I clench my hands into fists, struggling to get a grip, but I’m still about to burst when something breaks through my spiral of freaking the fuck out. A soft touch on my arm, and I look down, totally thrown for a loop.
Not by the touch, but by the who.
“What the fuck?” I say, which probably isn’t the most gallant of greetings. I scrub a hand over my face, trying again. “Uh, it’s Eden, right?”
She nods, and it’s like I just conjured her out of thin air with that passing thought I had a second ago. And I mean, Eden appearing out of thin air? That’s never gonna be a bad thing, because… damn. But it still kind of shocks me to see her here. Maybe that shock is like the paddles the EMTs use, though, because it kind of helps, actually, sheer surprise knocking me off that crescendo of rising anxiety and overblown fears that had me locked in its grip.
“I recognize you from the fire, don’t I?” Eden asks tentatively, glancing down at the firehouse logo on my t-shirt and hey, no doubt smelling the smoke and seeing worse on my face, arms, everywhere. But not like I was gonna stop and shower just to pretty up before getting here to see Matty, you know?
“Yeah,” I say, suddenly feeling like I’m in this weird limbo where all my emotions are still swirling around me, but I’ve been knocked out of them for this surreal second, like I’ve fallen in the eye of the storm or something. “I’m here checking on my—”
My throat closes up, and Eden’s eyes fill with sympathy. Her hand tightens on my arm and she bites her lip in a way that under other circumstances would’ve been hella distracting.
Okay, who am I kidding? Guess I’m a dog, because it is hella distracting.
I yank my mind out of her pants though and cover her hand with mine because… okay, I’m working the sympathy angle and not gonna lie, but she doesn’t seem to mind, and human touch is good in times of stress, right?
“It’s John, right?” she asks, not pulling her hand away.
Win.
“It’s Johnny, actually,” I tell her. Then I really look her over, professionally I mean, as it hits me that she’s here, in the hospital. “You okay, Eden? Were you hurt on the scene? Have you been treated?”
“I’m fine,” she says, smiling up at me like I’m some kind of saint for asking instead of just this side of decent, the way my thoughts keep straying to dirty places. “I wasn’t hurt,” she goes on, “I just…”
She shakes her head without finishing that sentence, and while I’m genuinely glad to hear she’s okay and kind of curious why she is here if she’s not hurt, my real priorities suddenly kick back in, and that anxiety that had me by the balls earlier takes a hold again.
“Do you know anything about Matt? Mateo Lopez?” I ask her. My voice is rising fast and I can’t stop it, words tripping over themselves as they try to get out of me. I clutch at her hands like a drowning man. “I gotta find him, Eden. Chief says he’s gonna be okay, but I need to see, you know? I need to find him now, and everyone is so fucking busy here. I mean, I know it’s Saturday night, but seriously? And Matty… Matt’s the one who—”
“The one who saved my book,” Eden interrupts, pretty blue eyes welling up with tears that she immediately wipes away. She nods. “He’s here in this wing. He’s going to be fine.”
I squeeze her hands too tight at that. Oh, Christ. Thank God. Thank fucking God. But she winces, so I let her go, mumbling a quick sorry.
She smiles up at me. “He really is okay, Johnny,” she says, patting my arm. “I promise.”
And I’m not proud of it, but I start to shake. Relief, you know? It’s just so good to find someone who knows, even though I’m still not sure why her, or how she knows, or why she cares, but it’s just… it’s good.
I look around like I’m going to suddenly see Matt standing there right in front of me, and I try to ask her where he is, but I can’t get the words out right.
“Eden, can you… is he, uh, where—”
And then, oh my God, kill me now. I’m crying. Jesus fuck. Right in front of her. One more reason to kill Matty when I see him, but for a minute, back at the scene, for a minute I’d thought he was just gone. That minute passed fast, and then the whole day sped the fuck up, but that minute hits me again, and it hits me hard, and I can’t handle it. If Matt ever dies on me, hand to God, I will chase him into the afterlife and kill him all over again for putting me through this shit.
