I looked up.
It was Fred.
‘That treasure is ours,’ I said. ‘We found it.’
‘And I’m most appreciative,’ said Fred. ‘But I shouldn’t have to remind you that I am the rightful owner of the chest and its contents. We made a deal, remember?’
‘That was just for the map,’ I said. ‘The deal was that I gave you the map and you wouldn’t squeeze my neck so that my head popped like a pimple. There was nothing about the treasure in that deal.’
‘Yeah, but you double-crossed me,’ said Fred, hugging the chest tightly. ‘You gave me a fake map, so the deal’s off and the treasure is mine.’
‘That doesn’t make any sense at all,’ said Fiona. ‘It’s neither fair nor reasonable! And what are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be in class?’
‘Mrs Cross went to Greenbeard’s office,’ said Fred. ‘And she left me in charge. I gave myself permission to come out here.’
‘But that means no one’s in charge,’ said Fiona. ‘If you ask me, that’s very irresponsible behaviour.’
‘The thing is,’ said Fred, stepping up eyeball to eyeball with Fiona, ‘nobody is asking you, are they? How about you mind your own business or I squeeze your neck until your head pops? Does that sound fair and reasonable?’
‘Sounds perfectly fair and reasonable to me,’ said Fiona, backing away.
‘Not to me, it doesn’t,’ said Gretel. ‘Give us the treasure, Durkin . . . or you’ll regret it!’
‘No,’ said Fred coolly, ‘You’ll be the one who regrets it. Need I remind you that you already hurt your hand on the chest? I saw you from my classroom. You won’t be punching anybody for quite some time.’
‘Darn!’ said Gretel, rubbing her sore hand.
‘Good one, Fred,’ said Clive.
‘All right, then,’ said Fred. ‘Now that we’ve got that all sorted out, let’s see exactly what my treasure is.’
Despite our fear and dislike of Fred, the whole class couldn’t resist crowding in around him.
Fred took a deep breath and lifted up the lid.
49
What we EXPECTED to see in the treasure chest
1.
Gold.
2.
Rubies.
3.
Emeralds.
4.
Diamonds.
5.
Bracelets.
6.
Coins.
7.
Strings of pearls.
8.
Rings.
9.
Jewel-encrusted daggers and goblets.
10.
Pieces of eight (whatever they are).
50
What we ACTUALLY saw in the treasure chest
1.
A marble.
2.
A rock.
3.
A pencil.
4.
A yo-yo.
5.
A shark’s tooth.
6.
A rabbit’s foot.
7.
A black eye-patch.
8.
A plastic ring.
9.
A water pistol
10.
A football card.
51
How to disrespect a Durkin
Fred threw the chest onto the ground. ‘This isn’t treasure!’ he cried. ‘It’s just a bunch of worthless junk! You’re a moron, McThrottle!’
‘It’s not my fault!’ I said. ‘I didn’t bury it! And I didn’t tell you to steal it from me. If anyone’s a moron around here it’s—’
‘Henry,’ said Jenny, ‘my mother says that if you can’t say something nice about a person, then don’t say anything at all.’
Jenny’s mother was right, of course. But it was too late. The word jumped out before I could shut my lips. ‘YOU!’ I shouted.
Uh-oh.
‘Right, that does it!’ said Fred, enraged. ‘I’ll teach you to disrespect a Durkin!’
He lunged straight at me.
I braced myself.
But he never arrived.
Instead, Newton stuck out his leg and Fred tripped, stumbled, and fell headfirst into the hole where the treasure had been.
The class cheered.
‘Nice going, Newton!’ I said.
‘I’m going to tell my brother you did that!’ said Clive.
‘I already KNOW he did it, you idiot!’ yelled Fred. ‘Help me out of here!’
‘I didn’t mean to do it,’ said Newton, looking terrified. ‘It was an accident!’
‘Accidents happen,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry about it.’
I looked at Greenbeard’s treasure lying on the ground.
It might have looked like junk, but given how excited my dad still got about the stuff he’d collected when he was young, I figured there was a pretty good chance that Principal Greenbeard would feel the same way about the things in his treasure chest.
