by S. K. Lessly
Sweets was right about her husband. He would have lost his shit if we had called him up that day to tell him what had happened. But I wondered if we would have found ourselves in the quandary we were now in if Noah ate it that day. I hadn’t learned much when I interviewed him. And I doubted Josh would have taken time out to question him before he ripped him in half. So, me trying to protect this case could have been for not.
Maybe Malcolm was right about me too. Maybe I was reckless. And maybe I deserved the wrath Josh was no doubt going to unleash on me. Sadly, I wasn’t sure if our friendship would recover after this.
To the Cooper men, trust was everything. If you broke that trust, there was a slim chance they’d let you back in and I betrayed both of them. Damn, I was so fucking stupid.
Dread settled in the pits of my soul. Where I had been hopeful that things would work out, I was starting to think shit was about to go south very quickly. I took the last of the beer down, slouched deeper in the couch, the same couch I had made love to Shane few days ago, and tried not to freak out.
It wasn’t working. I stood ready to bolt when I heard the door to his apartment open. It was a few seconds before it slammed shut and Shane was standing in the entrance to his hall, to my escape, looking like a pissed off bull.
This was not good. This was not good at all.
Fuck!
I started to fix my lips to ask if he was alright when I clocked the bruise on the left side of his face. I frowned, completely ignoring the look of fury in his narrowed eyes.
“What happened to your face?” I asked him, my eyes perusing over his entire body, checking to see if he was hurt anywhere else. I noticed he was favoring his right side slightly. Were his ribs bruised? Possibly. Maybe it’s his hip or leg? I couldn’t tell. It was clear he had been in an altercation, but the question was with whom?
Before I could stop myself, I quickly moved to him, ready to kill whoever had touched him.
I absently reached for his face, but his hand reached out quickly and grabbed my wrist, catching me off guard. I looked up into his face, surprised by the tight grip. He gave me one the coldest looks I had ever seen from him before he dropped my arm and stepped back from me.
Ho-ly shit! This was more than not good. This was catastrophic!
At first, I wondered what was up, and what I had done to piss him off. Then I knew. My eyes grew wide as I watched him walk around me and stalk to his kitchen.
He fucking knew. He found out what I had done, that I kept what happened to Sweets from him. Who could have told him? Noah? Sweets? Junior? Honestly, it didn’t matter who told him. I should have been prepared. In fact, I should’ve known this would happen. He was going to see Noah for fuck’s sake. What did I think would happen?
I closed my eyes and took a few deep cleansing breaths.
Take it easy, King, it’s going to be fine.
This was what I came here for; to tell him what happened. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he found out on his own. Again, not sure how, but that was irrelevant. He now knew everything. Half of my job was done. It was damage control from here. I could do this, I coached myself. However, the moment I took in the tense way Shane stood in front of his refrigerator, I knew it was going to be harder than I thought. The man was beyond angry. I could feel the rage in him.
I stood where I was like an idiot unsure of what to say. Shane reached for a beer and placed the bottle against his cheek. He slammed the refrigerator door shut, reached inside the cabinet underneath the counter and pulled out a bottle of Jack. Gingerly, he reached up and plucked a glass from the cabinet above the counter and poured himself a very healthy glass of the amber liquid.
He took at least two gulps before he filled his glass again and walked out of the kitchen to the living room without saying a word to me.
I watched him walk past, hoping something would come to mind to make this better. I took a few deep breaths and walked inside the kitchen. I opened the freezer and pulled out a bag of frozen corn. I squeezed the frozen veggies to break up the kernels inside the bag and walked back to the couch. His eyes were pinned to me, watching my every move with steely silence.
I hesitantly sat next to him, moved the beer from his face, and placed the veggie bag against his deep purple skin. He didn’t flinch as the cold touched his bruised face. He kept a pair of frigid cold blue eyes on me, though. And I couldn’t look away.
He let me take care of him for about thirty seconds before he removed the bag from my hand and tossed it on the floor next to his feet.
Okay, here I go.