I scrub at my face, embarrassed as hell, but Eden just wraps herself around me in a hug that I take gratefully.
I need it, not gonna lie.
“It’s okay, shh,” she says, holding me tight and repeating it a few more times. “He’s fine. Matt’s really okay, Johnny, I promise. He’s hurt, but he’s going to recover, okay?”
“Hurt?” I ask, pulling back and giving her a hard stare. I mean, I know he was, and it’s a million times better than dead, but I still don’t like it. Hearing it helps me get myself under control, though, and I take in a shuddering breath and get it together. I needed reassurance and I got it, but now I need the details. And Eden? She’s perfect, because she doesn’t mention my breakdown, just gives me something solid to hold onto.
She clears her throat, then lays it out for me. “Matt experienced minor smoke inhalation, only a minimum of soot cleared from inside his nose, and his breathing is stable. Given how long he was in there, it could have been much worse, but he’s clear.”
I let out a breath slowly, taking it in. That’s good news.
“So, are they releasing him?” I ask.
“Not quite,” she says, shaking her head. “He also suffered from a closed fracture of the humerus. It’s a clean break, but his arm will be casted and in a sling for a bit while he heals up.” She pauses a moment, looking sheepish. “I think he might have broken it around my book? They told me he was still holding it when they pulled him out, tight to his chest, and it’s thick? So his arm probably fractured around it.”
And then she bursts into tears.
“Oh God,” she gasps, turning away like she wants to hide it. “I’m so sorry. I never should’ve made such a big deal about that book. I can’t believe he got hurt because of me. I’m so stupid.”
“Hey, now,” I say, not minding at all that I get a chance to turn the tables and comfort her. “It was a high-stress situation there, Eden. Matt was just doing his job. It’s not your fault.”
That’s me being generous about Matt, but as much as I still want to kill him, no way do I want Eden to carry this kind of guilt. Maybe Matty can explain to me later why the hell he went off like some Hollywood action hero back there, but that’s between him and me—I wasn’t lying; this definitely isn’t Eden’s fault.
“Do you work here?” I ask, trying to pull her out of it. And the question seems logical, the way she recited his stats and all, you know?
She shakes her head, sniffling, and I tug her against my chest. Where… damn, she fits so well. Kind of perfectly, actually. But no, down boy. I don’t know why this girl keeps knocking me off my priorities—unless it’s the whole not-getting-laid thing I’ve been meaning to do something about—but right now, that’s definitely not what Eden needs from me.
“So, you a nurse or something?” I ask, although yeah, maybe I should have said doctor not to be sexist, but she’s gotta be a few years younger than me and Matty, so I think I’m safe, because medical school… amirite? Sheesh. What is it, forty years long or something?
Eden shakes her head. “I’m just a CNA,” she says, her voice muffled against my smoky t-shirt as she keeps right on letting me hold her. “And… {sniffle} and sometimes I volunteer here. I came because I wanted to get my book back… {sniffle} and apologize to Matt… {sniffle} and I just… {sniffle} just…”
I push her back a little so I can look down at her, curious all over again.
“You just what?”
She shrugs. “It’s familiar here?” she says, looking sheepish. “And I guess I couldn’t… well, I couldn’t really think of anywhere else to go.�
�
I’m confused for a moment, and then it dawns on me and I feel like an idiot, because hello, that townhouse ended up being a total loss. “Oh, right. Your place. Shit, I’m so sorry about that, Eden. I can give you a ride somewhere after I collect Matty? You got family in the area? Have you already called a friend?”
She shakes her head, casting her eyes down just a bit. “No. I haven’t been in Boston long, and there’s, well, there’s no one out here but me.”
I frown at that, because that’s no way to live. All alone? But before I can figure out how to fix that for her, she takes a step back from me, straightening her shoulders and doing something I can’t pinpoint to her body language that suddenly reminds me we’re strangers, despite all the hugging and holding that just went on.
Like she’s distancing herself.
Protecting herself.
