by Sara Marion
“Goodbye Jack,” Paxton said after a few minutes of no response. She let the phone linger by her ear waiting for a response.
“I know I shouldn’t care after everything you did but I do. What makes it hurt is I know you don’t believe me,” Jack finally said.
Paxton felt her chest clench up. How can he love her? She heard Jack disconnect the line. She looked at her phone. Then set it down. She rolled over and shut her eyes. She couldn’t take anything else today. She needed to get away. She hoped sleep would come soon.
Sleep finally came to her but it wasn’t a restful one. She tossed and turned as those blue eyes stared intently at her. She knew she still loved Jack with every ounce of her heart. She also ached because they weren’t together. She knew that she had changed too much over time. She wasn’t the same person that Jack married, the one that everyone used to know. She saw Duke and Jack being friendly, something they no longer did. They drifted apart and Paxton wedged herself permanently between them.
She woke up in a sweat. She sighed and put her head in her hands. She couldn’t torment herself any longer. She needed to talk to someone. Someone who didn’t know that could judge her fairly. She thought of Dr. Keeler. She started giggling. All this time at the facility and she is only now realizing that talking may help her. She laughed and leaned back into her head board. She couldn’t stop. She didn’t know why it was so funny but she laughed until she started crying. For the first time in a long time she felt content. She didn’t know what brought it on but she was tired and the emotional rollercoaster from the past few days was about to end.
Paxton realized that she needed to take control of her life. Her grief had been in control too long but she didn’t know how to get past it. The blame she put on herself, maybe everyone was right, she was just a victim of circumstance. Paxton laid back down, staring at her alarm clock on the night stand. Her thoughts sobering her from her brief insanity moment.
Paxton awoke the next morning. The house was quiet. Sunlight filled her room and she knew it had to be late morning. She laid there or a few moments waiting to hear any sounds in the house, any sign of her mother being there. She didn’t want to see her mother after last night. She just needed time to process everything that has happened. She knew she needed to get out of this house. This place will not let her heal and she didn’t need her mother watching her every move and reminding her of what she no longer has. She got out of bed after deciding her mother was out of the house.
She flipped on her music player. Rachel Yamagata’s voice filled the room. Elephants was an appropriate song, very fitting for the moment. She put the song on repeat. It was so sullen. It matched Paxton’s mood so well, dramatic and sorrowful.
She was surrounded by memories of the past, lost loves, and an uncertain future. Paxton looked through framed pictures. She put some of her father in the box, her and Ella, family photos, and a few of Ella, Duke, Jack and her. They were all good memories, she wanted to take them but they would also be a reminder of what she can never have again.
She walked over to Ella’s room. She took a few things from it just to remember her best friend who she would never see again. By the time she was finished she had a few boxes packed. She knew the harder part was coming up because she would have to head to the cabin. Paxton couldn’t bring herself to think of the memories there. She quickly went back to her room and laid on her bed. She let the music take her away. She listened to the words letting them sink in, the echoed throughout her thoughts.
“Pax?” a voice broke through.
Opening her eyes, Paxton was shocked to see the room was dark. She didn’t realize so much time as passed. She looked over at the door and saw her mother. Paxton sighed as she sat up. She didn’t want to see her mother.
“What?”
“I have been thinking a lot about our conversation last night. I don’t like the way you are acting and I think it would be best for us if you left my house. Go back to your house, think about things.”
“I was planning on leaving but I can’t go back to the house. I need to find somewhere else first.”
“I think it’s best if you leave soon. I haven’t gotten over what happened and you being here isn’t helping. I’m sorry. I love you, but right now I can’t have you here.”
Paxton sat in her bed stunned. She knew her relationship with her mother was strained but she didn’t think it was this bad. Her mother didn’t say anything else and just left. Paxton picked up her phone and dialed Duke. She needed to get out of here with her stuff. She just didn’t have a vehicle here to do it.
“Come get me,” Paxton pleaded as he answered the phone. “Please just come get me.”
“Don’t move.”
Paxton felt herself relax slightly. He was coming for her just like he said he would. She started taking her boxes up to the door. Her mother watched her but offered no help. Paxton would not cry in front of her.
She waited for Duke out on the porch. When he pulled up she took her first box to his truck. He went and grabbed her other few boxes she had and loaded them up for her. She climbed into the truck and waited for Duke.
“Where are you staying?”
“I was going to go to a hotel but I don’t want to waste any money that may be sitting in my bank account. Please take me to the cabin.”
“Are you sure?” Duke asked. Paxton saw the concern on his face.
“Yes.” She said as she looked out the window.
SEVEN
It had been several days since Paxton saw anyone. She was busy trying to find a new place to live. She was haunted by all the memories the cabin had. She was trying to shake them as she headed to her appointment with Dr. Keeler. This would be the first appointment where she knew she was going in to talk but she didn’t know where she wanted to start. She felt the downward spiral pulling at her again.
She found herself nervously sitting waiting on Dr. Keeler to call her. Paxton took in her surroundings. She never been to Keeler’s office outside the facility. She knotted her hands together, picked at her nails and kept watching the clock.