“Shane, I—”
“Stop,” he said, his voice gravelly, low, and hard. “Honestly, I don’t want to hear it much less look at you right now. It would be in your best interest to go home.”
Well shit!
I didn’t hide my surprise at his words. He’d never spoken to me with that tone of voice or harshness. I had no come back, no smart-ass comment. He then went on to crush me even more.
“I’m hanging on by a thin thread here. I suggest you leave now before I say some shit that I won’t be able to take back.”
I gasped and leaned back from him as if he’d just slapped the hell out of me. His words felt like a punch to the face. I even touched my warm cheek feeling the sting of rejection and stood abruptly. I stepped back, unable to shift my eyes from him, and stared at him as if he had grown a second head right before my eyes.
Shane dismissed me then. He picked up the bag of frozen corn, leaned back against his couch, and closed his eyes. He placed the bag against his cheek and that was it. No arguing, no throwing things. Nothing.
I hadn’t expected this. I mean, I knew he’d be pissed, livid maybe, but this? It was as if he shut down completely, as if I no longer existed, which was worse than his words.
I didn’t move for a few seconds, trying to get my heartbeat to calm down and my legs to move. This man wasn’t the Shane I knew. The cold glare in his eyes chilled me to the bone. And his voice… it was like a million daggers hitting my chest all at once.
“You still here?” he grumbled low in his chest and I still didn’t move. I couldn’t. I was transfixed, stunned even. Then he opened red-rimmed eyes and narrowed them on me. I took this time to speak, don’t ask why I couldn’t tell you.
“Shane, if you would just let me explain—” I began, but he cut me off with a look that ran my blood cold.
“Explain? What the fuck is there to explain? You purposefully kept shit from me. You smiled in my face, laid in my bed, and knowingly kept shit from me. And you think I want to hear some bullshit explanation?” He laughed bitterly, the sound crumbling my control and confidence. My heart. “Get the fuck out before I throw you out.”
“Please, if you—”
“I said get out!” Shane yelled so loud that I felt it in my bones. He then stood and threw the bag of corn against the wall behind me, the sound oddly deafening in the small space.
Holy God almighty…
Just watching him barely hold on to the rage was one of the most frightening things I had ever seen. His whole body rose and fell fast with each hard breath he took. His eyes were narrowed, his hands were tight fists to his side. His nose flared and I could have sworn I saw steam coming out of them.
Josh had always told me that Shane was the one with the temper and I hadn’t believed him. Why should I? I had never seen him so angry he wanted to murder in cold blood. But fuck I saw it now and I was on the receiving end of his glare.
At this point, I should turn my ass around and get out while I still could, except I couldn’t move. Like a deer caught in headlights, I was glued to my spot. Call me stupid or slow or glutton for punishment, but I couldn’t leave, not like this. What made me plunge into this fire with him was the look in his eyes. Not only was there rage, but I also saw pain mixed with frustration in their depths. This was my fault. I did this. I needed to fix it, or I would lose everything.
I put my hands up in front of me, trying to calm the savag
e beast and spoke calmly.
“Listen, I know you’re pissed I didn’t tell you what happen to Sweets.”
He laughed mirthlessly. “Oh yeah?"
I nodded, ignoring the angry sarcasm. “Yes, and you have every right to be.”
He laughed again. “Well, thank you,” he said crudely and again, I did my best to ignore him.
“I should have told you,” I went on. “Hell, I was going to the night it happened, I swear to you.” He scoffed dismissively and I said quickly, “Shane, I swear on my parents I was going to tell you.” That got his attention. He fell silent and I used that as an advantage to continue. “But when you came home that night and we… I just… Ugh, I don’t know. Shit just went out the window. I decided to wait to see what Sweets would do. I told her if she didn’t tell her husband I would. I knew she would do it, tell Josh, or at least I hoped she would. But I needed to give her time. Never in a million years did I think shit was going to turn out the way it had.”
Shane folded his arms and shot me a disbelieving look. “Let me get this straight. You were going to leave her to deal with my brother on her own?”
