by Vance Huxley
Tessa hooked an arm in Harold’s. “Do I need to wear buttons so you can practice?” Sheprodded the clothing and sniggered. “I reckon she’d undo them herself anyway, if you asked.” Harold didn’t mind their teasing because it allowed him to get his head straight. It took some doing. Not just because of the kissing, but because now Harold had absolutely no doubts. Until now, despite everything, he’d harboured a tiny suspicion that Mercedes had been setting him up.
Telling him he could stick his hands up her skirt could still have been a come-on, a part of the relentless act. The reaction when he did meant Mercedes really did fancy Soldier Boy, or maybe ‘Arold. Cripes, he’d better get spare pillows because judging by that, Mercedes would bite right through what he’d got. Unless she yelled instead. She’d suggested that once!
“Better get some new bedding.” Harold stared because Sharyn appeared to be mind-reading. “If she bit you just practising, just think of the blood on the bed sheets after she visits!”
Tessa shook her head. “She means it, doesn’t she?” Harold thought Tessa knew already, and just asked to get his take. “Women do look at a girl’s eyes, dope.”
“Yes, I wonder what happened to that sparkle.” Sharyn must look at eyes as well.
“Who, most likely.” Harold knew his voice showed he cared, and it didn’t bother him with these two.
“What are you going to do?” Harold stared at Sharyn for a moment. What did she mean? Jump all over Mercedes wasn’t the right reply to his sister. “After you bite off the buttons and Mercedes rips up the bed sheets, I mean, idiot. What if that smiling face doesn’t keep the deal with Caddi, because she won’t want to? That girl has found what she wants, though I’m sure I can’t see why.”
“Oh, he has his good points.”
“Name one.”
Harold tuned out the banter and tried to wrestle with it all again. It wasn’t a certainty that Mercedes would break the deal. Yes it was, and Harold knew he didn’t want her to keep it. A lot depended on Mercedes killing Caddi. An idea popped into Harold’s head. What if he killed Caddi first? That shook him because Harold had never, ever, considered deliberately killing a man who wasn’t a direct threat. Except Jon, who had already killed Sandy the carpenter and kidnapped Matti. Stalking a human and shooting him without warning, from ambush, didn’t sit right. Harold had turned down a chance at sniper school just to avoid that.
Now he would, if it kept Mercedes safe. Two seconds thought told Harold he couldn’t, not just now with the war on. He could shoot Caddieasily enough, from far enough away to escape afterwards, but every fighter in the Hot Rods knew Soldier Boy. Someone would recognisehimwhile he tried to find Caddi in a war zone. Even if nobody saw him at the ambush, the sightings of Harold wandering about Hot Rod territory with a rifle would point the finger. Typical, he’d come up with the solution, but too late! The three of them were back in the house by now and Sharyn wanted to know what Harold’s problem was, apart from hot lips? What the hell, Harold told her.
“Cripes. You mean that?” Sharyn looked a lot more shocked than Tessa, but then she knew about his reluctance to shoot people. “It would simplify things.”
“I want to now I’ve finally thought of it, but I immediately realised it’s impossible.” Harold explained and the three of them sat for a long time with a mug of tea, chewing the situation over. Neither woman suggested throwing Mercedes to Caddi, or objected to cold-bloodedly killing the gangster. Somewhere along the line they’d both decided that whatever her other crimes and her public persona, Mercedes was at least partly a victim.
“Mercedes might kill Caddi. That would simplify things.” Tessa wasn’t even pretending to resent the ‘other woman,’ not any more. “She’s smart enough to know that as well.”
“So is Caddi.” Harold scowled because Caddi’s paranoia meant he’d kill her at the slightest hint of a double-cross. “I’m worried he’ll strike first, but he’ll leave it until the last minute.He’s smart enough to want her killing Murphies and encouraging the Hot Rods as long as possible, because Mercedes is a psychological weapon.” Harold paused, thinking about that. “Probably more that than killer now, because everyone will recognise her after parading through here so often. Any strange womanwandering around will be suspect, because every other gang knows how many Murphies she killed.”