‘Come on!’ I said to Gretel, Jack, Jenny and Newton. ‘Help me pick all this up. We have to get it to Greenbeard’s office—fast!’
52
To the rescue
We picked the treasure up off the ground, put it back into the chest and ran as fast as we could to Principal Greenbeard’s office.
When we entered the reception area I could hear shouting. It was coming from inside Principal Greenbeard’s office.
I hoped we weren’t too late.
Mrs Rosethorn was standing at the counter. ‘And where do you think you’re all going?’ she said, giving us all the laser stare. But this time her stare didn’t scare me. If we were going to save Mr Brainfright, there was no time to waste being scared.
‘I’ll explain later!’ I said, heading straight for Principal Greenbeard’s office.
‘Oh, no, you won’t!’ said Mrs Rosethorn, stepping out from behind her counter and blocking Principal Greenbeard’s door with her outstretched arms. ‘You’ll explain right now!’
‘By the time I explain, it may be too late,’ I said. ‘Please let us in. Please!’
But Mrs Rosethorn shook her head. ‘Nobody goes in or out of Principal Greenbeard’s office without my permission. Especially not a bunch of dirty scruffy children who don’t even have an appointment!’
I took a deep breath. ‘So you’re not going to let us in?’ I said.
‘No!’ said Mrs Rosethorn firmly. ‘And don’t waste any more time asking!’
‘We’re not the time wasters here,’ I said. ‘You are!’
‘How dare you accuse me of wasting time!’ Mrs Rosethorn gasped. ‘I have never wasted a moment of my time—or anyone else’s—in my entire life!’
‘Well, I’m sorry, Mrs Rosethorn,’ I said, ‘but in this case that’s exactly what you’re doing. Gretel? Would you remove Mrs Rosethorn from the doorway, please?’
‘Certainly,’ said Gretel, opening her arms wide.
‘Don’t even think about it, young lady!’ warned Mrs Rosethorn.
But Gretel just smiled.
She clamped her powerful arms around Mrs Rosethorn. Then, picking her up as if she were no heavier than a doll, Gretel deposited her back behind the reception desk.
Mrs Rosethorn was too surprised to protest.
‘You go in,’ said Gretel, standing in the doorway to prevent Mrs Rosethorn from escaping. ‘I’ll wait here.’
‘You kids are in such big trouble,’ said Mrs Rosethorn.
‘We’ll see about that,’ I said, opening the door.
53
Return of the treasure
We piled into Principal Greenbeard’s office.
Mr Brainfright and Mrs Cross were standing in front of Principal Greenbeard’s desk with their backs to us.
Mrs Cross was shouting. ‘I simply cannot teach as long as he remains at this school! Especially not with all this digging going on. It’s disruptive and extremely dangerous! Either he goes . . . or I do!’
Mrs Cross drew a deep breath, and I’m sure she would have
kept ranting except that Principal Greenbeard held up his hand. ‘Excuse me, Mrs Cross,’ he said. He turned his attention to us. ‘What is the meaning of barging in here unannounced?’
Mrs Cross and Mr Brainfright wheeled around in surprise.
Jenny, Jack, Newton and I stood to attention and saluted.
‘We’re really sorry for the interruption, Principal Greenbeard,’ I said, ‘but we thought you would want to see this.’
I stepped forward and placed the chest on his desk. Then I opened the lid and stood back.
Principal Greenbeard stared at the treasure.
Mrs Cross stared at the treasure.
Mr Brainfright stared at us, beaming.
‘My treasure!’ said Principal Greenbeard. He was happily pulling things out of the chest and examining them. ‘My pirate eye-patch and my shark’s tooth! I never thought I’d see them again!’
I’d been right about how excited old people get about stuff from their childhoods. So far, so good: my plan was working perfectly.
‘But how did you find it?’ said Principal Greenbeard, shaking his head.
‘It was all Mr Brainfright’s idea,’ I said quickly. ‘I told him about the buried treasure and he’s an expert archaeologist so he came up with the idea of conducting a proper archaeological dig to find it.’