“No!” I frowned indignantly. “Give me some credit. I wouldn’t do her like that.”
He snorted and that pissed me off.
“Fuck you, Shane!” I chided, narrowing my eyes, my own destructive temper starting to rise. “You don’t get to judge me. I hid the evidence of Sweets entering Hell to protect her from Josh. I knew what he would do if he found out. I was giving that to Sweets, allowing her to control this situation with her crazy-ass husband. I had told her we would tell him together. I was going to ask you for help. But this case took a turn, and then I got sidetracked, and—”
“Did you see the footage?” he asked me, his voice so low I barely heard him. I sobered and nodded. He went on. “When? Back then?”
“Fuck no! If I would have seen it back then, do you really think we would be looking for Davies right now? Do you honestly think I would have let them live?” I met Shane’s cold eyes with my own, waiting. When he didn’t respond, I got my answer.
I scoffed bitterly and shook my head, folding my arms against my chest to keep from strangling him.
“What? You think I’m wrong for thinking that?” he retorted after a spell. “After all the shit you’ve pulled recently, you honestly think I should believe you would have Sweet's back like that?”
God, I wanted to throw something at him and clock him right in the middle of his sexy forehead.
“Yes, I do!” I bit back harshly. “That’s what I do; take everyone’s back. Josh, Malcolm, and especially you and you fucking know that. But how about this? When are you fuckers going to take mine? Huh? When are you going to trust that I know what the fuck I’m doing? Yes, I didn’t share shit with you about what Noah did to Sweets. But please don’t think I let that shit slide. Oh, he fucking paid for it and then some. It wasn’t what he deserved, considering what he did to her, but I was only acting on the Intel she provided me. And before I got my licks in, I interviewed him. I gathered whatever I could to help this case. To make sure Sweets’ visit to Hell and her attack weren’t in vain. Whatever info I found out, I told you. I may not have given you everything, but I gave you enough.”
Shane remained silent, which was fine with me. I needed a minute for the rage I felt to comfort me. It was taking over my mind, filling my soul. I was tired of being treated like I was a child or new to this game. I had been at this for a long time and I was good at my fucking job. For once, just once, I wanted them to trust that I knew what I was doing. Trust that I could take care of myself, handle myself instead of treating me like a damsel in distress.
The frigid staring between us continued, neither one of us budging from the silence.
As the seconds ticked by, I began to grow tired of this game we were playing. He was pissed, angry, livid I fucking get that. But hell, so was I. I decided to move this along and do something I never thought I’d do, take the high road.
I let out a sigh and softened my face. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what happened. I should have been upfront with you.”
“Why didn’t you?” he asked, speaking over me. His face was still pinched with anger, but he wasn’t shooting fireballs at me with his eyes. That was a good sign, right?
I gave him a puzzled look as his words sunk in. “Why didn’t I what?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about what happened to Sweets that night?”
I sighed exasperatedly. “Shane, I already told you. I had every intention of telling you. I wanted to give Sweets time to—”
“That’s bullshit, Misty and you know it. I want to know the real reason why you didn’t tell me. Or better yet, why didn’t you tell Josh?”
I tightened my lips, trying to keep my response inside. To me the answer was simple, I had showed loyalty to my girl. Except, Shane knew that too. I felt it in my bones, he understood why I waited. No, this question was something else. He was going to a place I didn’t want him to go and I couldn’t stop him even if I wanted to.
“What do you want me to say, Shane?” I asked trying to buy me some time.
“Why don’t you trust me?” he asked and I frowned at him.
“What? I do trust you.”
“No, King, you do not and I want to know why.”
I shook my head, dread flowing through me like a glacier; cold, unyielding, and thick. The air around us suddenly changed. The rage, the hurt that hovered over us was being replaced with something heavier, something deeper. My heart began to pick up its pace. My body shook slightly, knowing what was to come. And fuck, I had no time to get my defenses up.
“Shane, what do you want from me?” I asked, willingly falling into the trap he had set for me.