“Caddi won’t care about how useful she is if he thinks Mercedes is ready to come here. From his display at the gate just now, the nasty shitwon’t wait until you’ve had your chance.”Tessa sneered, but then looked more thoughtful. “Caddi trying to get his jollies might give her enough warning, or a chance at him. Mercedes won’t need much.”
Harold tried to work it out. “Mercedes will want the war over and won, so that the Hot Rods willfight over who controls the gang. She won’t want the Hot Rods to choose a new leader quickly, in self-defenceif the Murphies aren’t finished.A strong leader might get full of himself, and think he had to avenge Caddi or some such bullshit.”
“Maybe you’ll have to take your rifle out anyway, to shoot Cooper, because he’s the only onewho will do that.” Tessa raised her arms to mime shooting. “If Mercedes comes here, and Cooper turns up with the Hot Rods to demand her back, shoot the nasty little scroat right through the head. If Caddi arrives, shoot him and ask Patty or Emmy to shoot Cooper at the same time. The rest will probably go home.”
“Patty already offered.She suggested shooting all the named ones in one volley.If it happened here,with Orchard Close lined up on our walls ready to fight,that might work. So until Mercedes turns up, I’d better get on with organising our defence.” Harold smiled and stood up. “I’d better finish loading all the new brass, as soon as possible.”
Tessa stood up and sighed. “An apprentice’s work is never done.” She brightened. “Unless someone else arrives and takes both my jobs?”
Sharyn had the last word. “Don’t forget to practice buttons as well.”
The rest of Orchard Close had got the message. The offers to walkHarold home afterthe Valentine’s dance weren’t even remotely serious, and Tessa toned the wench act right down. No kissing, a very chaste last dance, and she evensuggested that Harold wore Mercedes’ Valentine heart. That brought a lot of teasing, about inviting Mercedes to the next dance. Harold felt sure Sharyn and Tessahadn’t discussed it with anyone, but several men and women suggested shooting Caddi to break his deal.
In the following days Harold loaded ammunition, built muskets and taught sword fighting.The skirt and blouse were folded up in the chest of drawers in Harold’s room. “Just in case you need to practice,” according to Sharyn when she brought them in. The big red heart with ‘Be My Valentine’went on Harold’s wall, where he saw it when his eyes opened every morning. Harold had given up attempting to struggle, or even second guess.
*
Some chores couldn’t be delayed, regardless of what else happened. Despite her limp,Emmy wielded her gardening whip.Trays of seeds, and small pots with green sprouts, spread through the conservatories as the gnomesswung into action.Hopefully there’d be enough clear space to plant them out to harden, despite Harold commandeering part of the protected garden.Within two days of the Hot Rod offensive, refugees began to pour in. Harold negotiated a score of big tents and forty sleeping bags from the Geeks and Barbies, and set them upin the enclosed area between the Annex and Orchard Close. The refugees were relatively safe there, butwere occupying ground already prepared for seedlings.
The latest Hot Rods offensive turned into all-out, head-on war. Without Mercedes sneaking around at night, few people brought weapons. These refugees were running ahead of the final assault, bringing whatever they could snatch at the last minute. Not all of them had real instructions, just that a safe place lay to the east of the Murphies’ northern border. The occasional runners with weapons always came across the fields, and those all had clear directions. A squad of GOFS brought a lost family, and Harold found out why the GOFS weren’t stopping them. Gofannon had approached some an
d a few had accepted, but he didn’t want anyone who wasn’t willing. The rumours had been effective, most of the refugees weredead set onreaching Orchard Close.
Despite Mercedes’ instructions, the gate guard had to send squads onto the neutral road to escort two obviously lost groups into Orchard Close. Caddi’s watchers had been shepherding one group away towards the Mansion when Harold’s squad arrived, so Harold had a chat to the gangsters. He reminded them that the road was neutral territory, soanyone coming up there should be let through. Otherwise, mishaps could happen to armed gangsters as well as unarmed refugees. For once Harold let the spies see how he really felt about them, and the message went home. Later refugee groups without precise instructions reached the gates unmolested,helped by the big signs at the traffic island saying ‘Orchard Close’ with an arrow. Another sign sat at the end of the access road.