‘But how did you know where to look?’
‘The clue was in the note,’ I said. ‘I kept thinking about the line “dig for one thousand nights and a night” and then I remembered there is a book called The Book of the Thousand and One Nights. So we went to the library and found a copy.’
‘Yes,’ said Jenny excitedly. ‘And we found a story about a man who goes searching for treasure only to find that it was buried right where he started—in his own backyard.’
Principal Greenbeard frowned as he tried to figure out what we were saying. ‘So the treasure was . . . ?’
‘Exactly where you started,’ I said. ‘It was on Skull Island all along.’
Principal Greenbeard slapped his forehead. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘Brilliant!’
Mrs Cross made a strange little sound in her throat.
I looked at her, expecting her to look cross.
But she didn’t look cross. She looked scared.
Principal Greenbeard had begun to examine the chest itself.
‘What a magnificent treasure chest!’ he said, holding it up and looking at it from all sides. ‘I would have given anything to have one as good as this. I wonder who it belonged to? The person who stole our treasure, I guess. Hang on, look! The letters W.S. are carved into the bottom.’
He sat there, staring into space and repeating ‘W.S.’ to himself over and over, as if he was on the verge of remembering something very important.
Mrs Cross was looking more and more upset. Her face was bright red. There were beads of perspiration running down her forehead.
‘Wendy Smith!’ Principal Greenbeard suddenly cried.
He fixed his gaze on Mrs Cross, who was already backing away from his desk towards the door. ‘It was YOU!’ he said. ‘You’re the scoundrel who stole my treasure!’
Mr Brainfright looked from Principal Greenbeard to Mrs Cross and then back again. ‘But how can that be?’ he said. ‘Her initials are W.C.!’
‘She wasn’t always Cross!’ Principal Greenbeard explained. ‘Cross is her married name. Before she was married her name was Wendy Smith and her initials were W.S.!’
54
Mrs Cross escapes
The door slammed.
Mrs Cross was gone.
‘I knew it!’ said Jack. ‘I knew all along there was something fishy about Mrs Cross.’
‘Did you?’ said Jenny. ‘You’re so smart, Jack! I never suspected a thing.’
‘Funny you never mentioned it,’ I said to Jack.
‘You never asked,’ he said. ‘Well don’t just stand there like a bunch of leg-locked landlubbers!’ said Principal Greenbeard. ‘Seize her!’
Newton ran out of the room, blowing his whistle as he went.
‘Don’t worry, sir,’ I said. ‘It’s under control.’
A few moments later, Gretel came into the office holding Mrs Cross, who was kicking and struggling. Newton followed, still blowing his whistle.
‘Well done, Newton,’ shouted Jenny, ‘but you can stop blowing your whistle now.’
Mrs Rosethorn was hot on Gretel’s heels. ‘I’m very sorry, sir,’ she said to Principal Greenbeard. ‘I tried to stop them from disturbing you—’
But nobody was listening to Mrs Rosethorn. ‘Let me go,’ demanded Mrs Cross, struggling to free herself from Gretel’s iron grip.
‘Do you promise not to run away again?’ said Gretel.
‘I promise,’ said Mrs Cross.
‘Let her go,’ said Principal Greenbeard.
Gretel released her.
Mrs Cross sniffed, squared her shoulders and faced Principal Greenbeard.
‘Well, Wendy Smith,’ he said, ‘what do you have to say for yourself? Why did you steal our treasure?’
‘Because I was angry!’ said Mrs Cross. ‘You and your friends would never let me play pirates. You were always mean to me. Always chasing me away.’
Principal Greenbeard looked embarrassed. ‘Well, er, um,’ he said, ‘only boys can be pirates. Everybody knows that.’
‘That’s nonsense,’ said Mrs Cross. ‘Girls can be pirates, too!’
‘She’s right, you know,’ said Mr Brainfright. ‘Female pirates have been around since at least 600 BC! Let me see, there was Lady Mary Killigrew, the daughter of a pirate who became one herself . . . Lai Choi San of Macau, also known as the Dragon Lady . . . Grace O’Malley, the Sea Queen of Connaught . . . and, of course, Sadie the Goat.’
