by Vance Huxley
“Barbies? No, not Barbies.” That came out as a squeak as Trev recovered slightly.
“I reckon that’s how Elise feels about the Hot Rods. Leave her a list of work and I’m sure she’ll keep busy.” Behind Trev, Elise started work again. “You won’t be gone long anyway, because there’ll be no overnight.Caddi doesn’t think Cooper would last that long without incurring a fine.He’d object and swear again, then refuse the caning.” Harold laughed out loud. “Then Patty would skewer him.”
“Oh. I suppose she would.” The colour started coming back to Trev’s face. “At least there won’t be anyone like that Skipper at Caddi’s.” He lowered his voice. “She kept on about me checking her special knickers.”
“She’s a Barbie so it’s expected. I’ll call Caddi’s watchers on the radio and we’ll sort out your visit.” Harold bid Trev and Elise goodbye and went to see Liz.
*
Liz looked like a younger, feminine scrooge, hunched over the charcoal and bent machetes and rubbing her hands. “Do you need these as machetes, Harold?”
“Not necessarily. Sort of yes and no because they’re for Patty’s Demons and Doll’s squad. I’d rather wait until the slimlinemachetes are perfected.”
“Sabres, according to Patty. The back is nearly straight, but the widening and curvetowards the end of the sharp edge makes them look sabre-ish. The extra metal weights them nicely for chopping. Patty is happy with the latest version so the sooner the Demons and Cowgirls have them the better.” Patty looked over at the charcoal again and smirked. “If I keep getting enough charcoal I’ll get this tempering business right. Providing you don’t want too many sabres,and stop taking broken weapons in trade?”
“Be fair, bent not broken and I take them because then Caddi has to give me charcoal as well. Let me know when you get to the crossbows and I’ll give you a hand.” Harold turned to go. “If I’ve got time. I’ve got more guns as well.”
“You need an apprentice. Now scat because you don’t want to be anywhere near when I get sweaty and sooty.” Liz gave a wicked little chuckle as she reached for her music player.”You’ve already got at least two women.” Harold heard the iron plate slide into place, locking the door behind him. Liz’s paranoia about being snuck up on hadn’t abated. On the way to his workshop to put the firearms away, Harold thought about the amount of work he had, and how much Elise helped Trev just by cleaning the gear.
Maybe Liz was right. An apprentice would help with cleaningif nothing else, especially now with the state the captured Murphy’s weapons arrived in.From the state of the latest ones from the Geeks, there’d be more badly gunked weapons from them eventually. With the worst crud removed, Harold could concentrate on the actual repairs. Cleaning was a lovely peaceful part of thejob, but too many other things needed his attention these days. Unfortunately, the apprentice had to be someone he’d trust completely,someone who could defend themselves, and also inconspicuous.That would take some real thought.
*
The following morning, before he left to start work, Tessa brought Eddie round to play with Daisy and Wills while she spent a few hours workingin the canteen. The “it’s later” from Tessa meant she hadn’t forgotten Dodge’s comments, and brought an anticipatory smile from Sharyn. Once the three children were busy playing in Daisy’s bedroom,Harold had an audience of two. No matter how Harold put the situation with Mercedes, they wouldn’t accept the game as a wind-up, not if she bit him. He had to mention the bite to explain Dodge’s comments, and then explain why Mercedes had blamed Tessa.Actually, biting him did seem a bit extreme even to Harold, but Mercedes epitomised extreme. “But only on the back of my shoulder.”
“Was she wearing clothes when she bit you?” Sharyn wore a little smile as she pressed the inquisition.
“Yes.” Sharyn raised one eyebrow. Shedidn’t look convinced even if it was the truth. Harold wasn’t going to prove it by telling Sharyn that Mercedes still had her shirt on, underneath her and on one arm.
“But you had your shirt off, so was it at bedtime?” Tessa picked that up much too fast. “So was she wearing a little frilly nightie?”
“No.” Harold wanted to bite his tongue because he should have lied.
“No nightie? Did you get another flash?” Tessa grinned. “Another full frontal? All the Hot Rods swear you got one last time.”