Work accelerated on making the houses in the proposed new compound, the Farm, habitable. The work had to be finished before the seedlings came out of the cold frames and conservatories,so the tents could come out of the garden. Every inch of ground protected from rabbits would be needed for young plants, if Emmy was to grow enough food for the rising population.At least the myxomatosis had finally died back, and nobody had found a dead rabbit in the fields or ruins for over a month. According to Rabbit Bob, the remaining wild ones would be immune, but the tame ones still needed protecting.
Rob ran several connections from the nearest water mainto the Farm, then started work on the small leaks that showed up inside the houses. Finn connected the electricity, but had to hook up the fourteen houses one at a time to stop the damp blowing the whole system out.At least they’d dried out a little over the winter, once the tiles had been fixed and blow heaters on extension leadsinstalled. The joiners and willing assistants removed dry plasterboard from any ruin that still had some, to replace ruined internal walls. The few dehumidifiers in Orchard Close also spent the winter in the empty houses, with a rota set up for emptying them.
More bricks were brought in as the refugees cleared the surrounding land, and were placed in one big stack.Casper thought he still needed a few million more for a wall around the new complex, butuntil then he continued thickeningthe existing walls around Orchard Close. The guards in the boundary houses grumbled when he built a wall inside, because it narrowed the rooms by a metre. Casper and his bricky team laughed and told them to see Harold about his new fetish.
*
A regular stream of Barbies came to The Pub for the allegedly famous beer and soup. The women gangsters had mellowed further with more contact, and now they wanted to know if they could buy bulk beer to sell on to the Trainspotters and Pinkies. Beetch called by a couple of times, unofficially, without meeting with Harold. The rumour mill claimed she’d come for Logan to check her roots.Chandra didn’t always visit to trade, sometimes she just visited Louise, while Ski bought Fergie a beer more often and started a campaign to be invited to a dance.Tessa thought it was the way Orchard Close treated them. The less manic Barbies could relax here, even if those three didn’t quite class as less manic. Only their dress markedsome of the other Barbies or GOFS out from local residents as they sat having their beer, chips or stew.
WhenBeetch and Ski visited officially, Harold assumed they’d come about beer, either bulk buying or training a brewer. Beetch arrived in the Embassy triumphant, because Casper had told Logan to search her. Ski wasn’t as happy because neither Alfie nor Fergie were on duty,though that wasn’t her first complaint. “How come madam here gets the invite to the posh house, and I only get this place?”
Harold smiled and shrugged. “Beetch came to breakfast. Maybe you could ask Fergie to invite you home for breakfast?”
“Would she?” Ski looked at the smiling faces and scowled. “She can’t because she lives in a barracks.” Her face lit up. “Could she visit me at Beth’s? It would be cosier than the visitor’s house here.” Casper and Patty, with Louie and Tilly making up the guard numbers, all shrugged and tried not to smile too much.
Harold straightened his face. “What you actually came to ask is if we will train a Barbie to brew decent beer, pretty please, in return for another shopping trip.”
Both looked surprised, then calculating. After a glance at each other,Beetch answered. “No, but if you’ll consider it we’ll throw another party at Beth’s? Can we choose the guest list?” She glanced at Ski. “There’s more than one who might offer breakfast.”
“Maybe, possibly, not highly likely, and you’ll have to promise not to sell anywhere else. After all, you’ll stop spending your coupons here for starters.”
“No we won’t, or not all of us. There’s side benefits, like The Pub. We couldn’t open one, because as you know, we don’t welcome visitors. We might open a very exclusive club, to persuade your army to invade again, as long as you stay for some pillage this time?” Beetch sounded totally serious, but Harold didn’t think the top Barbies had mellowed that much. “Unfortunately, you might not be as keen to visit after we’ve finished our talk.” Beetch looked at the guards. “No offence, but could we keep this to just you, Patty and Casper?”
“You can handcuff me to make everyone feel safer.” Ski grinned at the groans.
