by Archie Hind
Yes, even in middle-age Alec was handsome, his fine grained skin still clear and fresh. He noticed the piano right away and the skin wrinkled around his eyes. But her back was toward him when he said, ‘F’r Pete’s sake! Hey Sadie?’
Sadie turned towards him with her temper ready to let loose at him defensively. ‘What is it?’
‘I don’t know Sadie. There’s a big thing standing there against the wa’ wi’ a great row of shining teeth. Grinning at me. What is it?’
‘It’s a piano. A big, shiny, brown piano wi’ brass candlesticks stuck to it.’
‘You’re right! – it is a big – shiny – brown – piano – wi’ brass candlesticks stuck to it.’
‘Then that’s what it must be.’
‘Yes, I suppose that’s what it must be.’
Sadie turned back to the cooker, her back stiff. She brought the teapot to the table and put the cosy over it saying, ‘Boys’ll be in soon. The sink’s clear, you can wash your hands.’
Alec hung his jacket in the lobby and came back to the kitchen, unbuttoning his waistcoat. He still wore galluses striped blue and red longitudinally, and his shirtsleeves held back from his wrists by old-fashioned sleeve bands. While he washed his hands at the sink Sadie took the warm plates from the bottom of the oven and set them at their places on the table. Alec stood watching her while drying his hands on a towel at the back of the cupboard door, then he quickly looped the towel back on to its hook and turned to her, his arms out and palms uppermost, then he shook his hands up and down in a gesture of florid appeal.
‘Och, Sadie. C’mon? You’re not saying anything. I mean, where did you get it? Whit did you? – no!’ The lines crinkled round his eyes again and he clenched his fist and stuck his brow. ‘No, don’t tell me. Wait a minute. Ye won it in a raffle?’
‘No, I didn’t win it in a raffle.’ She spoke in a huffed tone. ‘As a matter of fact I bought it.’
‘Bought it? Gave good money for it?’
‘Aye. I did.’
‘F’r that?’
‘Aye. For that.’ Again she turned away from him and stooped before the oven door. She lifted the bottom of her apron, twisted it, wiped some sweat from her upper lip then spoke in a flat matter-of-fact voice. ‘It didn’t cost much. It was advertised in a card in the paper shop window so I went to the woman selling it and she wanted to get rid of it to make room for a new sideboard getting . . .’
‘So you decided to gie it hoose room?’
‘So I got it for a couple of pounds and paid the coalman a couple of pounds to bring it on his lorry while he was doin’ the rounds. They brought it up the stairs wi’ these strap things round their shoulders.’
‘Ah see.’
‘I just got this notion –’
‘It’ll be a gey heavy notion when we humph it back down the stairs.’
‘But I want to keep it!’
‘Keep it? Sadie! You should have put that money towards something – like, you know, to help you in the kitchen, or a new coat.’
‘We’re short of money then?’
‘It’s not that. I mean look at the room it takes up. And it’ll need a fair bit of polishing.’
‘It’s me that’ll polish it.’
‘And dusting.’
It’s me that’ll be dusting it. You’ll have nothing to complain about on that score.’ She looked round at the small, cramped, immaculately kept kitchen. Then satisfied, she repeated, ‘Nothing to complain about on that score.’
‘It’ll get in the road when we’re trying to sit doon at the table. It makes the kitchen look awful wee. There isnae room to swing a cat.’
‘You can squeeze past. And forbye, there’s no need to be swinging cats.’
‘Just kiddin’ like.’
‘Well, Alec, I wish you wouldn’t.’
‘All right then. But it does make the room look awful wee. It is a big brute of a thing.’
That had been worrying her ever since she saw it looming at her on the landings so she became exasperated. ‘I ken it makes the room look awful wee. But you can get used to it. I’m getting used to it and it’s no’ a couple of hours in the place. This time next week you’ll not even notice it.’
‘I suppose so. If maybe you just kept the lid shut?’
‘No, I’m not having the lid shut. I like to see the keys. It looks like a big coffin when the lid’s shut.’
A few moments later the door bell rang and Alec answered it. Their sons Colin and Hugh came in.