“Anyway, I can get out of your hair,” she says little too brightly, as if she didn’t just come to my rescue when I was losing my shit. “Your friend’s in 14B, and maybe you can… can tell him that I’m sorry when you go in?”
Her lip quivers with the last word, and yeah, we are strangers, I guess, but fuck that. We just went through something together, and that busts down a few of the social-nicety walls, in my opinion.
I hold out my hand, even though I kind of just want to yank her back into my arms and tell her we’re in this together, whatever it is. Don’t wanna spook her, though.
“Come in with me and you can say it yourself, yeah?”
She starts nibbling that lip again, then finally nods, her cheeks blooming pink as she slips her hand into mine.
Another perfect fit.
I lead her across the hall, and maybe I’m still ramped up on adrenaline, my emotions bouncing to the lowest lows and now the highest highs, because no joke, I feel like I just won something.
“You get your book back yet?” I ask, stroking the soft skin on the back of her hand with my thumb because I guess I just can’t help myself.
“No,” she says, looking up at me as we reach the door to the room. Her eyes start to get suspiciously bright, and I launch in to save the day without stopping to think.
Huh, is that what happened with Matty?
“We’ll get it for you,” I promise, grinning down at her. “If I know Matty, he kept it safe. We’ll track it down before you leave the hospital, yeah?”
Shit. That reminds me that she said she’s got nowhere to go, but she just nods and gives me a wobbly smile, then we enter the room and my heart lurches and I forget about her book for a minute, because Matty’s all laid out in the hospital bed looking like hell.
“Fucking idiot,” I say, shaking my head and crossing the room so fast I’m almost dizzy. I grab onto his hand, the one that’s not attached to the arm encased in a cast, and squeeze it into a pancake. “You want to explain yourself, Matty?” I demand, embarrassed all over again that it comes out gravelly and sort of broken when I’d meant to rip into him. “What… what were you thinking, buddy?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose hard, because crying once was plenty, okay? But Matt just gives me a sunny smile that’s way, way too happy, and lifts the hand I’ve still got wrapped around his up to his cheek, sort of nuzzling against it.
“Eu-gene,” he says, kind of sing-song. “You came. Thought you’d be pissed at me, but knew I could count on you to forgive me if… if… if I didn’t get dead.”
“I don’t forgive you,” I lie, so damn happy he didn’t get dead that I’m even going to let the use of my real name slide this time. Besides—I narrow my eyes and look at him more closely, and okay, now I see it—besides looking like toasted roadkill, his eyes are glazed over like they’ve given him something that’s making him loopy. My lips twitch. “You’re high on painkillers, bro.”
“Yeah,” he says, snickering. “Remember sophomore year, when we—”
“Hey now,” I interrupt fast, looking back sheepishly at Eden. “We got company, Matty.”
He looks over my shoulder, then tries to sit up. “Ow,” he says, pouting up at me when that doesn’t go so well for him… probably because he forgot to let go of my hand and didn’t pay attention to the fact that his other one is in a cast.
I roll my eyes and help him up, and he gives Eden a lazy, appreciative once-over that has her blushing.
“I like this kind of company,” Matt says, patting the spot next to him on the narrow hospital bed. “Come on over here and say hello, beautiful.”
I shake my head at him, but pretty sure Eden knows as well as I do that he’s out of it and will let it slide.
She does, and I like her even more.
“I… I just wanted to apologize for getting you hurt,” she says, coming up to stand on Matt’s other side and lightly resting a hand on his cast.
“Not your fault,” he says with an exaggerated frown. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” I snap. “Not if you want to live.”
“I did live,” he says, moving like he’s trying to swim through syrup as he turns away from Eden and grins up at me. He wraps an arm around my neck and pulls me in, forehead-to-forehead. “Look at me, Johnny. I’m alive. Alive. A-live.”
He starts out solemnly, then breaks down giggling halfway through, and I push him away, not quite trusting my rollercoaster of emotions to be up close and personal like this with a doped-up version of my best friend right now.