“Mrs. Mercier?” Dr. Keeler announced.
“Miss Andrews now,” Paxton nervously smiled. She saw Dr. Keeler’s face fall slightly.
“I see. Please come in.”
Paxton walked in and took in her new surroundings. She had built-in book shelves, a couple choices of chairs for patients to sit in and a wall of windows. She could see into the courtyard. She saw people walking by.
“Don’t worry. One way windows. They cannot see anything in here,” Dr. Keeler said as she walked over to a chair and sat down. “Please come sit.”
Paxton found herself walking to the chair furthest from the doctor.
“So what would you like to discuss?” Dr. Keeler jumped right in.
“I’m not sure. I just knew it was a good idea if I finally talked to someone. Someone who can be partial to me without laying blame.”
“Why would I blame you for something?” She cocked her head to one side. Paxton fidgeted under her gaze.
“Because I am a horrible person.”
“From my records that I have, I show that you are not a horrible person. A renowned surgeon, you have family that loved you but from what I understand, something happened a little over a year ago. Then your loved ones said you started changing.”
“I had a loving family. Then I broke it up,” Paxton corrected Dr. Keeler.
“Why don’t you start from the beginning? When Jack came in he said you two were set up by your friends Ella and Duke.”
“Yeah, we were. Ella was my very best friend. She knew me better than anyone else. We had been through so much together. Our parents were best friends before we came along. Then they naturally put us together and we had always been friends.” Paxton smiled at those memories. The carefree days.
“So you and Ella grew up together?”
“Yeah, we were next door neighbors. We went to the same school, only once or twice we weren’t i
n the same class until middle school. Then we had more separate schedules but we always found each other during lunch periods and after school. We were inseparable, we were like sisters. I think it was 8 grade when we decided what our lives would be like.” Paxton paused and looked at her hands. She knotted her hands together again. She was talking too much. It was like someone opened the flood gates but she was ready to start telling someone her story.
“I take it you were going to be a doctor but what did Ella want to be?”
Paxton let out a small chuckle. “No, our plans were much better. Ella was going to be a famous artist and I would be her manager. I would book her art shows and we would travel around the world. We were going to grow old together. We wanted to be the two old crazy ladies in the nursing home reminiscing about all our adventures.”
“Sounds like you two had a pretty special relationship.”
“Yeah. We finished each other’s thoughts and sentences. We looked out for each other.”
“So when did that change?”
Paxton grew silent. She decided to steer the conversation back to their closeness. “I didn’t realize how much Ella meant to me until the summer before our senior year in high school. Our parents went on a double date and that night everything changed.”
“Did you guys fight that night?”
“No that night brought us closer together. You see, Ella and I planned to go out with friends that night. There was a house party and the boys we liked at the time were going to be there. Our parents however volunteered us to babysit the neighbor’s kid. Ella ended up going out that night as I stayed in and watched Jackson. His parents went out with ours to a dinner party.”
“So she got in trouble that night.”
Paxton looked out the window nervously. She watched the people walk by for a few moments.
“Not exactly.” Paxton continued to stare out the window as if she were replaying the night’s events on the glass.
***
“Ella come home quickly. Our parents found out you weren’t here because Mrs. Brant down the street saw you. They are coming home now and they seem mad,” Paxton said with worry. “You have to beat them home.”
“Thanks for the heads up. On my way now. Should be there in about five,” she said. Paxton could hear her starting to gather her things and she heard a few comments from people asking where she was going. Then the line went dead.
Paxton looked at the clock. Ella should be back in the house with plenty of time. Her parents were about twenty minutes away if they were lucky. They had to face the highway traffic so possibly thirty minutes away. She gripped the cordless phone and paced. Jackson was already down for the night. He tuckered out pretty quickly after his parents left. She heard a car door and keys come out. Please be Ella, please be Ella she chanted to herself. The door was opening and she focused on the shape.
“Made it!” Ella exclaimed laughing. “I better go change into something other than this. My parents will freak!”
She headed down the stairs to Paxton’s room. She changed into her skimpy outfit after their parents left. She had a hot date with a boy she was crushing on. They went to a house party. Paxton breathed a sigh of relief. Now she had to calm herself before her parents got home.
Ella came up dressed in the same clothes she wore over here. She kept her outfit in Paxton’s closet to keep suspicions low. Paxton settled in on the couch and flipped to a movie channel as Ella rejoined her. Hope Floats came back from the commercial break. It was about a quarter way into the movie. Just in far enough to make it convincing for when their parents walked in.
They were almost finished with the movie when they noticed their parents hadn’t come. Maybe they were only threatening, Paxton thought.
“I wonder where they are,” Ella said as if she sensed what Paxton was thinking.
“You think they were bluffing?” Paxton answered.
“No. I don’t think they would, would they?”
“I don’t know they sounded pretty pissed when they called,” Paxton admitted as she stared at the phone.
“I totally could have stayed at the party,” Ella pouted. “They would have been home by now if they were coming.”
“How was it? If we didn’t have to watch Jackson I totally would have gone!” she said distracting herself from her parents and the situation that could have unfolded if they came home.