“We can handcuff you anytime.” Harold thought, but not for long. “Louie, Tilly, I’m sorry but what you don’t know can’t be let slip by mistake. Would you mind leaving us? Please stand in the corridor clear of the door to make sure nobody overhears.”
“No problem boss.” Tilly, still sporting a bandage from the last fight, beckoned to Louie and they left.
“Sorry, but we don’t want to spread alarm and despondency and all that.” Beetch hesitated, almost speaking a couple of times before shrugging. “What the hell, there’s no nice way to dress this up. We think the Pink Panthers have signed up with the General. Maybe not completely voluntarily, but there’s strangers over there now. Straight strangers, not gays.”
“Cripes. He can strike straight at you, without any water in the way.” Harold thought about what he’d seen of the outside of Beth’s. “Can you hold him off?”
“We can hold Beth’s for a long time, but we can’t protect the estates. We’ve come here first, and we’re calling on the GOFS on the way back. The Geeks will probably sit tight unless the GOFS and their flank are threatened. If we are attacked, will you help us?”
“Yes, that’s the treaty. Get a message to us and we’ll come with as much help as possible.” Harold grimaced, because it wouldn’t be as much help as he’d like. “But we can’t strip this place too much because of Caddi. He might leave the rest of the Murphies to attack us, because we are definitely thetastier morsel.” Both Ski and Beetch looked worried. “I’ll come with our people, personally, so it won’t be a token force.” Both relaxed a little.
“Beth’s will hold for several days, even if he throws the Pinkies in as bullet magnets with the Bloods right behind them. You saw how hard it is to get close, and with the height of the roof we can see exactly where an attack is going to hit. We can break the first one up earlier than expected and kill a shitload of them.” Beetch hesitated, looking at Ski who smiled and nodded. “I don’t suppose you’ll be attacking us, not now you know how to open the door, so you may as well know. We’ve made three catapults. Nothing like as good as the Geeks version, but they’re up on that roof so we’ve got a hell of a range.” Her smile widened, definitely predatory. “After seeing the improved Geek version on the TV, we’ve been experimenting. Given a bit of time we’ll make one like that.”
It wasn’t artillery that worried Harold. “Have you enough ammunition? We had to use a shovel to collect the empty brass after the Mart attack. What if the General ignores the catapults and just keeps throwing in more men?”
Beetch’s smile turned downright savage. “Then you’ll have no trouble wiping out what’s left, because we’ll slaughter them. There’s not many ways into Beth’s now, and we’ve got just the right people to heap bodies in those gaps. While t
hey’re milling around at the entrances, even bricks thrown from the roof will kill them.” A little humour came back into her voice.”After your visit, we made a few improvements to the main entrance. Your threat to smash your way in wouldn’t work now. The place looks the same, but if we see trouble coming?”
That didn’t surprise Harold. “It only worked for me because we got so close first.”
“As the actress said?” Beetch looked almost embarrassed, strange for a Barbie. “There’s one other request, mainly for the GOFS. Will you let our tenants, the people on the estates, run for your borders?”
“I’ll come with them, because allegedly I’m not as good at heaping bodies.” Ski didn’t look too happy with that.
“Good enough to earn a wig and name, and good enough to stop anyone messing with our tenants.” Beetch turned back to Harold. “Ski will come to prove they aren’t runners, or infiltrators, if that’s all right?”
“I’m sorry, I truly am, but we can’t house them. The place is full and I’ve already got refugees living in tents.”
Sharyn butted in. “There’s the Farm, the houses we’re fixing up, but there’s no heat or even electric in half the houses.”
“They’ll bring electric heaters, or sleeping bags and sleep outside if necessary. This is just so that bastard can’t use them as human shields when his first assault bounces.” Beetch hesitated again, very strange for a Barbie. “Bloody Cripes, we’ll have no secrets left. The tenants will have plenty of warning because they all listen to Barbie Radio, and every estate has a transmitter to report strangers. That’s why raiders always get caught. Everyone thinks we are nastybitches who don’t care if we kill our tenants, except you know better now, don’t you?” Her humour dropped away again. “Believe me, we are definitely crazy and bloodthirsty in the right circumstances.”