the rear-view mirror revealed tears on her cheeks. She wiped them away and schooled her features before climbing from the car to greet Derek.
“Hey, neat.” His boyish voice warmed her heart. “Mom said you were coming to eat with us. I thought she was joking.”
“Nope. It’s me in the flesh.” Megan ruffled his hair as she gave him a hug. “How about a game of catch while your mom and grandma get our lunch ready?”
“Can we for real?” Derek grinned.
“Go ask, and I’ll see if I can get out of helping in the kitchen.” Spending time with Derek was the best, and avoiding her mother didn’t hurt either.
Megan followed the others inside just long enough for Derek to grab his ball and glove. “Sorry I don’t have a glove for you, too, Aunt Megan.”
“Not a problem.” She brushed off his concern
Her mother slipped out of her coat. “Shelly and I will soon have dinner on the table.”
Mother’s face, as usual, held no expression. Did she want her to stay inside because she hoped to establish some long forgotten relationship with her youngest daughter? Or did she think Megan should act the proper lady and remain indoors with the women? At the moment, neither appealed to Megan. She turned and smiled at Derek.
“That’s all right. I promised my favorite nephew a game of catch, so if you don’t need me, we’ll be outside.”
Shelly and Mother remained silent as she and Derek went out, but Megan saw the hurt in Shelly’s eyes. She sighed. The hard feelings she harbored toward her mother probably caused Shelly more grief than anyone else. If she could remove the resentment and anger from her heart she would, but she seemed powerless to do anything about it.
At dinner, Megan sat to the left of her mother and filled her plate with roast beef cooked with potatoes and carrots and smothered with gravy. One of the things she missed the most was her mother’s cooking. Still, she was glad when the meal ended.
Shelly stood and patted her tummy. “Ah, crock pots and microwave ovens have revolutionized Sunday dinner, haven’t they?”
Megan laughed. “So that’s how you do it now.”
“Yes, as you would know if you ever cooked a decent meal.”
“My meals are decent.” Megan protested with a smile. “They just don’t taste like this one.”
She stood and picked up her plate. “Would you like for me to help with the dishes?”
Shelly gave her a quick look. “Sure. Mother, why don’t you go into the living room and relax? Megan and I can take care of this.”
Megan’s mother glanced from o
ne daughter to the other before she nodded. “I suppose I can find something to occupy my time.”
She stopped at the door, holding the frame. “Thank you for coming, Megan. We need to be together as a family more often.”
With that she continued from the room with a ramrod back and head high.
Megan raised her eyebrows, and Shelly shook her head. “Don’t say anything against her. I think you’ve made Mother very happy today.”
“How can you tell?” Megan shook her head. “And how can you put up with her, Shelly? She’s more unbending than ever. I’m so thankful we had Daddy when we were little. What would we have done if he’d been like her?”
“Maybe stubbornness runs in this family.” Shelly threw a pointed look at her sister.
“I won’t even ask what that’s supposed to mean.” Megan began stacking plates. “I came today so I could talk to you. Something’s been bothering me.”
Shelly turned the hot water on, letting it splash in the sink as she added detergent. “Such as?”
“Scott Landis and his son.”
“Oh, really?” Shelly waggled her eyebrows at Megan with a silly grin on her face. “So the handsome widower finally got to you, did he?”
Megan laughed. “Of course not, but his son is starting to.”
“Megan!” Shelly pretended to be shocked. “You must be at least twenty years older than him.”
“Exactly.” Megan’s expression held no mirth. “Just the right age to be his mother, wouldn’t you say?”
Shelly shut the water off and leaned against the sink, all teasing gone. “Why do I get the feeling you are not talking about being his stepmother?”
“Because I’m not.”
“You don’t think Randy Landis is your son?” Shelly looked as if she might call in the straightjackets at any minute.
“No - yes. Oh, I don’t know.” Megan pulled out a chair and dropped into it.
“Is he adopted?”
Megan shrugged. “I think so.”
Shelly crossed the room and put her arms around Megan. “Oh, honey, don’t do this to yourself.”
When Megan didn’t answer, Shelly went on. “He’s gone, Megan. Your baby is gone, and there’s nothing any of us can do to get him back. If I could, I would. You know that.”
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