“I’m not saying any more.” This would be much easier for Harold without Sharyn because he’d lie.His sister could read him like a book.Worse, the Hot Rods would tell everyone he’d been in bed with Mercedes again, and saw her naked in the bathroom. The gangsters all assumed that, even if he’d refused to confirm it, and not getting proof wouldn’t slow them up one bit.
Tessa could mind read as well. “How did she do that without showing the Hot Rods?”
“Do what? Just let me be, right?”
Sharyn laughed. “You’re my little brother. Tormenting you is a required skill. So when did she bite you?”
“Last night, now that’s it.” If it had been just Sharyn, Harold might have felt better about this. Then he realised, no he wouldn’t, she was his bloody sister!
“In the bedroom? Nearly naked?” Tessa looked intrigued. “Nearly naked in bed? It must have been under the covers, so they didn’t see her bite you.” Tessa continued with a lot more speculation in her voice. “Were you? Nearly naked I mean.” Harold tried to work out how to get them to accept no comment, because it wasn’t working.
Too late, Sharyn answered for him. “That shifty look and silence means yes to all of it. So Mercedes bit you from behind, almost naked, in bed, and you definitely had your shirt off and probably don’t sleep in your jeans.” Sharyn smiled at whatever she saw on Harold’s face. “Another yes. Did you help her off with her clothes?”
“That’s enough. Stop putting words in my mouth. “
“So yes again. If a woman strips off in bed, rubs herself all over a bloke and bites him on the shoulder in the middle of her jollies, it’s not a wind-up.” Sharyn grinned at Harold as she said it, which meant Harold blushed again. She was his bloody sister and worse, put like that she was right. “Mercedes is an ‘other woman’ at the very least. Unless you’ve gotten a lot more casual about how you treat women, little brother?”
“Low blow, Sis. Look, it wasn’t like that, not how you said.” Harold knew he sounded defensive but he didn’t usually kiss and tell.He hadn’t actually kissed Mercedes yet, but he doubted anyone would believe that either.The Hot Rods would confirm the rest, and that he only wore boxers in the bed, so he was only putting things off.They’d be falling over themselves to be the first to tell everyone what Mercedes said about the bite.
Tessa moved forward. “There’s one way to find out.”
Harold looked at Tessa, puzzled, then shouted, “No!” He twisted away.
“Oh yes. Come on, little brother. Get that tee off. After all, it’ll be almost gone if Mercedes wasn’t serious.” Sharyn and Tessa were both trying to look now but Harold fended them off.
“I’ve got weapons to fix. I might even sleep there for a few nights until you stop this nonsense.” Harold could feel a magnificent blush warming his face,probably why neither of the two women were the slightest bit impressed by any denials.
“Is that where you’ll be taking Mercedes, if you can prise her loose of Caddi? What was it, to strip her down and test the action? Cripes, little brother, if she’s enjoying the foreplay this much she might not kill you afterwards.” Harold had already come to that conclusion. “The whole place will be livelier if she moves in.”
“Moves in?” Harold floundered, his brain trying to wrap itself around those two words.
Tessa patted Harold on the shoulder. “Well there’s that spare bedroom now I’ve moved out. Perhaps I should bite you as well, so you can see the difference and how serious she is? After all, I’m getting the blame for this one.” Harold jumped back again but Tessa made no move to follow up. Both women were holding onto the backs of chairs now because they we
re laughing too much to stand. Harold stood in the doorwaywith his mind spinning, but not at Tessa and Sharyn’s teasing. He didn’t know how he’d handle it if Mercedes really had the hots for him,as in not being satisfied with once. He already thought she’d break the Deal with Caddiand run for the hills, but what if she wanted to stay here with him?
*
Once the pair of them got their breath back Tessa made a cuppa all round, while Sharyn started talking about accommodation. That came as a big relief for Harold, at least to start with. The population explosion had reached breaking pointbecause a man, woman and a youngster arrived last night and had to sleep on the dance house floor. Now another young woman had turned up this morning. Thelast three big houses weren’t ready yet so something needed doing to ease the pressure. “So I’m moving back in here.” Tessa smiled cheerfully.
Harold had just got his head back together butnow he stared open-mouthed. “What!”