“Shut up so I can figure out how to break you out of here, Matty,” I tell him, earning another giggle from him that sets Eden off giggling.
I look up at her and she slaps a hand over her mouth, turning red. “Sorry,” she says, eyes sparkling. “I just… that giggle. Here he is, this big, bad, tough firefighter—”
I snort back a laugh, shaking my head. “This shrimp?” I return, even though he’s not really that much smaller than me.
Matt punches me in the arm. “I’m big, bad, and tough, Johnny, and don’t you forget it,” he says, mock-glaring at me. Then he turns back to Eden, and flutters his damn eyelashes at her. “Go on, beautiful, you were saying?”
“Don’t mind him,” I tell her. “Just promise me it’ll wear off by morning.”
She presses her lips together like she’s holding in a laugh, but nods. Then her beautiful face loses that good humor, and she sighs. “It will, and I hope they gave him a good prescription, because he’s not going to feel great when it does.”
I cringe inside, even though yeah, I should just be thankful Matty’s okay—and I am, so much I’m almost dizzy with it—but at the same time, Eden’s comment reminds me of what I’ve got to look forward to. Matty is the king of calm, cool, and collected most of the time, but everyone’s got their failings, and the minute he gets even the tiniest scratch? Shoot me now. He turns into the biggest, whiniest baby on the planet. Seriously, you’d think whining was an Olympic sport and he’s going for the gold, the way he can carry on when he’s hurt.
“I think I’m gonna leave you in the hospital,” I tell him, backing away from the bed. “Let someone else listen to you bitch and moan for the next few weeks.”
He gives me a hurt look, exaggerated as all hell, but then brightens, turning to Eden. “You’ll stay with me, won’t you, beautiful?” He’s practically slurring his words, and it’s kind of cute, actually. “Since… since my very best friend in the world doesn’t… doesn’t love me enough not to desert me in… in my time of need?”
Eden’s cheeks go pink, and I can’t blame her. He really is fucking adorable like this, and hey, I’m not immune to that smile, either.
Then it hits me. God, I’m fucking brilliant sometimes, yeah?
“Eden!” I say, bouncing on my toes. “You ever take on private clients?”
“Clients?” Matt repeats, cocking his head to look at her. “What do you do?”
“I’m hoping she’ll take care of your ass, bro,” I answer before she can. “She’s a CNA, and she’s got no place to live, remember?”
&n
bsp; “Oh,” Eden says, looking startled. “No, I… I couldn’t.”
“No?” I say, more disappointed than I should be even though it was a totally off-the-cuff idea. Then it hits me that she really doesn’t know us, and I backpedal fast, hoping I haven’t made her too uncomfortable. “I mean, yeah, no, of course not. But I can still help you find a place to stay tonight, if you want. Give you a ride somewhere?”
“Your house burned down,” Matt says solemnly. “And we do have a spare room.”
“I totally get it if you don’t want to help out with this big lug, though,” I say, trying to make sure she has an out.
“Hey, now,” Matt says, a half-hearted protest as his head lolls back. He’s looking pretty out of it.
“But seriously, Eden,” I say, managing not to wince as I think about what a pain in the butt it’s going to be listening to him whine about his arm itching or not being able to alphabetize the soup cans or whatever. “It’s late and you do need a place to sleep tonight, so just crash at our place, yeah?”
She bites her lip, and I can see it in her eyes… she’s feeling alone, but she’s also nervous.
“No strings attached,” I rush to add, holding up my hands. I mean, not that I’d mind, but the way I was pawing at her earlier and the way Matty’s still looking at her right now, maybe she’s worried about what she’d be committing to if she comes home with us, you know?
Eden blushes and looks down but hello, I caught something in her eye, and it definitely didn’t look like a girl who was scared she was going to get pounced on… but I rein that shit in for the millionth time and practice my weakest virtue, patience, just so she doesn’t feel pressured.
I wait for her to look up.
She nibbles her lip.
I drum my fingers on my thigh, still waiting even though I’m seriously biting my tongue not to try to just convince her already.
Three Page 5