Colin was unlike either of his parents, being tall and slim. He had his father’s thick well-groomed hair, but so dark it seemed nearly black. His mouth was wide and thin with the lips unusually defined for a man, which gave his features a dry, sarcastic expression. He wore a modish, quite expensive brown suit. Like his father he was an engineer but unlike Alec he had also studied at night school. His firm had transferred him to its computer section and was training him for it. Hugh, a few years younger, resembled his parents, having something of Alec’s powerful physique and Sadie’s big Irish teeth, but he was bigger than Alec and slower moving. It was hard to know if he was intelligent, for he was diffident, good-natured and deferred a lot to Alec and Colin. He drove a delivery van. Hugh, as usual when he came from work, was thinking of his tea and only eyed the table. Colin had noticed the piano immediately. His green eyes gleamed but he said nothing. Instead he sat in a chair facing his father, grasped his forehead between thumb and forefinger so that the palm of his hand was over his eyes, and started to shake with laughter.
Hugh was saying, ‘Is the tea ready –’ when he stopped speaking and his eyes popped. He said to Colin in a careful suspicious voice. ‘Hey Colin. Look!’
‘I’m looking,’ Colin said, his voice sobbing with laughter.
‘It’s a piano.’
‘So I see.’
‘It’s no’ half a piano either! Where did you get it Ma?’
‘She’s been rakin’ the middens,’ said Colin still laughing. Said Sadie, ‘Och, you’re awful pass remarkable. It’s just a piano I bought second-hand, and that’s that.’
‘Well, you’ve got a few quids’ worth of timber anyway.’ Colin went over to the piano and wrapped his knuckles on the top. ‘Lovely tone.’
‘But it makes the room awful wee,’ Hugh said.
‘I ken that,’ Sadie’s exasperation had brought her near to tears. ‘I know it makes the room awful wee.’
‘Mind ye, Sadie.’ Alec tried to placate her. ‘It wouldn’t be so bad if we shifted it over there again the wall. We could move the wee bookcase ben the room, then when you opened up the leaf of the dinner table there would be mair room.’
‘No. You can’t put it there. It would be between the door and the fire. There would be too much draught.’
‘A draught? Alec asked amazed.
‘You’re afraid it’ll catch cold?’ said Colin, ‘Or pneumonia?’
‘Aye, it’s probably delicate’ said Hugh. What dae ye feed them on?’
‘Cream crackers,’ said Colin, ‘Dirty great cream crackers a yard long. Imagine it crunching into them wi’ that set of wallies.’
‘Aye,’ Alec chuckled. ‘Think of the crumbs it’ll leave all over the carpet. I hear they’re very messy feeders.’
‘You’re a’ awfu’ sarky,’ said Sadie, ‘It’s just a piano.’
‘It’ll need exercise tae. Somebody’ll have to take it oot at night.’
Colin and Hugh had both moved over to the piano for a closer look. Hugh put his hand out timidly towards the keys and Colin suddenly shut the lid and gave a little feminine scream. Even Sadie laughed at the way Hugh jumped like someone backing away from a wild dog. ‘Oh, the brute! It’ll have to be muzzled.’
Sadie was by now half laughing and half in tears and she said, ‘I don’t know what all the fuss is about. It’s just a plain, old, ordinary upright piano that I’ve always wanted to have for years and years and years –’
‘We’re never noticed the want of one before,
’ Alec said, half indignantly, ‘We’ve sometimes wanted a fitted carpet, or the room papered, or the sink boxed in –’
‘Well, you see, these things –’ Sadie interrupted Alec, her voice pitched in irritation. She stopped and frowned then spoke slowly. ‘These are sensible things – but some wants are harder to put a name to – until something happens.’
‘And you happened to see an advertisement for this bloody great monstrosity –’
‘Ach, Da. Wheesht!’ Hugh had begun to realise how much the teasing was upsetting his mother. ‘Everybody wheesht.’ It’s all right kidding. But look!’ He sat on the piano stool and examined the instrument slowly. ‘C’mere, Ma. Look, Colin, Da. Come here and have a good look. Look at those candle-brackets and the work that’s been put into them. And that inlay with all those bits of mother-of-pearl. See how the beading round these panels is mitred. Ye cannae see the joints.’
‘It’s well done,’ Colin admitted.