“I want the truth, right here right now. You keep everyone at bay. This is your M.O.; it’s what you do. You don’t trust the people you should and I somewhat get where it comes from. But fuck, haven’t we earned your trust by now? Malcolm, Josh, Sweets, myself, haven’t we paid our dues to have your trust? You have ours. We all trust you with our lives. We know without a doubt that you have our backs. Why don’t you feel the same way?”
“I do,” I replied exasperatedly, fighting back the burning behind my eyes. I refused to cry in front of him.
“No, you don’t.” Shane countered snatching the oxygen from the room with his words. With each step he took towards me, he took my confidence too.
He went on breaking me down with his words, lifting his hand and counting off his points, “One, you didn’t trust Josh to have your back with Simon. Two, you didn’t think we had your family's back as if they were our own. And now, me with this Sweets thing. Malcolm was right. You’re reckless and I want to know why.”
He kept coming until he was a few inches from me. Hard eyes paralyzed me, breaking me down, destroying me.
“Why do you keep everyone that cares about you at arm’s length? You think we’re going to hurt you? Disappoint you? Have we done that so far? Has Josh? As long as you’ve known him, the shit you two went through, has he ever—”
“No! Okay, no!”
“Then what? Stop playing this stupid game of yours and tell me.”
I closed my eyes feeling my control slipping. Tears began to gather behind my eyelids just waiting for the wrong moment to fall. Shane moved closer to me. I could feel his body heat against me, feel the need I always had to touch him, for him to touch me, grip me tight.
God, I wanted to let go. I did. Actually, I thought I had already let go and let him in, but as I stood before him, I knew deep down that hadn’t happened yet. There was one thing I was still holding onto and refused to let go.
I backed up and shook my head, panic seizing my heart, my soul. “I can’t do this,” I mumbled to myself. I felt Shane grab my arm and I snatched it away and opened my eyes. The pain and disappointment in his eyes were gutting me.
Tell him, Misty, fucking tell him!
Do it now!
; I backed up further trying to get my head on straight and think of how to begin my story, when Shane ruined everything.
“You have to be fucking kidding me.” Shane’s face morphed into a deep frown. It was as if he smelled the bullshit swimming in my head.
Confused I stammered, “Wh-what? I—”
“You know what, you’re a fucking coward,” he admonished and that made me stop.
“I’m a what?!”
“You heard me. Every time something gets too difficult for you, you bail. You’re so full of shit, you don’t give a fuck about anyone else but yourself.” He pointed at me. “You’re selfish, reckless and a fucking cow—Ahhh fuck!”
All of a sudden, out of the blue, Shane yelled in pain, bent over and clutched his side.
Yeah, okay. It wasn’t all of a sudden nor was it out of the blue. I punched him. I didn’t hit him hard, just a quick jab to his side, but it was hard enough to take the breath from his lungs and shut him up.
I looked down at him, my fist still balled, ready to punch him again, this time in the face if he said another word.
“Fuck, Misty!” Shane growled, looking up at me with venom in his eyes. I didn’t give a fuck. He stepped over the line. He also gave me the words I needed to tell him everything.
“No, fuck you, Shane!” I snapped and pointed at him. “I am not a coward! You have no idea the shit I’ve been through, the sacrifices I made for sorry ass.”
“For me? What fucking sacrifices have you made for me? Huh? Tell me?”
I started pacing. My temper was through the roof and once that shit happened…
“You should be thanking me.” I snapped.
“Thanking you?” he bit out harshly.
I stopped pacing and headed right for him, my fury vibrating through me so strong I couldn’t think straight. If I could, I probably wouldn’t have said the next thing.
“Yes, fucking thanking me. I let her have you!”
“What?” he asked on one of those disbelieving chuckles people made when someone was trying to make sense of your crazy. “You let who have—”
“Her, got damn it!” I screeched feeling as if I was losing it. Hell, I was losing it, but I couldn’t stop the train wreck that was me. I went on, knowing damn well I sounded, and looked, like a deranged lunatic to him. I didn’t care. “I let her have you when I knew damn well you belonged to me.”