“Two Army mothers, we’re already friends, the kids get on and this is a big house.” Sharyn waved her hands around the obviously spacious lounge. “Plenty of room in here for another two. I’ll stick an extra bed in Wills’ room so Eddie doesn’t have to double up. Two couples will cram into that two-bedroomed house of Tessa’s, problem solved.”
Harold wasn’t getting into another hopeless argument. “I’ll doss down in the workshop.”
“No you won’t!” Both of them glared at Harold as Sharyn continued. “You’re Soldier Boy and this is the boss’s house so you live here. If you don’t you’ll lose credibility, and the other gangs will start making moves. Cripes, the residents of Orchard Close expect it!”
That gobsmacked Harold. “Haven’t you pair been paying attention? If Tessa moves in here then the gangs will be certain I bought her for, well, that I bought her.”
Tessa lost it a bit while Sharyn smiled and let her rant. “You stupid thick prat! They already think I was bought! They already think you’re banging me! So do most of bloody Orchard Close! Now they’ll all be told I bit you with your shirt off!What do you expect them to think? Living here won’t change a bloody thing except two couples get a house. So what’s the problem?” Tessa calmed down a bit and got her breath back. Harold kept quiet so she didn’t start again but no such luck. “Harold, why did you buy me?”
Harold tried to wriggle round answering. “I didn’t buy you. I paid off a debt.”
“She was a prisoner. You paid over the coupons or games to the right value. Caddi handed her over. That sounds like buying her to me, so what do you think the rest of the world think? I only believe you because I’m your sister, and know what a soft shit you are. The rest think you’re a hard as nails gangster or SAS sniper gone rogue.” Harold stared at Sharyn, speechless. He’d thought his sister would back him on this one!
Tessa sniggered, an improvement from Harold’s point of view. “Being bought hasn’t turned out too badly, and apparently it’s made me livelier.”
Harold had to smile a little bit at that. “Maybe. But it’s still not a crime to help a friend.”
That earned him a long look and a slow nod from Tessa. “That’s good enough for me, and since I’m a friend there’s no problem with me moving in. Is there?” Harold gave up and shrugged.
“After all,” Sharyn added, “if you’re friends, it means Tessa can see you in just your boxers now and again without blushing.”
“I already did, several times when he dossed down atStones’ after a night out.” Tessa smirked and stuck out a hip. “He’s seen me in just a towel, coming out the bathroom.” The pair of them were enjoying the teasing too much so Harold tried to distract them with practicalities, but to no avail. There were two bedrooms with en-suites upstairs, and the kids could use the other two rooms and the bathroom. Harold refused touse the bathroom up there if Tessa would be streaking about, but they just laughed at him.
“It won’t be me causing raised blood pressureif your other woman stops over.Mercedes streaking down the road to use the shower in the workshop should liven things up.” Tessa curled up, almost weeping with mirth while Sharyn nearly choked laughing, probably at Harold’s expression. Harold’shormones liked the idea of Mercedes staying overnight too damn much for him to argue, so he headed for the gun room. This time the gun cleaning didn’t calm or distract him, the thought wouldn’t go away.
Old Weapons, New Weapons
It wasn’t just Harold who couldn’t get Mercedes off his mind. When he went home to get a bite to eat at lunchtime, Sharyn and Tessa carried on teasing. Their continual digs about Mercedes and showers might have been why Harold came up with a way to divert them,possibly in pure desperation. “The workshop bedroom and shower might be in use, if I get an apprentice.” It worked much better than expected, because both women immediately became serious and wanted to know who he’d chosen. “Nobody” led to the pair running through a list of who in the inner circle knew enough about guns, but wouldn’t be missed elsewhere.
Sharyn stopped coming up with names because she hadn’t got one vital bit of information. “So just what would the apprentice do?”
“Only stripping down and cleaning the weapons to start with, because that’s the bit that takes time.” Both nodded, and Tessa asked more detailed questions about how difficult that would be. Both women had been around soldiers, and sometimes guns, for long enough to lose any awe or fear. Harold soon realised Tessa had handled Stones’ collection of souvenirs, and she confessed to posing for pictures with a few of them.
Tessa’s eyes narrowed. “Didn’t you see any? He had them in his wallet.”