“Amazing!” gushed Ella. “Alex was adorable tonight. He held my hand as he walked me to my car.”
Alex was Ella’s new boy toy. She had a crush on him and he finally asked her out. Paxton was excited for her friend.
“Was Sage there?” Paxton wanted to go just to see Sage, her own latest crush.
“Yeah, he even asked where you were. He seemed disappointed you couldn’t make it.”
They kept talking about the boys. Time slowly went by and soon Paxton no longer worried about their parents coming home. They were so wrapped up in conversation they didn’t hear the doorbell. Paxton jumped as she heard a loud banging on the door. She got up to go see who was at the door.
“Police! Anyone there?” a booming voice came as she got to the door. She opened the door slightly and faced two officers.
“Paxton Andrews?” the officer asked.
“Yes that’s me.” Her voice was shaky. She wasn’t sure why the police were asking for her. “May I help you?”
“I’m Officer Anderson and this is Officer Santiago.” They both held up their badges. Paxton nodded her head knowing they were leaving them up for her to inspect to validate their identity. Paxton heard a gasp come from behind her. Ella appeared in the hallway frozen in place at the sight of the officers.
Officer Santiago nudged Anderson as he saw sight of Ella. “Are you Ella Jameson?” Santiago asked over Anderson’s shoulder.
“Did my parents call you? I swear I didn’t mean to cause any trouble. Please don’t arrest me, I will go home and face them. Please, I don’t want to be in trouble,” Ella started babbling. Paxton turned to stare at her best friend who just lost her composure in front of the officers.
“Miss, we are not here to arrest you,” Officer Anderson advised.
“What’s this all about?” Paxton asked. She was still confused as to why the officers were asking for them.
“Yes I would like to know the same thing.” A familiar voice behind the officers rang out. It was Mrs. Hanson. Paxton saw her when peered around the officers. She must be coming to collect Jackson. Paxton quickly thought her parents would be home any moment then. Their parents and the Hansons went to a dinner party together. The Hanson’s drove separately.
Both officers excused themselves as they went to identify and speak to Mrs. Hanson. Paxton watched as the officers pulled her aside. Almost out of hearing range. Paxton strained to hear the conversation but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. Ella was trying to do the same.
“I can’t hear them,” she whispered in Paxton’s ear.
“Me neither,” she said.
Both girls were not sure what was going on. They both gasped as they saw Mrs. Hanson cover her mouth in shock and almost fall to the ground. Now the girls were worried. Mrs. Hanson looked over to them tears in her eyes. Paxton knew something awful was going on. Now all three of them were heading back to the door.
“Girls, let’s go inside and sit down for a moment,” Mrs. Hanson said as she was climbing the steps to the front door.
Paxton turned and led them into the house. She wanted to know what was going on. Paxton went into the living room and watched everyone else walk in. She and Ella sat down. The officers remained standing but Mrs. Hanson sat in the chair right by the sofa. Paxton never looked away from Mrs. Hanson.
“Officers I think I can handle it from here,” Mrs. Hanson turned to the officers and was politely dismissing them.
“Please let us know if you need any help. We’re on the case now,” Officer Anderson handed Mrs. Hanson his business card.
Paxton’s eyes widened.
Case?! What case? She thought to herself. “What’s going on Mrs. Hanson?” Paxton couldn’t take the suspense anymore. She wanted to know what the hell was going on.
“I’m sorry girls, but your parents were in an accident.” Paxton felt Ella grab her hand. She squeezed it tightly.
“What happened to them?” Ella asked. Paxton heard the panic in her voice.
“They were on their way home when they were car jacked.” Mrs. Hanson wiped away a tear. Ella gasped and Paxton just continued to stare. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“They put up a fight and the assailants shot them. All of them were rushed to the hospital after several witnesses saw it occur. One of the dinner guests witnessed and told the officers that you girls should be at the house and that’s all they knew for emergency contacts.”
“We need to get to the hospital,” Paxton finally said.
She felt herself take a breath. She must have been holding it while listening and waiting for Mrs. Hanson to tell her what happened.
“I’ll take Jackson home to Mr. Hanson and then I’ll take you both to the hospital.” Mrs. Hanson stood and walked out of the room.
Paxton grabbed her mom’s address book as Mrs. Hanson went to collect Jackson. Ella was on the phone with her only uncle. It was the only relative that was still living. Ella was in tears as she was talking to her Uncle Ryan. Paxton made the call to her aunts and grandparents but none of them answered.
Mrs. Hanson quickly drove to her own house a few blocks away. Ella and Paxton sat in the backseat together. Mrs. Hanson went inside with Jackson. Paxton stared out of the window. Now that Jackson was out of his booster seat, Paxton intertwined her pinky with Ella’s. It was comforting to know they both still had each other. They had no idea what shape their parents were in but they needed to get there quickly. Mrs. Hanson came back into the car and they quickly departed heading for Mercy Hospital. It was twenty minutes away from Mrs. Hanson’s house. Paxton wished that this trip did not take too long.