‘Sadie the Goat?’ said Principal Greenbeard.
‘Yes,’ said Mr Brainfright, chuckling. ‘She used to headbutt her victims before taking their money. Female pirates were every bit as colourful and terrifying as their male counterparts.’
Jenny, Jack, Newton, Gretel and I all looked at one another. We weren’t sure whether he was making it up or not.
‘I stole your treasure,’ Mrs Cross confessed to Principal Greenbeard, ‘because I wanted to teach you and the other boys a lesson. I wanted to prove that girls are just as good at being pirates as boys.’
‘I think you proved your point,’ said Principal Greenbeard.
‘Yes,’ said Mrs Cross, ‘except for the fact that I lost the map I’d drawn. I was going to return the treasure to you, I promise, but I could never find it again. I’m very sorry.’
‘Please, Mrs Cross,’ said Principal Greenbeard. ‘You don’t have to apologise. It’s not easy for a crusty old sea-dog like myself to admit that I was wrong, but I was. I was totally out of line, and I’m very sorry. If it hadn’t been for my ignorance of the glorious history of female piracy, I would have let you join our gang and none of this would ever have happened.’
‘No,’ said Mrs Cross, ‘the fault is all mine. I’m sorry that I stole your treasure in the first place. I’ve always felt guilty about it. But when the students, and then Mr Brainfright, started digging for it, I was worried about what would happen to me if it was found. I would quite understand if you required me to hand in my notice and seek employment elsewhere.’
‘Certainly not!’ said Principal Greenbeard. ‘I think enough time has passed for us both to forgive and forget. It’s all water under the bridge. And I don’t think there will be any more digging to disturb you . . . unless, of course, you are aware of any more treasure buried on the island?’
‘No,’ said Mrs Cross. ‘And thank you. Could I just ask one favour?’
‘Yes,’ said Principal Greenbeard. ‘What is it?’
‘May I have my treasure chest back?’
‘Of course,’ said Principal Greenbeard, shutting the lid and putting it into her hands. ‘It is indeed a fine treasure chest!’
Mrs Cross nodded. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘My grandfather
made it for me. I thought it was lost forever.’ Then she turned to Mr Brainfright. ‘I think I owe you an apology as well. I see that perhaps there is some method in your madness after all.’
Mr Brainfright smiled graciously. ‘More madness than method, I’m afraid,’ he said, ‘but very pleased to be of service.’
‘If you have some time one day,’ said Mrs Cross, ‘I would very much like to talk to you about female pirates. I’m interested in learning more.’
‘It would be a pleasure!’ said Mr Brainfright. Then he winked at us, as if to say, See, I told you she liked me.
I had to hand it to him. Except when he was falling out windows, he sure knew how to land on his feet. With a little help from us, of course.
Principal Greenbeard turned to Mr Brainfright. ‘I, too, am in your debt, Thaddeus,’ he said. ‘You have a job at Northwest Southeast Central School for as long as you want one. Mrs Chalkboard has let me know that she will not be coming back, so your position as teacher of Class 5C is now permanent, if you would like it.’
‘What do you think, kids?’ said Mr Brainfright. ‘Are you sick of me yet?’
‘No way!’ I said. ‘I think you should stay!’
‘Me too,’ said Jack.
‘Me three,’ said Newton.
‘Me definitely four,’ said Jenny.
‘Me five,’ said Gretel.
‘And me six,’ said Mrs Cross.
Mrs Rosethorn remained silent. In her eyes, Mr Brainfright was a time waster . . . but then everybody was.
‘So what do you say?’ said Principal Greenbeard.
‘Of course I’ll stay,’ said Mr Brainfright, beaming, ‘but on one condition.’
‘Just name it,’ said Principal Greenbeard.
‘That 5C now be called 5B,’ said Mr Brainfright.
‘Done,’ Principal Greenbeard agreed, shaking Mr Brainfright’s hand. ‘Good to have you aboard!’
Treasure Fever! Page 11