‘Well done? It’s better than that. They don’t put computers into cabinets like this I’ll bet you. This is craftsmanship. Nobody bothers to do that nowadays. Look at that fretwork round the music stand. You know, Ma, I could wire up these candlestick bulbs and put them in them.’
‘Och, ye’re making a fool of me again.’
‘Naw, I’m serious. You can buy special bulbs that look like candles, wi’ a wee bit black wick on top and the sides looking like melting wax. It would be nae bother to pass a wire up through the brackets and fix in sockets where the candles should go.’
I suppose that would be nice,’ Sadie conceded though privately she didn’t want her piano mucked about with.
Hugh had suddenly become enthusiastic about the piano. ‘Look’ See these medals fixed inside of the lid. See what they say. Hey Colin, listen to this. Gold Medal – Lou – is – i – ana purchase Exposition. Something – Internationale –’
‘Arise, ye starvelings –’
‘Shut up. Something – Republican Français. Universal Exposition. St Louis. The United States of America. And then there’s a date. M-C-M-I-V. I think. Whit date would that be?’
‘The year of the ark – tae look at it.’
‘Never mind him Ma. It’s a lovely bit of furniture. Come and sit doon on the stool. There. Now just look at it. It was a bargain. I’m sure.’
‘Aye, but I still think it’s a gey big bit of furniture just for to haud up some photies,’ said Alec.
Sadie sat on the piano stool, running her hand along the lid. ‘It is a lovely thing. But I didn’t get it to put photies on. The tuner came in today as well and fixed it up. You see, I got it for playing.’
‘Who’s going to play it?’ Alec asked. ‘Naebody in this hoose can play a piano.’
Sadie struck middle C, smiled, played a scale with one finger then said, ‘I’ll play it.’
‘But Ma, you cannae! You never learned a note of music in your life.’
Sadie struck middle C again. Her Doh. She pounded the key several times then shouted at Colin. ‘How do you know? You’re only a boy. You haven’t known me all my life. Anyway –’ and she played her Doh again, ‘I’m going to learn.’
Hugh came over to her, looked in her face and said, ‘It’s all right, Ma.’ But Alec burst out angrily, ‘For goodness sake wumman. At your age? Wantin’ tae play the piano. I mean you’re pushing fifty.’
‘That’s right. I’m pushing fifty. Though it would have been just as easy to say that I was leaving forty.’
‘Ach.’
‘Ach. Who are ye ach-ing at? Whit harm would it be daeing? Your dinner’ll still be on the table when ye come in. Well, ye can all go and ach away to yerselfs.’ Sadie burst into tears and went into the lobby slamming the door behind her, leaving the men embarrassed and silent. Then Alec shrugged.
‘Well, well. Your ma’s in a right tid tonight.’
‘Aye,’ said Colin. ‘That’s us told, I suppose.’
‘Nae wonder,’ Hugh was feeling remorseful though his part of the teasing had been more out of genuine merriment than the others. ‘We deserve it. A bit of kiddin’s all right but we went over the score.’
‘I don’t see how,’ said Alec to justify himself. ‘I mean you come home to face a bloody great monstrosity of a contraption like that that makes the hoose look like a telephone kiosk. It’s a good job we have got a sense of humour.’ He paused then went on speaking with his voice adapting to tolerance, concession. ‘Still and all. Maybe you’re right. I suppose she can’t help it. It’s just that women get to a certain stage. Well, it’s got to do with their age. You know what I mean. It’s her age.’
Colin suddenly realised that his father was trying to refer to the menopause and burst out laughing. ‘Oh, aye, aye. Yes. Of course. It’ll be her age.’ He phrased the words ‘her age’ in parody of Alec’s mysterious tone but Alec was too embarrassed to react.
Hugh, worried about his mother going ben the room in a huff said, ‘I think she just wants to learn to play the piano.’
‘Christ, you’re a help.’ Alec was becoming irritable again, for the argument was threatening to stop them eating appealingly. ‘Have some common sense. She just wants to learn the piano? At fifty?’
‘She’s not fifty yet,’ Hugh cried. ‘For – get it! For – get it!’ said Hugh, then added in a parody of his own Glasgow accent. ‘Let us not forget that us yins have not had wur tea.’
‘It’ll be bloody cauld. And we’ll have to put it out ourselves,’ grumbled Alec.