Harold told the truth. “Stones only showed me one in a mini skirt and bikini top, and the ones with Eddie.”
“If you ever decide to advertise, add a gun and that would work.” Sharyn laughed, but then looked more serious. “Send a few to the Barbies and they’ll be over here buying Tessa drinks.”
“Some of Patty’s Demons already sent a few, to encourage more visitors so they can sell them a beer.” Tessa looked speculative. “Not porn, they reckonthe pictures are no worse than some of the old adverts on TV. Bikinis and crossbows, that sort of thing.”
“My apprentice won’t be posing. He has to be a secret, and I really do mean that,otherwise someone like the Barbies would kidnap him.” Harold nodded as realisation dawned on their faces. “Most of my work is very simple. Once the apprentice has been doing the job for a bit, that’ll be obvious. Worse, the apprentice will know about the Mad Max versions. One slip and the nutters out there will think that means I’m a gunsmith.”
After a short description of the Mad Max weapons, clumsy single shot firearms built using parts of wrecked guns and short lengths of ruined rifle barrels, a short silence fell. Sharyn suddenly pointed at Harold and sighed. “You, soft lad, are already a gunsmith as far as this city is concerned. If you can build a gun that works, they won’t care how crude it is.”
“Not a gunsmith, because they are crap weapons mostly made out of bits of others.” Harold fixed Sharon with a serious look, trying to get through to her. “Even if that’s what you think, you have to understand one thing. If either of you ever saythat word out loud, anywhere, then the gangs will bury Orchard Close in bodies looking for me.”
“Using the name doesn’t change reality.” Tessa might be right, but Harold still thought Mad Max was a long way from gunsmith. She paused, then continued slowly. “Out there, a crappy gun is valuable, so I understand that a man who can produce one from broken bits and scrap is priceless. Will your apprentice learn how to do that?Make one from scratch?”
“From parts rather than scratch but yes, I suppose so. If the apprentice is smart enough to be useful, eventually it will be obvious I’m making up weapons from parts I buy as scrap. They’ll also realise I’m stitching the other gangs over the time taken to repair guns, and charging them for making bits when I only fit salvaged spares. It’s to make everyone think the repairs arereally difficult, so nobody tries it themselves.” Harold shook his head in frustrat
ion. “That’s why I’ve got a problem finding someone I can trust, totally and absolutely. One word and all hell breaks loose.”
“How much will you teach them?” Tessa’s eyes narrowed in speculation. “Will the apprentice learn to shoot, to test the weapons?”
“Yes, because the sights might need setting.” And whoever it is might need to defend themselves if word gets out, Harold silently added.
Both Sharyn and Harold stared as Tessa burst out laughing, until she stopped long enough to speak. “Sorted, I’m the apprentice.If the other woman has a knife I’m going one better.”
“But.” Harold tried to think of a but. The other woman thing had thrown him.
Sharyn weighed in with a very good point in favour of Tessa. “What’s your deepest, darkest secret? The one that all the gangs would pay seriously to know?” She pretended to type, so she meant Harold being an Army clerk instead of an SAS sniper. He hadn’t started the SAS story, but that and his marksmanship certainly backed off the gangsters.
“What’s the next deepest darkest secret?” Tessa tapped Harold’s stick. Stones had a similar one.
“You know. You both do, both of them.”
“And we haven’t told anyone, so who can you trust with another big secret?” Harold didn’t have an answer for Sharyn.
While he tried to find one, Tessa nailed it down. “Better yet, nobody will realise I’m your apprentice, so there’s no danger I’ll be snatched for information.”
“Why not?” Harold blushed, bright scarlet. That was the wrong question because...
“Because nobody will wonder why you spend hours locked away privately with your wench, somewhere away from your sister and the kids. They all know there’s a bedroom off the gun room so they’ll be watching for bite marks, not gun oil stains. I can even confirm I’m stripping in there.” Tessa laughed with true delight. “Your face is a picture.”
“But you’re not my wench or anything, so what if you find a bloke you fancy?”
“What if you find a woman you want, apart from Mercedes?” Tessa looked uncomfortable for a moment. “I don’t want someone just now, and if I pretend to be your wench nobody will bother me.”