‘Well, we’re not paralysed,’ said Hugh, ‘We can stir our ain teacups, I suppose.’
This remark contained enough bitterness to start another argument, but at that moment Sadie came back. She marched into the kitchen, her cheeks red where she had dried her eyes with the apron, and still sniffing said, ‘Ye’ll be wanting your tea?’
She took the dishes from the oven, banged them on to the table, and started serving the fish and chips. Her anger was evident in her every movement. The plates rang and clattered under her serving spoon. She poured out tea and passed the cups in such a careless movement that the liquid slopped into their saucers. She served herself a few chips and a tiny piece of fish, then sat picking at the batter with her fork and projecting her upset appetite round the table. Colin smiled and ate unperturbed. Hugh first picked at his fish, peered anxiously round the table, then started eating as if out of duty. Alec, though sometimes glaring at Sadie, ate his fish and chips with gusto then helped himself to a big slice of cream sponge.
When Sadie went to bed that night she lay awake longer than usual. Alec, as usual, lay at the back of the bed, his face to the wall, sound asleep. Sadie always lay on the outer side of the bed, being the last to go to bed at night and first to rise in the morning. She often lay awake, not thinking she had insomnia, but if the boys were out late, assuming that she was listening for them to come home. When the key clicked in the lock she would sigh, turn on her side and sleep. In these waking periods she took stock of the day, anticipating the next, planning meals and chores to be done. She would worry a little and sometimes reminisce.
It would be hard to say that Sadie was happy, for she often worried at lot and was anxious at times. It would also be hard to say she was unhappy, for she had no words for such estimations, not because she did not understand them, but because they did not seem to fit her situation. She spoke with a Glasgow accent but was never guilty of solecisms, except when her speech was vigorously idiomatic. She knew the meaning of ‘happiness’ or ‘insomnia’ and even ‘aesthetic’. But as she herself said – ‘Some things are hard to put a name to’. Not find a name, but put a name to. For that would be a breach of these carefully worked out limitations, those precariously established boundaries set by Sadie’s cultural background, where wants are expressed without being named. Such naming establishes possibility, it changes vague hope to precise expectations, and to have these beyond the limits set by life is only to suffer.
Sadie’s marriage avoided naming precise wants so she an
d Alec thought it a good marriage. It had brought them years of unease, hardship, and small day to day disappointment, but they judged its success by their satisfaction and relief at avoiding worse.
She had known Alec most of her life for he came from the same teeming street of her childhood. She first saw and disapproved of him when she was small and he one of the bigger, rougher boys, just ready to leave school, wearing long trousers, climbing up rone pipes at the side of buildings and fighting with other boys. Their first close contact was when she too was nearly ready to leave school, her breasts beginning to grow and after her first periods. One Sunday afternoon some older boys were hanging around the street on their bicycles. They gathered in a group, half sitting on the saddles, one foot on a raised pedal, one leg stretched out to brace the tilted bicycle. Sometimes one of them, or a pair, or a whole group would break out of the knot, cycle slowly up the street, then turn and come back. Sometimes they cycled round so slowly that the front wheel wobbled from side to side and the plane of the spokes alternately darkened and lightened in the sunlight. Some with fixed wheel clogs occasionally rode their bikes with only one foot on a pedal and raced up and down the street with their whole bodies going up and down with the turn of that pedal in an awkward see-sawing motion. The younger children gathered round the knot of boys and begged to be taken rides on the bar of someone’s bike. This was a great excuse for the cyclists to invite older girls to sit on the bars and some girls were notoriously reckless at this game, they sat sideways on the bar between a boy’s arms, stuck out their legs, leaned back and incited the boy to go at more and more reckless speeds. It was quite a spectacle to see a boy tearing down the street with a squealing, giggling girl perched unsafely on the bar, her legs flapping wildly. Then the brakes were jammed, they skidded to a stop, the girl nearly head over heels but held safely in the boy’s arms. The game expressed their young physical vigour, and the horseplay was an excuse for physical contact. When bikes fell the boys would try to grab a girl’s breast or tip her over to expose as much of her legs as possible, even her crotch. Alec was one of the worst or best at this game, but Sadie didn’t like horseplay with bigger boys, and was too shy to expose her knickers like some of the girls.